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Crankshaft, 10/9/11
Lucy McKenzie died in a nursing home in 2009, demented and unaware that her jealous vicious harpy sister Lillian had stolen and concealed a letter from her beau Eugene proposing marriage just before he shipped out for WWII. Lucy came back this year to haunt Lillian into taking her to the ruins of the Wisteria Ballroom so she could hook up again with Eugene, as we see here. Aww.
But hey waitaminute. If Lucy and Eugene are both dead, why not just hook up on the Other Side and save Lucy the busfare back? To hear Eugene, it’s pretty damn sweet over there, what with the eternal flowers ‘n’ stuff. And as far as we know, Eugene’s not dead — we saw him in one of those then-and-now flashbacky things back in March, taking flowers to Lucy’s grave. So as long as Lucy’s in the neighborhood, why doesn’t she drop by Eugene’s for a quick haunt-and-cuddle instead of wasting time on this sepia imposter?
Comics are hard.
Sally Forth, 10/9/11
Panel-four Ted embraces the Dark Side, or makes his lucha libre début. You never know with this guy.
Six Chix, 10/9/11
Pluggers: Origins
Slylock Fox (panel), 10/9/11
Weirdly and his accomplice have been using their transporter to loot marijuana dispensaries. That is one stoned monkey.
– Uncle Lumpy
Apartment 3-G, 10/8/11
Wow, Margo’s standards of work would shame a junkie — her grand reopening for the Mills Gallery boiled down to cadging a favor from an ex-client and putting up a sign. And while her “Art without Rules” gimmick must have seemed clever at first — no standards, can’t fail, right? — now Queen Bee’s anarchists are tagging up the joint, trashing all the work Trey conned out of his partners, and returning the Mills to its roots as a crack house.
But just like last year’s Great Hypothetical Piano Delivery, we don’t actually get to see any of the alleged “Art without Rules” — just a couple of mopes talking about it. “Tell, don’t show” — it’s like a rule or something.
Archie, 10/8/11
Wow, Fred’s getting more enjoyment from that newspaper than anybody has for 40 years. You can bet he’s not reading Archie.
Judge Parker, 10/8/11
Wow, check out CIApril Bower in panel 3 there. Seems like only yesterday she was Randy’s timid, dumpy secretary, fending off his ham-handed advances over chewy takeout sushi. Now a willowy oenophile and multilingual Lady of Mystery, she jets to global hotspots under World Bank cover from her stylish country home. Here, standing amidst the obscene symbols of the Spencer-Drivers’ good fortune, she recalls the moment it all changed for her, too. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Touched by a Parker!
The Phantom, 10/8/11
So yeah wow, El Guerrero Latino, the good lucha libre wrestler who beat nasty cheatin’ ol’ El Bucanero Infernal is in fact Police Chief Ernesto Salinas, who mysteriously bailed on Kit right before the match. This will come as a revelation to absolutely no one but the Chief’s son Emiliano, Ciudad Jardin’s slower version of Rusty Trail.
There’s a lot of pumped-up mystery about how very much depended on the match, and an uncommon amount of attention paid to Ernesto’s training partner Victor Batalla and his son Vincente, so watch for some hero-on-the-inside father-and-son stuff down the road. But for now, what if Chief Salinas has been gaming the Ghost Who Walks all along, and this is the payoff: “OK, ‘Walker’, now that you know my secret identity, how about telling me yours? It’s the way we do things here in México, my friend. You know — like men!”
Hey everybody, I’m sitting in this week while Josh takes a vacation. Contact me about site trouble, spam, comment issues, etc. at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net. Thanks!
– Uncle Lumpy
Hey everybody! I am about to depart for a week off. But have no fear! Your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be stopping by to take care you in my absence, and I’ll be returned to your computer screens next weekend. But, I leave you with … this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK!
“Didn’t Margo use to be wedding planner before she was almost-married into being in charge of (owning?) a gallery? Why isn’t she in charge of this certain catastrophe? For god’s sake, Lu Ann, if something has to blow up in someone’s face, you got an explosions expert right there.” –Lord-z
And the runners up! Very hilarious!
“I’m a fan of the blue-collar uniform worn by the agent/secretary. It’s like he’s working at Big Earl’s Tires and Soccer.” –Chris
“And thus the sub-genre of socially aware furry redneck porn is born.” –A.E.F
“Take a lesson from me, kids! I can’t escape the cops, just like you can’t overcome your terminal illness. You can spend your few remaining hours watching TV, which is what I’ll be doing in jail. So long, you’ve been a great audience!” –ArchieNemesis
“What’s with the sky’s black rounded edges in Hi and Lois? Is this all taking place in Thirsty’s alcohol-induced masturbatory dream bubble? I guess we’ll find out for sure if his wife and Lois start making out while being sprayed down in booze.” –sporknpork
“Hmm, all the caveman characters are already long-haired and unshaven, so how to communicate visually that this one’s a filthy stinking doper? Of course! We’ll slap a Volkswagen hood ornament on his chest, and give him some of those ‘sunned-glasses’ the kids are always wearing! Nailed it.” –Doctor Handsome
“You know, all I really want out of this storyline is one simple week of Mary Worth versus the Soccer Hooligans. Is that so much to ask?” –commodorejohn
“The phrase ‘medically possible’ rings false when coming from Li’l Billy. It’s the kind of thing that I might have said when I was seven or eight, just to show that I could. Am I saying that I was smarter as a kid that Billy is? Yes, I am saying that.” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“I dunno, guys. It looks like ‘New York Blasés’ to me. This is Mary Worth, after all.” –Effluvius Erratus
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Mary Worth, 10/7/11
Oh my gosh, you guys, the message-leaving is not going well. 1049, you fool, not 1045! Do “nine” and “five” sound anything alike? No! Well, except for the vowel! But still! You’re a disgrace to your bellhop uniform! Unless you’re not a bellhop at all, but rather a waiter at a Chinese restaurant! Which is just as likely, given the design of that uniform!
Meanwhile, a handsome slab of soccer-playing man-meat just walked up to the desk, missing his love connection by mere seconds. That sure is a sweet team logo Bobby’s got there, if by “logo” you mean “a sheet of paper that he tore in half, wrote ‘New York Blazers’ on, and then safety-pinned to his cardigan.”
Panel from Beetle Bailey, 10/7/11
Yay, the weekend is almost here! Why not relax and enjoy it, and celebrate the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell while you’re at it, by coming up with wacky things to put in Beetle’s word balloon here?
Family Circus, 10/6/11
Does Ma Keane really feel a need to apologize that her crying infant is showing emotion? “Sorry, Billy, we can’t all be eerily affectless soul-dead monsters like you.”
Gil Thorp, 10/6/11
I want to briefly dip into the already dullsville Gil Thorp fall plot — seriously, it involves the football team’s quest for a kicker, a quest that will inevitably end with the forcible recruitment of the mysteriously squirrely Brody Abro — to point out that Milford actually has a soccer team, one that I don’t believe we’ve ever seen mentioned in the course of a strip ostensibly dedicated to high school sports. I assume that this is because the team isn’t coached by a Thorp, which in turn probably explains why the team is in contention for a championship.
Mary Worth, 10/6/11
Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, the entire week has been dedicated to the trials of leaving a phone message for someone at a hotel. Taste the excitement!
Shoe, 10/6/11
“Ha ha! No, but seriously, we live in a monstrous dictatorship with no respect for human rights.”
Six Chix and Marmaduke, 10/5/11
I was pretty sure that today’s frankly S&M-themed Six Chix was the most perverse thing I’d see on the comics page today. Then I saw Marmaduke, and remembered that looking at Marmaduke is always like looking down a long, dark tube, at the end of which is the most terrifying hell you can imagine. It’s funny because he’s got melted-faced zombie Hitler on a leash, you see! Makes our cute li’l ginger dominatrix and her shirtless slave look positively wholesome.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/5/11
Speaking of unspeakable perversity, this strip would be bad enough if it were just about a pig who understood both English speech and the fact that she would be someday killed, dismembered, and eaten. But the fact that someone has added a prettifying bow to her head makes me all the queasier. Are we supposed to think that Lukey can’t bring himself to turn her into delicious pork because he’s bewitched by her beauty? What of the cheefully oblivious non-bowed pig who makes an appearance in panel two — does he know what awful things his fellow swine has to do, just to keep the two of them alive?
Slylock Fox, 10/5/11
2) The human hair that right now is lying on your head in a great, heavy heap is dead, dead, dead, and is basically a part of you that’s already a cadaver. Answer — 2) True! Your whole body is covered with death! Remember, kids, be sure you have plenty of Bactine on hand before you start screaming and pulling out all your corpse-hair in huge, bloody chunks.
