Unlikely Babies
With the news that Elton john and David Furnish have reproduced, show us what the offspring of other famous but unlikely parents might look like. Thanks to Benito Vaselini for the suggestion.
See all 63 images (open)
set by
rob on 31st Dec at 9am
Worst Band Ever
If I was in charge of the B3ta fatwa department, we wouldn't be hearing too much from Simply Red in the future. Who's on your musical shit list and why?
Read all 309 stories (open)
asked by
Scaryduck on 30th Dec at 12pm
B3ta Review of the Year 2010, A to Z - hope you enjoy reading this, we rather enjoyed putting it together. It's a labour of love, or at the very least, mutual masturbation.
posted by
rob on 24th Dec at 6pm
B3ta Villain of the Year 2010
We voted WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange as B3ta's Person of the Year. Who do you have as 2010's scoundrel and why?
Read all 133 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 23rd Dec at 12pm
Penguins!
With the nation experiencing the kind of weather more normally found in the Antarctic, it's the perfect time to reintroduce teh fluffeh, and an old-style, one-word challenge: penguins!
See all 293 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 22nd Dec at 9pm
Kunt chart invasion update - Kunt writes, "It's official - we have a hit on our hands! Use My Arsehole As A Cunt is no. 66 in the Official UK Chart! I know it wasn't top 40 but because we finished in top 75 it is registered as a hit and appears in the Guiness book of British hit singles!" Woo and yay to everyone who helped with this plan - we got further than we ever thought possible. Thank you.
UPDATE! KEEP BUYING THE SINGLE FOR BOXING DAY TOP 40 ATTACK - by reaching the top 75 Kunt has got his message to a lot more people who wouldn't have noticed it normally. People are going "What they hell? How? Why? What?" Sales are up too, it's in the iTunes 100 for the first time, previous highest was 180. We've got a chance to really have fun with the Top 40 here. Go on then, just this once, use the charts as our ponce.
Buy it on iTunes or
Buy it on Amazon.
UPDATE2: - Shame on iTunes for removing the Nick Clegg mix of the single. Corporate censorship of legitimate political opinion. BTW: You can still buy the other versions. Please do. More news as it happens on B3ta 24, your rolling news update of tosh.
UPDATE 3: - The B3ta / Kunt and the Gang podcast is live. STOP ITUNES CENSORSHIP!
Listen to the podcast on Soundcloud.
posted by
rob on 19th Dec at 10pm
B3ta newsletter 459, out now featuring a very funny Irish song with a pretty lady and a horse in it, small gif about bees that we rather liked and a mental most on Reddit from someone who watched Joels old Bagger 288 thing. READ IT NOW. BTW: Sorry it's late. Hung over, useless old internet cunt that I am.
Read newsletter 459
published by
rob on 17th Dec at 6pm
B3ta Person of the Year 2010
Instead of Time person of the year, who's B3ta's and why?
(Thanks to Elliot Reuben for the suggestion.)
Read all 219 stories (closed)
asked by
rob on 16th Dec at 10am
B3ta Christmas Cards
It's December, and time for our traditional Christmas Card Challenge, featuring as much festive inappropriateness as possible. Can include kittens, chainsaws, or James Bond.
See all 374 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 15th Dec at 8pm
B3TANS! BUY THE KUNT SINGLE NOW! UNLEASH THE ARMY OF TERROR! - We've just bought the Kunt single to help his Xmas bid. Actually we've bought the mental Spanish version. There's 7 versions to choose from, a clean 'radio friendly' one that er... isn't radio friendly, and of course the Nick Clegg story too. Kunt needs about 10,000 sales to break the top 40. Please help him.
Buy it on iTunes or
Buy it on Amazon. UPDATE! Kunt is at 78 in the midweeks and needs about 3000 more sales to crack the top 40. YOU CAN DO IT B3TANS. Kunt is also suggesting we organise a freebee special gig for b3tans in the new year to take thank you. HELP THIS GUY OUT. BUY BUY BUY.
posted by
rob on 13th Dec at 11am
B3ta newsletter 458 - featuring Joel cooking the most revolting looking food yet, Christ is he a bad cook. Also Cyriak has scored a gig doing a video for Ninja Tune, which is nice. And there's also an appeal to join in Santacon where people run around dressed as Santa, and we rather feel they're going to get kettled. Still, should make an iconic photo, 40 Santas vs Police batons and horses.
Read newsletter 458
published by
rob on 10th Dec at 3pm
It's Not What It Looks Like!
Cawl wrote two years ago, "People seem to have a knack for walking in at just the wrong time:
"Well, my clothes got wet, so did his... Yes, officer, huddling together to conserve body heat... Yes officer, he's five... No Officer... I'm not his Dad."
What have you done that, in retrospect, you'd really rather nobody had seen, mostly as things just get worse the more you try to explain it?
Read all 163 stories (closed)
asked by
chthonic on 9th Dec at 9pm
Julian Assange
Is the Wikileaks frontman Julian Assange a fearless freedom fighter or an irresponsible idiot? Buggered if we know. Either way, both Assange and secrecy itself are ripe for photoshoppery, so 'shop him, and the secrets he should be revealing.
See all 181 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 8th Dec at 6pm
B3ta newsletter 457, out now - packed with lots of great stuff including your chance to get Kunt and the Gang to Number 1 by laughing at Nick Clegg and also a lovely recording we made of 5 year old chanting Tory Scum for ringtone lols. PLUS MORE MORE MORE, only inside this weeks bootylicious b3ta.
Read newsletter 457
published by
rob on 3rd Dec at 4pm
Broken Promises
Thebigfella tugs our coat and says: Are you a LibDem minister, a cheating partner, or maybe you have an annoying friend you can't be bothered with? Tell us of promises you've broken, or if you've been on the receiving end.
Read all 300 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 2nd Dec at 12pm
Protest Signs
With the entire nation going protest crazy, people need some decent placards to wave about. Your job is to provide the slogans, the kind of thing that might show up on the news and allow you to sit back and proudly think, "that was me, that was".
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set by
Fraser on 2nd Dec at 7am
Get Kunt and The Gang to Number 1 for the most offensive Christmas Number 1 ever UPDATE - the campaign has taken a surprising turn, the official B3ta wife was watching a documentary on Peter Mandelson when she spotted a fresh faced Nick Clegg before everyone hated him. She said, "You know, David Cameron has really used his arsehole as a cunt." 5 minutes later a wine soaked email was sent to our man Kunt and he agreed to do a special "Nick Clegg story remix". Our personal hope is that people sing it to Nick all day and every day, so that Clegg has a breakdown and the coalition collapses. We can dream can't we?
Watch the Nick Clegg Story. Extremely NSFW, or anywhere for that matter. UPDATE!!
The first bit of press for this willfully quixotic campaign.
posted by
rob on 30th Nov at 5pm
B3ta newsletter 456 - out now! A special issue as the number 456 is very pleasing to type, it's the 'qwerty' of the number world. Think on that link munchers.
Read newsletter 456
published by
rob on 26th Nov at 3pm
Dad stories
"Do anything good for your birthday?" one of your friendly B3TA moderator team asked in one of those father/son phone calls that last two minutes. "Yep," he said, "Your mum." Tell us about dads, lack of dad and being a dad.
Suggested by bROKEN aRROW
Read all 335 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 25th Nov at 11am
Shakespeare
The Royal Shakespeare Theatre is re-opening after its very expensive refurbishment. Let's help them celebrate by re-interpreting the works of Shakespeare, and by 'shopping The Bard himself, forsooth.
See all 208 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 24th Nov at 8pm
It's that time of the year again, where the world and its dog launches a Facebook campaign to bag the Christmas Number 1 spot. Let it be known that B3ta supports one campaign and one campaign only,
Get Kunt and The Gang to Number 1 for the most offensive Christmas Number 1 ever. Join the Facebook group and get alerted of when to buy the single for maximum impact.
posted by
rob on 22nd Nov at 9am
B3ta newsletter 455 - posted with the relaxing sounds of the Shaft movie soundtrack in the background. It's on Spotify and the whole thing is great, not just the famous bit. Anyway, good week for b3ta people this week.
Read newsletter 455
published by
rob on 19th Nov at 3pm
Unusual talents
B3tans! Can you hum with your tongue? (Your Ginger Fuhrer can and he once demonstrated this to a producer on Blockbusters on the hope of getting on TV) Maybe you can bend your thumb in a really horrid way that makes it look broken. (Your Ginger Fuhrer's other special talent) What can you do? Extra points if you fancy demonstrating this with the odd pic or youtube vid.
Suggested by Dazbrilliantwhites
Read all 344 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 18th Nov at 2pm
Innapropriate Memorabilia
It's not just the royal wedding: there are lots of historical events whose memory would be best preserved with a whole range of tacky, bad taste souvenirs. Your job is to design them.
See all 207 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 18th Nov at 12am
B3ta newsletter 454, out now - featuring the best the internet has to offer, all served up in a quite narrow ascii format. HOORAY!
Read newsletter 454
published by
rob on 12th Nov at 4pm
Protest!
Sit-ins. Walk-outs. Smashing up the headquarters of a major political party. Chaining yourself to the railings outside your local sweet shop because they changed Marathons to Snickers. How have you stuck it to The Man?
Read all 211 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 11th Nov at 12pm
Modernise the Queen
With the Queen now a presence on Facebook, Flickr and Twitter, she's obviously interested in integrating more fully with modern society. Show us how Her Maj should achieve this and get down wiv da hip kids.
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set by
Fraser on 10th Nov at 10pm
B3ta newsletter 453 - packed, as usual with the best the internet has to offer. BTW: Just looking at the issue numbers go up and wondering if we'll ever reach my PIN number?
Read newsletter 453
published by
rob on 5th Nov at 2pm
Redundant technology
Music on vinyl records, mobile phones the size of house bricks and pornography printed on paper. What hideously out of date stuff do you still use?
Thanks to boozehound for the suggestion
Read all 400 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 4th Nov at 12pm
Impossible Weapons
Custard rockets, feather swords, and doomsday devices made of string. Invent them, then post them. Drawings, animations or full scale replicas built in your garden are all accepted.
See all 160 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 3rd Nov at 9pm
