Blue skies, smiling at me

9 09 2011

The late afternoon sky bloomed in the window for a moment like the blue honey of the Mediterranean, wrote F. Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby.

And so it was the other day when I realised that Spring had finally arrived and I thought of Fitzgerald’s ethereal description. All around me, the flora was exploding in a myriad of colours and petals, the sky was perfectly azure, the sun was warming after a long, cold winter, and I felt very content.

Then my brain started going silly. Verses of Blue Skies gave way to Machine Gun Fellatio’s Rollercoaster: Cruise around town with the windows down, Shakin’ all ’round to the stereo sound, Cruise around town with the windows down, Shakin’ all up to the summertime sound — and I wanted to go for a long, long drive underneath the endless blue canopy, shakin’ all ’round and crusin’ around town with the windows down. That, for me, is freedom. Oh yeah. They see me rollin’, they hatin’.

So then I wondered about giving away my studies and becoming a taxi driver. And why not? I’ve mastered the immortal lines: “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talking… you talking to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Oh yeah? OK. “

And you know what else, I asked myself excitedly, I’d get to live out the scene on my favourite coffee mug:

Thus endeth the nice Spring moment.


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Categories : Music, Random, Sydney, Dumb Shit, It's Fridee!

Humpday Earworm

7 09 2011

An eternal favourite. Evocative of the era.


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Categories : Music, Humpday Earworm

I really don’t know what to say

2 09 2011

I can’t even find the right profanities to utter.

Arizona Republicans are fundraising by raffling off a Glock pistol, the same brand of gun used to shoot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords just eight months ago.

On Aug. 26, the Pima County Republican Party sent out an online newsletter that described the raffle as part of an initiative to raise money for get out the vote efforts . . .

“Get yourself a new Glock 23 .40 cal handgun for just 10 bucks—if your name is drawn. That’s right, for just 10 [d]ollars this gun could be yours,” reads the advertisement. 125 tickets will be sold.

[source]


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Categories : Dumb Shit, Politics, USA, WTF?!

You talk greasily, your lips grow foul

2 09 2011

Everyone fucking swears. It’s not necessarily nice, but y’know, what the fucking shit ya gonna do about it, huh?*

Everyone from your nanna (oh come on, of course she swears, you just don’t hear it) to your boss to your friends (especially my friends, vulgar plume-plucked puttocks they are) to your favourite football team. Especially your favourite football team.

When watching a game of rugby league on the TV, I especially enjoy the slo-mo replays of players mouthing, “fuuuuckiiiiing cu-…” before the camera abruptly switches away from their foul-mouthed rants.

So, when I read in the SMH about the lily-livered Manly player being offended by an expletive which allegedly triggered off a sideshow brawl in last Friday night’s big game, I thought, “That’s a fucking lie, you useless piece of dickbeating cockburger”.

I’d post a video of said brawl here but the National Rugby League HQs have yanked the clip from YouTube due to a copyright claim. Motherfuckin’ jerkoff shitspitters.

In this day and age, we’re surrounded by swearing. It’s getting to the point where we’re no longer offended — apart from swearing that is intentionally designed to hurt, insult and be virulently offensive. Y’know, context.

Generally, we’re not offended by humorous swearing or day-to-day conversations that have the “fucks” and “shits” dropped into it. We may even refrain from such language with strangers or those whose good books we need to stay in (like, say, Centrelink).

The fact that offensive language in public is still a summary offence and Victoria recently gave their police powers to issue on-the-spot fines for offensive language is, quite simply, astounding. These laws are anachronistic and unrealistic, for the simple fact that it disadvantages the disadvantaged further. Have you hung out in an inner city park lately? You’ll hear the homeless nearby swearing profusely — but they’re not intentionally being insulting or offensive. It’s part of their lexicon.

You know who else you’ll hear swearing wholeheartedly? Catch an afternoon train on the North Shore of Sydney when all the private, elite schoolkids are going home and listen to them. Go on. (I’ll admit to sometimes feeling a little appalled at their utterances!)

Rich or poor, educated or uneducated, polite or impolite — everyone is swearing these days. And for a footballer to claim he was offended is just fucking hysterical!

Note: There’s very little I hate but Manly Sea Eagles football team is one of them. That might have something to do with my current mirth.

* I make exceptions for young children. It just ain’t nice for young kids to be swearing, no matter how much you may wanna argue that it’s OK or that “if adults swear, why shouldn’t kids?” I’ve heard this argument and I call bullshit. I won’t budge from this view.


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Categories : Criminal Justice, Dumb Shit, Larfs, WTF?!

Humpday Earworm

31 08 2011

Yet another music clip. Yet another music segment. You’ll deal.


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Categories : Humpday Earworm

Women should be obscene and not heard*

30 08 2011

Oooh. I love it when a News Ltd journalist (I use that term lightly) gets busted for potential libel and has their column taken offline. I am, of course, referring to Glenn Milne’s The Australian commentary piece from yesterday, in which he declared that the Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard was implicated – albeit unknowingly – ”in a major union fraud of her own before she entered Parliament”.

What the lawyers would not allow to be reported was the fact that Gillard shared a home in Fitzroy bought by Wilson using the embezzled funds. There is or was no suggestion Gillard knew about the origin of the money.
       The Prime Minister got on the blower immediately to John Hartigan, chief executive of News Ltd, and Chris Mitchell, The Australian’s editor, demanding immediate retraction and an apology, admist legal threats. Shortly after, Milne’s tawdry piece was pulled down and an apology uploaded. Way to go.
       The Age, from which the above is taken, also report that The Australian over the weekend republished a 2007 item that said, “Julia Gillard has revealed she fell in love with a former union official and fraudster who broke her heart and threatened to destroy her political career”.
       Ah, yes. That old subtle suggestion that women are the emotional sex — and God forbid that any of us forget it. The Prime Minister is susceptible to broken hearts! GASP! She’s the Prime Minister! GASP! GASP! How can she cope with all this emotional conflict while running a country?! GAAAAAAAAASP!
       Say, how about that Tony Abbott, male, the Opposition Leader, male, the dude who would do anything but sell his arse to be Prime Minister? Did I mention he’s male? Men are never emotional, they’re strong, they’re tough, they’re resourceful, they’re resilient, they stand tall in the face of adversity and hardship, and, most importantly, they’re never emotional. Hell, they probably never fall in love, right? Unlike that female Prime Minister of ours, right, huh?
       Men are just awesome. They should be Prime Ministers managin’ and representin’ this country, not bloody embarrassing, emotional wimmin!
       Right? I don’t presume to know what Glenn Milne, the, uh, journalist of the piece that got pulled down, thinks about female leaders. But he is nevertheless a perfect example of the kind of tenacious, assertive, emotionless male showing leadership qualities that men, not women, possess:

* As uttered by Groucho Marx.
P.S. If anyone can tell me why the fuck WordPress’s paragraphs aren’t spacing properly, tell me!

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Categories : Politics, Media, Australia

Vanity is the food of fools

30 08 2011

Howdy, folks! How are we all travellin’? Good, good.

So, as some of you may know, I enjoy cooking. I enjoy the hunting down of essential but scarce ingredients, trawling through fruit and vegie shops, inching my way through overcrowded Asian and Middle Eastern supermarkets, clearing the bench in the kitchen, laying everything out before me, chopping, slicing, mashing, grinding, frying, boiling, steaming. You name it, I’ll have a go at it. Except pavlova. Pavlova is the devil’s spawn.

The results — and I say this modestly, believe me — are simply amazing and delicious and almost 100% perfection. I’m not biased at all. No.

And no one complains. Ever. Including those who sample my cooking.

Lately, however, I’ve started noticing something very odd. Twice now I’ve attempted to make toast and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t browning; I’d forgotten to turn the powerpoint on. Last week I tried to fry some onions and waited and waited and waited and thought, This is like waiting for water to boil; I hadn’t turned the gas on. This week, I did remember to turn the gas on for another meal — and expeditiously (as in I didn’t watch and wait for the water to start boiling) overboiled the rice and stank the house out.

But today, I exceeded myself. First, I put a very juicy piece of steak on in the grill… and promptly forgot all about it. That is, until I could smell it burning and the smoke alarm was going off at the same time. And sweetsufferingfuckthatthingisLOUD!

How the hell can you even THINK what to do when your eardrums are close to bursting? How the hell do you turn off those things anyway, if you can’t reach the goddamned ceiling and a ladder is too far away?  Why, bash it to death with the end of a broom, of course.

Then you turn off the grill. And pick up the burning hunk of black charcoal in a fit of pique and throw it into a plastic bag angrily… only to watch it burn through and plop onto the floor at your feet.

Seriously, talk about dumb.

Merde! Enough already, o vengeful Nigella goddessoverratedwhatsit. I won’t disparage you again for saying my boobs are better than yours.

Lesson, folks: if at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.

By the way, how do I go about replacing a broken smoke alarm?


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Categories : Dumb Shit, Food

A foggy day

27 08 2011

The only reason I witnessed the fog that covered the area where I live this morning is because I was already awake to watch the Billabong Pro in Tahiti.

When I went out to the back yard to observe the ice crystals suspended in the air, I noticed one of the fronds of the palm tree had snapped.

I’d never noticed until today that the tree had a tiny nest in it, on the branch that had snapped. The intricate design of the nest is an absolute marvel of nature. Look at it, so cute and adorable and just amazing, hanging on lopsidedly.

I’m particularly fascinated by how the birds have woven what looks like cotton wool into the lining of their nest.

It’s a pity the branch has snapped. That nest looks so cosy and snug. Nature: even the tiniest nest is magnificent.

And now for my predictable earworm:


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Categories : Australia, Music, Photography, Sydney

Pray the anti-gay away

27 08 2011

Good heavens, I really am quite desperate to avoid essay writing at all costs, aren’t I? No matter. I’m here to add yet another homophobe getting caught  ‘arranging’ a gay sex tryst via Craigslist onto this list that I compiled last year and, this year, this dude.

So, who is this latest fellow who has had his hypocrisy exposed for all to see?
His name is Phillip Hinkle and he is a Republican lawmaker, an Indiana state Representative to be exact. He is refusing to resign despite pressure from his colleagues. He has admitted to meeting one Kameryn Gibson, 18, and giving him $80 for his time, but denied a sex act or any other wrongdoing took place.
The Republican said: ‘I went to the edge, but I didn’t fall over the edge.’
. . .

Mr Hinkle, a strong opponent of gay marriage, denied he has homosexual tendencies.

He told the Star: ‘I say that emphatically. I’m not gay.’

. . .

Mr Hinkle, who boasts that he co-sponsored the creation of ‘In God we trust’ license plates in Indiana, has voted in favor of a gay marriage ban.

Yeah. Uh uh.

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Categories : LGBT, Politics, USA

I fought the law professor and the law professor won

27 08 2011

Just over three hours ago, I blogged that I was busy busy busy with essay writing and don’t have time to blog at the moment and threw a music clip at you — anything to keep the non-existent hounds at bay.

But then something happened. I was reading stuff on the internets (I WAS HAVING A COFFEE BREAK FROM ESSAY WRITING GET OFF MY BACK OKAY). It seems one of the latest tricks that the political Christian Right are doing is denying they know what dominionism is. I first learnt of dominionism a few years ago when I read the excellent book by Michelle Goldberg, Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism. In the first several pages of her book, Goldberg paints a very chilling portrait of the dominionist movement. Here’s a sample:

The United States has always been a pious country, given to bursts of spiritual fervor, but Christian nationalism is qualitatively different from earlier religious revivals. Like America’s past Great Awakenings, the Christian nationalist movement claims that the Bible is absolutely and literally true. But it goes much further, extrapolating a total political program from that truth, and yoking that program to a political party. It is a conflation of scripture and politics that sees America’s triumphs as confirmation of the truth of the Christian religion, and America’s struggles as part of a cosmic contest between God and the devil. It claims supernatural sanction for its campaign of national renewal and speaks rapturously about vanquishing the millions of Americans who would stand in its way.

The motivating dream of the movement is the restoration of an imagined Christian nation. With a revisionist history that claims the founders never intended to create a secular country and that separation of church and state is a lie fostered by conniving leftists, Christian nationalism rejects the idea of government religious neutrality. The movement argues that the absence of religion in public is itself a religion — the malign faith of secular humanism — that must, in the interest of fairness, be balanced with equal deference to the Bible.

. . . [T]he ultimate goal of Christian nationalist leaders isn’t fairness. It’s dominion.

I was chilled right through all 234 pages of that book.

Anyway, on my coffee break, I was reading this post on Right Wing Watch in which the author notes that “it seems as if the entire Religious Right movement has developed collective amnesia when it comes to the concept of dominionism, claiming never to have heard of it and to have no idea what it means.”

He also notes that Matt Barber, the Associate Dean for Career and Professional Development and Adjunct Assistant Professor of Law at Liberty University, asked in a tweet:

Can someone tell me what a “dominionist” is? Best I can tell it’s some kinda scary Christian monster that lives under liberals’ beds #silly

Right Wing Watch go on to point out that Barber’s employer sponsored conferences dedicated to the spread of dominionism and also highlights prominent Christian Right figures talking about the need for dominionism.

Meanwhile, at this juncture I was spluttering inwardly, agog at the fundies’ blatant denials (and not for the first time this past week), and burning with indignation that they could be so fucking ingeniously full of shit!

Then I thought, it’s not even ingenious, they’re just fucking full of shit! And I decided to fire off an email to Matt Barber (I was still on my coffee break, shut up). I asked him if he really thought it was a liberal fiction and was he aware that his own employer believed in dominionism? I appealed to him to be open-minded, you know, ’cause he’s a law professor and all, that’s what professors should be: open-minded, right? And I included the link to the Right Wing Watch post and hit send.

Then I went to make another coffee, since I was still on my coffee break (yes, really), and when I came back 10 minutes later, I saw that I had a reply from Barber! OMG OMG OMG HE’S REPLIED ALREADY! With a heavy heart, I told my barely commenced essay that it just had to wait a little bit longer before I could give it my love and devotion, and opened Barber’s email.

I will be out of the office returning Monday, August 29 and will have limited access to email. If the matter is urgent, please contact my asst. Kelsey LeBel at klebel@liberty.edu or call my mobile phone at [555 1234].

YOU BASTARD! How fucking convenient for you! How fucking inconvenient for me! Now I have no more excuses to procrastinate from doing my essay!


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Categories : Dumb Shit, Fundamentalism, Politics, Religion, USA, Whinge

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