Disreputable Lazy Aliens

FUCKING SORTED!

OR PORNOLIZE IT!

17 Comments:

 edjog said...

Actually, try arsehole also.

19/1/06 14:50  

 nameis said...

Ha ha, made me laugh

19/1/06 17:18  

 some_maineiac said...

1. Contrary to popular belief, some maineiac is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases he may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
2. Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than some maineiac!
3. Two grams of some maineiac provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours!
4. Some maineiac can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.
5. If you lace some maineiac from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe.
6. It is impossible to fold some maineiac more than seven times.
7. Some maineiac will often rub up against people to lay his scent and mark his territory.
8. Reindeer like to eat some maineiac!
9. About one tenth of some maineiac is permanently covered in ice.
10. Some maineiac is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

19/1/06 22:57  

 edjog said...

1. Jeremy Paxman can be very poisonous if injected intravenously.

2. US gold coins used to say 'In thumping the tub we trust'.

3.When provoked, Elizabeth Hurley will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker.

4. Only one person in two billion will live to be Disreputable Lazy Aliens.

5. It can take nameis taken several days to move just through one tree.

6. Pocketpunk is the world's tallest woman.

7. On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

8. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at George Galloway.

9. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is wingnuts.

10. Never store sound engineers at room temperature.

20/1/06 04:13  

 some_maineiac said...

ohhhh, ohhhhhh, Elizabeth Hurley!!!

be still, my throbbing knob!

20/1/06 12:44  

 edjog said...

Isn't she though?

20/1/06 14:22  

 pocketpunk said...

If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in vomit.

Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in vomit!

Vomit can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour!

Pacman was originally called jizzman!

A rhinoceros horn is made from compacted jizz!

More people are killed by MacDonalds each year than die in aeroplane accidents!

20/1/06 17:28  

 some_maineiac said...

in honor of
This man

You share your birthday with wilson pickett!

20/1/06 18:22  

 edjog said...

Ah vocalists: they're a necessary evil!

Not usually quite as egotistical as lead guitarists, but needing to be handled with much more care, lest they lose confidence in their abilities and fluff the performance. He certainly was a fine practitioner of the art.

I once made the grave error, at the end of my tether it must be understood, of informing a backing singer that the reason she couldn't hear her stage monitor was, in fact, because she was deaf in her right ear!

Now, it's true that swapping her position to the other end of the line of 3 improved matters enormously and i was subsequently able to turn her, previously so loud it was interfering with the overall quality of the sound coming from the stage, monitor down to an acceptible level; but her heart wasn't in it. Ho hum.

Actually, my birthday is the anniversary of the abdication of King Zog [i shit you not King fucking Zog!], not of Helliconia or any other sci-fi realm, but of Albania. "Viva la republica!" I say.

21/1/06 00:16  

 edjog said...

Good stuff pocketpunk.

This has the potential to keep me amused for ages!

1. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in Coca-Cola!

9. Coca-Colaocracy is government by Coca-Cola.

Keep 'em coming folks!

21/1/06 05:01  

 some_maineiac said...

hey, bud, i take slight issue with what i perceive as a bias against vocalists...to quote a line from
This trite but entertaining film

"words and music, man, words and music"

I like to sing, myself, but i am tone-deaf and undoubtedly worse than that half-deaf vocalist you mention...at least the only beings that suffer when i burst into song are my cats...

21/1/06 14:20  

 edjog said...

Oh aye, for some forms of music, you can't be without 'em, but they are a pain in the arse!

Honestly, some times you end up having to grit your teeth, because you know that no matter how bad the performance is now, it'll be worse if you tell them what's wrong with it. You have think of reasons why it's your fault:

"Have i got your foldback too quiet for you to be able to hear very well?"

= your pitch is way off!

"Have we been at this too long? Perhaps we'll take a break for 15mins."

= you're croaking like a frog: have a drink.

"OK, i don't seem to be able to set this mix up properly now, let's move on to another song."

= you are repeating the same mistake over and again: i'm about to kill you.

21/1/06 15:50  

 some_maineiac said...

i'm sure your experiences apply to both genders, but it sounds a bit like nameistaken and his partner, eh???

(no offense meant to that gracious man)

your other comment re: Raleigh or Drake's son gave me a huge belly laugh! good for the soul!!

21/1/06 17:04  

 edjog said...

Yeah, to be honest, it's very like that kind of situation, because you have to be aware that you do have faults yourself which affect the atmosphere and/or skill limitations. If you're very tired as well, it's fucking gruelling at times. But then, you bound back into the studio another day, your artists are all wide awake, in good form, and it goes like a dream, everyone buzzes off the vibe - then the mixing desk power supply breaks down! But it's miraculously ok because, in my bag of tricks i have...

It's a mark of a good producer to get some usable tune-age out of the bad days too, so that the good days can be spent getting the flair. A good mix engineer [ahem, like me] will drop it all together afterwards and make it sound like a single performance. Keeps the studio costs down.

2. Antarctica is the only continent without corporate hegemony.

6. It is bad luck to walk under corporate hegemony!

7. Corporate hegemony can be seen from space!

10. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but corporate hegemony can not.

21/1/06 21:32  

 some_maineiac said...

"Antarctica is the only continent without corporate hegemony."

hahaha! wait till the ice caps melt and oil is discovered there!

22/1/06 14:08  

 edjog said...

Innit though? Bastards!

5. To check whether bastards are safe to eat, drop them in a bowl of water; rotten bastards will sink, and fresh bastards will float!

22/1/06 20:01  

 edjog said...

OMG:

10. Mark Oaten is actually a fruit, not a vegetable.

23/1/06 22:41  

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