Or maybe he’s chilling out with the Kokiri? That damn Hylian is just so flighty… – Matty Malaprop

The iPerv: your one-tap stop for all your sexting needs. – Matty Malaprop

Because the Holy See is embarrassed at the mere sight of you. – Matty Malaprop

And I got a little sidetracked by this totally dulce little macchiato on the L… – Matty Malaprop

A new twist on an old classic. I’d be lion if I said I wasn’t impressed. – Matty Malaprop

Three things you ought to know about Patrick Moberg: He’s a hip-hop enthusiast, he’s an artist, and he’s a stone cold punmaster.

OBVIOUS QUESTION THOUGH: WHERE IS THE HIPHOPOPOTAMUS? – Matty Malaprop

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Ugh, warning labels like this one are always such a manatease! – Matty Malaprop

Seriously, stop complaining. In my case, I unfortunately conform to the phrase “Forever Saguaro.” – Matty Malaprop

I’ve heard his bowels have been putting in some overtime of late. – Matty Malaprop

It’s rare that the steaks should be so high for such a simple joke… – Matty Malaprop