Ask Bossy

Just remind him of a few facts about christmas to ease his athiest heart.  these facts are:  loads of people all over the world who are not christians are celebrating the day.  People who are athiest, and people who are of completely different religions.  It may amaze him to know many jewish people have a good time on christmas day, or that muslims all over Australia are right now decking the christmas tree - because they enjoy the holiday.  Many do it for pure enjoyment, some do it for their kids sakes, some because they truly get into the whole festive “end of another year” spirit and truly want to see it out having a great time. 

Compound on all these compelling things to remind him that christmas is based on a pagan holiday anyhow and most of the traditions are taken from pagan times as well.  hard to believe as it is even a lot of christians concede this point.  it does not hold them back.  I doubt that if some archeologists and historians made a massive discovery that the birth of christ actually happened on the 17th of may that christmas would be moved to that date from now on.  explain to him that its absolutely fine to you if he sees it anyold how way he likes!  just because you have a nice christmas day feeling the spirit of giving and sharing and looking over the past year doesnt mean your trying to convert anyone or agreeing with the bible all of a sudden. 

you may also want to gently point out that it really is quite unfair of him to deny you the pleasure of enjoying a long held tradition you have looked forward to.  after all, its no skin off his nose.  im sure hes not going to pass on the good food and sangria.  also please do tell him that such lofty ideals taken to extremes is really no different to hard core christians.  its just as imposing and rude.  food for thought for him perhaps.

It pains me that in this day and age you need to ask permission to be yourself.

Just...wow.

ignore his beliefs and celebrate Christmas anyway??

My partner and I don’t celebrate Christmas. We hate everything about it, and one of the things we hate is that everyone assumes we celebrate it. Everyone wishes us a ‘merry christmas’ at stores and banks etc. I find it annoying to have Christmas shoved down my throat every year.

I certainly would not tolerate my partner shoving it down my throat if he did like Christmas. Sure I could sit through a lunch and be nice about it for one day if it was important to him, but if I asked to generally not be included in the festivities and not receive a present, then I would expect that to be respected. If I can be nice and sit through Christmas lunch, why can’t everyone else be nice to me and respect that I don’t want to celebrate Christmas?

Our families know we don’t like Christmas, so they leave us alone and don’t get us any presents or cards. We don’t argue with them about celebrating Christmas, and they don’t comment on us not celebrating it. Each to their own.

But I do think you are over thinking it as well. It’s not as if you have to change your whole life because your boyfriend doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas. Just don’t get him a present, and just get all your other friends a present as normal. Have your lunch as normal, and invite him, but don’t make a big deal if he doesn’t want to be included. It’s one day, surely you can have one lunch a year without your boyfriend being present??

Seriously? This is your big conundrum?

I suggest you take a chill pill. Make him take a chill pill, both go to your lunch and get hammered. Christmas is all about family, caring, sharing, and having having a good time after all. Just have a good time!

Bossy - Getting in early for the Xmas holidays? 

Merry get-drunk-and-yell-at-your-family day, and have a happy get-drunk-and-root-random-people night! 

I’m an atheist, but Christmas has evolved since it was purely a religious celebration.  Christmas has never been about religion in my family, and has always been about everyone getting together for good food, good plonk, the Slip-n-Slide, and a mandatory nap in the afternoon.

I wouldn’t care if I didn’t get any presents.  But having said that, I wouldn’t date a man who was a Christmas Grinch. 

Do as Bossy says and celebrate it however you like, even if he doesn’t want to play along.  I’ve never understood people who bemoan Christmas, even if they don’t believe in God - they’re missing the point and obviously come from a shitty background.

Merry Christmas Bossy Bloggers - look forward to solving the world’s problems with you all next year.

\m/

I had to remind my husband today whilst shopping for Christmas day food that he should not put a damper on the whole thing for his kids. They are coming over and I do like to make at least a nice Christmas lunch for them as we have a good relationship.

Just because he doesn’t really care (nor do I to a point for that matter) doesn’t mean others don’t. We don’t buy each other Christmas gifts or even birthday gifts (though a little something sometime would be nice I must admit). It’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow, Christmas Eve, and I’ve had to restrain myself to stop making a fuss of him. He was away on my birthday last month and all I got was a ‘have a nice day tomorrow’ when he flew out the day before. And then he didn’t ring me until nearly 10pm on my birthday and I’d nearly decided to turn my phone off as I’d spent the day alone and feeling somewhat sorry for myself!

I did accuse him of sucking the life out of special occasions. I know we don’t need set days to show our love, but it can be a little depressing to be with someone who doesn’t care about ANYTHING! I used to be one for at least buying gifts for those special to me but now I’ve lost all the joy.

So here’s my tip to you OP, celebrate how you like and if he doesn’t like it, tell him to bite his arse. That’s what I’m telling my hubby to do this year!

Funny thing though, he will scoff the chocolate cake I intend to bake for him tomorrow ....

What a sook!  I mean fair enough he is an atheist but he should at least respect your views and attend the lunch. If he does not want to give gifts then he shouldn’t have to, but he should not stop you giving or receiving gifts or enjoying Christmas.  If he does then he is very petulant. Good luck and Merry Christmas to you!

I hate Christmas too but that doesn’t mean that those who love it should have to miss out.  I agree with Bossy, you do your normal Christmas thing and don’t demand that he gets enthusiastic (I’m pretty sure he won’t mind you cooking a nice lunch and decorating so long as you don’t force him to participate too much).  Unfortunately I feel I have to celebrate Christmas because everyone around me does (and I feel like I would be treated like a grinch if I didn’t fake enthusiasm and buy some presents [I would be more than happy to not receive presents and to not go to giant lunches/dinners]) and I am not looking forward to it so I have an idea how he feels ... but I think he will be fine if you take responsibility for your own happiness and don’t make it dependent on his mood/actions and if all you require from him is to say thanks for a present and eat some lunch and try some sangria.  It might even be cool if you include some anti-Christmas decorations for him.

Also my guess is that the reason he was so attentive on non-festive days is because that’s the way my brain works too - I much prefer giving when its not expected of me, or putting on special dinners when its just a random Tuesday - one of the things I dread is the way that everyone hypes up Christmas and then it turns into a disappointment (financial stress, catering stress, competitive stress etc) whereas its so much fun to give gifts or do special things completely out of the blue.  Every day of the year should be one that you show people how much you care and how special they are, not just on Christmas or birthdays (I hate people making a big deal out of my birthday too).  I would prefer a year filled with lots of little random special moments than four big hyped up occasions full of obligation (Christmas, Birthday, Valentine’s day ...).

Anyway that’s just me, so in summary: cook and decorate to your heart’s content and let him get away with minimal enthusiasm (and of course show appreciation if he does make an effort to muster up some enthusiasm).  You celebrating Christmas won’t harm him so long as he doesn’t have to participate too much.