Dinner discussion revolved around my eldest spending the night at a friend's and the two youngest going to a movie with their Dad. "I'll go," I chimed in.
The boys looked kind of surprised and said, "Ok!"
My husband walked into the theater and bought the tickets while the boys and I milled around. We got to our seats and as the lights started to dim I said to Mr T, 'So, what are we seeing?'
Mr. T stared at my blankly and then said, "You're kidding, right?"
I popped some candy into my mouth and said, "Nope. I'm along for the ride. I figured I'd not been out with y'all in awhile. What are we seeing?"
Mr. T, slowly, "It's a boxing movie..."
Me: *blink* Are you kidding?
Mr. T: Uh, no. But with robots.
Me:
Mr. T:
Me: Crap.
Mr. T with a BIG Grin: Maybe you won't think it's so bad...
Me: Great.
It was the loudest movie I have ever seen in my life. I think my ears are still ringing.
Note to self, when three people full of testosterone leave to see a movie on a Friday night, ask to see what the movie is before committing.
I saw an interview Hugh Jackman did the other day about the movie. He said half of it was robotic/CGI and the other half he was in...but that it was really a father/son movie.
Erica- I don't think I did. As a matter of fact, I know I didn't. They all went. I just can't do the noise. Holy crap.
Rave- Yeah, father/son movie, but I could see that coming by the 15 minute mark. It didn't make it any easier on the ears though. I swear I left that movie and my ears were ringing. I kept looking at my watch and trying to think of a way to escape the noise. I think the plot was probably fine, endurable, but the noise levels.
The Thomas- exactly. What was I thinking? Or not...
Bou-- Have you considered keeping a pair of ear plugs in your purse? You can still enjoy the movie, it just won't be as incredibly loud.
posted by Andrew Phule on October 15, 2011 11:19 AM
thanks for the heads up about the noise. I'll try to avoid this one!
posted by wRitErsbLock on October 15, 2011 02:25 PM
Ha! Yes, always ask before committing. That happened to me once. A male friend of mine offered to take me out for drinks and a movie. He was trying to cheer me up because my husband had been out of town for work for a long time.
While we were having drinks, I asked what movie we were going to. Argh....too late to back out now! Of course, it was some action/adventure/mythological type of thing.
But lucky me, on the way to the theatre I fell sown some stairs and got a concussion. Needless to say, I got out of watching the movie! (However, I wouldn't recommend this method. In the future, I'll just ask. Ha!)
posted by DogsDontPurr on October 15, 2011 03:54 PM
I'm liking this earplug idea... very much. Most excellent.
DDP- Ok, that was awful and funny. Holy crap. I'll pass on the concussion to get out of the movie.
I was going to suggest the earplugs too. I got some after we went to a Red Sox game this summer and the place we stopped for dinner was so loud it actually hurt my ears (AC/DC at top volume...geeze). Now I carry them everywhere. Lol. With the foam ones the worst of the noise is blocked and they are cheap!
Bones struggles to sleep every night. This has always been a problem and I think it has something to do with the ADHD. He struggles to turn his brain off.
Over time, we've eliminated all video game playing after 7:00, no sugar after 8 (in particular chocolate ice cream), and we try to stay away from TV as well after 8.
For awhile he was drinking chamomile tea and although I pushed it, I thought it was more of a psychogical thing for him. I never expected it to work, but thought if I convinced him it might... any edge would be good.
He thinks it helps.
The latest was his need for a 'sound machine'.
"Mom," said he, "I think if I heard the ocean or some other soothing white noise, it might help. Like, listening to the rain..."
I'm willing to try anything at this point, even if he's convinced HIMSELF that it works, I'm game.
So this weekend, he and his Dad went out and bought him a machine that had something like 12 sounds. The first night, he spend playing with them, figuring out what he liked and what he didn't.
Tonight is night two of... bird chirping. I am sitting in my dining room and it sounds like birds are chirping in his bedroom.
How in the hell he finds that soothing, I'll never know. But that's the sound of the night.
I keep thinking, who is going to marry this boy? He's so dang quirky. He has to sleep up against you, he wants to listen to birds, he talks in his sleep.
And let me tell you, these birds are LOUD. I don't know why he thinks this is soothing. I'm waiting for Mr. T to finally protest and say, "I'm DONE already. NO MORE birds. I can't sleep!" So far his brothers are being tolerant. So far...
I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome
Nothing works for me either, usually. I've found that classical music played at just barely audible helps to allow me to sleep.
I also have a fan going on a low setting, it helps to modulate my body heat (I typically run hot) so I don't wake up sweating. I've also found that it's easier to fall asleep if the room temp. is lower than 70.
I've also cut anything with caffeine from my diet.
However, the thing that works best of all, and this may work for Bones, is to read a good book. It does keep me awake at times, but I usually fall asleep reading it, and even when it keeps me up, it has the benefit of relaxing me so I'm not too tired to get up in the morning.
Don't know if it'll help Bones, but at least it'll give ya some other stuff to try.
posted by Andrew Phule on October 13, 2011 11:07 PM
For my fake ocean sound I go to simplynoise.com, click on the brown button then the oscillating button.
Welcome to my world. The youngest listens to birds, the oldest to crickets. It's an ... interesting ... mix of sounds. I have some stuff that might help, call me.
He is an analytical accountant, age 55. When he needs to concentrate on something, he puts on a pair of studio headphones and listens to '70s hard rock and blues loud enough to be heard in the next office. He thinks it gives his right brain something to do while his left brain works the numbers.
When I have a hard time drifting off, I'll listen to Brian Eno's album Neroli. $0.99 @ Amazon.
The train is good -- the clickety-clack over the tracks. Ocean is good. Rain is great with the thunder mixed in, although he may have to get up to use the bathroom.
posted by Toluca Nole on October 14, 2011 02:32 PM
As Andrew said, a fan is good. I always have one going, even if it's not pointed at me.
posted by Toluca Nole on October 14, 2011 02:34 PM
I've always had trouble falling asleep. It's easier during a rainstorm - maybe I should try a white noise machine. Anyway, I found that blackout curtains made a huge difference in my ability to fall asleep, especially when I am overtired. Maybe that would help Bones too? You can always do temporary ones from aluminum foil to try.
I grew up as a railroad kid, my dad was first a brakeman, then promoted to conductor. My mom was a clerk. We live a short walk from the trainyard. I grew up with the sound of the trains. A big strike happened in my early teenaged years and at exactly midnight all the noise just stopped. Now this wasn't a small station, this was the yard where the transcontinental freights formed.
When the sounds stopped, I woke up in alarm, wondering what happened. It took me a few minutes to figure it out. Later in life I had to relearn how to sleep away from the trains when I went away to Boot Camp.
Of course, today the Obama Administration is trying to quiet the sound of commerce all across America but that's a different story.
So, yes, Bones COULD learned to sleep with the sound of freight trains.
hugs, too. I worry about my nephews. My oldest brother & his family live with our Mother who has Alzheimer's. They have lived with her for 4 years now. I worry about them. I worry about my brother. I have a plan, too. Some in place, some not yet in place.
I've been blogging for... seven years. Just over. And I've talked about my kids, told the funny stories, and carried on in general.
My Dad and I have discussed whether other people think the stories are as funny as we do since we actually KNOW the cast of characters. We know what they sound like, how they move, what they're like.
But after seven years, I think most of you have something in your head. In one way or another, you think Bones is funny, even if you don't know what he looks like. It's like reading a book. You develop the character in your head.
So I've wondered... by showing you him... does that ruin it or make it better?
I dunno.
We'll see.
Bones had to perform a monologue in school today. This isn't really Take 1. It's take three or four. He was hesitant to let me tape him, but when I showed him the issues he was having with swaying... he saw the good in being able to see himself.
So here you go. Bones performing... The Patch. It's his very first monologue. He leaves out his name in the beginning... per my request. The first part is he and I going at it about the video. Then he... gets into character. Its a joke between us. This is afterall... Take Three.
BTW, the last three words in this, in case you cannot understand him is, "wear eye patches?"
He is SO good!! You have done a FABULOUS job!! He is articulate, talented, funny, he has great timing, he is smart - OMG - you should be so proud, especially since he has driven you nuts over the years.....I absolutely LOVED his monologue.
He's a funny guy. Debate is a good thought! He debates me enough in this house. I say to him all the time, "Does this look like Let's Make a Deal?
Tammi- I'd not thought of the fact nobody has heard me before either. Yet another thing I wonder about... people put a voice in their heads. I'm sure I don't sound like that in their heads. Hell, I don't sound like that in MY head...
He took this Drama class as an elective. It's his 3rd favorite class, behind his two singing classes.
I'm in the process of trying to upload a video of Bones onto Youtube so I can link it and you all can see this monologue that makes me laugh.
His monologue is due today, so yesterday I videotaped it on my phone and let him watch it until he got most of the little quirks out. In the beginning he was resistant to my taping him, but after the first when he saw little things he didn't like, he was more than eager. It's our fourth take and his favorite part is always the beginning when he's talking to me and 'getting in character'.
If all goes well and I can figure out wtf I'm doing, it'll be up this evening or tomorrow.
He has a vocal performance tonight, which of course means I'll cry. Anytime those little boys get up to sing I cry. Just hearing the voice of angels coming out of those mischievous bodies... gets me every time.
---------------
Joe leaves tomorrow. I have it all arranged. I've been working out the details with his niece over the course of the last four days.
This is what is bothering me greatly, as grounded and observant as I am, even I am surprised by where he is and what he is incapable of doing and I'm angry at the facility for not being forthcoming with the information and telling the family.
I get that he'll never walk unaided again. I called that one and told them 8 weeks ago, which is a good thing because nobody else did.
I get that he won't climb stairs or be able to live in his home the way it is now. Called that one too, I did.
No more driving? Got it, said it, it's cool.
The inability to dress himself... yeah, not only did I not see that coming, they didn't tell us. Nor did they tell us he'd probably never be able to get out of bed by himself, raise himself out of a chair... or... most importantly... change his own colostomy bag.
All of this takes assistance, the things he will no longer be able to do. And when I pressed yesterday why nobody told the family, I was told, "Nobody has a crystal ball... "
But the bottom line is... his insurance won't cover him anymore, someone has decided this is it, there is no more they can do here, and NOBODY ever called the family and said, "Look, we're 99% sure he's going to need assistance for the remaining years, you need to plan accordingly for the following."
Never.
And so now everyone is scrambling, in somewhat of a bind as he has not a dime to his name other than the SS that comes in every month. He has a home that now has to be sold along with 85 years worth of belongings.
And when he gets to NJ tomorrow, where is that assistance going to be coming from? For... the family did not truly understand his true state until last week.
I blame the facility for that. I'm there nearly every day, I'm eyes wide open, and even I didn't fully understand the magnitude.
Should be interesting...
---------------------
Last night's gym run comes courtesy of Berlin. Love the '80s music.
Just a little FYI, if you're running or walking and your hips hurt so bad in the morning you struggle to get out of bed or your knees start to feel like the tin man with bad ache, you might need new shoes.
Just sayin'...
Quick little prayer that my Tech Lead got the job... life will be better for me if he gets it. Stress is stress... I'm in the middle of it all with work, but the green would be nice.
One word: Photobucket. I download content from my iphone to my computer (I can download directly from the phone but it takes a loooooong time.) then to photobucket. One click to copy the embed code, paste in my blog and voila: video. That's how I did the Jack frisbee videos. Easy and free. Two of my favorite things.
Joe. I feel for you and Joe. My only suggestion is that when his 85 years worth of stuff is liquidated (Breaking my heart as a man and a magpie... as the pics of my office will show) make sure any military and antique items are appraised before letting them go. most people would be surprised at the value of small, seemingly worthless items. Case in point, I have a 1930's evans cigarette lighter I paid 2 bucks for... It's worth 35-40 and all I did was add a flint. People in a hurry get fleeced. Be careful.
The real people to blame for not knowing his true state is his family.
The facility can tell information only to family, and where has his family been all this time? In NJ, but I bet they have a phone that they could have called the facility and asked.
It sounds like the family doesn't really want him, the excuses for not being able to get him back to NJ were horrible. It's there freaking father for god sake. I shudder to think of the kind of care he will receive once he gets to NJ.
QW- NOt the case. They call every day. His niece calls sometimes four or five times a day, nurses, social workers, his doctors. She's very hands on. She's also spent thousands and thousands of dollars, of her own money, flying down here. They've all flown down once, a couple of them have flown down numerous times.
That's what's so frustrating... is all the times she has called... nobody ever once gave her an inkling that this was going on. They never told her ANYTHING. Nobody was forthcoming with any information.
I blame a few things. I blame the system and how nobody was ever quarterbacking his care. With every move, he got a new 'internist', who inherited his convoluted case. It was a mess. Then with every place he went, the staff had to play catch up. He changed insurances... that created more of an issue. He had an incompetent doctor. The social worker at this final place who should have been coordinating with this family from Day 1... never did. SHE is the one who really dropped the ball.
The family, who all work full time, did the best they could. It's not a father or a grandfather, it's an uncle. And their own mother has Parkinson's and their father is nearly crippled.
There is a lot on their plate already... tomorrow is going to be a ... ugly.
Dear God in Heaven, what a disaster. I feel for the family in NJ. Joe is so blessed to have had you as his advocate in FL. I'll be praying for him and his NJ family tomorrow and in the future. God bless you Bou!
My mom is going through this for my dad now. He is permanently in a home now - cannot walk unaided at all - not with a walker, not at all. He is incontinent. He also is always trying to escape - wheeling his wheelchair to the entrance where there is a button high up on the wall that, if you press it, the door to the outside opens. My mother caught him hanging around there and asked him what he was doing. He said he was thinking about leaving, but thought better of it. She told him he couldn't reach the button, but he said, "oh yes I can.".
Anyway - now that he has to be permanently in a home, the fees are $8000.00 per month - this is in Central Florida south of Orlando where it isn't so expensive. His pension from teaching for over 30 years is a little over $3500.00/month and, in order for Medicaid to take up the slack of the rest of the monthly fee, my mother has to have only so much $ as income. She has had to spend on the house for improvements to get the $ amount down - and finally, we saw a "Financial Advisor" this past week who has tricks up his sleeve for "saving" the extra money that Medicaid doesn't allow. You can either invest it in an "Insurance Product" that will pay a monthly annuity and then, at the death of my mother, the rest of the money will go to the children - us. Or you can invest in real estate - what a great idea these days, eh? Or you can just plain write a check to each of your children and say they are "Caretakers" and this is their salary - except that you have to pay income tax as an employer on these fees. It's crazy.
Anyway - my mom chose the Insurance product. If it isn't a scam (we don't have that much money over the amount that Medicaid draws the line at anyway - so if we lose it, whatever....) we'll inherit something once my mother passes on. Meanwhile, Medicaid says "OK" and pays for the remaining monthly fees over his pension amount that the home costs.
What a three ring circus this all is. If we were millionaires, we could just hire a 24 hour nurse assistant to care for him all the time and he could live at home - and do whatever - the nurse asst. would be with him all the time, a live-in. But we're not millionaires - far from it. Both my parents were teachers for 30 years in NY State and have pensions based on their salary in the 70's and 80's when they retired.
My sister called tonight and said she talked to my mother - my dad has bad days and good days. The other day he had a bad day - he wanted to know where his mother was (dead since 1967) and if this was Saratoga Springs (where he grew up) and my mother explained that his mother was in heaven and that, no, this was not his home town. The next day he was much more lucid. Sigh. I hope I get hit by something so I don't get old.
I know this is just one little thing, but those recliner chairs that stand you up at the touch of a button, and those beds that sit up and down and change position. That way he doesn't have to feel like a prisoner if he sits or lies down.
Since Nike Air became the special shoes for Jordan, Nike began to famous all over the world. From Nike Free to Nike Shox, almost each pair of Nike shoes was made for basketball, not running, skateboarding, football or high technology.
http://www.nikefreesau.com/
So this thing with Joe has taken on a life of its own and I think I'm pushing it forward since it's somewhat of a challenge, logistically. Can I make this happen?
We will see.
Meanwhile, I was in the rehab center today and some CNA asked if we were related. She said we looked alike.
WTF?
OK.
I'm going to let you all decide. Have at it. In the Extended Entry is a really crappy picture of Joe and a not so hot picture of me. It was taken two weeks ago and I have this crappy flippy, "I'm pretending I'm 9 years old" haircut.
I personally thing the CNA thinks all white people look alike. My BIL thinks she was trying to make conversation.
I'm left wondering how a 46 year old 75% Celtic female looks like an 84 year old Italian Man.
She went on and on about how when people start to hang out together, they start to look alike. I'm looking at his drawn long face, his long ears, his much wider nose, his tired eyes... I'm just not seeing it.
She went on and on and on. Something about walking alike,etc. I thought, "What? He has a walker, he shuffles. I walk like I know where I'm going and don't mess with me...' I dunno.
I just got some pictures back from something I did with my kids and Bones can't deny me as his Mom. Even I can see it now...
No, not at all. The facial structure is totally different! Love the cut!! And you do not look your age, lucky girl! ;)
Don't want this to sound... odd... but when a rescued dog [which I'm not comparing Joe to at all] needs to be transported, people along the route volunteer to drive a certain amount of miles.
Now, transferring Joe from vehicle to vehicle may not be feasible, but it's a thought...
This week has been hell on wheels. I told my Tech Lead on Friday, "Life won this week. I'm toast."
Between the kids, work, Joe, and other stuff... I spent most of the week not able to sleep or in high anxiety. I didn't have time to go to the gym, so there wasn't even time to try and work off the angst.
My Tech Lead, if everything goes as it should in this world, is probably going to be promoted. He asked me if I was going to apply for his job, which I answered with a prompt, 'Absolutely not'.
As I walked away, he said to me, "You're the most qualified person for the job..." to which I retorted, "Management doesn't care..."
He wants me to take it though as we work together well and he trusts me. He needs someone he can trust. After 25 years, we're like an old married couple. I can sense when he's in a bad mood and stay away.... or at least don't poke at him too much, and vice versa. We can finish each other's sentences practically and although my big line for him is, "It doesn't matter how loud you think, I still can't hear you..." that's not actually true. Usually I can tell what he's thinking.
There is something to be said for having a good working relationship with someone like that.
This will be the second job in three months that I've pretty much said, 'No. I won't.' My eldest is still pissed I didn't pursue the first job further, but I think he just wanted bragging rights. 'Oh yeah, well listen to what MY Mom does..." But life is too stressful as it is and that job would have thrown me over the edge. Honestly, I'm not a very good parent. Stress me out any further, and it could be detrimental to my kids. That's not fair.
What has happened to me that what I would have perceived as GREAT career moves, coming my way, I'm deftly batting aside and emphatically saying No to?
I'm beat. I'm just tired. And I'm in survival mode. I just need to pay bills at this point. I won't ever run the world and I've lost the desire to. I just want to... survive it.
Things with Joe have taken a turn for the ugly worse. He survived Fournier's Gangrene (if you google it, don't look at the pix. Don't say I didn't warn you.), but he may not survive the insurance company and how he's now a throw away person that they are dumping on the streets to fend for himself, although he now can no longer bathe himself, get out of a chair, cook for himself, or dress himself, let alone use a urinal, and he doesn't know how to change his colostomy bag.
None of that matters. All that matters is he can walk 75 feet with a walker. They're done. Gone he is... without a lick of OT.
What a mess and I can't even post all that has happened in the last week because it's such a long awful story and because... I'm too tired.
I came up with a solution for the family. They can't afford to come down and get him from NJ, so I'm working on getting him up there. I suspect by the end of the week he'll be in NJ. His niece, who has taken the brunt of it up there, gave me all the reasons it wouldn't work, and I in turn explained how I'd worked out the logistics already in my head. I had an answer for every potential pitfall, having given this considerable thought.
Problem solving... it's what I do. I just wish I could get paid more doing it.... working for a better company... with a boss who respected me. Maybe one day my TL will be the big boss. That would be grande...
I went to the gym today and powered through the elliptical until I thought I might puke.
Best running type music ever... I kept it at a steady 200 strides per minute to this...
I don't belong to a gym, but when I want to get out the angst, I work in the yard. I have a crazy yard full of butterfly plants and vines that need to be kept under control. Not to mention trees that need to be kept trimmed. So I get out the ladder and the saw and the electric trimmer and I swoosh through all the extraneous growth, slash here and there......I'm 55 and overweight, so when I'm done, I've had a really good aerobic workout. Last week I made a second vegetable garden bed - just the hammering of thick long nails into 1" wood was quite aerobic. I know what you mean - and physical exercise to the point of exhaustion is just what the Dr. ordered.
Bou, your stress must be radiating off of you. Friday night, I dreamed of you and your family. I dreamed bones was QB of a high school football team and seriously injured his leg in a game, and you weren't at that game because you had just received news that Joe had passed. I was very stressed out on your behalf in that dream.
Funny how the blogs I read color my dreams.
posted by wRitErsbLock on October 9, 2011 08:21 AM
Suze- yardwork is an EXCELLENT work out... and you're creating. There is more to it than just sweating in a yard. You have a huge sense of accomplishment. I love butterfly gardens! Eventually we'll get it right here. Last time we turned ours into a buffet for birds. EVERY caterpillar. The boys were aghast!
Pam- Girl... I don't know how you do it in this heat, granted this weekend was not so hot, but rainy. I go out with the boys sometimes and I can last about an hour. You must have to get up EARLY.
Writersblock- Good Lord. I think I'm feeling bad that the stress of my life has permeated to yours! Gah! I'll tell you... it is so stressful, or was this week... that I had to do a 100% compartmentalization. If I was at one place, I couldn't talk about the other. So when a friend of mine asked me about the boys while I was at work I had to say, "I can't. I can't talk about home while I'm here or I'll freak. I can only handle so much stress in one place..." It wasn't a good week at home.
In the end... it will all be fine. I'll get Joe to NJ, the boys will get through whatever it is that I'm not posting, and work will continue to provide me a paycheck, even if it's the most stressful job I've ever had and makes me worry my hair will fall out.
On a happy note, Bones is learning a monologue for school that absolutely cracks me up. If I can get it taped... for the first time ever, I'll post a vid of Bones. He's my son... he makes me laugh.
