Ask the Celebrity ‘Expert’: Dan Choi – “My brother is gay but our parents don’t know…”
A 365gay reader asks, “My brother is being bullied at school but I’m afraid that if I tell my parents they’ll find out he’s gay. What should I do?”
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A 365gay reader asks, “My brother is being bullied at school but I’m afraid that if I tell my parents they’ll find out he’s gay. What should I do?”
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I feel for Lt. Choi here. He was asked a question in an obviously busy setting. It was a serious question and 365gay should have provided a more serious setting for him to think about it.
As for what I might have said, I would surely have asked why the questioner feels the need to decide the question for his brother. I would suggest asking his brother what he’s comfortable with. If the situation is truly serious at school and must be dealt with but the brother won’t deal, I’d be firm that something must be done and that I’d eventually handle it if the brother let the situation continue unresolved. At least that way the brother gets to deal with it on his own terms…something he’ll be doing all his life. It’s good to get experience with it early.
I know ‘videos’ are ‘the thing’ now, just like texting instead of talking on a phone. But for the hearing impaired, and many gay people are, they are totally cut off from these without transcriptions.
Here TRANSCRIBED: Is what Lt. Choi said,” I think that your brother can come out to your parents, that is another form of bullying, they’re trapped. So it might be difficult because you are afraid that he has to come out on his own time, but what is more important is that he can come out and be more fully himself. What you are not realizing right now is the the pain that being in the closet really causes. And that pain is a very powerful and a very damaging pain.”
Meaning that it keeps a closeted person feeling like a second class citizen, instead of proud of who they really are. It is empowering and cleansing to show yourself to others as you truly are. If they don’t accept you, that is THEIR PROBLEM, not yours any longer.
Lt. Choi (see full transcript below) also notes that the feeling that your parents will not love and support the real you, is a very very damaging form of bullying, also.
I have a nephew who liked music and counseling and wasn’t the macho football/marine his father wanted. They rarely speak to this day.