Friendship

In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

The tendency to desire what is best for the other

Sympathy and empathy

Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart

Mutual understanding and compassion

Trust in one another (able to express feelings - including in relation to the other's actions - without the fear of being judged); able to go to each other for emotional support

Positive reciprocity - a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties.

Cultural variations

Ancient Rome

The Roman philosopher Cicero believed that in order to have a true friendship with someone, one must have complete honesty, truth, and trust. He also thought that friends would do things for each other without expectation of repayment. If a friend is about to do something wrong, one should not compromise one's morals and let the friend commit the action--one should explain what is wrong about the action, and help one's friend understand what is right. Cicero believed that ignorance is the cause of evil.

Russia

In Russia, one typically accords very few people the status of "friend". These friendships, however, make up in intensity what they lack in number. Friends are entitled to call each other by their first names alone, and to use diminutives. A norm of polite behavior is addressing "acquaintances" by full first name plus patronymic. These could include relationships which elsewhere would be qualified as real friendships, such as workplace relationships of long standing, or neighbors with whom one shares an occasional meal or customary drink of vodka.

Asia

In the Middle East and Central Asia, male friendships, while less restricted than in Russia, tend also to be reserved and respectable in nature. They may use nick names and diminutive forms of their first names. In countries like India, it is believed in some parts that friendship is a form of respect, not born out of fear or superiority. Friends are people who are equal in most standards, but still respect each other irrespective of their attributes or shortcomings.

Decline of friendships in the U.S.

According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the journal American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since at least 1985. The study states 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two.

According to the study:

Americans' dependence on family as a safety net went up from 57% to 80%

Americans' dependence on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%

Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological and physiological regression

In recent times, it is postulated modern American friendships have lost the force and importance they had in antiquity. C. S. Lewis for example, in his The Four Loves, writes:

Developmental issues

In the sequence of the emotional development of the individual, friendships come after parental bonding and before the pair bonding engaged in at the approach of maturity. In the intervening period between the end of early childhood and the onset of full adulthood, friendships are often the most important relationships in the emotional life of the adolescent, and are often more intense than relationships later in life. However making friends seems to trouble lots of people; having no friends can be emotionally damaging in some cases. Friendships play a key role in suicidal thoughts of girls.

A study by researchers from Purdue University found that post-secondary-education friendships (e.g. college, university) last longer than the friendships before it.

Children with Asperger syndrome have some difficulty forming friendships. This is due to the autistic nature of some of their symptoms, which include but are not limited to preferring routine actions to change, and usually lacking good social skills. This does not mean that they are not able to form friendships, however. With time, moderation, and proper instruction, they are able to form friendships after realizing their own strengths and weaknesses.

Types of friendships

Acquaintance: a friend, but sharing of emotional ties isn't present. An example would be a coworker with whom you enjoy eating lunch or having coffee, but would not look to for emotional support. Many "friends" that appear on social networking sites are generally acquaintances in real life.

Best friend (or the closest friend): A person with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend.

BFF ("best friend forever"): Slang used primarily in the USA by teenage and young adult women to describe a girl friend or close best friend.

Blood brother or blood sister: Either people related by birth, or a circle of friends who swear loyalty by mingling the blood of each member together.

Boston marriage: An antiquated American term used during the nineteenth and twentieth centuries to denote two women who lived together in the same household independent of male support. Relationships were not necessarily sexual. It was used to quell fears of lesbians after World War I.

Bro: Slang used primarily in the USA and New Zealand by teenage and young adult men to describe a boy friend or close best friend. This term is currently used to describe the modern generation of college-age male party-goers. The name is typically associated with attention seeking males who like to get drunk and party constantly.

Sis: Also Slang used primarily in the USA like 'Bro' but for women and girls.

Buddy: In the USA, males and sometimes females often refer to each other as "buddies", for example, introducing a male friend as their "buddy", or a circle of male friends as "buddies". Buddies are also acquaintances that you have during certain events. The term may also refer to an online contact, such as the AOL Buddy List.

Casual relationship or "friends with benefits": A sexual or near-sexual and emotional relationship between two people who don't expect or demand to share a formal romantic relationship. This is also referred to an open relationship or a "hook-up".

Family friend: A friendship extended to family members of the friends. Close relation is developed in those societies where family setup is strong. This term usually used in subcontinent.

Comrade: Means "ally", "friend", or "colleague" in a military or (usually) left-wing political connotation. This is the feeling of affinity that draws people together in time of war or when people have a mutual enemy or even a common goal. Friendship can be mistaken for comradeship. Former New York Times war correspondent Chris Hedges wrote: }} As a war ends, or a common enemy recedes, many comrades return to being strangers, who lack friendship and have little in common.

Cross-sex friendship: A person having a friend of the opposite sex with having little or no sexual or romantic activity: a male who has a female friend, or a female who has a male friend. Historically cross-sex friendships have been rare. This is because often men would labor in order to support themselves and their family, while women stayed at home and took care of the housework and children. The lack of contact led to men forming friendships exclusively with their colleagues, and women forming friendships with other stay at home mothers. However, as women attended schools more and as their presence in the workplace increased, the segregated friendship dynamic was altered, and cross-sex friendships began to increase. Cross sex friendships has once been a sign of gender deviance, but now it has been loosened because of the increase of gender equality in schools and the workplace, along with certain interests and pastimes such as sports.

However, cross-sex friendships aren't always a socially accepted norm of amity and some of those friendships could develop into romantic feelings (see romantic friendship). However, when these feelings are not mutual, they can often backfire, making it hard for the two to remain friends.

Frenemy: A portmanteau of the words fr(iend) and enemy, the term frenemy refers to someone who pretends to be a friend but actually is an enemy---a proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing in the world of friendships. This is also known as a love-hate relationship. Most people have encountered a frenemy at one time or another in the same places one might find friends - school, work, the neighborhood. The term frenemy was reportedly coined by a sister of author and journalist Jessica Mitford in 1977, and popularized more than twenty years later on the third season of Sex and the City. While most research on friendship and health has focused on the positive relationship between the two, a frenemy is a potential source of irritation and stress. One study by psychologist Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that unpredictable love-hate relationships characterized by ambivalence can lead to elevations in blood pressure. In a previous study, the same researcher found that blood pressure is higher around friends for whom they have mixed feelings than it is when they’re around people whom they clearly dislike.

Fruit flies, fag hag (female), or fag stag (male): denotes a person (usually heterosexual) who forms deep ties or close friendships with gay men. Men (gay or straight) who have lesbian friends have been referred to lezbros or lesbros. The term has often been claimed by these straight members in gay-straight friendships, however some feel that it is derogatory.

Imaginary friend: a non-physical friend created by a child or some person who has some mental or social illness, such as schizophrenia. Sometimes they're human, other times they're animals like the life-size rabbit in the old Jimmy Stewart movie, "Harvey.". Imaginary friends are also created for people in desperate of social interaction but is isolated from contact with humans and pets. It may be seen as bad behavior or even taboo (some religious parents even consider their child to be possessed by an evil "spirit"), but is most commonly regarded as harmless, typical childhood behavior. The friend may or may not be human, and commonly serves a protective purpose.

Internet relationship: a form of friendship or romance which takes place over the Internet. Some internet friendships evolve into real life friendships. Internet friendships are in similar context to a pen pal. These friendships are also based on the thought that the other person that they may not have ever met in real life knows them for who they are instead of the mask they may use in real life.

Mate: In the UK, Ireland, Australia, and New Zealand, blokes often refer to each other as 'mates', for example, introducing a male friend as their "mate", or a circle of male friends as "mates". In the UK, as well as Australia, this term has begun to be taken up by women as well as men.

Open relationship: a relationship, usually between two people, that agree each partner is free to have sexual intercourse with others outside the relationship. When this agreement is made between a married couple, it's called an "open marriage".

Pen pal: people who have a relationship via postal correspondence. Now pen pals has been established into internet friendship with the use of chat or social networking sites. They may or may not have met each other in person and may share either love, friendship, or simply an acquaintance between each other. This type of correspondence was encouraged in many elementary school children; it was thought that an outside source of information or a different person's experience would help the child become more worldly.

Friendship and health

The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance an individual's sense of happiness and overall well-being. But a number of solid studies support the notion that strong social supports improve a woman’s prospects for good health and longevity. Conversely, it has been shown that loneliness and lack of social supports are linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer as well as higher mortality rates. Two female researchers have even termed friendship networks a “behavioral vaccine” that protects both physical and mental health.

While there is an impressive body of research linking friendship and health status, the precise reasons for this connection are still far from clear. Most of the studies are large prospective studies (that follow people over a period of time) and while there may be a correlation between the two variables (friendship and health status), researchers still don’t know if there is a cause-and-effect relationship, e.g. that good friendships actually improve health.

There are a number of theories that attempt to explain the link, including that: 1) Good friends encourage their friends to lead more healthy lifestyles; 2) Good friends encourage their friends to seek help and access services, when needed; 3) Good friend enhance their friend’s coping skills in dealing with illness and other health problems; and/or 4) Good friends actually affect physiological pathways that are protective of health.

Love

Love is closely related to friendship in that it involves strong interpersonal ties between two or more people. Being in a relationship with someone usually means you are very close and you can confide in each other

In terms of interpersonal relationships, there are two distinct types of love: # Platonic love: is a deep and non-romantic connection or friendship between two individuals. It is love where the sexual element does not enter. # Romance (love): considered similar to Platonic love, but involves sexual elements.

Engaging in a romantic relationship can change the dynamics of a platonic relantionship; in the event of a break-up, close friends who become romantically involved may experience difficulty in successfully resuming a comfortable friendship.

Non-personal friendships

Although the term initially described relations between individuals, it is at times used for political purposes to describe relations between states or peoples (the "Franco-German friendship", for example), indicating in this case an affinity or mutuality of purpose between the two nations.

Regarding this aspect of international relations, Lord Palmerston said: This is often paraphrased as: "Nations have no permanent friends and no permanent enemies. Only permanent interests."

The word "friendship" can be used in political speeches as an modifier. Friendship in international relationships often refers to the quality of historical, existing, or anticipated bilateral relationships.

Interspecies friendship and animal friendship

and Bichon]] Friendship as a type of interpersonal relationship is found also among animals of higher intelligence, such as the higher mammals and some birds. Cross-species friendships are common between humans and domestic animals. Less common but noteworthy are friendships between an animal and another animal of a different species, such as a dog and cat.

See also

References

Further reading

Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics

Bech, Henning (1997). When men meet: homosexuality and modernity. University of Chicago Press. ISBN 978-0226040219.

Bleske, April L, Buss, David M “Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?” In Personal Relationships, 2000, 7, 2, June, 131-151

Cicero, Marcus Tullius. Laelius de Amicitia

Conger, John Janeway; Galambos, Nancy (1996). Adolescence and youth: psychological development in a changing world. Longman. ISBN 978-0673992628.

Hein, David (2004). "Farrer on Friendship, Sainthood, and the Will of God" in Captured by the Crucified: The Practical Theology of Austin Farrer. New York and London: Continuum/T. & T. Clark. p. 119 – 148

Heyking, John von; Avramenko, Richard (2008). Friendship and Politics: Essays in Political Thought. Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press.

Kalmijn, Matthijs. “Sex Segregation of Friendship Networks: Individual and Structural Determinants of Having Cross-Sex Friends.” In European Sociological Review, 2002, 18, 1, Mar, 101-117

Levine, Irene S. (2009). Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. New York:Overlook Press. ISBN 1590200403.

Lewis, C. S. (1974). The Four Loves. Collins. ISBN 978-0006207993.

Muraco, Anna. “Heterosexual Evaluations of Hypothetical Friendship Behavior Based on Sex and Sexual Orientation.” In Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2005, 22, 5, Oct, 587-605

Reeder, Heidi M. “The Effect of Gender Role Orientation on Same- and Cross-Sex Friendship Formation.” In Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, 2003, 49, 3-4, Aug, 143-152

Strogatz, Steven Henry, "The Calculus of Friendship : what a teacher and a student learned about life while corresponding about math", Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2009. ISBN 9780691134932

Yager, Jan (2002). When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You. New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc., Fireside Books.

External links

Friendship, 2 March 2006">BBC Radio 4 series "In Our Time", on Friendship, 2 March 2006

Friendship by Paramhansa Yogananda

Friendship at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

English translation of Cicero's On Friendship

Friend in many languages at TheHolidaySpot

Friendship

Category:Friendship Category:Gender studies Category:Sociology