From today’s advent devotional at following the star.

Lord, shake me from my apathy and steer me away from the trivial. Wake me up to your presence. Come, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Let us begin Advent, waiting.
Not the “going back to sleep” kind of waiting.
Not the impatient pacing, or the wasted anxiety of waiting.
Not even the passive-aggressive waiting that says, “Really? We’ll see.”

Let us begin Advent, waiting.
Getting up and joining the adventure,
Even when we don’t know where it will take us.
Shifting the impatient waiting to expectant living.
Boldly claiming the Good News that we know will come.
Waiting with joy as we reach out with the grace of God that is so much more than amazing.

Let us begin Advent.

This comes as very welcome news. Very insightful. Not only are we living in a ADD, over-stimulated, instant gratification society, but there is the challenges of day to day life. My own shortcomings. Today was a great day. And yet a small turn of events challenged my temper this afternoon. But that’s ok, joy is a choice. We are not perfect. But it is the discipline of constantly turning our eyes to Jesus in expectant waiting on Him. Again, this joy and peace is not defined by a absence of strife. No, our ability to focus on God is strengthened by hardship. The discipline of ceasing striving. Ceasing trying to control my situation. It is resting God. Being still and confident in His power to protect and provide. This is a very, very good message.

I was just reading the Beatitudes of Jesus (Matthew 5), and was struck by v. 5:8 which says “Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God”. And this reminded me of the insight that I received on purity of heart 2 years ago and I wrote about it here.

Without purity of heart we will be unable to harmonize with others and in dealing with conflict. And going deeper, the Matthew passage is really relating (in a positive way..as a benefit) the pure of heart will see God. And God is the source of this harmony. The one who does the directing and the handling…and the push/pulling that needs to be done in life. We move in His channeling. We flow with Him and through Him. And it is this purity that gives us the ability to harmonize with God and eventually with others.

A friend and I were discussing what an insidious trap pride and arrogance in religiosity (or otherwise can be). And that, made me think of comedian Emo Phillips’ excellent quote on the topic. So, here it is and it’s LONNNNNG overdue:

“Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
- Emo Phillips”

I had a really hard day. Had some unexpected demands come. Some unexpected demands for revision of some of the work that I have done recently. And I got pretty angry and frustrated. I had to suck up my pride and go to my boss and explain the situation. I was very concerned that it would look like I screwed up (when in actuality I didn’t). Well, long story made short, my boss was mostly cool, and said that it would be ok. And it does look like it won’t be the end of the world I was fearing earlier. Major phew!
But I have a couple aftermath thoughts. First of all is, fear is just going to happen. I really, really, really think the “be anxious for nothing” Paul talks about in Philippians is best taken as a kind of “when you are afraid” kind of response. Iow, what to do when you get afraid, or angry, or depressed or any other dark emotion. And that is PRAY. The believer turns to God at times like that. Remember, we are not superhuman! But God IS beyond human means. And He can enable us. When we are weak He is strong the Bible says. So, that brings me to the 2nd thought, I am experiencing peace now after the fact. And I think that’s ok. I did turn to God and did turn to a trusted friend and confidante during the crisis time. And then I dug in and worked. And God saw me through. Not me….God…capiche’?! He is the vine, I am the branch, cut off from Him I can do nothing. But with Him…I do…everything? Philippians goes on to say so. But I think today was a good example of the “everything” works. We get a God sized problem in front of us and we turn to God. We are confounded and cry out to the Most High. Suffering is a very good teacher. It teaches dependance upon God. We learn very quickly what we are truly capable of and what God is capable of. And that is a very, very good thing.

Proverbs 4:23
Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that’s where life starts.

I’ve been meditating on this verse today. And there is much about it that I could say. There is certainly a boundaries issue to it. And that is to say we don’t just trust anyone with our thoughts and feelings and dreams. These are only for those who are safe and whom we can trust. And foremost among those I can trust is Yahweh. Hard times come along and test this. There are various types of testings. But they all come down to loving and trusting God. We can trust Him with our heart. With our innermost selves. Sure, we do need others. But it’s a “both and” response. For those closest to us can be as Christ to us. He works in amazing ways.

And now a prayer

Oh God, be my strength and my fortress,
Be my song and my full desire
My peace and my bright hope.
Holy friend, lover of my soul,
Speak your words to me,
I will hear you and be restored.
I will listen to you.  I will obey your words and be renewed.
I cry out to you, from the depths of me I cry.
Not of sorrow, now Father, but of joy!!
Thank you for delivering me! Thank you for this new hope!  This new happiness!  This new life that …which I do not deserve. Not even close. Gracious! You are so gracious to me. Why, God? Why? I don’t understand. But I am so very thankful.

Selah

Here’s a new poem I just wrote. I am going to call it Naiad, after the female water Spirits of myth:

From far off I heard her siren’s call.  It’s rhythmic pulse has lured me.  To glimpse such beauty….enchanting.  Her song soft and cool.  It has refreshed me…and awoken a thirst in me.  Her chant strong and clear yet whispering. Her waves crash upon my shore. She sings words that have no words…of love and peace and forgiveness. Miracle water is she. And deep…so deep. Soaking into me…into my heart…my soul…my body…all of me. Healing, bringing, sealing, desiring. What rapture is this?! What hope renewed?! What great love discovered and now embraced!? Oh great tide, come now! I willingly open my arms to you. Sweep me away into Your wide open Sea! I would willingly sink, if allowed into Your depths! I would drown in your liquid embrace, if only to dwell with you for even a moment.

At the very real risk of gushing too much let me say that this has been THE best week ever!! I mean unbelievable blessings from God have been poured out. I am walking in the tangible giftings from God right now. And I’m very, very ,very grateful.

A footnote is in order. My faith does not rest on God blessing me. For He is good no matter what. And He has always been faithful to me. That in itself is a massive blessing. I am profoundly moved by His generosity…when I truly don’t deserve it. But that’s how He is. He is a very loving Father. And He loves us. I don’t know why that is…but I am going to enjoy it and enjoy Him all the more.

I hope you are experiencing similar graces from God, fellow traveler. If not, just hold on. They will come. God is good like that.

I’m experiencing more freedom and peace and joy than I have in a very long time. And God continues to show me new things. Some are challenging and things that I’ve needed to learn for like, forever. More work on boundaries. More work on speaking up, having a voice, and standing for what I believe in. This comes surprisingly hard and difficult for me. And I know I’m not the only one!

Being a single parent hasn’t been as hard as I thought. But then again, I’ll say that and, boom, my kids will throw me a curve ball. But it does make you appreciate them more. And I really miss them when they aren’t here. It’s a balance. They are a great joy.

I got caught up today in some wrongful guilt and shame. Yuck! That stuff has gotta go! This is the new and improved me. The new lease on life. Enough of the old stinking thinking. The future is bright. Sure there are plenty of challenges remaining. But I have learned much at a great cost. I have learned to trust the Most High for all things. I will continue to trust Him. I will continue to cling to edge of Christ’s robe. I will take His yoke upon me and learn from Him.
Why do I continue to fear so much? Is there truly anything that can phase me in light of eternity. Silly things really bother sometimes. Material things. Earthly temporal things. Why so downcast oh my soul within me? Be strong and trust in the Lord!

Catalyst was exceptionally good today. Levi preached a message from Revelation 2, the part addressed to the church in Thyatira. And one part that really stood out and challenged me today was about how Jesus told the church that the faithful in that church would “rule” over outsiders with a staff of iron. And Levi pointed out that rule is best translated “shepherd”. Now there is a strong point about this not being a note of judgement but of commissioning. So, I don’t want to belabor a discussion of judgment. But I do want to focus on the how fascinating that the reward is place of pastoring over those outside of us.

For me it was quite convicting. Not in the sense that I’m far off the mark. But as a strong reminder and encouragement of my purpose and calling. And at a time when I have been growing particularly weary this comes at just the right moment. It helps to urge me along on pilgrimage that is this life and not to lose heart. My life has meaning. I was created with a purpose. And that is a good thing.