Humor: Rejected chapter of Psalms

Last year, I wrote Proverbs 32 - the rejected chapter of Proverbs. I chronicled much wisdom that has been gathered since the biblical book was compiled. Somehow, most of that wisdom came from the 1980's. Who knew?

But just like we have added new wise sayings, we have also made advancements in worship since people were writing the Psalms. They used weird instruments that no one has ever heard of like lyres, lutes, timbrels and harps. Who's ever even heard of a "harp" anyway? And they keep saying "Selah" over and over again. How am I supposed to know what that means? It's not even in English.

Because of all the improvements we have made since the Bible days, I thought it was time to add a psalm to the Bible. However, even after hearing my impressive argumentation about why Scripture needs another psalm, all of the major Bible publishers rejected my proposed additional chapter. Something about "closed canon" and "get out of here before we put you on trial for heresy." Minor quibbles really.

But since they refused to include it in all the Bibles they sell and give me five dollars for every one sold, I agreed to publish it here and never come within 100 feet of their offices again or risk 10 to 15 years in prison.

Your social media account is fake

Twitter? Absolutely. Your blog, too. Emails? Yes. Facebook? Most definitely. MySpace (if you still have one)? Yep. Google+ (if you have one yet)? Sure. Even your daily conversations are more than likely fake. I know most of mine are.

While there are people out there who falsely register twitter accounts under celebrity names, the more pressing and prevalent issue is people presenting a false persona to all their twitter followers, blog readers and Facebook friends.

What is God's middle name?

Middle names are always a fun discussion. They usually only serve three purposes and all of them are for your parents.

One, they use them as shorthand to indicate how much trouble you are in. First name? It's OK to ignore them. First and middle name? Might better pay attention. First, middle and last name? Red alert! Time to hide in your room and/or find a way to blame it on your brother/sister/dog/cat/stuffed animal/imaginary friend.

Two, as a way for your parents to be creative with some off the wall name/literary allusion. This is where nerd shines through. While I might not want to go full blown geek and name my first born son Aragorn, I may be nerdy enough to drop a Eowyn as my daughter's middle name or Rohan as my son's (both of those are real possibilities).

Three, to try to please a relative who has a name that is not quite first name material. To avoid getting myself in trouble with you the reader or with my wife for naming discussions we have had, I'll just refrain from giving examples here. You know what I'm talking about. We all have "family names" that we would rather not pass down, but because of the pressure we sneak it in as a middle name.

But what about God? What if He had a middle name? What would it be? The Bible lists dozens of names for God, both used by humans and God Himself. The varying names are always used to display and call attention to one aspect of God's nature.

Would it surprise you if one of the names for God was "Jealous"? Would it surprise you even more if that was a name God gave to Himself?

The one thing you need to defeat Satan

When you think of character traits needed to obtain spiritual warfare victory, what do you think of? Do you list courage, bravery, confidence or faith as what you really need to defeat Satan's work in your life?

Most of us probably do think of those more often than not, but those are not what Scripture says we need for victory. It's not that those are not honorable and praiseworthy traits, but taken to the wrong extreme they can be just the opposite of what is needed.

What one thing does the Bible say you need, above all else, to win spiritual battles? Humility.

Your church and your god are too small

With that headline, what is your immediate expectations about this post? If you are like me and you read that headline you thought, "another blog post about church growth." More ideas about how to help your local church add more members, increase your programs and, let's face it, grow giving.

But that's not what this is about. Not at all.

I think the fact that we automatically make that assumption demonstrates that we are caught up in our own cultural context, with further illustrates the point of this post - we limit God and his involvement to our own local context. Our "god" is small because he does not match the real God, who is at work not just in our local church and our city or even our nation, but is actively involved in expanding His kingdom around the globe.

Top 5: Christian reality TV shows

Since nothing says "Christian" like a cheap knock-off trying to capitalize on a successful pop culture phenomenon, get ready for "Real Housewives of the Bible." Because when I see screaming, catty, materialistic, self-absorbed women strutting around on television, I think "That would make a great Bible study." Wait, what?

Ty Adams, creator of the new show, says that the current batch of housewife reality shows "have ruined and tainted our ability to secure good relationships and to make women into good wives." OK, so the best way to combat this is to make a Christian version of the shows using biblical wives and sell the DVDs on your website?

Obviously, Adams is not the first Christian entrepreneur to attempt a faith-friendly version of reality TV. Several shows have come and gone in years past. But I want to know which shows are the future. What show will be storming through literally tens of ... dozens of homes a week on TBN? Who will be the next Christian reality TV star recognized by four or five people? Here's my best guess.

Who needs the Gospel lived out - just make church services short

That's not exactly what Rev. Jonathan Gledhill said, when he spoke about the need to limit the length of Sunday worship services, but that's what I kept hearing in my head - "If you shorten, they will come."

I'm waiting on the point where we have dumbed church down so much that instead of meeting weekly to worship as a corporate body and hear God's word taught, we all gather around our computers read a tweet from the pastor and watch a 30-second YouTube music clip.

Why "Not Guilty" makes us angry ... except when it doesn't

Americans are simultaneously fascinated and repulsed by our justice system. Crime and lawyer shows are perennial ratings winners. Court cases regularly grab the nation's attention. What is it about these that captivate us so much, particularly when someone seemingly guilty is found "not guilty"?

The Case Anthony trial and verdict has many outraged. This young woman behaved in such a suspicious way that it appeared almost obvious that she had murdered her daughter, yet the jury was not able to say "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that she was guilty.

This gnaws at us. There is something inherently not right about someone escaping justice. We recoil as the idea of the guilty being declared innocent, that is until we are the guilty party.