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Fri August 05, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Amusing Man has picture taken with record breaking striper, on his lap. Now he can't get rid of the fishy smell  (wtnh.com) (37)
(Philly) Weird Math professor jumps to conclusion  (articles.philly.com) (99)
(Nashua Telegraph) Sick Deadly virus found in cemetery. I've seen this movie and it doesn't end well  (nashuatelegraph.com) (77)
(FARK) Survey Maybe you got lucky last week. But the only way to know for sure is to take this week's Fark Weird News Quiz and compare it to last week  (fark.com) (42)
(Not the NRA) Dumbass Here is why a man should never tuck his wife's pink pistol in his waistband  (abc15.com) (117)
(Canoe) Interesting Researchers grow mouse sperm in the lab. It's refreshing to see scientists with a little spunk  (cnews.canoe.ca) (44)
(SMH) Interesting Cuba on cusp of property boom as government plans to allow private ownership of property. Housing construction may be slow, however, as everyone who can build anything already built boats to sail to Florida  (smh.com.au) (94)
(The Ledger) Florida You need more time to study for a college exam. Do you: A) Get up early on the day of the test? B) Stay up all night cramming? C) Call in a fake bomb threat?  (theledger.com) (53)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these two in transit  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Some Guy) Florida From the Human Skulls Chewed On By Animals Bureau, today is Friday  (wpbf.com) (33)
(My Fox DC) Fail First the good news - the playground sure does look beautiful this year  (myfoxdc.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 1) Go to woman's apartment to fix leak. 2) Play dress up with her clothes. 3) Post the pictures on Facebook. 4) Get ridiculed by farkers everywhere  (abclocal.go.com) (51)
(Wired) Unlikely Georgia Tech engineers make vibrating glove that enhances sense of touch, says nearly blind spokesman while complaining about pain in his groin and hair on his palms  (wired.com) (23)
(Q2) Scary Two men found dead in septic tank at Devils Tower. It's a Close Encounter of the Turd Kind  (ktvq.com) (59)
(Reuters) Interesting "Wild Dog Urine May Hold Secret Message". Like what?  (af.reuters.com) (57)
(Yahoo) Followup Good news: officers convicted in cover-up following post-Katrina shootings of civilians. Bad news: everything you'll read about the case. Excuse me while I go punch the wall  (news.yahoo.com) (147)
(Washington Post) Asinine Defense Secretary: If we don't make drastic cuts to Social Security and Medicare, how will we afford to fight a half-dozen wars at once?  (washingtonpost.com) (282)
(Some Guy) Fail If you're a deadbeat dad and you get an offer for "FREE" tickets to the Alabama/Auburn football game, you should probably be more suspicious than these guys  (wsfa.com) (190)
(Some Waitress) Florida Credit card skimming waitress busted by Detective Suess: "People she skimmed were the ones that ran her around, made her work real hard"  (newportrichey.wtsp.com) (145)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Hi, I wanted to add 'F*** You 102' to my schedule this year but wanted to see if 'Eat S*** and Die 101' transferred over  (myfoxdc.com) (52)
(620WTMJ) Asinine Witnesses describe racially-charged attacks outside Wisconsin State Fair. Cows ask "can't we all just get along?"  (620wtmj.com) (594)
(Fox News) Amusing Roseanne Barr announces she's is running for President. Unlike some of her competition, Roseanne actually has experience as a professional comedian  (nation.foxnews.com) (107)
(Denver Channel) Asinine Winning the hearts and minds of travelers, one confiscated insulin container at a time  (thedenverchannel.com) (89)
(BBC) Interesting Syria has killed 2000 civilians in recent days -- with video of Sexy of State Clinton with her hair down  (bbc.co.uk) (73)
(Time) Ironic Why practicing Muslims often gain weight during Ramadan  (time.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Obvious Editor with a sense of humor has his go-to reporter for covering stiffs, ballgames, urology, and this story on a cook peeing on the roof  (charlotteobserver.com) (11)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Can you tell a Barbie doll thief from a gun thief? It's TSG's Friday Photo Fun match game  (thesmokinggun.com) (5)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Psychologist charges insurance company for "sex therapy" with patient. Florida tag goes down on Hero tag  (nwfdailynews.com) (49)
(CNN) Stupid Mexican beauty queen follows Fark advice and eats a sammich, and then loses crown for being fat  (cnn.com) (129)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida In Florida, pawn shops can force theft victims to buy their stolen property back, even a sweet old lady who just wants her dead husband's guitar. Then it gets heartwarming  (sun-sentinel.com) (98)
(CNNGo) Interesting So, it turns out real people DO actually click on banner ads. At least the ones that say "Let's Go To The United States And Be A Landlord"  (cnngo.com) (30)
(The Australian) Dumbass Piers Morgan in 2011: I never had any knowledge of any phone hacking during my time at the News of The World and the Daily Mirror. Piers Morgan in 2006: I had Heather Mills' hacked voicemail played to me  (theaustralian.com.au) (70)
(Marketwatch) Fail Telecom Italia suffers major losses, but it still wasn't as bad as the time PowerGen Italia tried to create their web presence  (marketwatch.com) (10)
(Some Guy) Interesting For some reason, some people have a problem with fashion label Dangerfield's newest ad campaign. "DANGERFIELD F-- OFF WINTER SALE"  (heraldsun.com.au) (29)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's rude to throw your drink into the face of your designated driver as she drives you home. And shifting her car into park as she drives down the road is kind of a dick move as well  (kitsapsun.com) (52)
(Stuff) Interesting Borrower has library book out 23 years. Accumulated fines now reach $6852  (stuff.co.nz) (49)
(Some Catcher) Florida Fan catches seven balls during one Rays game, which was more than the Rays caught  (wtsp.com) (45)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You know things are bad when the Governor has to go back to his roots as a doughnut seller  (nwfdailynews.com) (34)
(The Sun) Dumbass One more time, because apparently the news hasn't reached England yet: if you're on benefits because you say you're too crippled to climb stairs, don't play in golf tournaments where everyone can see you  (thesun.co.uk) (13)
(Business Insider) Obvious Jay Carney states "The White House Doesn't Create Jobs", which should become a GOP meme in the 2012 campaign  (businessinsider.com) (308)
(Daily Herald) Asinine Her name is Myrtle. She's 75 and flies her own homemade plane. She also gets intercepted by two F-16 fighter jets  (dailyherald.com) (123)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup July's weather described as "extreme." Which I think means it came in on a skateboard slugging down cans of Surge  (chicagotribune.com) (35)
(NYPost) Obvious Concrete-testing lab faked results for an airport control tower, the new Yankee Stadium and other projects around NYC. Officials say it shouldn't be an issue unless someone flies a plane into one of the affected buildings or something  (nypost.com) (32)
(IndyStar) Followup Mellon Bank: Thank you for the $50 million in cash, we'll need real money to cover the deposit fee  (indystar.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Asinine You do not have the constitutional right to make fun of police over the internet, Mr. Cyberstalker  (kirotv.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Strange Doesn't it suck when you stay up all night writing a book report for school and the next day when you're supposed to give your presentation your teacher is arrested in front of everyone?  (heraldsun.com.au) (12)
(CNN) Followup Radical white-supremacist attack in Norway kills 1, injures 4  (cnn.com) (63)
(NYPost) Ironic "Rent is Too Damn High" candidate being evicted from his rent controlled apartment because his landlords say his rent is too damm low  (nypost.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Asinine Hero: Sergeant Major in US Army. Sad: Injured by rocket blast. Stupid: Four-year fight to prove injury. Fark: Receive Purple Heart in mail. Ultra Fark: C.O.D.  (keloland.com) (86)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these Ani-Com conversations  (online.wsj.com) (22)
(WWL) Amusing "Van man in the can who ran down man he thought he fought." He did not fight him in a box; he did not fight him wearing socks. He did not fight him in the air; he did not fight him anywhere  (wwl.com) (22)
(Daily Mail) Misc Britain cutting income taxes for the rich. Let's watch  (dailymail.co.uk) (173)
(Dayton Daily News) Asinine Teacher suspended for calling little snowflakes exactly what they are  (daytondailynews.com) (143)
(SMH) Obvious Some are concerned that Australia's miners are spending too much time in hot steamy holes  (smh.com.au) (10)
(Daily Mail) Strange Dude, she's 10  (dailymail.co.uk) (230)
(CNN) Obvious American Psychological Association says it's crazy we haven't legalized same-sex marriage everywhere yet  (cnn.com) (364)
(News.com.au) Hero Bear Grylls' son rescues girl from river, drinks own urine  (news.com.au) (146)
(Arizona Star) Sick As a Border Agent you encounter drug smugglers on a winter night, do you C) make them eat the pot, strip to their underwear, burn their belongings and make them flee naked into the desert because you are too lazy to apprehend them?  (azstarnet.com) (160)
(MSNBC) Interesting This just in: America's National Parks are racist  (msnbc.msn.com) (282)


Thu August 04, 2011
(MSNBC) Stupid MSNBC considering giving Al Sharpton his own show. Biologists wait with bated breath, saying it would be the first time a parasite ever became a host  (msnbc.msn.com) (171)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this sunflower child  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (41)
(Gizmodo) Cool Baby stroller company wants $250 for replacement part. Guy has new parts 3D-printed for a tenth of the cost, will probably find a horse's head in his bed  (gizmodo.com) (183)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Paralyzed man uses PVC pipe to drive ATV, with predictable results  (nwfdailynews.com) (38)
(News.com.au) Strange If you spent five hours stuffing $100,000 in the toilet at Channel 9, the cleaning crew and police REALLY want to talk to you  (news.com.au) (37)
(UPI) Amusing In a call for transparency, 50 people shed their clothes on Wall Street, 3 deemed ugly  (upi.com) (30)
(UPI) Strange Vladimir putin to get video game made in his honor. Source say the game will be an action-packed thrillride of shirtlessness and bear wrestling while fighting terrorists  (upi.com) (127)
(Some Guy) Followup The sequel to the "how to fight and not get your ass kicked" for guys is here, with a new guide for the girls: a simple guide to injuring, maiming, and if necessary, killing bad guys  (blog.joethepeacock.com) (317)
(Siesta Key Observer) Florida Obscure state law requires state-funded pro sports arenas to also be used to house the homeless; Baltimore Orioles are seriously not happy about giving up their spring training facilities  (yourobserver.com) (61)
(The Smoking Gun) Obvious 22 year old man loves "Hello Kitty". Is also a complete pervert. TSG is there  (thesmokinggun.com) (148)
(NYPost) Cool Would you like to live in a yellow submarine? For $1.75 million, you too can live in one of the trippiest apartments in NYC  (nypost.com) (83)
(Digital Trends) Spiffy "Sir? This isn't a credit card. And also, you're HIV positive"  (digitaltrends.com) (48)
(Canoe) Scary If you're apiphobic, you may want to stay away from Hwy 13 near Bawlf, Alberta for a few days  (cnews.canoe.ca) (59)
(Dayton Daily News) Sad We're not saying stoners are disorganized slackers, but supporters of medical marijuana in Ohio needed 1,000 signatures to put the issue on the ballot but could only get 534  (daytondailynews.com) (76)
(Yahoo) News Dow down over 500 points. Commence autodefenestration  (news.yahoo.com) (838)
(Some Sputnik Guy) Scary Old and busted: Stuxnet shuts down Iranian nuclear program. New Hotness: Prison break Stuxnet style. Is it just me or did the amount of time between old and new just get way too short?  (gcn.com) (19)
(BBC) Followup Now I understand why it took 10 hours to remove a fake bomb from an Australian girl's neck  (bbc.co.uk) (166)
(Some Squarepants) Hero Every year, this out of shape, beer swilling TFer with MS rides 150 miles to raise money and awareness for MS. Every year, subby pulls a muscle getting his wallet out to chip in. Let's cheer him on and help out  (main.nationalmssociety.org) (197)
(The Union Leader) Strange Thief returns property to victim, with apology and extra cash, after unfavorable media coverage  (unionleader.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Strange Todays' "True Face of Jesus Christ" story brought to you by Knoxville, Tenn. "Haha, I've lived here for 17 years. It's been in there... or in my bedroom ever since"  (volunteertv.com) (43)
(BBC) NewsFlash NASA find running water on surface of Mars, herd of buggalo drinking from it (maybe not that last part)  (bbc.co.uk) (345)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Cheetah cub and puppy are totally bestest friends forevers. Awwwwwwwwww  (cfnews13.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Florida If you are the person who left all of the weapons parts in the bathroom at Tampa International Airport, the TSA would like a word with you  (wtsp.com) (46)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this archeologist uncovering art  (online.wsj.com) (37)
(KSAT) Dumbass Jesus burgles neighbor's home, gets caught, breaks into another neighbor's house and threatens her with rake. THE ARISTOCRATS  (ksat.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Scary Ladies, if you're going to dress that way, you have to learn to accept the consequences  (wtsp.com) (126)
(SMH) Interesting British woman who survives 3,500 foot fall into a bog without a functioning parachute survives with only a broken ankle and burning desire to hunt down Sarah Connor  (smh.com.au) (80)
(Wired) Obvious Biologists discover that the drive to impress females drives males to earlier graves. They have named this phenomenon the "Hold My Beer, Y'all, And Watch This" Effect  (wired.com) (48)
(El Paso Times) Obvious Did U.S. federal agents allow a drug cartel to move cocaine into the U.S. for information on their rivals? The one line answer: ______________ (snort)  (elpasotimes.com) (65)
(Washington Post) Ironic We'd have 50% fewer abortions if only the same nuts that are against abortion weren't also against contraceptives  (washingtonpost.com) (601)
(Boston Globe) Interesting The most effective government stimulus yet -- hoarders have increased sales of incandescent light bulbs by 20%  (boston.com) (292)
(Forbes) Interesting FAA investigating News Corp's "The Daily" for possessing and using an aerial spy drone in the U.S., which explains how they got those wide shots of your mom  (blogs.forbes.com) (88)
(Philly) Hero New program provides early intervention for New Jersey children in danger of becoming guidos  (philly.com) (78)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "I have zero sexual interest," attention whores the Octomom while posing in a bikini. "The feeling is mutual" cringes the world  (dailymail.co.uk) (214)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Jail deputy in trouble for letting female inmates play Truth of Dare while on duty, encouraging topless, dancing inmates, and sending a photo of his penis next to a toothbrush  (sun-sentinel.com) (40)
(Some Iron Age Guy) Cool If you built a 5 metre long house in the Gulf of Bothnia 1500 years ago, archaeologists would really like to know why  (yle.fi) (34)
(NBC29) Dumbass Woman threatens to bomb courthouse if she can't get an appointment with the judge. She no longer has to worry about getting an appointment  (nbc29.com) (9)
(National Post) Amusing Stephen Harper likes brrrrraaaaainnnns   (news.nationalpost.com) (61)
(CNNGo) Interesting After World War II, the US Army left behind a large fleet of military jeeps in the Philippines. 65 years and several airbrush jobs later, the Jeepney is still ghetto-fabulous as ever. (Pics)  (cnngo.com) (64)
(My Fox DC) Strange So anyway, I was collecting seashells right over there - no there - yeah there, and then there was this bag itchy bag and I was collecting seashells by the sheshore - AGHHH - I can never get it right - when I found 55 lbs, uh, 54 lbs of cocaine  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(Heisenberg Daily) Fail "Hey there little buddy, whatcha doing?" "Making a batch of crystal meth from these two coconuts"  (chicoer.com) (25)
(UPI) Asinine Not news: guy has heart attack on Ryanair plane. News: cabin crew suggests eating a sandwich as a remedy. Fark: when they come by later, instead of checking on him, they demand he pay for the meal  (m.upi.com) (46)
(EFF) Scary If geek groups are having conventions to see who is the best at hacking your voting machines, you might have a probem  (eff.org) (83)
(Washington Post) Stupid Veteran diplomats at US Embassy in Kabul speak Pashto, Dari, LOLcat  (washingtonpost.com) (15)
(Daily Mail) Cool Scientists find fossil of ancient ape in volcano, no evidence of a Brain Cloud  (dailymail.co.uk) (61)
(Yahoo) Asinine German court awards compensation for child murderer because investigating police hurt his feelings  (news.yahoo.com) (21)
(9 News) Strange Guy in Palm Springs bar sitting next to drag queen "Ms. Puppy" uses his iPhone to find out 'she' was Person Of Inter-OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE  (9news.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Strange Man says he was wrongfully accused. Police say "Son, you got a panty on your head"  (tidewaternews.com) (15)
(WSB TV) Dumbass Here's a tip, smart guy: When being interviewed by the local news on why you feel there's so many break-ins in your neighborhood, try not to advertise the fact that you and all your family and friends love keeping gold in the house  (wsbtv.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Strange Unmanned dirigible crashes. Oh the lack of humanity  (wtae.com) (21)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Stop me if you've heard this one before: The head of the IMF is in trouble with the law  (huffingtonpost.com) (13)
(CTV) Interesting Amazing story of the first people to have sex on the moon  (ctv.ca) (25)
(Reuters) Unlikely China accuses Japan of exaggerating it as a military threat, says to pay no attention to the new aircraft carriers, continuing global computer hacking and support of naughty regimes  (reuters.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Silly Annoyed J.J. Abrams wants to know how the hell YOU would have ended "Lost"  (filmschoolrejects.com) (417)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The "Plankton Generation" - single women over 45 with kids - say they're at the bottom of the food chain for romance, and it's just krilling them  (dailymail.co.uk) (419)
(LA Weekly) Dumbass Deputy/COSplayer jailed over alleged on-duty shenanigans with Police Explorer, gets bail hike after posting Galactica "payback" speech on Facebook. Bonus: co-defendant is also fellow member of "Ghostbusters Club"  (blogs.laweekly.com) (29)
(CNN) NewsFlash Gunman on loose on the campus of Virginia Tech. Let's all hope this isn't a repeat from 2007  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (283)
(WTOP) Dumbass Many people, idiots mostly, don't factor in their commute to work when they're deciding how expensive their living situation will be  (wtop.com) (126)
(Star News Online) Fail "Director's cut" of Jean-Claude Van Damme's "CYBORG" appears 22 years later. FARK:uploaded from an old VHS tape onto the director's website   (wae.blogs.starnewsonline.com) (36)
(Gothamist) PSA Starbucks tells customers their $1.85 coffee doesn't entitle them to an electrical outlet and free WiFi for the entire day  (gothamist.com) (216)
(Some Doppelgänger) Strange Police have released a sketch of the man suspected of punching a woman along I-83. Boy he looks familiar (w/ pic)  (baltimore.cbslocal.com) (48)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Kr aft  (marketwatch.com) (47)
(BBC) Scary Italy will default. Never mind that it has a budget designed to be balanced within a couple of years; we want blood for the blood god  (bbc.co.uk) (125)
(Abc.net.au) Sad Unexpected consequence of global warming: filming of Mad Max 4 delayed because of green grass  (abc.net.au) (38)
(WTOP) Unlikely Only the rich can afford to eat healthy, which is why only poor people are fat  (wtop.com) (369)
(Some Guy) Strange Police wondered who would drag a donkey with their car as the jackasses drove back by. Yes, alcohol was involved  (wxii12.com) (15)
(Jesus, apparently) Asinine Jesus Christ has returned. He's kicking ass and "mooching off everybody"  (thechronicleherald.ca) (45)
(USA Today) Interesting Ten years after the Sept. 11 attacks, the American psyche has bounced back better than psychologists predicted. That, or they forgot  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (138)
(azfamily.com) Cool Female inmates throw their pink underwear at Sheriff Joe Arpaio while he's onstage with an Elvis Impersonator. And they say Tent City is a place you don't want to go  (azfamily.com) (35)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unusual ingredients  (images.google.com) (37)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Local businessman upset after school district hands their printing contract to inmates making 55 cents an hour  (tampabay.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Asinine Residents protest against man who put up sign for his neighbor that read "Glad you have canser. So die stupid"  (newsblog.projo.com) (103)
(AP) Strange Sao Paulo city council calls for Heterosexual Pride Day. That's umm.. don't know if this is fabulous  (hosted.ap.org) (112)
(Huffington Post) Sad Suspect acquitted of murder confesses guilt years later and is promptly incarcerated for life. Just kidding, he walks free thanks to double jeopardy. God bless America  (huffingtonpost.com) (152)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Judge says it "totally blows my mind" that bank refuses to accept gas station owner's money after he was one day late on his mortgage payment  (tampabay.com) (119)
(Telegraph) Scary Newborn girls stand a better chance at living to 100 than newborn boys  (telegraph.co.uk) (78)
(Some Guy) Stupid Being beaten by your husband, getting a manicure. It's all the same to Fox News  (addictinginfo.org) (144)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 326: "Sports Photography" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (177)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this white-haired man in a window  (spiegel.de) (44)

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