Jim Treacher's Blog That Is on the Internet

I AM NO LONGER BLOGGING AT THIS SITE

Instead, click this thing here:

And yes, that is how I dress around the office. NO BOW TIE THOUGH LOLLOLLOL

I just saw a police sting like a block away from the office

As you may or may not know, I'm working for Tucker Carlson now. He's starting a new site called The Daily Caller that launches next Monday, and I'm the house blogger. I just moved to Washington, DC and I'm already hard at work. If all that sounds weird to you, just imagine how I feel.

So here's a cool thing that just happened at work about 2 hours ago. One of my new coworkers, the lovely and talented Mike Riggs, got up from his desk with a huge smile on his face and said to me, "You want to go take a walk and see something really cool?" This isn't the first time Mike has asked me this, but I went with him anyway.

We walked to Farragut Square, right down the street from the Daily Caller offices, to watch a police sting. Mike had just heard from a friend of his at the Washington Independent that the managing editor, Matt DeLong, lost his camera yesterday. DeLong then got a call from a guy who said he had the camera, but would only return it for $600. This is illegal, apparently. DeLong called the cops, and they had him agree to meet the bad guy in front of the statue at Farragut Square at high noon to make the exchange. They would then arrest the man for doing bad things.

So that's what happened, and Mike and I watched it. Here are the cruddy cameraphone pics I took:

I don't know if you can even tell what's going on there, but the guy in the gray coat is being handcuffed by police officers for behaving very inappropriately. We watched as the cops pulled up and rushed the guy, bent him over that fence there, and slapped on the shackles.

I'm not a reporter or anything, so I'm sure I'm not following the right protocols as far as "facts" and "good writing." But that was yet another amazingly cool event in an amazingly cool month, and it's great to be able to blog it. A month ago, the only thing I had to look forward to was the season premiere of Lost. Now there's all this.

Speaking of the Washington Independent, Dave Weigel has a story about the Daily Caller today. I think "conservative blogger" is kind of reductive, but hey, he spelled my name(s) right. And that picture of Tucker is great:

That's like an Eastwood squint. "Go ahead... make my dinner reservation."

P.S. All week we've been trying to come up with a title for the new blog. I think we've settled on The DC Trawler. That's kind of what bloggers do, trawl the Internet for as much edible matter as will fit in their nets. It rhymes with "Caller," of course. And Tucker is an avid fisherman, apparently, so even that angle works. I kind of like it.

P.P.S. Here's a blowup of one of those pics:

The DC cops have taken some heat (no pun intended) over the snowball fight deal, but it's good to know they're on the job when somebody tries to extort you to get back something you left on the Metro.

P.P.P.S. One tidbit I forgot to mention, probably because I unconsciously screened it out for sounding too self-serving: As we were walking around Farragut Square and keeping an eye out for the unscrupulous knave to be arrested, I said to Mike, "What if a gun battle breaks out and a bullet nicks my aorta?" His reply: "Do you know what Tucker would do to me if I killed Jim Treacher??"

Here's a little taste of what you can see at the Daily Caller in 5 days*

*There will also be other stuff at the Daily Caller. A heck of a lot of stuff, if you can even endure my use of such harsh language. What I'm saying is that this silliness will be but a small part of that webbed-site. Summon it up with your newfangled gadgetry. Do it.

Guys, I totally have a job

Hey, you know how I mentioned that thing about Tucker Carlson hiring me to blog at the Daily Caller? Yeah, that wasn't even a joke. I've been in the office here in D.C. all day, and everybody's acting like I'm actually supposed to be here. So that's weird. Up until now, this whole blog thing has been kind of a hobby/cry for help. Now I'm finding out all sorts of people who've been reading me for years. Now I'm learning to hear the name "Jim Treacher" out loud without flinching. (Next time I come up with a web pseudonym that I use for the better part of a decade, I'll give it a little more thought.)

Before you know it I'll become an insufferable egomaniac, and it's only a matter of time before the nice people here in the office grow weary of my terrifying mood swings and repulsive personal habits. But right now, this is pretty darn awesome.

The site launches on Jan. 11. I hope you'll check it out.

Sign up for e-mail updates at the Daily Caller

Here. You can also follow us on Twitter and do whatever it is people do on Facebook. I did. What, you think you're better than me?

Guess what, you guys?

This is going to sound weird, but Tucker Carlson has just hired me to blog for his new "web-site," which is found at the "U-R-L" http://dailycaller.com.

I know! I know. I'm not sure I get it either. But it looks like I'm moving to Washington, DC as soon as I can get the truck loaded up.

Oh yeah, and my real name is Sean Medlock and for the next couple of weeks I'm living in Indianapolis, Indiana. I keep meaning to mention that, but it always slips my mind...

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I'll see you in 2010.

Your pal,
"Jim"

P.S. Thanks to (almost) everybody at Hot Air. I'm going to miss (most of) you guys! Ed Morrissey and Allahpundit do an amazing job every single day, and they'll be among my inspirations as I try to figure out what the heck I'm doing.

P.P.S. And thanks to another of my inspirations, Glenn Reynolds. He is a nice man and I like him.

I turn into a silly goose when I don't get my beauty rest

If you're not following me on Twitter, here's a taste of what you're not missing:

OMG, what happens next?

One night only

Watch as I lose my mind on Twitter. Go here, start at the bottom, and scroll up.

(And to answer your question: No. It's sleep deprivation.)

I've been blogging for a while, haven't I?

It'll be eight years this May. Started off on Blogspot, then moved over here. Did stuff for DailyGut.com and Blowingsmokethemovie.com for a while. Helped out at the Hot Air Greenroom. And then most recently, I've been obsessively updating Twitter like a schmuck.

You just never know what'll happen next!

P.S. Here's one from Twitter a minute ago:

Last night I went to a Chinese restaurant in Copenhagen. An hour later I was hungry. For attention. [crickets]

Get it? Because of the humor.

Hey, how are you guys doing?

Me, I'm pretty gosh-darn good.

If you really believe in anthropogenic global warming...

...why aren't you furious that the original data that's supposed to prove it was thrown away? Even if you don't think it matters for scientific reasons, what about the loss to history? All those charts and tapes and such, shouldn't they be enshrined in a museum somewhere? "Behold, the data that saved the world!" But no, apparently you think it was just so much garbage.

At least on that we can agree.

Presented without comment

From: jwilliams76@verizon.net
To: jimtreacher@aol.com
Date: Wed, Dec 2, 2009 at 3:44 PM
Subject: Hot Hot Hot!

Dear Jim,

Well, so much for global warming! Ha ha! I guess a lot of greedy scientists are going to have emptier Xmas trees this year (meaning, because they will be so poor now that their global warming cash cow is at an end and they won't be able to buy as many Xmas presents for themselves and others. This year.) Plus, guess you have to buy the more cheaper light bulbs, Mister Former Vice President Gore! Ha ha!

Good going telling off that global warmer phony on your blog. I liked when he got all spluttery and angry and you stayed all calm and funny. That exchange alone would be enough to debunk global warming forever and tell everyone what's what, but apparently only greedy scientists get their emails put all over the internet. Which is too bad for them! Ha ha!

WOw even Jon Stewart now knows what a big lie it all was too. He's such a big phony. He should quit his show now. I'm glad you took him down for good. I wish you could get Colbert too but sometimes its hard to tell where he's coming from, you know?

Don't forget by the way evolution is all a lie too. That's next to debunk. I know! You can have another fake dialogue with spluttery science lover guy and have him be all, "You're from monkeys pal!" and you can go "Oh really? Then I guess I'm related to Michelle Obama then I guess, huh?" Ha ha! You can hear the imaginary spluttery anger now. He'd get all mad because you got him and because you're being pretend racist just to get him mad even though you're only being pretend racist. (You are, right?)

Anyway it's all over just about for Acorn and Osama OOPS I mean Obama (Ha ha! Ha) so keep up the good work and remember vote for Sarah when she runs (but I dont have to tell you that do I?)

very sincerely,

John E Williams

Please do debunik it, but try not to paninic

Hey, my typing fingers would be shaky too if I was watching my dreams die.

They couldn't make Climategate go away by ignoring it, so now they're trying to rebrand it as "Swifthack." Y'know, like "Swiftboating." Because that worked so well last time. The poor dears. Well, clicik here to see them debunik the fucik out of it. (If you don't feel like reading the whole thing, here's a handy summary, courtesy of Newsbusters: "My mind is made up, so don't confuse me with the facts.")

Say what you want about Jon Stewart, but the guy gets results!

Stewart has now scooped Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams, and Katie Couric on Climategate. It's kind of like if Edgar Bergen & Charlie McCarthy had broken Pearl Harbor before the news networks did. Except Jon Stewart isn't a wooden puppet. [citation needed]

Imagine if Ron Ziegler had tried to claim the Watergate Hotel didn't even exist

That's basically what Robert Gibbs did today:

The consensus is that Climategate is real. You're a denier, Robert Gibbs. The silence is not settled.

A friendly chat with the global warming evangelist who lives in my head

Hello, hyperventilating zealot.

Greetings, denialist scum.

Now that we've dispensed with the formalities, please allow me to point and laugh at you. Ahem. Ha ha ha! Point point point!

Shut up.

That's what you'd like me to do. That's what you'd like all of us to do. Shut our mouths and open our wallets. Did you really think it was going to be so easy?

This doesn't prove anything.

What doesn't?

You know.

We both do. I just want to hear you say it.

This Clim... This Climateguh. Guh.

That's it, almost there.

This Climategate garbage doesn't mean anything! You science-denying neocon fascist racist warmongering planet-raping... [Goes on like this for a bit]

My goodness. Feel better?

No.

Well, I do. OMG, can you believe Obama changed his mind about going to Copenhagen after all this stuff came out? It's like sprinting to board your ship at the last minute, and it's the Titanic.

You're the Titanic. You are.

Should we do this some other time? You're making even less sense than usual.

Do you really think you know more than scientists? They're scientists.

Yes, and science is a wonderful thing. It has expanded our knowledge of the physical world and improved our lives in countless ways. It also has nothing to do with what these frauds, and the useful idiots who believed them, have been pulling.

How would you know?

I can read. "Hide the decline" and "Quick, delete these files before somebody catches on" and "HOLY CRAP WHY CAN'T I GET THIS DATA TO SAY WHAT WE NEED IT TO SAY IN ORDER TO KEEP OUR JOBS" aren't exactly complex scientific concepts.

That just shows what a simpleton you are. You put scientists on a pedestal, so when you see them behaving like regular human beings, you think they've done something wrong.

Pedestal? I'm not putting them on a pedestal. You're the one who's been taking their every word as gospel and hurling invective at anybody who dares to question them. I've been saying all along that they're fallible and they're not telling us everything. This Climategate stuff is better proof than I ever could have imagined.

It's just the normal peer-review process. You wouldn't understand.

I understand that when they say things like "We need to keep these guys out of peer-reviewed journals" and "Let's get this editor fired for publishing an article that disagrees with us," it goes beyond the regular process. It's thuggery. It's a disgrace.

The science is settled. You're a denier. You probably don't believe in the Holocaust either.

What's next, are you going to rip off an old Gilbert Gottfried joke and act like you've done something clever? Settle down, you're sweating through your hemp shirt.

Hemp is a miracle plant, man. You can make so many different things out of--

Fascinating, yes. So you're taking all of this news well, that's the important thing.

F*** you, denier.

I'll get right on that, just as soon as I buy an SUV big enough to carry all the incandescent bulbs I'll need to light my new coal plant.

F*** you, denier.

Okay. Well, have a good one, Chicken Little.

F*** you, denier. F*** you, denier. F*** you, denier. F*** you, denier. [Rocks back and forth in corner, weeping softly, until it's time for Living with Ed]

P.S. "The science is settled... er, at the bottom of that dumpster!"

P.P.S. Climategate is a story about computer hacking in much the same way Watergate was a story about parking garages.

Previously: A friendly chat with the liberal who lives in my head

The media's full of stories about a married couple who conned their way into the White House and made a mess

But when I say it...

Katie Couric might be the best journalist ever

Ah, yes. Katie's gravitas-laden ode to journalistic impartiality brings to mind that other beloved classic:

Katie Got Back

This $#!+ is real. Gawker has more, and this is probably the least mortifying pic of the bunch.

Well, now we know what Katie Couric reads: Tanqueray bottles and The Source.

Malik Nidal Hasan Goes to Heaven

EXT. GATES OF HEAVEN* - ETERNAL DAWN

Ridwan, gatekeeper of the Muslim afterlife: Hasan! Welcome to Paradise! Allah be praised!

Hasan: Thank you! Oh, it's so nice to finally be here. The infidels, death to them all, they made me wait so very long.

R: Yeah. Infidels. Don't you pity 'em? Anyway, you're looking good. Er, as good as... as can be...

H: It's okay, you can say it. I don't mind being in this wheelchair. All in a day's jihad.

R: Good. Excellent! That's the spirit, if you'll pardon the expression. Okay then, my friend. Paradise is yours. What would you like to do first?

H: Yes, um... If it's no trouble... I was kind of hoping I could... Ahem... This is embarrassing.

R: Not at all! You'd like to meet your 72 virgins, wouldn't you? Yes? It's okay, a promise is a promise.

H: That would be very very very very nice.

R: I hear you, I hear you! Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you've been a really terrific martyr, and your multitude of unsullied maidens awaits. They're eager to fulfill your every desire. Aching to service you beyond all earthly imagining. I have to say, they're really quite revved up about it. You're a bit of a celebrity around here!

H: Oh, dear sweet Allah, yes, y-- Wait. What's the bad news?

R: They're at the top of those stairs.

SMASH TO BLACK

*Not the ridiculous Christian heaven as imagined by the pinch-faced scold and the uneducated rustic, but the exotic Muslim Heaven, their belief in which we must all try to respect.

Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, No Breast Exams for Mama

Any senator who votes yea tonight is voting yea for the bill. Let 'em know that you know.