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21 December
Tuesday

PROOF: ALF Was A Womanizing, Racist Nightmare

By Michelle Collins

ALF is one of the remaining puppety icons of the 1980s, and I should know: The stuffed animal version of ALF has followed me from my toddler years all the way to college and to the West, where he lays, embalmed, in a bag somewhere, the last tangible remainder of my youth.

That glass shattering? That’s the sound of my dreams, which have collapsed ‘neath the weight of this MINDBLOWING REVELATION: ALF was a womanizing assh*le who says the N WORD. Yes, that word. Witness:

A Youtube commenter points out that ALF is just impersonating a very famous episode of L.A. Law where someone with Tourette’s Syndrome is interviewed on the witness stand. Despite myself, I must admit it is pretty hilarious… (and well acted!)

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Posted on December 21st, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Entertainment, Videos
Tagged: , ,
21 December
Tuesday

Hot Israeli Soccer Player Is Very Very… Eh…

By Michelle Collins

I know basically nothing about this video. I don’t know the name of this Israeli soccer player (Shlomi something), I don’t know why he’s so handsome, and I don’t understand why in a country full of fluent English speakers, he is a veritable caveman. But do we even need answers to these questions? No, we don’t. Because I still sat through the entire thing at least 7 to 9 brillion times, because, well sh*t, we in love. “I think only win”:

I mean, sh*t, he don’t need to speak English. In fact, I prefer him this way. (I am so sick of English.) I passed this along to my mother, a fluent Hebrew speaker with a side of German, and what amused her the most were the German Dutch subtitles. (Ed. Note: Shows you how much German she speaks. None.) Like what on Earth could they be subtitling?

This video has gone incredibly viral in Israel and beyond, and has even spawned some hilarious response videos. Our favorite is ahead, and involves “the weather.”

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Posted on December 21st, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Entertainment, Uncategorized, Videos
Tagged: , , , ,
21 December
Tuesday

Your Christmas Gift: Shaquille O’Neal Conducts The Boston Pops

By Noah Garfinkel

You had no idea you wanted this for Christmas, but it turns out you did. It turns out the thing you most wanted in the world was for Shaquille O’Neal to put on an enormous tuxedo and conduct the Boston Pops as they play Sleigh Ride. This is great. And it might even be classier than Ron Artest‘s rap song about Michael Jackson.

This is a Kazam wish come true.

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Posted on December 21st, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Celebrity, Entertainment, Videos
Tagged: , , , ,
21 December
Tuesday

Larry King Does Stand Up Just The Way He Promised He Would

By Noah Garfinkel

A few weeks ago, Larry King said in an interview that after he retired from his long running CNN show, he would try his hand at stand up comedy. Well, it’s been about three days since he retired and he’s already doing it. That was so fast! Larry king is agile like a cat. With his career. Not with his age riddled body, obviously.

Last night on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Larry took his first steps toward becoming the Louis C.K. of his generation (the generation from 6 generations ago). Sometimes it can be tricky to navigate your way through crazy old man stand up, so we’ve made a guide for you below. We’ll walk you through this and provide your thoughts for you.

(00:06) “I don’t do jokes. I do stories.” Oh, good. That ought to comfortable to watch.

(00:27) And when Jay asks you to do jokes, YOU DO THEM!!

(00:38) Wait, did he steal this joke from an algebra text book?

(01:24) The woman in this joke really loves exposition.

(01:40) Nice.

(02:14) If this is a civil rights allegory, it’s about to get very uncomfortable.

(02:40) Oh snap! Just kidding.

Posted on December 21st, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Celebrity, Entertainment, Videos
Tagged: , ,
21 December
Tuesday

Spider-Man Musical Officially More Dangerous Than Four Loko

By Dan Hopper

In another absolutely unforeseeable setback for the Spider-Man Musical, stuntman Christopher Tierney plunged off a platform near the end of Monday’s preview performance and was taken to the hospital as the audience was instructed to leave. He sustained an injury but at last update, “All signs were good,” except for the sign of the show ever happening without killing someone.

TMZ has video of the incident occurring, because they’re The Watcher:

This cell phone footage begs the obvious question: Was someone just filming this entire show from the crowd expecting to capture someone plummeting to their death? It’s a little scary how completely reasonable that seems.

Posted on December 21st, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Videos
Tagged: , , , , ,
20 December
Monday

Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin Present Not-Awkward-At-All Price Is Right Showcase

By Dan Hopper

Here’s a video of Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin presenting an NHL Winter Classic-themed Showcase on The Price Is Right this morning. Related Topic: You know who’s never awkward when they say scripted lines? Athletes. They really are always so good at it, and the result is never painful to watch.

Guest-host Jeremy Roenick then adds, “For courteously waiting til the camera was off you to resume wincing, we threw in a car!” You mean there’s more than just jerseys and a set of tires??? GRAVY.

Posted on December 20th, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Boob Tube, Videos
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20 December
Monday

Belfast Hockey Team Records Mariah Lip-Dub For Christmas

By Dan Hopper

Here’s a video of the Belfast Giants, a UK hockey team, doing an elaborate, choreographed lip-dub to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” It is a convenient answer to the questions “Do they play hockey in the UK?” and “Do those hockey teams record Mariah lip-dubs for the holidays?” Uhhh…DOY.

I admit, several friends of mine sent me this video last week and I didn’t really watch it, because I’m tired of lip-dubs and I hate the internet and everything in it, but being the heroin-without-the-upside that it is, the internet finally won out, and dammit, I had to post. I’ll be dead soon, but at least I’ll leave a bunch of embeds in my wake, which are basically children. Cat’s In The Cradle (a viral video of kittens huddling in a cradle)…

Posted on December 20th, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Music, Sports, Video Hits One, Videos
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20 December
Monday

John Starks Wonders Aloud, “Did Dis Dude Just Did Dis?”

By Noah Garfinkel

John Starks, a player for the New York Knicks during the 90′s made an appearance in an ESPN film. It is not important that you know what the film was about. It is only important that you hear John Starks tell you about a very important question he had at the Frito line.

I mean… he probably said “free throw line,” but you just can’t be entirely sure about it. And, just to give you a sense of closure, yes. Dat dude did, in fact, just did dat.

Thanks, Joe.

Posted on December 20th, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Celebrity, Videos
Tagged: , , ,
20 December
Monday

Droid Commercial Actually Asks “Don’t Cha Wish Your Work Phone Was Hot Like Me?”

By Dan Hopper

Pitchman: “Before we get to the real commercial, check out this fake novelty commercial we made as a joke with a remix of the Pussycat Dolls’ song ‘Don’t Cha’ where we replace the word ‘girlfriend’ with ‘work phone.’ It’s pretty hilariously terrible.”

Alfred K. Motorola, III, Esq: “I love it! Really rocks and rolls like the kids do! Start airing it immediately.”

Pitchman: “Uh. Ummm. I’m–I’m sorry, world.”

(For the record, I was literally planning to get a Droid this week, but their inability to recognize how terrible this song sounds is making me now question their phone-making ability. Damn you, every commercial break during the NFL yesterday…)

Posted on December 20th, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Ads, Videos
Tagged: , , ,
17 December
Friday

Here’s The Perfect Song Romantic Song To Send The Blow-Up Doll You Love

By Michelle Collins

Australian (but famous in England) comedian and musician Tim Minchin has written what I’m going to consider the most romantic and finest love song to a blow-up doll ever written. It’s called “Inflatable You,” and is not only the catchiest damn song we’ve heard in weeks, it is also written with a giant quill made up of GENIUS RHYMES. Sure, he sort of looks like a ginger Russell Brand, but for whatever reason – perhaps sheer talent – comes off as a million times more likable.

Language is SFW, but barely.

Now seems as good a time as any to remind all of you about my Real Doll twin, Nika, from a few years back.

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Posted on December 17th, 2010 | Permalink
Categories: Entertainment, Videos
Tagged: , , ,
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