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The cast of characters include president Barack (Barack Obama), who thinks he's the coolest, funniest, best president ever - which, of course, makes him the uncoolest, most obnoxious and annoying president as far as the country is concerned...
WASHINGTON -- Comrade Red Square made a highly bizarre - and occasionally lucid -appearance before a congressional committee on Friday to testify about the benefits of migrant labor force to one-party rule. Staying in character as People's Director of Unanimity and Redistribution of Speech, Red Square also shared his 'vast' experience in the proper conduct of party purges, as well as demonizing and crushing the opposition. Red Square told lawmakers that a day shoveling beets alongside migrant masses convinced him that the peasant class is a "great, great alternative to the unreliable American voters."
The Leader of a small but vocal fundamentalist cult in Washington, DC, says he will go ahead with his plan to burn a pile of taxpayers' dollars this Friday.
Scheduled to take place in front of the White House, the money-burning ceremony will kick off a planned "systematic campaign of burning, shredding, drowning, catapulting, and otherwise obliterating trillions of tax dollars throughout the nation until the 2012 elections," declared Barack Obama, the shadowy figure behind this controversial plan. "My faith tells me that all money is evil; burning your tax dollars is my protest against the values of this prosperous nation that I have sworn to fundamentally bankrupt," he said.
Owning and caring for a congressional pet doesn’t have to be a difficult or burdensome experience. Election season isn’t all fun and treats, especially for our furry friends. From media poisons to legal hazards, the season is a minefield! Get the most up-to-date pet care tips and tricks from the Democratic caucus experts in behavior, nutrition, poison control, veterinary medicine and the human-animal bond.
The bond between the owner and the pet is difficult for non-pet-owners to understand, but for all of us who have a pet in our House of Representatives, we know the joy and pleasure these faithful companions can bring. Through a little knowledge and special care, you can make dogs, reptiles, and small rodents a healthy, happy part of ruling over the little people for years to come.
The police made my job difficult by herding the demonstrators into tight pens, restricting movement on the sidewalks, and blocking most side streets from pedestrian traffic. I don't think many people have walked that day as much as I have, taking pictures in many different places, including the opposition rally next the City Hall. I also snapped pictures of "Islamophile" infiltrators and their signs.
So this should be a very informative report.
The bird lied. That is, the protesting community was there, and so were numerous media organs. But the anticipated Muslim teach-in, sit-in, and bendover-in by the local Islamic community had been suspended by the City until next week, to avoid possible scheduling conflicts with certain arriving Koran-burn-in communities.
It you haven't guessed yet, this contest was not about winning or losing. Like most other contests and awards (the Oscars, the Pulitzer, the Nobels) it was a tool to propagandize, agitate, and advance a more or less hidden agenda of social change.
As a result,
The First Prize and an autographed copy
of Shakedown Socialism went to...
President Obama
Of all the slips of the tongue and unintentional admissions by this administration, Robert Gibbs' "Professional Left" comment may well be the one they wish they could squeeze back into their collective windpipe the most. That was, perhaps, the first objective analysis we've heard from Gibbs in his career as Obama's press secretary - and it's likely to be the last one. For speaking his mind, Gibbs has been urged to resign in disgrace, as if he had committed treason. But why the uproar? Just who exactly is the Professional Left?
The term "Professional Left" denotes a growing industry that specializes in converting other people's money into an ideological product, while making a good living out of it in the process.It's funny how life turns out. That "Communists For Kerry" sign was designed by me, on this very computer.
To cover all possible bases, the declaration included a list of other random offenses, such as, the terrorist group's failure to embrace the local LGBT community, their complete lack of interest in environmental activism and in raising awareness about climate change, turning a blind eye to the existence of a "glass ceiling" for female suicide bombers, and a few documented instances of not separating paper from plastic. "This is not a behavior most self-respecting radicals would condone, nor expect from fellow radicals," Obama said.
Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.
As the progressive world denounces Israel's pirate attack on the peaceful Gaza flotilla, we must point out that it wasn't the first Jewish over-reaction in history.
While history doesn't work in subjunctive mood, art does. Below is a selection of Cube-worthy fantasies we prepared for our readers.
All hands to the Gallery now!
http://thepeoplescube.com/gallery/
We on this site are sounding our unanimous NO to negativity! We are preemptively opposing it with our own positive, loving images of Mohammed that will raise awareness and educate the nonbelievers about the correct way to treat the Muslim community and vice versa.
The news that Security and Exchange Commission (SEC) employees were using government computers to watch porn sites on the job while the country was sinking into a financial crisis, has caused the national media to stop the ongoing campaign of bashing the bishops and punishing the Pope, and focus on exposing the SEC - an organ largely responsible for enforcing the President's policies of spanking the suspects of banking violations.
The SEC workers, who were being paid between $99,000 and $223,000 a year for sharpening their pencils, were nervously gripping their glue sticks and whiteouts as their chief executive Mrs. Palmer and her five associates were taking a stand before the members of the media. "A dirty mind might call these images sexually suggestive," she spoke into the microphone. "But our staffers merely observed best practices while getting hand-on experience in managing the growing crisis, as well as researching new angles in our handling of the finance industry and stimulating the economy."
"They stole our entire platform, rebranded it 'progressive', and claimed it as their own," declared a CPUSA spokesperson at a press conference in San Francisco. "And we communists say, not so fast! Not in this country anyway, where we still have property rights and the rule of law, thank God! Actually, let me rephrase that..."
The long wait (3 months, to be exact) is over! Having spent more than three months in a temporal wormhole, we have re-emerged with the new upgraded People's Cube website - just in time for the glorious tax collection season!
NEW FEATURES:
The new WYSIWYG editor is much better and more reliable than the old Rich Text/Poor Text Editor, which has been put against the wall to end its misery. Posting clipart, videos, uploading images, and formatting text has never been easier! You might call it "editor for the rich" if it weren't available for free to the most oppressed workers and peasants among us.
Given that the most optimistic evaluation of Obama's stimulus plan included this language, "If we do everything right, there's still a 30 percent chance we'll get it wrong," and that the government's record of "getting everything right" is shaky at best, the new department's current goal is to prepare for the impending "30%" outcome.
If you and your family find yourself among the 30-percenters, you may submit your Grievance Report, which the government will redress within the limits of its estimated efficiency rate of 70%.
This tax season you have surely wondered why you weren't allowed to claim your talking parakeet as a dependent. Many of you maintain a strong loving relationship with your cats, dogs, hamsters, or sheep. You can't imagine life without your pet - just like your next door neighbor whose companion happens to be human - yet you are denied the same rights, respect, and recognition that your neighbor enjoys - only because your companion happens to be a member of another species. |
GLORY BE TO THE PARTY!
If you have seen yesterday's announcement about the site's glorious people's upgrade, you may think that this is it. But let it be known that the selfless database conversion has been a heroic, massive, and unparalleled failure! As Karl Marx has predicted, the old content refused to be redistributed equally in the new Party-approved space.
We shall redouble our efforts and in the next few days hope to achieve a glorious liquidation of the digital kulaks and saboteurs that stand in the way of the people's unstoppable march towards a just and equitable user experience and website functionality.
In the meantime, consider yesterday's announcement an International April Fools Joke. In fact, we must strive to make the Day of World-Wide Solidarity of Fools happen not just in April, but all year round!
Fools of the World, Unite!
April 1: The People Cube is Five Years Old!
People's Cube Dizzy With Success, Tops 5 Year PlanClassics from the CubeThe People Cube's Greatest Hits (in no particular order)
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Let Them Eat HealthcareReconciliation: When the wants and desiresof the Royals outweigh the will of the people. | White House Party ReduxAnother instant People's Classic by Maksim! |
Comrades, recently I called in a favor from an apparatchik in Colonel 7.62's department and obtained a combination Visa to The Future™ and hall pass. I was wondering what kind of glorious utopia awaits us when Chairman Obama's work is done well underway and Changeable Hopeyness has taken hold. With the benefit of the top-secret technology in the Department of Chronological Warfare (and a couple of cartons of cigarettes), I was able to take a look...
The date: January 20, 2019*, Chairman Obama's last full day in office. Here is his top secret schedule from that day...
Which is exactly what happened to Cindy "campout" Sheehan and David "Gloria" Swanson when they started peaceoftheaction.org as part of a new scheme to lure the unwashed progs into a tent camp in front of the White House, to shake fists and demand a surrender of America's "imperial forces" to all enemies, foreign and domestic. A People's Cube member who discovered their omission immediately bought peaceoftheaction.com for us to play with...
"If the U.S.economy collapses, so will China because we are so heavily invested in your country," said Wen Jiabao. "We thought we were investing in a nation of the world's greatest entrepreneurs, but a recent analysis shows that America has become little more than a home to overpaid union workers, whiney media, and spoiled welfare recipients."
"Our fears were confirmed last year when Americans elected you, Mr. Obama, as their president. But, to use one of your own expressions, America is too big to fail and so we will have to bail you out. This is no longer your decision. As your biggest creditor, we will now decide how to get the best return on our investment. You got elected on a vague promise of change; now we're giving you the specifics."
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
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Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
GOP: a Rove by any other name still smells the same
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
Obama adopts White House mole, names him 'Guaca' in honor of Mexican president
Blumenthal injured by swiftboating, earns Purple Heart
Spurred by Arizona immigration controversy, Obama Administration moves to secure the border with Canada
Angry drug smugglers and human traffickers become latest group to boycott Arizona over immigration law
CNN: Failed Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad had links to Pakistani Tea Party movement
President to remove oil slick with effective Toxic Accident Leak Kleaner (TALK), which is cheap and easily spreadable with mass media applicators
Loophole preemptively shuts down three branches of government, coinciding with Obama preemptively shutting down oil production
SEC researchers watch porn, discover ways to self-stimulate economy
Federal gov't sets stage to bail out federal gov't
Obama reaches out to Tea Parties, incorporates their ideas of limited gov't in new multi-trillion dollar stimulus package
Focus group: tanning salon tax disproportionately targets white people
Fidel Castro endorses Joe Biden's comment on passing healthcare reform
Pelosi: Voting one by one is so 18th century
Healthcare summit: Obama reveals he is bipartisan-curious
The new battle cry of Massachusetts: The turncoats are coming!
Crouching Tiger, Slouching Press
Deniers drop tons of foot powder on Washington to emulate snow blizzard during hottest Global Warming winter on record
Radical anti- American leader blames US for Global Warming
Obama's SOTU changes the meaning of "cultivate" to "cultiveight": build up a perception that the current woes are the result of the previous eight years
O's first year in office: 2 million jobs saved, 76 major natural disasters prevented
Dead-Americans claim voter fraud in Massachusetts: cemeteries denied access to polling places, Senator Kennedy demands recount
Defeated in Mass elections, Obama warns against getting a ride from anyone in Kennedy's seat
Mayor Nagin sends 200 school buses to Haiti; Gov. Blanco appointed to oversee construction of Superdome
Closer inspection of Kennedy Seat revealed it's an old car seat with water damage
Unusually cold winter causes liberals to keep hands in OWN pockets
Obama's DHS: Detroit attack 'wardrobe malfunction'
Air Force deploys eavesdropping spy plane codenamed 'Jewish mother'
Seven more women claim to have had lip exchanges with St. Nick underneath mistletoe
Mrs. Claus found standing over bleeding hubby next to wrecked sleigh, holding nutcracker
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Time editors still undecided who to select as 'Barack of the Year' in 2009
Obama revolutionizes war: 'leaving' is the new 'victory'
ACORN to change name to CHESTNUT; meaning of new acronym still being debated
Obama's new autobiography tentatively titled Going Rouge
Antartica's Ross Island Detainment Center (RID-C) receives first batch of climate-change skeptics
Obama saves big on high cost of turkey for the troops by delaying Afghan surge until after Thanksgiving
Retailers begin annual cash- in on Christian holiday they refuse to mention by name
Christmas & Healthcare Reform season classic:
It's a Wonderful Death!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
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Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counseling techniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Saudis: the word 'assassination' will never be the same
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union Label
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
National-socialist health care?
Obamacare is finger-liking good!
buy a T-shirt
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
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Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry
Dow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents use
DHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism
Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism
NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don't leave home without it'
Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans'
After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape
Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh
Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend
Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside
Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes"
Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth
click here for the story | click here for the story |
Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge
Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'
More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20
Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America
You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.
Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
Somali pirates hijack international space station
Laika the Space Dog considered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"
CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we'll be a Peace Keeping force
Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!
Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'
Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'
Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
Biden calls taxes patriotic
Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
Obama beats Hillary to oveted CPUSA endorsement
February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes
Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached
Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station
Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination
Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
Hillary supporters
organize against Obama
Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
Janet Reno congratulates
Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead
Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
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Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!
Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools
Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich
Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope
Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners
Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare
Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy
Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"
Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
Reid: The war on fire is lost
MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home
Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time
Va Tech lessons for MSM: ban guns, rich kids
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