Ask Bossy

Eat Eat Eat,
Work on the inner you, not the outer you, there are guys out there that love fat chicks. You just have to accept where you fall in the pile like everyone else.

Sincerely,

Ye it seems that how come along way relatively quickly, but you haven’t addressed the underlying issue, that of your perception. If you don’t address this aspect, you’ll always be playing catchup.

As Kate has stated, asking for help doesn’t mean your weak, but rather it means that acknowledge you can’t win this battle alone. Seeking help when its needed is not weakness but smart, we all face tough challenges in our lives and knowing when to seek assistance helps immensely.

I think your boyfriend is a great way to start, then together you can move onto a counselor or your GP. Together you can increase the band and introduce good healthy foods and revitialise your body and mind. I don’t think this is at all complex but I do think time is of the essence and ignoring what you body is telling you is not a good thing, you can and most likely will cause irreparable damage to yourself should you continue to ignore it.

OP, as a person who also has the band I went through the same thing (not to the same extent) but it is scary,

There are support groups out there that can help. in SA (where I had mine done) there is one at the Flinders Private Hospital called the flinders bandits. The group thats there is very understanding and has been through most things.

Your doctor should also be able to assist more than you know,

Fingers crossed you get the help you want and need

as someone who has had binge eating disorder for most of my life, two of the best things that i have ever done were a) talk to a counsellor, who helped me put a lot of my panicked thoughts and anxieties into perspective (they still exist - i just have some new ways to view and frame them), and - this is the big one - b) changing the focus of my body from just being an aesthetic thing to being fit and active.

i used to think my body had no worth other than what it looked like, and if it didn’t look ‘perfect’ then i was nothing. but i started cycling, and getting fitter, and sometimes running… i even did some sprint triathlons and some endurance hiking events. and you know what? it changed SO much. first of all, exercise is GREAT for emotions, and is a really good way out of anxiety (i now really notice if i’ve gone a day or two without having a physical outlet). secondly, it is wonderful being fit. i didn’t grow up fit. i had no idea how amazing it could feel. and it is great. plus, i am toned and active, and energised. if ever a friend wants to go for a ride or something, i am right there alongside them, which is great for doing different social things.

find a way to reframe what your body is and does, and you might find that you have new ways of looking at it, and existing inside it. plus, you will look healthier and more attractive as a result.

with more eating, you will put on some weight. but if you take it slowly, and get into the habit of eating really good, healthy and delicious foods - and not over eating them, but enjoying them - and combine that with exercise, you will also look and feel amazing.

i still have issues with food, and with control. i freak out if, through circumstances, i have to eat poorly for a few days. i worry about getting ‘huge’. but i also know that i can maintain my weight by eating well, not depriving myself, and by being fit. and now that i am in my early 30s, most people i know have given up the fitness bandwagon, while i’m still on it… and so these days, i actually think my body is almost a positive, not a negative.

talk to a doctor. talk to a counsellor. admit to yourself that you have an eating disorder, and then admit it to other people. and then find some coping methods that will help you reframe the way you see your body.

I think you see the lapband as your way to control your life, not just your weight etc. The comment about you being resentful at your boyfriend shows to me you are so scared to lose any control over your lapband and your weight. Please get some help, from your boyfriend, doctor and a counsellor.

Also, I’m shocked that they let you get your lapband tightened so much that you can barely take liquids. Are they allowed to do that?? That’s disgusting. I also find it awful they would obviously be able to see how skinny you are now and still do it!

Stop the insanity luv, stop indulging yourself in this self effacing shit. Snap OUT of it.

1. You are loved
2. You have the ability to make yourself strong and healthy by changing your attitude
3. You were NOT in Christchurch last night when the earthquake hit
4. You were not in QLD when the floods or Cyclone came
5. You were obviously not on that assylm seeker boat which smashing into the cliffs of Christmas Island.
6. You dont have a terminal illness
10. You live in a country where democracy and freedom are respected. You have clean water to drink and free education

All you have to worry about is the size of your arse. See how lame that is in comparison to real tragedy and challenges?

Its alright, I get that its all consuming when you feel you aren’t good enough the way you are but for the love of Goddess snap the hell out of it and pull yourself together. Your missing everything....

OP, last time I checked, Bossy wasn’t a medical doctor (I could be wrong).  I think you should seek medical advice.  Its probably a good idea to let on to your partner what is going on too, otherwise he’s going to wonder why you’re acting strange all the time.  Its probably a good idea to not leave him in the dark.  Writing into a blog is a first step, but you should probably get some attention in the real world.  Passing out every morning from low blood sugar isnt normal.... Unless you work in the fashion industry.  Do you work in the fashion industry?

Please tell me this isn’t Corporal Truth Teller in drag…

The 60kg with 5 more to lose gives it away.

Dear OP,
you have good reasons for getting over this.  If you do not increase your food intake it will be harder to bond with your boyf, as you cannot exercise with him which is important to him.  In addition, you need to learn to love yourself to truly love another.

You have taken on board a message which says that you are no good.  It is not fighting against that message to become thinner, that is just agreeing that you deserve to be punished.  To know how to fight against it, you need allies.

You have correctly identified your problem - it is that what you see and how you feel about it are different to what is real.  That is a terrible situation to be in, and my heart goes out to you.  There must be a reason for that, and I am sure that a professional out there can help you.

Do nothing, keep it a big secret and wait for him to be devastated when you fall off the perch.

I can’t believe how stupid you are.  You want to know how to tell him, and your doctor?  It’s easy, open your mouth and words come out.

Go away, you’re being bloody ridiculous.

Is there a way out? Hopefully, yes.

Print two copies of your letter. Give one copy to your boyfriend. Give the other copy to your doctor. If you can’t face giving either or both of them the letter “in person”, then mail them a copy of the letter.

You should also think about printing a third copy of the letter. Then make an appointment to speak to a professional counsellor who specialises in body image issues. Give your new counsellor a copy of your letter.

The only way you’re going to be healthier and happier is by being honest with everyone, just the way you were honest with the most Bodacious Bossy.

Good luck.

OP,
Great work losing all that weight.  If all the other fat women had your dedication there’d be a lot more happier men.
Now, for a simple solution, eat.  Food.  Lots of it, as long as it is healthy.  Pig out.  Convince yourself that eating healthy food doesn’t require punishment.  And please, take direction from your partner.  Think how lucky you are.  Your man wants you to put on weight.  Very few men want their chicks to put on weight.  Most want them to lose slabs of weight.  I’ve never met a woman I wanted to put on weight.  You’re the inverse of fat, so many fat chicks hate you because you lost weight, and the rest envy you for the same reason.  So take pride in your efforts, listen to your man and EAT…

I think your problem is your obsessive personality.  It might be a good idea to seek some counseling and try to nut out why you become fixated on these sort of things. 

Your partner got with you when you were the higher weight, so don’t think he is going to leave you if you put on some weight again.  Get some counseling and get to the doctor to get your band loosened.  You are endangering yourself and others if you continue along this path.  What happens if you pass out while you are driving?

I really don’t understand this one, Bossy.

Lap bands are not something that you can adjust at your own whim - they need be done by your doctor, who would obviously see something is not right with the OP’s weight loss. And usually there is an internal network of dietitians and counsellors that go with lap band surgery, who would clearly see there is a problem here. The partner, too, would have to be a serious bonehead if he could not deduce that there is something wrong when she is surviving on an icy pole or a slurpy a day.

And if this is a genuine case, cannot believe the OP would look for advice here rather than back to the doctor who performed the surgery - this is no trivial situation.....

Honey, you’re anorexic.  Probably hard to hear, but the truth.

Bossy’s right though, seek help and do it now.  There’s no shame in asking for assistance when you genuinely need help.

Congratulations on the weight loss.  I’d also like to make sure the lap band isn’t derided as a technique this time - my mum lost over 40kg using a lap band and while she doesn’t like it much either, she’s liking being 40kg lighter a lot more than that.

Op, Im sure you are a beautiful person. Just remember that.

Get some help, you cant keep destroying yourself.

Ah yes been there, done that (not the gastric banding thing, but certainly turning the diet into something like an eating disorder). 
OP you are not alone here.  When you start on the diet treadmill all kinds of weird things happen to your brain. 

You obviously realise you need help on this.  First place to start is to stop lying to your partner and doctors.  Fainting and being physically weak is no way to live and no way to be a healthy partner or person.

Yes you have lost the weight but you are still not healthy.  You need to trust the specialists’ advice.  You are being too controlling – put the food and weight out of your hands and into your doctor’s who can help you.

There are people who can help you if you start being honest about your fears.  Goodluck.

First of all, your correct, if you loosen the band and eat, your body will balloon...here’s why:

Your body is in starvation mode. It’s so used to not eating that any foods will be absorbed and immediately turned into fat, because it will be stored for when your body is turned back to liquids only thanks to your band. This is just the body, overcoming your actions.

Secondly, who is the retarded surgeon who approved the tightening so much that you’ve been restricted to liquids.

If you want to lose weight properly, it’s about moderation through portion control, try eating correct sized portions every 3 hours and exercising for a minimum of 45 minutes every day, and by exercising i mean you have difficultly talking during said exercise. Ramping it up once you find you stagnate.

Your new boyfriend, if he truly is a gym junkie would be able to assist you in organising this. However, what he can’t help you with is your self image or mental issues.

You 150% need GP/Therapist assistance. It’s quite obvious that you need to speak with someone professional to solve this mental issues and self-image harm you are having.

Yes, you are and have been self harming yourself through restriction of diet thanks to this magic band. Whilst it was a quick fix to lose half your original weight, as you can see now, it has taught you absolutely nothing in regards to self control, correct eating and combination exercise.

I am seriously surprised that you can even manage to wake up in the mornings with just liquids! Good luck. I would start fixing those mental issues before your weight. But that’s just me, and if you think I’ve never been there, think again, I’ve got the scars on my wrists to prove it, and am taking the hard road to weight loss.

And that, right there, is why lap band surgery can be a bad thing.  It teaches you nothing about how to look after yourself but just forces you to eat less in one sitting. I have a family member who had gastric bypass surgery done in the 90s, she lost 60kg but has been putting it back on over the years because she knows how to cheat her body. A constant, small stream of bad food is just as bad as a huge binge.  I have other friends who have done the lap band thing and they’re exactly the same - they’ve figured out they can still eat the same shit and have stopped losing weight because they’re not eating healthily and not exercising.

It sounds like the OP has not had the appropriate counselling for such a big change in her life and certainly, the doctors responsible for tightening her lap band have been negligent in this as well.  Lap bands are not supposed to be tightened without a thorough consultation with the doctors.

As a big person myself currently kicking arse in the weightloss game, I can understand Fat Soul’s point of view.  Going from fat to thin is a huge change and sometimes it’s not just a simple matter of just losing the weight to be happy.  Most people have to find out why they have been treating their bodies so badly to begin with. There are always triggers and it’s not just a case of simply over-eating for eating’s sake.

And certainly, Bossy is right. A perfect body is unobtainable for the majority of us unless you were born with the right DNA to begin with.

Fat Soul, you need help, darling. And I mean that in a nice way.  Get your lap band loosened, take up a good exercise program and meet with a dietician to get an appropriate diet worked out so you can maintain your body the right way.  This stuff doesn’t happen on its own and it’s ok to say you need help.

You clearly need assistance to beat what clearly has become an eating disorder. You’re an anoretic (You can be a normal weight and have the anorexic thoughts and mindsets) with a lapband. That sounds like an anorexic’s wet dream. All the more reason to have the damned thing removed entirely so you can’t abuse it any further.

Please, see your GP. Avail yourself of the services of a good psychologist and a dietitian to help you take care yourself properly.

Best of luck.