Re: Will these Irish migrants be different from the past? Sad to say it's likely many Irish will leave now, in view of the financial mess we are in. I came home 6 years ago - I am staying. I guess someone has to stay to keep an eye on things - or just to turn the lights out.
Tony Barclay @BBC News Magazine

Dear William and Kate, thank you for choosing 29th April as your wedding date. This is most considerate of you as my wedding is on 30th April. Now not only do I get a four day weekend for the event, my family and friends get a free day off on 29th to travel/help me with last minute details. It was so nice of you to consider my event when choosing your date. Thank you once again.
Hannah Barnwell, Warwick

Now THIS is a Magazine story worthy of the disclaimer.
Callum Johnston, Sheffield, South Yorks

Re: Ashes-a-thon. Surely reading an article on how to stay up all night without preparation is preparation in itself.
Hoddo, Botto

Re: 1000mph car on track, surely in that case it would be a train?
Malcolm Rees, Aldershot

"Train companies are bound by competition". Who's the competitor? Say your travelling between Chippenham and London. There is only one rail company, making the competition driving, cycling, flying a helicopter or riding a camel. Where do you tie up a camel in London
Edd, Maidenhead

Surely Tim (Friday's Letters) was being sarcatic. He can't have been serious...can he?
Adam Molloy, Tewkesbury

Liz Tunnicliffe (Monday's letters) - I'm quite embarassed not to have known that. I've got that feeling where it's as if I've said something so mortifying that I should just get up and leave, pausing only to grab my outerwear on the way. There should be a phrase for that too.
Tim Barrow, London, UK

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Just over a week on and some of the papers are valiantly keeping the Royal engagement on the news agenda. The Daily Mail and the Express manage to do it with news that Kate Middleton bought some food in a supermarket yesterday. Yes, and put it in carrier bags. Yes, and carried them herself. How's that for a people's princess? It was Waitrose of course. If it had been Lidl that really would have been a story.

The Daily Telegraph sticks to fashion. It says Kate's engagement-announcement outfit is now being replicated all over the High Street and women - maybe even men - are flocking to buy it.

How does it know this? Women are buying blue dresses and black shoes of course. Is this something no one ever did before last week? That would seem to be the suggestion.

Miss Middleton wore a pair of plain black suede court shoes. Several similar pairs can now be found.

You're kidding me, there are now lots of plain black suede court shoes on the High Street? Those rarest of shoes? The paper has also managed to track down four other knee-length blue dresses on sale in the shops. Wow, probably an impossible task a few weeks ago.

And finally, when does "free" actually mean you don't pay a thing? Is it when the Daily Mail offers its readers a "free Royal Doulton plate to mark William and Kate's engagement"? The answer to that would be... no.

A massive fan of souvenir china, Paper Monitor quickly flicked to page 42 for details on how to get this "free" plate. Collect 50 - yes, that's a five and then a nought - differently-dated tokens and send them with a cheque for £2.75 to cover postage. With the paper costing 50p a pop, that's £27.75 in total to get this "free" plate. Bargain.

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Eric Cantona says a mass cash withdrawal would bring down the banks. Would it? No, but I'm sure it would be boom time for house burglaries and street muggings.
Rob Lowery @BBC News Magazine

Re: Would a mass cash withdrawal bring down the banks? What is the point of bringing down the banks? The government would bail them out with our money so we would pay for it. Cantona has not got any wiser has he?
David Ellis @BBC News Magazine

Hold your horses PM, it's not quite winter yet, we've got 28 days to go. I'll get my (autumn) coat.
Heather, Coventry

Come now, PM. Surely you of all people are aware that the Express only has three front pages? Diana, house prices, and weather. Admittedly though, they sometimes mash them up in terms of how one affects the other, just to keep us on our toes.
Darren, London

Guess she'll be keeping her ears close to the ground in the event of any crime.
Adrian Horsewood, London, UK

Ahh the licence granted to BBC Sunday headline writers: "Balls: We were wrong on liberties". Beautiful.
SR, UK

Shame on you MM. How dare you provoke Monitorites so flagrantly with Tim Barrow's letter (Friday's Letters).
Jonathan, Freising, Germany

Tim Barrow (Friday's Letters) - there is a name for it: "nominative determinism", coined by the Feedback pages of New Scientist, which were at one point inundated with example upon example. One of the finest instances is that of Dr Richard Chopp, a urologist who specialises in, amongst other procedures, vasectomies.
Liz Tunnicliffe, Oxford, UK

Peter (Friday's Letters), sorry to be pedantic, but Decke means blanket and not coat. Ich hole meine Jacke...
Jonathan, Freising, Germany

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Mindful perhaps of Marcus du Sautoy's article in today's Magazine about the merits of visual representations over those of text, Paper Monitor has come over all image conscious today.

While most papers reserve their weather forecasts for the corner of an inside page, the Daily Express has, for some time broadcast predictions of, "extreme" weather (er, it's winter... things tend to get cold) on its front page.

Today's forecast, at the centre of the montage below, is of six inches of snow. To keep it company, and to provide some communal warmth as the chill sets in, Paper Monitor has picked out a handful of its favourites from recent months and years. Enjoy.

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Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. Away football teams usually have a 30% chance of winning.
More details

2. Babies born with no cheekbones have a condition known as Treacher Collins syndrome.
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3. David Cameron slept on the Mall the night before Prince Charles married Lady Diana.
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4. A solitary church may signal where an entire village once stood.
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5. German shoes are wider than Italian.
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6. It can take 18 years for the foot's bones, muscles and ligaments to harden into adult form.
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7. One in three people aged over 65 will die with dementia.
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8. Dartmoor prison rents land from Prince Charles.
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9. Badgers still occupy setts known since the Domesday Book.
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10. The number of people raising funds for charity has doubled in the last three years.
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Seen 10 things? Send us a picture to use next week. Thanks to Vic Barton-Walderstadt for this week's picture of 10 cafe chairs.

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Let's be honest, Lord Young of Graffham is not wrong. Anyone with a tracker mortgage (a large number of people) whose job is not under threat (again, still a large number) has got it great at the moment. Mortgage repayments are ridiculously low compared with what they were pre-recession with the same income. What's the big fuss? Not everyone is always going to fit into the same bracket.
Lucy P, Ashford, Kent

Caption competition winner no 3 may be confusing two separate nursery rhymes:

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe/ She had so many children she didn't know what to do. She gave them some broth without any bread/ She whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed."

"Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard/ To fetch her poor doggie a bone/ But when she got there, the cupboard was bare/ And so the poor doggie got none."

I suppose these could both be the same woman. There's nothing to say they're not. But there's nothing to indicate they are, either. I don't think we ever find out the name of the old woman who lived in a shoe.
John B, Durham, UK

Anyone else feel inspired to read Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy after reading this: "This galaxy was gobbled up by the Milky Way between six and nine billion years ago in an act of intergalactic cannibalism"?
Joanna G, Epsom

Honestly Magazine, isn't Stuart Baggs from The Apprentice arrogant enough without featuring him in this week's 7 days news quiz? If his head gets any bigger, it'll become visible from space.
DS, Croydon, England

Who but Mr Willey could have written the story about Berlusconi replacing the vital parts of Mars?
Kate, Stratford-Upon-Avon, UK

If such work were suggested on British government property, would it require the passage of a private member's bill?
Terrence Lockyer, Johannesburg, South Africa

I see that Michael Lord is to become a Lord. It's almost as if his name determined his path in life. I'd be surprised if there weren't more examples of such a humorous coincidence of moniker and destiny. There should be a phrase for it.
Tim Barrow, London, UK

In 10 things we didn't know last week, you state that Coventrierung is a verb. It isn't - it's the noun. Coventrieren is the verb. Ich werde meine Decke nehmen.
Peter, Hemel Hempstead, UK

I've seen enough episodes of QI to believe that the plural of octopus is octopuses or octopodes, not octopi as mentioned in question 6 of the 7 days news quiz. Do I get an extra point?
Richard Gibbens, Oxford, UK

Rachel (Thursday letters), of course you use al desko - its use is precedented.
Luke, Edinburgh

All this talk of royal wedding buffets (Thursday letters) prompted a little Facebook discussion and a few of us decided that it would be more along the lines of swan rolls, lark's tongue and pineapple chunks on sticks, and cheesy rugby balls.
Sue

Jenny (Thursday letters), rest assured that cheesy footballs are still very much available and yes, they do still make your fingers orange and leave them smelling odd.
Sue Lee ‎(aka Sue, London) @BBC News Magazine

Re cheese footballs, did you find the equator and bite them in half or try and prise eat wafer side off with your teeth or simply go for the whole ball crunch?
Jaye, Rutland, England

Richard Martin (Thursday letters), what will you do if they choose St Pauls?
Susan, Newcastle

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Winning entries in the Caption Competition.

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

It was Guinness World Records Day on Wednesday and as part of the celebrations this replica of the world's largest shoe was unveiled in Amsterdam. It is equivalent to a UK size 845.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. TheCoachman
Palaeontologists now believe that Tyrannosaurus Rex may have been more advanced than originally thought

5. beachcred
Daddy, is this what Mr Cameron means by the Big Society?

4. Mr Snoozy
It's still a bit tight, do you have it in an 846?

3. Cairngorm McWomble
Following consultations with a Mrs Hubbard of North Wales, the Government launches their latest social housing solution.

2. Tremorman
It's always the same story at the sales only the big sizes left.

1. Kudosless
Jamie Cullum had certainly picked up on Sophie's hints for something red and lacy

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