Kate de Brito
Monday, February 07, 2011 at 08:15am
Dear Bossy: Ten or so years ago when my friend was 7 months pregnant, I stayed with her and her husband. One night after she had gone to bed her husband & I watched a film (which film is insignificant). At one point we paused the film so I could get a drink, visit the toilet etc. When I came back he had whipped his pants off and was full on masturbating, feeding the chooks, spanking the monkey, saying hello to Mrs Palmer & her 5 daughters etc. I of course told him how disgusted I was & went to bed. He was apologetic the next day but I completely lost respect for him. Mind you, he is one of those sleazy ‘boyfriend of your girlfriend’s’ who was always making lewd suggestions behind her back & other female friends had their own stories.
We stayed in touch for a few yrs but I just couldn’t stand him, and I couldn’t tell her so I basically let her go. She hasn’t contacted me to ask why we lost touch after being friends for years. Anyway, I want her back as my friend. Should I tell her what happened & that’s why we lost touch (she’s still married)? Should I tell her to ask him about it? Should I just get over it & contact her without any explanation? What backlash could there be? I wouldn’t want to be responsible for a relationship upheaval. Your advice?
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t?
Bossy says: If you couldn’t tell her ten years ago how much good would you be doing by telling her about it now?
It’s one thing to say the day after it happened: “Your husband was buffing the rifle while we watched TV last night”. Another to leap back into her life a decade later and try to explain your absence from her life by pinning it all on him.
For one you will most likely come off second best. They’ve been married all this time you’ve been away. Living with each other every day. In a constant relationship. Who’s she going to trust?
I suspect she either chooses to ignore her husband’s wandering eye or knows he is flirtatious but thinks that’s where it ends. Or maybe there have been incidents in their marriage before or since then and she has chosen to forgive him for his indiscretions.
In your position I would have told her straight away. This was not a lingering hand on the backside or even a pathetic drunken attempt at a pass at a party. He had his dick out; charming the cobra. On report.
But you didn’t do it then and the issue now is whether you are doing her a favour by telling her or just making things worse. You see, you don’t really know what’s been going on in her life because you stepped out of it. I’m not blaming you for making that decision, but try to see that making decisions about her life now, when you don’t really know what’s going on, is premature.
For all you they have had marriage counselling about similar incidents in the time you have been away and are now glued back together stronger than ever. Maybe he is a new man. Or maybe not.
.
But you don’t really know until you get back in contact and even then until you have some form of friendship where she may feel like offering you confidences.
I also wonder how much of this is about you and not her. Are you looking for something that clears you for not being her friend all that time? Are you looking to get it off your chest and “say this is why we lost contact all that time ago”? Are you hoping that if you tell she will dump him and that will clear the path for your friendship?
In a movie this sort of thing works. In real life she is probably to side with her husband. So many years have passed he could quite easily pretend he doesn’t have a clue what you are talking about.
Don’t use this information as a wedge to get back into your friends good graces. If you really want to be her friend, make contact and be her friend. Get to know her again. See where she’s at. See what’s happening in her marriage. Then, and only then, if you feel there is an opening to talk to her about her husband and you think it will benefit her, you can think about telling her about your husband’s “tennis” elbow.
135 Comments
I’d have been somewhat blunt here and tell to get over it. It’s been ten years, they most likely have a kid or kids by now and circumstances have changed. I think if you do say something no good can come from it. If she is separated, well then ye tell her, its not going to matter in that instance, but if they are still together, then let it pass.
Seems like you still yearn you friendship, but you don’t know how thing s would be even if you do make contact. I would tread lightly and if he does do anything stupid then set him straight and make sure he 100% knows that you won’t tolerate it and that you will tell his wife of his despicable behavior if he continues.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:25am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (01:51pm)
He should try The Naked Man next time.
Usually only works when your single though.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (02:51pm)
Hey Kate,
You made the Crikey lunchtime newsletter with this story, well done!
...and no, it’s not a Wankley, which would have been quite ironic .
I suspect it was not a positive piece.
Kate de Brito
Mon 07 Feb 11 (04:47pm)
Bossy said:
Christ, I don’t. It’s all about the OP, and nothing else to do with anything else. Oh, and I call bullshit.
Let’s give the OP the full benefit of the doubt for a second, and pretend that she wasn’t giving off the slutty “screw me while my mate’s gone to bed and left her husband alone with me” vibes.
Let’s also give our OP benefit that this guy’s such a raging tosspot that he thought “being caught” out by your wife’s mate WHILE YOUR WIFE IS IN THE NEXT ROOM was a fantastically good idea.
Let’s ALSO give our OP the benefit that she wants back after 10 years because she misses her mate, and that it’s not because she’s similarly destroyed all the rest of her friendships and is now a bitter and lonely old hag; and
Let’s FINALLY give our OP the benefit that the true reason is that she regrets her intitial shock and outrage at seeing an unexpectedly erect penis and now wishes for the fantasy of lingering in that room for - well, just a few more minutes, perhaps.
---
Actually, no, she doesn’t get that much benefit of any doubt.
OP, stop being a lying cow and face the fact that there are only two reasons you want to tell her:
1. You’re a vindictive bitch and you’ve got no mates, so you’re willing to destroy a decade-long marriage to get one; and/or
2. You’re a fantastic slut who’s now got no mates, so you’re willing to destroy a decade-long marriage to get one.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:28am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (10:55am)
Niiiiice! I wonder who’s side you’re on!
Dude, whipping out Mr Happy is always a pathetic, pathetic thing to do. The poor guy need some dignity. I don’t know how you can make that out to be the OP’s fault.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:20am)
I agree with Mahhrat.
@OP
1. why are you waiting 10 years to tell your “Friend”? if this woman was really your friend you would have said something earlier. but no you took the cowards way out.
2. What are you going to get out of telling your friend? What is your reward? the fact you ended up on higher ground? You want your friend to leave her husband? What do you want ouf of this?
What would you do if your friend called you out of the blue after 10 years of no communication and told you that your husband stripped off naked and started spanking the monkey in front of her when you were 7 months preggers 10 years ago? How would you feel. betrayed by your husband or would you think that the friend of yours is a complete and utter wack job? I know what I would think, along with all the sane people of the world.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:31am)
No dont take it east, some people need a bat to the head to reaise the world does not revolve around them.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:06pm)
Rowan, I don’t doubt that the husband was a raging douche - there are better ways to cheat, I would think, but has it occurred to you that perhaps he thought she’d gone to bed?
No?
That’s about as much benefit of doubt as the OP wants. If she’s not going to give it to him, why would I give it to her?
Kate, I would have laughed at the bloke getting his testicles removed via his wallet has the OP told her friend next chance she got and watched the fallout ensure. Fact is, she didn’t. WHY?!
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:31pm)
A little arrogant that she assumed the ‘act’ was about her. Maybe he was just really, really enjoying the movie.
Maybe is she could come up with better analogies too.
“Feeding the chooks??” I’ve never heard of that it my life. It is something to do with spreading seed?
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:44pm)
Wow Mahhrat, you’ve taken this one personally. I think you may be reading way too much into this letter.
However, I do think it is a strange approach to resuming a friendship. If the OP does want to be this woman’s friend again, then there’s no point going back over something that happened a decade ago.
The OP needs to think about the reason she stopped seeing this friend, and the fact that the friend didn’t try to contact her. Ex-friends are like ex-lovers, they’re over for a reason. Doesn’t sound like these two have missed each other all that much.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (03:51pm)
If you took the time to read what was said .... the purpose is not necessarily to tell the friend, the question was SHOULD I tell the friend should we hook back up again. I’m not lonely, I’m happily married, she was a good friend & good friends (despite their sometimes scumbags husbands) are hard to find.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (04:23pm)
you are a douchebag mahhrat.
are you the guy in question?
how is it OP’s fault?
take a chill pill
Mon 07 Feb 11 (05:10pm)
Why so mean???
I think she was asking a valid question, but at the same time could have answered it herself and actually had otherwise wouldn’t have asked the question to begin with.
I’ve been in situations where you want to reconnect with people who I’ve lost contact with. In my case though I usually forget why I lost contact with them. Then I remember why, and loose contact with them once again.
If she was such a great friend you wouldn’t have let the filthy husband get inbetween your friendship. I think there is another reason why you lost contact and you need to remember why.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (05:24pm)
OP,
Thank you for actually bothering to reply, most OPs don’t.
The fact that you’re even contemplating telling the friend is the entire reason you’re writing in, so how can it not be about what to tell and what not to tell?
You’re obviously not “over” the husband’s behaviour - and if you’re as innocent as you say and he’s the scumbag you claim, then that’s probably fair enough - but who on god’s green earth are you to wander back into her life after TEN YEARS and go about destroying it, when you didn’t have the stone-cold guts to do it back then?
Don’t come on here trying to justify your desire to throw a spanner in, get revenge, or whatever. If she was that awesome a mate, you’d never have let her go in the first place.
On the other hand, if all you want is for her to be your bud again, then it shouldn’t matter (especially now you’re married) what the husband is up to.
Of course, the third party in all this is the friend in question - if she wanted you in her life, she’d have come found you.
Ida, those in glass houses should get dressed in the basement. I’m not sure if you were trying for Haiku, but if you’re going to abuse me, at least have the common decency to use standard grammar, spelling and punctuation.
Tue 08 Feb 11 (11:37am)
Hmmm, this is a bit of an over the top reaction… and way to blame the woman for ‘leading the husband on’.. Let’s just remove any and all responsibility on the husband and assume the OP (the female) was just a big slut?
Take it easy Mahrat. Need coffee much?
Kate de Brito
Mon 07 Feb 11 (10:23am)
holy hell, this is some sick stuff. i mean i could do this all the time, im that hot and hung like rogue elephant so all the chicks would jump on the totem pole.. hell yeah.
the reason i dont do that anymore is coz captain truth teller taught me that this is not right, we should not be so superficial and we should not treat women like objects etc..
anyway, get over it you selfish thing. you were probably watching a porno, he got a half mongrel, u said ur off to “freshen up” so he starting fluffing it up for you.
if you were a real lady you would have atleast rubbed him one out..
ah well. some people never learn
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:32am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (10:35am)
I agree, the fact the OP went to the length of pointing out which movie is insignificant after 10 years makes me think it probably was. I’m reserving judgement without that key info.
But seriously, it was 10 years ago. You can’t try and walk back into a friendship you departed from bringing baggage. Who is that fair to? And seriously, if it was that big a friendship then you wouldn’t have walked in the first place and she probably would have bothered to ask why.
I’d ask yourself why you want to get back in touch? Are you that desperate for friends? did all your other ones desert you because of self-involved behaviour and watching inappropriate movies with their spouses?
Mon 07 Feb 11 (10:47am)
I did think that myself. Why else would a bloke just “get it out” and start going for it. I can’t say I’ve ever done that, but if I was, it wouldn’t be to something like “4 Weddings and a Funeral”.....
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:46am)
I agree completely CTTT.
Her mouth should have been put to better use in the first place.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (01:05pm)
People! The assumptions here are amazing. Here’s some facts:
1. Film was not porn
2. There was NO flirting leading up to this point
3. Research unveiled he had performed similarly with other female friends of wife
4. I was happily in a relationship at the time
5. Wife & I have been in touch, albeit intermittently, over these yrs
6. Wife & I were friends way before he was around & feeling a little nostalgic I felt I owed it to the friendship - no vindictiveness, no revenge.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (04:03pm)
@Damned if I do.
Did he think you had gone to bed?
Tue 08 Feb 11 (09:13am)
@Semiotic - The scene went like this: “Can we pause for sec? I’m having a piddle & getting a glass of water”. That’s how it went. In fact, I remember I was surprised how quickly he assumed the pantless ‘position’!
I don’t think you should tell her what her husband did all that time ago - it’s now largely irrelevant. It would have been relevant back then, when it happened, but now it’s well and truly past.
If you do decide to get back in touch with your friend she may decide that you’re not worth the effort of a friendship, given that you’ve already shipped out on it once with no good reason (from her point of view, given that you never told her what happened).
Speaking personally, if a friend tried to come back into my life after this long I’d probably be very cautious of her.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:35am)
What kind of ‘man’ does this? Personally I would be very wary of getting back in touch as this would mean having to deal with slimeball husband as well.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:35am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (01:42pm)
Listen here Wench, guys do not suddenly start playing with their wife’s best friend unless there’s been some sort of silly buggers going on beforehand. The OP is very quiet or dismissive of the earlier time when they were watching the movie. I’d bet she was playing up to him a bit and leading him on, so much so that he believed that he was going to do a bit of tummy slapping with her.
I’m not saying the guy is not a sleaze, that’s not what I’m talking about. It comes down to the OP abrogating her responsibility in this action by blaming him completely.
Let’s face it, if he was the sort of bloke who does that sort of thing on a regular basis he’d probably have been arrested before now.
Tue 08 Feb 11 (10:25am)
Hmmm perhaps your right perhaps there was some silly buggers prior but please; getting your dick out? Is that considered normal behaviour these days? Just sayin’ that this is one f****d up situation that personally I would avoid getting back into like the plague.
Tue 08 Feb 11 (10:34am)
Agree most guys don’t Shane- yet to all those normal guys saying men don’t do this unless they’ve been given clear signals from the girl (or whatever), you and your mates probably wouldn’t but that’s not to say there aren’t people out there who would?! Late at night (maybe after a drink or 2) he was probably playing out a fantasy that right at that moment made perfect sense to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other incidents like this too- women rarely report this stuff remember… There are freaks everywhere, letters to this blog are evidence of that surely (bloke who wanted his partner to change his nappy/ clean up his shit anyone)?
Too little too late, don’t bother.
And if you couldn’t stand him then, chances are he will still be a wanker (pun intended)…
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:41am)
Im pretty sure she know’s she married a letch. Sad that she is willing to turn a blind eye. Im pretty sure you weren’t the first and won’t be the last.
By the way, Why do guys reckon randomly sitting and masturbating is a great proposition to get a woman to have sex?
Is it because of the quality of porn they are watching and so now they believe that this is all it takes? Mind boggling, seriously
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:47am)
So what fil were you watching? I say it was was one of the following:
- The Porn Idendity
- Whore of the Rings
- The Davinci Load
- Raiders of the Lost Arse
- Edward Penishands
- Sex Trek, the next Penetration
etc etc..
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:47am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:18am)
Pretty Woman was the film
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:45am)
It could’ve been Fatman and Throbbin’....
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:29pm)
Nice collection Chips.
Which one do you recommend?
Mon 07 Feb 11 (01:19pm)
LMAO Pretty Woman, but come to think of it… A story of a prostitute and client falling in love hmmmmm. Julia Roberts was hot in that, a bit of food for thought to get the inspiration going....
Mon 07 Feb 11 (02:07pm)
Maybe he had a thing for Richard Gere or Julia Roberts and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“feeding the chooks, spanking the monkey, saying hello to Mrs Palmer & her 5 daughters etc”
What girl would describe it like this? That’s guy talk. I call Troll.
If you are genuine, why not address it back then. too much water has flown under the bridge now, all you would do is toy with their relationship. How do you know that guy hasn’t grown out of those ways?
All people, including yourself, are capable of change.
Sincerely,
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:47am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:14am)
You don’t get out much, do you?
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:59am)
You truly must be from Plant Zero if you think that a female wouldn’t know these terms. When does your ship leave?
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:54pm)
I get out a heck of a lot more than you....
Mon 07 Feb 11 (02:32pm)
Man I sure snagged a couple of illiterate fools today didn’t I.
I never said that a woman wouldn’t know those terms, I said a woman USING those terms would be a rarity. Not unless they were a scrubber, which is clearly what both of you are!
Sincerely,
Why is the movie insignificant? If you hadn’t have said that it would not register. However it sounds like you were watching porn
Mon 07 Feb 11 (08:48am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:47am)
Agree totally.
This whole post just doesn’t sound right as it is. I believe there was a lot more going on that what she has stated.
OP, it’s too late now. If he does it again, say something, otherwise, just don’t be caught in a room alone with him again.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:05am)
What? You want back in to her life after you basically “dumped” her because her husband was flogging off?
Get a grip love (lmao)! You should have said something back in the day and let it fly from there, but you chose not to, so bad luck, you lose out!
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:10am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (02:33pm)
I agree. Unless her friend wants back in, leave it alone. And if her friend approaches her for friendship renewal, tell her: only if she doesn’t have to be around her husband. If her friend presses for the reason, tell her. What is there to lose now?
10 years ago she should have helped the poor guy get it off. Then watched the rest of the movie. I mean… did she ever find out how it ended?
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:12am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:30pm)
From what I’m reading, it must have ended with a massive explosion.
Damned if you don’t. What’s the worst that can happen if you tell her? You end up back where you are now? Go for it. Morality prevails and he deserves what is coming.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:18am)
From the headline, it would appear he actually tried to shag you, but all he did was flop it our and have a tug. Not saying that’s not wrong or anything, but FFS it was ten years ago.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:21am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:00am)
Kinda agree with AFR, perhaps he thought she’d gone to bed? I dont really know a guy that would try to get it on by just flopping it out!
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:19am)
Bossy, I have to say I disagree with you. Penis out does not constitue an attempt. Especially considering (reading the OP’s letter) he didn’t ask for it, point it at her or anything he was DIY-ing.
You don’t know the converstation at the pause of the movie. Could it be that he misunderstood her and thought that she was going to bed, so did that prior to going to bed himself or watching the rest of the movie?? I don’t think a 7 month pregnant wife would appreciate being woken up for action.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:30am)
I think he was presenting the invitation. I also think the OP is not telling the whole truth and our friend Chips has the detail. She was watching a porn flick with him and he gave it a go. Not morally right but then - kinda takes the OP ooo I’m shocked ground away.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:30am)
Bossy! How do you know he doesn’t have short-term memory loss?! He may have forgotten she was there when she wandered off to the loo and been totally shocked when she walked back in on him wrestling with the taipan!
Mon 07 Feb 11 (11:54am)
Bossy, if he had it out he probly just wanted it ... *SPENT*
And with the women present perhaps she could assist, i doubt he would have cared .. that she didnt, im sure he achieved his goal.
Seriously people think people masturbate in order to seek a women ? i mean i nthe context of this article perhaps but in just that line ... hell no quite the opposite.
Looks more like due to LACK of female attention he sorted himself out. Meh i wouldnt do it, kudos to him.
Im recently single, i go outside in my underwear i only didnt before out of respect for my partner, now i couldnt care
He’s likely not getting enough from his wife .. possibly understandable with a pregnancy but .. hes still a man,human,got needs .. but without warning you kind of expect people to stick to a society standard of .. unless lead to believe otherwise .. keep it in your pants
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:21pm)
He didn’t just flop it out for a quickie wank while she was off having a piddle, he took off his pants! How is that not suss???
Mon 07 Feb 11 (12:28pm)
I agree with AFR, Devious and Kat:
One would have thought that worldly woman like Bossy should have a reasonable level of common sense can’t see that having a wank would ever constitue wanting a shag. It’s like saying 1 + 1 = 9
He had his penis out. You dont think that constitutes as an attempt to shag her? You think he was just feeling a little bored while she was out of the room?
Kate de Brito
Mon 07 Feb 11 (10:24am)
Let it go.
News like this can only hurt her and potentially damage her marriage. She’ll hardly welcome back your friendship with open arms if you resurface after 10 years and cause all this grief.
Leave her be. Hopefully the incident was a once off, and this guy has been mortified enough by his own behaviour to turn around completely and be a great husband thereafter.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:23am)
That’s disgusting.
Why is it some men (and women) think its okay to act like primitive animals?
Op, I think you should tell your friend just for principle’s sake and then let your friend decide if she wants to continue your friendship.
You can start with, “(Name of friend), I left our friendship because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings earlier, but I care for you and realise that I owe it to you to tell you the truth and let you decide what you want to do with it.”
Tell her what happened with her husband masturbating in front of you deliberately.
Say you make no judgements and you will understand if she doesn’t forgive you for not having the courage to tell her earlier and disappearing on her, but it is because you care about her which is why you took the courage to come up and tell her.
I think she might end up not wanting to dig up old skeletons in the closet and even if she were turning a blind eye at least you have done your part as a friend.
As friends we owe it to those we care about to inform them with the truth even if it might be unpleasant to hear.
What they choose to do with that is up to them, but I would hate to imagine my friends keeping things from me simply because of their own personal opinion and I would question their friendship.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:28am)
Mon 07 Feb 11 (01:39pm)
However if the OP follows your advice she may very well be shut out of her ‘friends’ life altogether. The OP details how she wants to get to know this friend again, but has this moral dilemma hanging over her head RE the partner.
So whilst telling her friend about what happened is of course the correct moral course of action it might not be the best course of action.
I’d suggest to the OP that you perhaps weigh up what you value more; the honesty of telling your friend what happened 7 years ago, with the possibility of being shut out of her life altogether OR not telling your friend about what happened 7 years ago and gaining the potential to reconnect with her.
If you choose the latter option and happen to find out that her partner has had various incidents throughout their relationship then perhaps tell her. If not, then I’d suggest that you try and forget about what happened 7 years ago. If the partner’s ‘cheating’ has become an issue then your friend will know about the partner’s dishonest ways sooner or later regardless of whether you tell her or not.
Best of luck.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (01:43pm)
*10 years ago, not 7. I just re-read the story about it being about 10 years ago when the OP’s friend was 7 months pregnant.
My apologies people.
Tue 08 Feb 11 (11:53am)
@ Seymour Butts,
To me its a question of my own personal selfishness (i.e. what ‘I’ want), for the lack of a better word to describe the term, to what is right (i.e. “moral").
It might not be the best course of action per se but I believe it is the ‘right’ course of action, despite the consequences.
Op has to take the consequences of not having been upfront and being too fearful of confrontation and possible ‘unpleasantries’ with her friend.
While we all have been brought up in today’s society to shun personal responsibility and hope that time wiles away the effects of a possible consequence, Op has to understand that if she really cares for her friend its not about pulling up old weeds its more to do with doing the right thing by her friend.
If my husband were to have an affair with a friend of mine or tried to, I would expect that if my friend would warn me or at least try to tell me that it has happened so I can make an informed decision and weigh up my options in a balanced manner.
Since she has taken so long twiddling her thumbs about her friendship, and she seems to care enough about her friend to want to have a relationship, first and foremost care and concern for a friend is for her well being and her life rather than what the Op wants - that is compassion and care for another, not thinking for yourself but thinking for that other person.
Maybe I’m being too black and white, but I believe the right way isn’t always the easiest - it doesn’t mean we should shun what is hard.
I appreciate your response and POV though.
WOW. What a deal breaker that one was. I bet he looks back at that risk moment with regret. I can fully understand how you felt afterwards. I would feel the same as well.
A leopard never changes its spot’s.
If you want my opinion, I reckon your friend’s hubby would rather you stayed away, lest you reveal all. So do just that.
However, if it ever comes to pass & they divorce, then your g-f will be pissed you knew about it & never told her.
Still, the ettiquette is to remain silent, so do just that. At the end of the day, it is still your word against his.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:30am)
Why do you need to be her friend again after so many years? What has sparked your sudden interest in re-establishing the friendship after so long? I think your motivations need to be clear before you take any action which could ruin her marriage.
If you decide to be friends again, then NO, you cannot tell her that 10 years ago her husband tried to “seduce” you (or whatever it is he was trying to do) by masturbating in front of you.
If you become friends again and she expresses doubts about her husband’s fidelity, then maybe you can mention that he engaged in some questionable behaviour back when you were all friends, but that’s not the kind of information you should be divulging at your first catch-up or unless clearly requested by your friend.
Good luck.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:33am)
You missed the boat. You should have told her then - you didn’t - it’s gone.
If you miss her friendship, get back in touch. Don’t mention the ‘thing’. If her husband is awful, try and catch up without him.
If it ever comes up in that she expresses concern to you about her husband’s behaviour, THEN you can mention it but say you didn’t know how to deal with it so started avoiding them both. But not otherwise.
Mon 07 Feb 11 (09:34am)