From Zhuangzi, chapter 11, section 4
This being the Official Discordian Edition which has been cribbed together from various existing translations that were lying around the internet, so you can be assured of its genuine accuracy and mystic import.
When Yun Jiang (Cloud General) was traveling east, having been borne along on a gentle breeze, he passed through the branches of a magic tree and came upon Hung Mung (Silly Goose). The latter was rambling about, slapping his buttocks and hopping like a bird. Amazed at the sight, Yun Jiang stopped like one lost and stood still, saying, “Hey, old man, who are you? What are you doing, old man?”
Hung Mung, without interrupting his slapping and hopping, replied to Yun Jiang, “I am enjoying myself.”
Yun Jiang said, “I have a very sincere question to ask you.”
Hung Mung, for the first time raising his head and looking at Yun Jiang, said, “Uh oh!”
Yun Jiang, however, continued: “The essence of heaven is out of harmony; the essence of the earth is constricted; the elemental influences do not act in concord; the seasons do not observe their proper times. I desire to blend the essence of the influences and nourish all living beings. Do you know how that can be done?”
Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying, “I do not know; I do not know!”
So Yun Jiang got no answer. Three years later, he was again traveling to the east and, as he was passing by the wilds of Sung, he happened to come across Hung Mung. Delighted, he hurried to catch up and said, “Have you forgotten me, O Heaven? Have you forgotten me, O Heaven?” Bowing deeply to the ground, he showed his desire to learn more from Hung Mung.
Hung Mung said, “I just flit about and don’t know what I’m looking for. Like a dog who wanders from place to place, I don’t know where I’ve been. Being one who just skips about slapping the soles of my shoes on the ground, I merely observe and view the sights of Undeception. What could I possibly know?”
Yun Jiang replied, “I also seem carried on by an aimless influence, but people still follow me around as though I’m actually going someplace. I cannot escape the people and what I do they imitate. I wish you’d share with me at least one word of advice.”
“That the scheme of heaven is in confusion,” said Hung Mung, “that the nature of things is hidden, that the will of the Dark Heaven is not accomplished, that the beasts of the field are scattered, that the birds of the air cry at night, that blight strikes the trees and herbs, that destruction spreads among the creeping things, — this, alas! is the fault of those who would rule others.”
“Okay,” said Yun Jiang, “but then what shall I do?”
Hung Mung said, “Oh! Keep quiet and go home.”
“It has been difficult to meet with you,” said Yun Jiang. “I should like to hear from you a word more.”
“In that case, nourish your heart,” Said Hung Mung. “Take the position of doing nothing and things will of themselves become transformed. Forget your body and spit forth intelligence. Cast out from you your power of hearing and sight. Forget what you have in common with things and you may cultivate a similarity with the fundamental Chaos. Forget your mind and spirit, be soulless. Of all the multitude of things every one returns to its root, but they do not know why. This is chaos, but if you try to know it then you have already left it. Do not ask its name and do not seek to learn it’s nature, and all things will live of themselves.”
Yun Jiang said, “You have favored me with this teaching. Now I must ponder, and perhaps I will understand.” With that, he bowed deeply and left.
OMGASM is a fresh coat of paint on an old idea. It stands for the idea that Discordians, pranksters, irreligious nutjobs, and other ne’er-do-wells should be helping each other out with their crazy lunatic projects.
Some of you are newcomers, others have been reading 23ae for years and years and years. Welcome nonetheless!
