Charlie Brooker

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  The trouble with video games isn't the violence. It's that most of the characters are dicks

  13 Nov 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: Every pixel in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 oozes machismo, but these games are inherently wussy

• I have been murdered and replaced with a suspicious facsimile. In running shoes

  6 Nov 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: I'm jogging, exercising, using gyms – a betrayal of everything I stand for

• Everyone knows David Cameron is a lizard. So why does the Telegraph continue to deny the truth?

  16 Oct 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: Don't just take my word for it. Ask all those who have seen the reptilian demon in action

• Why does the BBC dump so much money in a big glittery bin by making glossy trailers? It turns me silver with rage

  9 Oct 2011: Charlie Brooker: All these people should be employed to make programmes, not adverts for them

• The 80mph speed limit is a waste of time

  2 Oct 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: We don't need more speed. We need more dawdling

• If capitalism has failed, how the hell do we pay for our Shreddies?

  25 Sep 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: I might be an economic dunce, but if our failing currencies are replaced by a medieval bartering system, what will we have to do to get our favourite breakfast cereals?

• When even Weetabix has turned evil, you know that the world is in a truly sorry state

  18 Sep 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: It's enough to make you long for the days of Gareth Hunt and Nescafé's shaking-a-fistful-of-coffee beans gesture

• The computer that predicts the future

  11 Sep 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: Nautilus foresaw the Arab Spring and the whereabouts of Bin Laden (sort of). What happens next is anyone's guess

• It must be great having a 'passion' for sport. Which is why I'm going to develop one

  4 Sep 2011: Charlie Brooker: Cricket? Unwatchable. Rugby? Too chaotic. Athletics? No. Just no

• Poor A-levels? Don't despair. Just lie on job application forms

  21 Aug 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: OK, it may be dishonest, but it's cheaper than spending £9,000 on a university course

• How to prevent more riots

  14 Aug 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: As well as addressing the gulf between the haves and have-nots I'd look at TV shows that confuse achievement with the acquisition of bling

• Bring back hanging? Only a wuss would want to do that. We should bring back the saw instead

  7 Aug 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: If you want to reinstate the death penalty, go for a means of execution that provides maximum agony and maximum publicity

• Let's think outside the box here: maybe blue-sky thinking is nonsense

  31 Jul 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: Steve Hilton, David Cameron's wacky policy chief, is famous in government for his crazy ideas. It's just a pity they're all so crap

• The news coverage of the Norway mass-killings was fact-free conjecture

  24 Jul 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: Let's be absolutely clear, it wasn't experts speculating, it was guessers guessing – and they were terrible

• Rupert Murdoch: what will MPs do without someone to fear?

  17 Jul 2011:

  Charlie Brooker: Britain's politicians have reacted to Murdoch's troubles like medieval villagers realising that God may not exist

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