Back in the late eighties and throughout most of the nineties, the yoof of society were warned against certain evils, particularly drugs such as ecstasy and acid that were associated with dance music. Anything that’s popular usually has parental groups flapping and trying to convince everyone else that a child indulging in said activity will cause them to grown horns and massacre livestock.
Of late, fearmongers haven’t had much to do as pop culture is spewing out stuff so safe that not even Mary Whitehouse would scowl and huff. TV has offered us Glee, an all singing, all dancing show which is laced with sugary goodness. Music-wise, Justin Bieber is the perfect popstar with parents admiring his generally safe content and Jesus tattoos.
Whilst Bieber has been around for a few years, we’ve been told that a newcomer is on the scene, attempting to steal the midget foetus crown of producing bland pop music. Say hello to Grayson Chance.
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You remember The Offspring, don’t you? They’re the ones that did that song about being ‘pretty fly’ despite being a white person. It’s a song which is basically about not mimicking black people. It’s one of those songs that has gone down in history as being the intellectual equivalent to ‘The Bad Touch’ by The Bloodhound Gang.
Well, if you were excited when that came out you’ll be delighted to hear that they’ve confirmed they are putting the finishing touches to the follow-up to 2008’s ‘Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace.’ Our source for this claimed that it was the ‘much-anticipated’ follow-up but even we’re not that sarcastic.
Singer Dexter Holland and guitarist Noodles told a very, very strangely set up podcast that the band have already finished the guitar and drum parts for the twelve tracks on the record and they are now working on the lyrics. Read More >>>
For a while, Avril Lavigne was one of the most famous people on Earth. She was a very marketable mix of Alanis Morrisette and Nu Metal and everyone wanted her to hurry up with the ageing process so they could stop feeling guilty for fancying her.
And her fangs.
Like Hubba Bubba, she quickly lost her flavour, spat at some photographers and started wearing dolly bird make-up… yet somehow, she still has something of a career. So while she toured herself to her dwindling audience, she figured she’d throw a cover version into her set. A Coldplay song no less. This is where one brave soul rushed the stage to try and stop this unfurling horror.
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Sir Paul McCartney, of forgotten ’70s beat group Wings, has for some peculiar reason, had his phone hacked by ‘so-called journalists’ and he’s gone grassing everyone up to the police. Including us. We got a letter informing us we’d be under investigation.
Even though we only have one PAYG mobile phone (the one with Snake II on), we do use it to get into people’s voicemails. We’ve got a great story about the not very famous comedian David Schneider, but that’s for another time.
Anyway, Macca is not pleased that we’ve been in his messages, very much in the same way his former wife, Heather Mills, was hopping mad (fnarr) that she’d had her voicemails hacked into and, of course, John Lennon’s chest was very much breached by Mark Chapman with his best gun.
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Mr. Bean is always getting into scrapes isn’t he? Remember that thing he did and it was really funny? He made that funny ‘dawp’ noise? Well, even though he’s not on television anymore, he’s still at it, this time, crashing a high performance sports vehicle!
What a japester!
He’s crashed it in such a hilarious manner that he’s had to go to hospital. The doctors and nurses must be gathered around his hilarious frame, beside themselves with mirth as he tries to form basic vowel sounds to relay the fact he’s in crippling pain. Oh how we wish we could be there! It’s probably the funniest thing happening on Earth right now! This is nearly as funny as when Rick from The Young Ones had a quad land on his head!
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Cher Lloyd, you remember her don’t you? She’s that one what didn’t win the X Factor and is still famous for some reason despite not having actually done anything to earn it.
Well, she’s back in the news this week after accusing new X Factor judge Tulisa off of the N-Dubz of secretly being a hermaphrodite.
Lloyd was quoted as saying that Contos… Contstav… Tulisa has, “got balls,” a revelation that is sure to send the N-Dubz star nuts. Read More >>>
Here’s some advice. Fashion yourself a miniature love nest in your room, masturbate wrathfully for the next four days, then click the following link.
This link right here.
Yes, that’s right.You physically cannot produce enough paranoia and semen to replicate this video, can you? Well, seeing as you’re all loved out – it is all here, spread out in the This Morning studio. And apparently Ruth Langford’s preferred choice of hair mousse. Whatever. Chantelle Houghton and Alex Reid were never meant to be a couple. This is just a Closer magazine work experience girl typing a caption wrong. This is why communism was ultimately an unsuccessful idea. Most importantly, this is why Katie Price should stop marrying male prostitutes.
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