If the Tea Party rallies behind Herman Cain, it’s really going to send mixed signals about us hating Obama for being black.

Been quite a contest to figure out who gets to be Rubio’s running mate.

I tried to go to Wall Street, but the door was locked and above the handle it said “Occupied”.

I really like the Watchmen character Rorschach, but he’d definitely be a Ron Paul supporter.

So do we want to nominate Romney now or do we want to keep pretending Cain can pull this off?

Next Republican debate should start with the reminder: “This all you get. You have to pick one of these guys.”

We probably can’t stop Romney, but it’s our duty to try. Everyone rally behind Cain!

RIP Steve Jobs. The iPad is the only thing that’s met my childhood expectations of what 2011 would be like.

Wow. Think of how different tech would be without Jobs’s contribution.

I always find it a sobering reminder of where to place your priorities that extremely rich people can suddenly get cancer too. I doubt for Jobs is was about being rich so much as the thrill of innovating.

Abner! Abner! They’re doing it again!

Who’s doing it, Gladys? What are they doing?

Those strange people in that house across the street.

I tell you, Abner, there’s something not right about them!
Read the rest of this entry »

* Christie is not running, [insert fat joke here]. And since Perry has imploded, that means we’re stuck with Romney… unless we want to take a risk on Cain. I want to take a risk on Cain. Polls now have him as a front runner. Plus, it would be pretty hilarious to see liberals furrow their brows in confusion if we nominate someone that will mess up what’s going to be 90% of their playbook for defending Obama: Charging racism. Still, Intrade only has him at about 7% chance right now against Romney who is near 60% since most people don’t think Cain will be able to hold up against him.

I hate Romney. He’s a weasel. His views on Social Security belong more in the Democrat Party, and since entitlements are the biggest part of the budget and what we have to go after to make traction, that means I don’t expect anything particularly useful in the long term from his presidency. Plus he’s a slimy weasel. But if he’s the nominee, I’ll force myself to like him. But I’d rather keep hating him. REALLY?! YOU’RE GOING TO ARGUE THAT SOCIAL SECURITY IS AN AWESOME THING FOR ME, YOU SLIMY WEASEL?!

So let’s gamble on Cain. I’m tired of politicians. I still like pizza.

* Obama is attacking the GOP for blocking a vote on his jobs bill. Since it’s Harry Reid actually blocking it, it’s a valid criticism since the GOP really should have taken him out in 2010.

Of course, since everyone hates Obama and his jobs bill, the GOP are just doing the will of the American people to stop it. Obama should consider doing that sometime.

* Obama is claiming that Reagan would have liked Obama’s Buffet rule — the same Buffet rule that Warren Buffet doesn’t like. You could be dismissive of this statement, but Obama does seem to be the expert on what Reagan’s views are since Obama has been quite consistent at doing the opposite. Of course, if Obama is now going to do what he thinks Reagan would like, maybe he’ll start slapping himself and never stop.

* Apparently Joe Biden has no idea who Van Jones is. Knowing Biden, he probably assumed the black guy at the staff meeting was a waiter. It wasn’t until well after the first one hundred days that Biden finally learned to stop asking Obama to fetch him a drink.

* On Michelle Obama’s trip to Africa, which cost half a million dollars, Obama’s daughters were listed as “senior staff”. So somebody is getting promotions in this economy… though it helps to have connections.

* Back in the days of the Soviet Union, we thought we’d never see something like this: American and Russian scientists teaming up to hunt down a Yeti.

Yeti aren’t peaceful like our local bigfoots; they’re much bigger and much meaner. By my experience, it takes eight shotgun blasts to take one down (or one grenade and two shotgun blasts). And if scientists are able to find one, we should learn lots in the scientific field of big… monkey type things.

If only more scientists focused more on useful things like hunting yeti instead of silly things like global warming.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Tycoon developing spacecraft to travel globe in two hours. Next project: finding a way to get through airport security that fast.” -Fred Thompson

* There’s going to be a Blackwater videogame. I don’t know if there will be a level where you get yelled at by Democrats, but they’re designing it for motion control in the Kinect and taking out the blood and bad language so it will be fun for the whole family. So what age do you start teaching your kids to kill terrorists? I say three… though at that age they’ll call them “twerowists.” Kids are so cute.

* Speaking of cute kids, Buttercup is turning one year old this weekend, and since family is coming in, I’m taking the next two days off. Also, I get Columbus Day off too. So I probably won’t be back to regular blogging until Tuesday, but who knows. Yeah, I never think to plan these things; I’m a free spirit.

Later, ronin.

I’ve heard that sources just said something! What did sources say?!

High fructose corn syrup kills more people per year than giant robot bees. CORN SYRUP IS MORE DEADLY THAN GIANT ROBOT BEES!!

It’s starting to sour me on Christie how he keeps lying about not running.

Of course Christie is not running; he doesn’t even like walking.

They better get rid of all the old iPhones or I won’t be able to see the 4S through the 3s.

So I guess it’s Romney unless we want to take a chance on Cain. Well, when was the last time the base was excited about the GOP nominee?

Maybe Romney can have an exciting VP pick like McCain did. That was crazy!

If you don’t think Obama is an incompetent idiot, you’re probably a dumb racist.

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

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From Former Hostage:

From Former Hostage:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

From me (Harvey):

[reference link]

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Steve:

From Kris:

From Motopolitico:

[reference link]

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By the way, I finally stumbled across LMAObama, a site which also does Obama captions, and they do it pretty well. So if you start going through withdrawal between lolbama! postings, be sure to check ‘em out:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

* Guess who has another column in the New York Post?

No; guess again.

That’s right! Me! You’re getting better at this.

This column is on how we should consider having a break from having a president to really find ourselves as a nation. Enjoy!

* Obama says we’re not better off than we were four years ago. So is he like ceding the election? “You know when things were better? Before I was president. Reelect me!”

Of course, things are better for some people. Some people were only a U.S. Senator four years ago but are now President. Then again, those people are getting yelled at a lot because of how much worse things are than four years ago.

* Eric Holder said he hadn’t heard about Fast and Furious until a few weeks ago, but documents show he was briefed back in July 2010. It was probably just one of those things you rubber stamp without taking a second thought about it. “So we’re selling guns to Mexican drug cartels? I can’t imagine how that would go wrong. Approved!”

* Obama isn’t apologizing for the half a billion wasted on Solyndra, saying it was a “good bet.” Yeah, and this is the guy who know what’s a great idea to spend our money. What is he — 0 for a trillion on spending stimulus dollars on things that are useful? Yeah, let’s definitely give him more of our money to make more bets; with this long of a losing streak, odds are the next thing he invests in has to be a winner!

* Occupy Wall Street has had fun just sitting around and yelling incoherently, but I guess they decided to finally come up with some demands. So here’s their proposed list of demands. They want free health care, free college tuition, all their debts forgiven, and… paper ballots. And if they don’t get this they’ll… sit around and be useless and smelly. And if they get their demands, they’ll probably be even more useless and smellier.

So, do we want to dismantle all of our economy and livelihood because some hippies are sitting aorund near Wall Street? Nah, dudes, I think we’ll pass.

* Occupy Wall Street only has thirteen demands, so maybe we can help suggest some more.

Demand fourteen: Monkey butlers.

Demand fifteen: Cheetos should be free and available everywhere.

Demand sixteen: Stop making fun of my white-person dreadlocks.

* Is this racist? It seems kind of racist: Obama Fried Chicken, a new restaurant in China. We should make sure Chinese spies haven’t stolen our secret herbs and spices, though.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Kindle Fire: it’s a tablet *and* basic caveman instructions.” -Storm

* Arrested Development is coming back! There are going to be new episodes focusing on what the different characters have been up to since the end of the series and then a movie. To be honest, though, I’m a bit apprehensive about it. AD was one of the most perfect series — I’ve watched the entire run through four or five times and enjoy rewatching it more than most new series — so I’m just afraid they won’t be able to recapture the magic. But I’ll be hopeful as I wait for the Final Countdown.

* Here’s a link to the first of the webisodes of the Walking Dead series my silly little sister worked on. The other five are also available to watch now.

So a rock had something written on it and thus Perry thinks black people are inferior? Or am I trying to make the left’s argument too coherent?

I agree that the left can associate Perry with the rock if we’re allowed to attribute every view of Jeremiah Wright to Obama.

Obama is either a radical or someone who lacks the integrity to stand up to radicals.

I’m still really confused by the whole Italy thing; who murdered whom?

This microprocessor is so old, the documentation spells it “microprocefsor”.

The only way Obama can afford to give solar panels to Mexican drug cartels is to raise taxes on the rich.

As long as it’s painted over, I’d elect the racist rock over Obama.

No one can prove they’re not a racist, which is why the left loves the charge so much.

Every dollar Obama spends on failing solar panel companies is one less dollar buying guns for Mexican drug cartels.

ESPN pulled the standard Hank Williams, Jr. opening from Monday Night Football after some comments the singer made on Fox and Friends:

In an interview Monday morning on Fox News’ “Fox & Friends,” Williams, unprompted, said of Obama’s outing on the links with House Speaker John Boehner: “It’d be like Hitler playing golf with (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin) Netanyahu.”

I, for one, applaude the decision by ESPN.

Comparing the Speaker of the House, John Boehner, to Adolf Hitler was a horrible thing for Williams to do.

Then, comparing Obama to Benjamin Netanyahu? Our Israeli friend deserves better.

* So Perry loves pandering to Hispanics and thinks we’re heartless if we don’t want our tax money going to non-citizen Hispanics, but he apparently hates blacks because of a rock or something. RACIST!!!

Do people take that charge seriously anymore? The left seem so perfunctory in using it that I don’t think they really believe it anymore. Charging racism is almost like an “uh” or “um” in other people’s speech; it’s just something you utter while thinking of something more substantive to say.

But if you really want to see racism, nominate Herman Cain. When it’s a black man opposing the white liberals, it will finally be time for all those racists that live in the heads of leftists to come out and play.

* Perry has further expanded on why he’s for paying for tuition for illegal aliens, wondering how else are they going to get into college. When talking with pro-illegal alien people, it’s like we’re not even arguing within the same universe. Yeah, the point of borders is making sure citizens of other countries get the privilege of going to college. Good job zeroing in on the heart of that issue, Perry.

* Obama thinks we’re soft. Really, the left, who think we’ll all die unless government ensures us jobs, food, education, and health care and protects us from smoking, trans-fats, and incandescent light bulbs, thinks we’ve become soft. How did that happen?

* So those Occupy Wall Street people are still occupying Wall Street to… who knows. Some people think you just go out and wave signs and stuff happens, but you kind of need something coherent to say first. Even then, waving signs and sitting around is the least effective way to induce change.

Know who are changing things, though? The businessmen on Wall Street actually working jobs and such. If the hippies want to change the world, they should start by using some soap.

* Warren Buffet doesn’t endorse Obama’s “Buffet Rule”, seeming to think it will hurt the economy. I guess that makes him one of the bad rich people again. “He’s involved in money-craft! Burn him!”

* Because of the bad economy, cases of people over dosing on cocaine are way down. So there’s another achievement for Obama right alongside making sure child predators are too poor to afford windowless vans.

* So, I wasn’t able to resist getting that Aquaman comic. It seems silly to pay full price for a digital comic — there are no printing and shipping costs associated with it. And I wouldn’t even mind if they put the ads in to allow dropping the price. Still, DC put one of their A-list writers on it — Geoff Johns — and people were raving about it, so I was pretty curious what a really good Aquaman comic looks like. It spent just a little time setting up the villains for the arc, and most of the comic was all about what everyone makes fun of Aquaman for. I actually felt pretty bad for Aquaman when someone asked to his face what it’s like to be nobody’s favorite superhero (not all bloggers are that mean!). Anyway, I recommend the comic for all comic book fans and will definitely snatch up the next issue the day it comes out (if they’re still making it available day and date on the iPad). Hopefully this run will finally get Aquaman the respect he deserves. He started out fighting Nazis, you know.

* Wisdom of the Day: “‘Government’ is just a word for things we do together. ‘Corporations’ is just a word for things we do together voluntarily.” -David Burge

* Later today (2pm ET), AMC is going to make available six Walking Dead webisodes (the second season doesn’t start until later this month). It will be about how things were in the beginning of the outbreak — something we haven’t gotten to see yet. The webisodes should be available on both the AMC website and Hulu, I believe. I mention this because I’m a Walking Dead fan (and really looking forward to finding out what they’ll be doing in the second season now that I’ve seen all the places the story goes in the comics), and because my little sister did the costume design for these webisodes! Good job, silly sister Sarah!

I sometimes compromise my principles in the face of reality since reality never compromises in the face of my principles.

What’s the big deal about killing Awlaki? I hear the hellfire missile he was killed with had his Miranda rights printed on the front of it.

If the GOP nominee is a fat man, Michelle Obama is totally going to freak out.

From Obama’s email subject lines, you kinda expect him to start sending you forwards of things disproven on snopes. “FW: Billionaires pay a lower tax rate than secretaries!”

What’s with the Human Centipede inspired Prius commercial?

I preordered my wife the Kindle Fire because I’m the best husband ever.

Community is one of the most unpredictable sitcoms. I never know where they’re going with a premise.

Is Obama supposed to check citizenship papers before blowing someone up? That would make him racist.

If Kellen Moore doesn’t go pro, he should join the military and become a sniper.

I might actually drop $3 to get the new Aquaman comic on my iPad. Hear they take on all the stuff people make fun of him for.

I haven’t been bored by baseball in a while. I’m kinda looking forward to watching some.

Not to sound culturally superior, but the Middle East could really use a lot more Christianity. Also, my culture is superior.

I’m guessing a lot of people have already asked this to no avail, but is there some sort of point to Occupy Wall Street?

Enjoyed the Aquaman comic, but you don’t get much story for $3 anymore. Only 24 pages.

Here’s an idea: Since there’s no printing and shipping costs, make digital comics cheaper than print. Even put ads in them, if you want.

The Thor movie was enjoyable, but the main character’s catch phrase of “Hammer to the face!” needs work.

All the dancing hamsters years ago died of old age.

So Rick Perry loves Hispanic people and wants to give all our tax money to non-citizen Hispanics but hates black people.

Of course, in the Democrats, you see lots of liberals racist against blacks who patronize them.

With the amount of property damage he does, I think it’s proper to label the Kool-Aid Man a terrorist.

The Walking Dead webisodes come out today. My little sister did the costume design for it.

You really have to praise Romo for how exciting he made that game for Lions fans.

“Christie doesn’t care about the conservatives. He doesn’t care about balancing the budget. He only cares about bacon and cheesy fries.”

So are Mogwais dry clean only?