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BIP: “Who Wrote This?”

Posted by  on 31 December 2009, 10:50 am

300px-AnonymousSilencefrom the Black Iron Prison

We have no illusions about how far a piece of writing can reach. Sending out new ideas into this world without a multi-million dollar marketing scheme have about as good a chance at reaching their destination as a paper airplane in a hurricane.

But, we take our chances.

For the most part, the people that put this document together agree that the planet that we live on has become a foul place, and we agree that something needs to be done.

But we disagree on damn near everything else.

We disagree on how it has come to this mess, and we disagree on the direction it is all heading to.

What we have observed is that the more people are able to think for themselves, the less willing they become to exhaust themselves at someone else’s command. An open-minded person is better able to see past the illusions that have this civilization headed toward what seems to be a fiery demise, and may even do something about it.

We acknowledge that it would be in everybody best interests if there were more creative and critical thinkers analyzing the situation and broadcasting their observations.

Where this would take us, we don’t really know.

But we have come to a situation where it seems that any change would be a good change.

The history of the entire known universe and a long legacy of philosophical and scientific exploration has resulted in this effort to get you to do some critical thinking.

And if you turn it down, you’re gonna get left behind. You’ve gotta catch up on your own.

Because no one else is turning back to save you.

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Postergasm Collection: Volume Butts

Posted by  on 28 December 2009, 10:22 am

posters_buttsVolume Butts is the fourth collection in the POSTERGASM series.

It was hastily thrown together at the last minute before my cabal got on a plane to Portland, Oregon for Esozone 2008. As such, it contains a lot of random crap. You will also see traces of my obsession with the font Artiststamp. It’s so perfect for posters!

Esozone was … interesting. Portland is one of those crazy places where Discordians seem to gather in real life. It’s a really cool city, and I think we should all move there.

I didn’t spend a lot of time at Esozone, (I spent most of the vacation biking around with other Discordians and putting up posters) but there was a Discordian caucus in which they actually managed to get at least 23 of us in the same room at the same time. It’s the densest collection of Discordians I’ve ever seen in the flesh. So to this day, this poster pack reminds me of St. Mae, Metaphorge, and Johnny Brainwash, Telarus, Nigel, and Netatungrot, my favorite west coast 23rdian spags.

There’s a great anecdote out there about a Calvinball poster being mistaken for an actual Homeland Security poster, and causing some panic and paranoia in the people throwing esozone. So these things totally work, provided they catch your target at 6 AM as they’re opening day two of a convention. Hail Eris!

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Introduction to the Black Iron Prison

Posted by  on 24 December 2009, 9:00 am

all-knowing-prison-eye-artwork1The Black Iron Prison is a document created by the spags of the Peedy Forums in something like 2006 or 2007. At the time, they felt like the message of Discordia was getting lost in all the lols and lails. Their goal was to distill some of the energy from the Principia without rehashing existing jokes.

If the Black Iron Prison could be summed up in one sentence, it would be “Think for yourself, shmuck!”

In brief — Our lifestyle, tastes, preferences, and personal history become limiting factors. The self is an amazing creature, capable of enormous change and flexibility. But we insulate ourselves against this potential by staying with safe, comfortable choices.

The Black Iron Prison suggests a jail break, an escape from the tyrant called the self.  The mind is also running other people’s programs and routines. You’ve adopted a lot of other people’s attitudes and motivations and think they are your own. You cannot ever fully escape the prison, but if you can think for yourself, you can rearrange your cell.

The BIP is considered a companion work to the Principia. Writing your own version of the Principia is like building your own lightsaber. What excited me about this project was that Discordians are trying to come up with new ways of expressing some of these really powerful ideas.

For the next few Thursdays, I’ll be posting essays and selections published in the 2007 Black Iron Prison. You can read the full document here or here:

The Black Iron Prison

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A Discordian Hymnerick

Posted by  on 22 December 2009, 11:38 pm 
When Our Lady did roll her toy,
The apple of chaotic joy,
Paris did choose
The prettiest flooze.
In nutshell, the battle of Troy. 

But her deeds are most terrific,
The volume of work specific.
Penned only by fools
Who follow no rules;
It's nothing short of prolific. 

So here I will tell a story
Of a time ancient and hoary -
When Eris confined
And blindly maligned
St. Droopy in all her glory. 

St. Droopy, a hippie outsider
After a bite from a spider
Eris beholden -
She shat apples golden!
And thrice would even piss cider! 

It was then that Eris heard
It was Droopy that Thetis preferred.
She did not come to
The wedding ado
And developed a plan most absurd. 

In case you haven't yet guessed,
Eris came a-wholly possessed
With making a tool
From Droopy's fresh stool
To cause Chaos once it was blessed! 

She chained Droopy up to a wall
In Castle Chaos' front hall
And said with a whoop
"Ready your poop!
I'll teach them once'n for all!" 

Those without originality
Claim the Apples of Immortality
Were what Eris uses
To set off the fuses.
But we don't ascribe that banality. 

We mostly continue to think
The Saint forged that chaotic link
Between Eris and Troy
With that golden decoy
Though never is mentioned the stink!
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Disco Sects

Posted by  on 21 December 2009, 1:07 pm

A Discordian Sect is a group which has been inspired by a body of work which has greatly influenced Discordian thought. As with most fandom, the author of the works is reified.1

Here, then, is a brief overview of the most popular Discordian Sects, in chronological order.2

Hillism

Description: Happy-Fun Post-Absurdism Western-Zen Joke-Religion

Summary: Religion can be fun! Philosophy can be fun! Thinking can be fun! Living can be fun!

Origin: A bowling alley.

Also Known As: Pinealism, Disco-Fundamentalism

Thornleyism

Description: Post-Paranoid Politico-Conspiratorial Auto-Biographical Dull-Zenarchy

Summary: Paranoia can be fun! And profitable! Which is good, because I got nothing else.

Origin: Dallas, Texas.

Also Known As: That Guy Who Keeps Writing About Kennedy.

Rawism

Description: Long-Winded Psycho-Philosophical Pot-Headed Maybe-Agnosticism

Summary: I don’t believe it. Maybe. Let me write a five-thousand page book filled with inane ramblings to explain what, exactly, I don’t believe.

Origin: The Sirius star system. Maybe.

Also Known As: Learyism3

Altism

Description: Half-Stolen Pun-Loving Technology-Uninspired Amateur-Episkoposes

Summary: Computers are neat! Let’s post silly stuff on the internet: I have a black belt in Haiku. And a black vest in the cleaners fnord.

Origin: news:alt.discordia

Also Known As: Alt.Discordianism, Pinealism, Hyper-Discordia

Peedism

Description: Doom-and-Gloom Black-Iron Prison-Apocalypse Hate-Cult

Summary: We must liberate ourselves from our metaphor for adult-hood angst! … after we finish talking about how much our lives suck.

Origin: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/

Also Known As: PDism, PeeDeism, P.Diddyism, BIPpy-ology

Meyerism5

Description: Romantic-Werewolf Romantic-Vampire Tweeny-Mommy Abstinence-Cult

Summary: Women are weak and like being stalked by monsters. Men are proud, noble monsters that protect their helpless victims.

Origin: The Forks, Washington Tourism Bureau

Also Known As: The Twilight Phenomenon, TwiMomism, Rape-Culture

 

Note 1. We all know there aren’t any Real Discordian authors. The only Real Discordian Author is Shakespeare, and even he was really his sister.

Note 2. Chronology is relative. The author of this work is not responsible for lost or stolen timelines.1

Note 3. Despite popular rumor, “Greg Hill” was never a pseudonymn of Wilson’s. It was Mr. Momomoto’s brother that was a pseudonymn of Wilson’s.4

Note 4. Not really, but don’t tell Them that!

Note 5. I met Stephanie Meyer once and she has the words “Ewige Blumenkraft” tattooed in a very private area.4

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