What happened to the narrative?

For the past year and a half, I’ve been trying to work my way away from narrative, away from linear sense. Instead, I’ve been playing with juxtaposition–almost like collage, with threads but not a strong story. (I was calling the work fragments, but I haven’t really reached the fragment stage yet.) And then the sequences–stories strung together (hoping they connect, but do they, or how much do they?).

I’ve wanted to push it the other way–to see how far I could push it, to let more disparate connections lead people to invent their own stories in the spaces between those images.

Now, I’m looking back at those poems, and I feel something critical is missing.

Those poems don’t have a story–and that might be what I’m looking to find in them.

Haven’t we spent millennia making up stories for everything around us, inside of us?

Can you break away from the narrative and still fill that human need?

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Yesterday, we drove to Kennewick, WA for the Tri-Cities Wine Festival. It’s an auction and a contest with a lot of tasting and appetizers involved. Tom and I went to pour our Cloudlift Cellars wines–six of ‘em!

It was a beautiful day for a drive over the mountains and then past the orchards and vineyards and the miles of high scrub.

Then we set up and prepared to pour wines for a few hours. Here is our booth:

Wines on the Cloudlift Cellars table

I was glad to share these wines with people, because I really like them.

And then Tom won medals! A bronze for Updraft, our Sauvignon Blanc-Semillon blend, and silvers for our two Merlot blends, Panorama and Cloud 2. Very exciting.

After that long day, I felt so thankful for the extra hour this morning. We got up early anyway, but it still felt good.

I’m also thankful that punch-down is almost over. Then we’ll get to a more normal schedule in the mornings and Tom won’t have to stay so late at night.

I’m thankful for these pretty late-autumn days, and for the few leaves that linger and burn with their own inner fire.

I’m thankful to have new poems published online in Autumn Sky Poetry and The Prose Poem Project.

Finally, I’m thankful to have gotten my books in the mail, and for all the support I’ve received from friends and family members–giddiness with my gratitude.

Open the door. Open my heart.

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Tonight I came home to a full box of Into the Rumored Spring!

A box of copies of Into the Rumored Spring

Woo-HOO!

And then the cat…

Cat inspecting the box of books

Now, it’s really real (euphoric).

And the first reading is Nov. 20, 3:00 PM at Open Books!

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sons on the forklift forksToday was our last crush of the season.

After crushing 2 1/2 tons of grapes–Cabernet Sauvignon and Cabernet Franc–and then washing up (and washing, and washing), and lunch, and stacking the bins up in a loft space until next harvest, the guys took a moment to enjoy the rental forklift.

Brothers having fun…

And here are the Cab Sauvignon berries after crush.

Two years to wait.

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I am a morning person. I love the early hush, and the feeling of time. I’m thankful for the feeling that everything starts again, starts new. So for this week’s Sunday thanks, a morning poem:

The Promise

“Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” –Psalms 30:5

Always the sun flooding here gold
and here was a singing. Joy.

Light melts the sky yellow, stains
the shore at ebb tide like a fire

that sears. Some days,
the colors are too bright.

~~~

Dawn wakes you, breaks
its promise, tugs you

into its sorrow.
Birds open the trees.

Night ebbs, takes
its amnesia.

Wind stitches
what it doesn’t steal.

You’ve given everything.
Salt shaker. Chamomile.

A jar of honey.
His voice in your hair.

~~~

Morning rips off any solace,
brings it all back hard–

this desert you wake to,
this terrible hour of sand.

You walk this stony road
like a ghost, an empty dress,

a vapor floating
into unknown territories,

one step and then another.
Learn empty’s hard lessons.

~~~

One dawn, and then another.
The sun spills its fire.

You cannot stop the mourning,
cannot squeeze it out of your eyes.

Days tumble into summer,
each memory a new wound,

knot caught in your throat.
You are that tender.

~~~

Forget-me-nots
in a garden pocket,

a blue abundance,
a bowl of berries,

a cup of tea.
Leaves leave no fortune.

~~~

Just as water streams
down a mountain, reaches

the sea, you will fill again one
drop at a time.

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Into the Rumored Spring book coverInto the Rumored Spring now has its own page over at Ravenna Press.

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I’m thankful for my energetic, insightful, and irreverent book club, and a chance to go to Bainbridge Island, and Erica’s fabulous dinner, and Katherine’s contribution of caviar–which was a specific literary reference, because we’d read The Bell Jar.

Reading The Bell Jar made me so thankful that mental health diagnosis and treatment has come a long way (in anti-depressants and other medications and therapies) since Sylvia Plath lived and died.

I’m thankful to have a poem in the new issue of  Valparaiso Poetry Review. It’s always a pleasure and an honor to be included in VPR.

I’m thankful for  long talk with an old friend yesterday (Husky traffic precluded meeting in person).

I’m thankful for a chance to walk to an errand when I’d started to feel blue–the way I do sometimes on Sunday (and the reason I started this gratitude journal). The errand part took longer than the walk, but it did the trick.

I’m thankful for time–to put the finishing touches on (this draft of) my manuscript and to find some progress on some of the September poems.

I’m glad, even thankful, that punch-down is over for the Merlot. A little more rest tomorrow morning…

I’m thankful for the kale, which continues to grow bit by bit, for the herbs still green in my garden, and for the hummingbirds (who chide me when I’m out in the backyard gathering those herbs).

I’m thankful for a chicken in the pot (in the oven).

I’m thankful for this story, and for all the stories of individual people coming to these protests, and to their variety of ages, perspectives, and experiences. I’m having a hard time getting behind the fragmented, disparate nature of the Occupy protests, but I’m completely behind the 99%/1% message, and I believe that the more different people to show up, the more likely (crossing finger) our elected “representatives” will bend half an ear.

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A slushy roadside; image from Office.com

Back in the day, if a publication held onto your poems for a long time, you might think, “Hey, I have a chance.”

I’m losing confidence in this.

Forget the places that are holding poems since May 2010. (How long do you wait before you cross it off and call it done? I’ve had one place contact me after a year–and another, after a couple of years.)

I know it’s so easy to get buried and behind–it happens to me, too.

But what about the place that says it responds in four months but has held poems for a year and didn’t reply to a query. (Is that normal? Are queries just a joke? As an editor, I’ve gotten one, but it turns out I’d already sent a response, which probably got lost in junk email.)

Or places holding poems since December, February, April?

I’m receiving (cattle) calls for submissions, and I have nothing to send, because everything is out–in the cold, soggy slush. My new poems are still a ways away–the September poems in process, and the grief poems on hold so I can work on the September poems.

Oh, I’m whining–if you’re still reading–and probably asking for trouble. Next an avalanche of… let’s think a positive thought: acceptances. At this point, just to hear…

So, thank you for the publications that are able to turn poems around in six months or less. Thank you to BPJ, whose editors turn poems around in a day or two if they aren’t immediately smitten with them.

How long do you wait? Do you query? Do you get a reply?

Or do you send your poems out and not worry about how long they’re away? Could I try that?

(And do you get tired of the ranting and whining? It’s okay. Just let me know.)

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Kale seedlings

The kale in the Italian garden has germinated! So tiny and so cute.  (It doesn’t look like much now, but use your imagination…) I’m thankful we’ve had just enough warmth in the weather for that, and I hope they don’t get plucked by hungry creatures.

And I’m thankful we had the good weather yesterday, when we were crushing the Merlot.

I’m thankful my third East Coast reading date looks like a go.

I’m thankful whenever I notice my mistakes–and when I’m able to fix them!

I’m thankful whenever I have time to write.

I’m thankful for my new vacuum cleaner (one that works!), even though I haven’t had time to vacuum yet.

I’m thankful for my cat who is extra cuddly these days and sitting on my legs while I write.

I’m thankful for my job and the people I get to work with and learn from. (No, this is not all roses–but the best parts are beauties!)

Most of all, I’m thankful my daughter came home from college for the weekend. It was wonderful to see her hear her stories and to hang out together (and go poster-shopping at a store that’s been on the Ave since I was in high school!).

Open the door. Open my heart.

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Yesterday, we crushed Friday’s haul.

I walked into the shop/winery, and saw one bin suspended.

A half-ton bin of Merlot grapes hoisted into the air

Tom has figured out optimum ergonomics. By sliding a second bin underneath, he gets the bin to a comfortable height for sorting and bucketing fruit.

And that’s what we do–sort and bucket, and then into the destemmer-crusher.

Then working with the results. Here’s Daniel working with the crushed berries.

Daniel stirring grapes in the fermentation bin

Wine is a process. After this, pitching yeast, fermentation (including punch-down every 12 hours), pressing, racking, and a lot of other steps I don’t know about yet.

Poetry can be a process, too.

I admit that I have been unhappy with the poems–or drafts of poems–that I wrote in September. But I still want the idea from those poems, if I can find it. I still want the poems that I was trying to write.

And so I’m trying to write poems ”that seem like they wrote themselves” by using process–the draft, printing, writing on the printed pages, adding the rewrites, and then starting over. And I want to create a chapbook that’s all of a piece–so I’m trying to work on all the poems at the same time, hoping that each individual poem teaches me about the whole project and adds cohesion (without becoming a cookie-cutter result–which is best saved for cookies). I have a few months to meet my self-imposed deadline.

By then, all this good becoming-wine should be pressed and into barrels.

How do you bring a poem from idea to completion?

What’s your process? And do you change that process every time? Or when you’re writing a series of poems?

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