Kate de Brito
Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 08:30am
Dear Bossy: Recently, at work, an important member of our team lost their life. During the week at work after the loss, we had numerous team meetings and team counselling sessions. We also had some events outside of the office, such as lunches, after work drinks, after work dinners, etc. The support provided by the company to all employees was above and beyond. It was a sudden death and staff were very upset.
At one of these events (outside of work hours) we all went to the pub as a kind of celebration of our team member’s life. We were drinking from 5pm till late, at which point we moved to another venue. There were only a few of us left at the new venue, and eventually there was just me (24yo female) and my boss (well, the boss of my boss) who is in his 40s married with children (let’s call him Chris).
Chris and I started talking about our team member who had passed away, and how difficult the week had been for everyone. I’m not sure how, but eventually we ended up in each other’s arms in a very intimate and intense hug that lasted waaay longer than it should have.
We eventually pulled away from each other, but then somehow we ended up hugging again. This time however, it was more than just an intimate hug. There was some neck kissing, murmurs of “sweet nothings” in my ear (such as “come home with me” and “I want to kiss you” and “let’s get a hotel room” etc.), and then some tongue kissing.
At this point (after the kissing) I pulled away, he came to his senses (and so did I), I got in a taxi and headed home, without really saying anything to him.
On the next work day, he came up to me and said “Thank you so much for your support that night. I really needed you there. I’m not really sure what happened, I would have gone on an all night bender. Thank you so much. How are you? Are you ok? How was the rest of your evening?”
This is where I need some help. I am confused about what happened. He is not a sleaze. I am not a young stupid tramp. We work in a highly professional global organisation. This is not my first job; however this is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever even shared such an intimate hug with any of my boyfriends (including my current boyfriend!).
I’m not sure how to proceed around him in the office any more. I’m not sure if maybe I should start looking for another job? To me, he seems like an honest, decent, kind enough person that he would just want to kind of forget about it and move on. I don’t know if I should talk to him about it? Maybe ask him if we’re ok? I’m not sure if this has somehow compromised my career. I’m terrified that it may have. I spent 4+ years studying for my undergraduate degree and another 3+ years studying for my postgraduate degree. I’ve worked so had to be where I am, and now I’m killing myself for potentially having ruined it all!
Pretty much: grief + alcohol + late night = kissing my boss.
Bossy says: You last line probably sums it up. The question is whether you can accept that’s all it was and move on. I doubt you have ruined your whole career. You both pulled back before things got serious. And your boss has as much reason for wanting to forget the whole thing or pretend it never happened.
This is the first path; to go on as before, realising that as the weeks progress the sting will go out of it. Keep a professional distance between you and your boss from now on.
The other option is to confront him and talk it through. Both agree it was a mistake and that you will be back on strictly professional terms from now on.
There is some sense in having a talk. It could give you closure, so you know where you stand. But it can also lead to problems. Raising it directly makes it clear you both have a full, sober recollection of events. It also has potential to reopen the intimacy of the other night.
Often when people have these conversations - where they say “we won’t ever do that ever again” - it actually pushes them closer. And they end up doing it again. By bringing it up you create a renewed intimacy or shared experience that can be alluring. So instead of bringing things to a close it opens up the possibility of more. This is the moment when you may admit some feelings for each other.
I also wonder whether approaching him may be dangerous because you have a slightly idealised version of the incident already. You say: “I don’t think I’ve ever shared such an intimate hug with anyone.”
Try not to read too much into an intimate hug. People can become very intimate with each other during highly emotional events. It lowers your inhibitions prematurely. Alcohol lowers them even more. Add in a late night, a small spark of attraction and something that you’d ignore in the workplace is now a “thing”.
Your job is to not let it be so.
I’m not saying don’t approach him. I’m saying don’t do it if you have a spark of feeling, or a seed of hope that he will admit feelings for you.
He may not be a sleaze and you may have made a drunken mistake. The bigger mistake will be letting it go any further.
Find the best way possible to shut it down and move on. You don’t have to wear a hair shirt for the next decade. It was a mistake. And it’s not the end of your hard-won career. Just don’t make the same mistake again.
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117 Comments
Oh this a no brainer, to much alcohol and a second of madness. Let it go, it seems like he has and your both old enough and wise enough that you know you both crossed the line.
Judging from his comments I think your fine, don’t make a big deal about it, rather just look at it as a lesson learned and move on. It’s not a deal breaker that’s for sure.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:35am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:40am)
Thats what I was thinking! I would have just answered his questions as though everything was fine and nothing happened.
OP I think the whole thing speaks for itself really, he’s married, you have a boyfriend, you guys were drinking and were emotional, thats it. I think the Boss handled it well by not pulling you aside and having an awkward conversation about it.
Just act like everything is normal and fine but just keep your distance.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (10:30am)
I think you are upset because you missed the opportunity to shag your boss. Don’t worry too much, as I am sure you could set it up again if you really want to
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:34pm)
Isn’t this the 3rd email of the same subject in the past month or so Bossy?
Where y’all working? I need to get me some of this action.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (03:36pm)
Hmmm…
All these degrees and still dumb as a fence post.
Smart enough on paper, not smart enough not to cheat on your boyfriend, You clearly are the tramp you claim you arent.
Accidents i guess happen, using alcohol or a dead work colleague is just a REALLY REALLY REALLY piss poor excuse, maybe your testing the water and if you can get away with it this time next week you’ll keep condoms in your purse ?
All of this may have vaguely been understandable had you mentioned more about your boyfriend and what this might do to him or you or your relationship but you quite clearly dont seem to give a fuck about that.
Ditch your boyfriend, become the office slut and quit thinking of yourself as a decent human being.
There will always be justification if you look for it.
Thu 28 Oct 10 (10:11am)
Sokrates of Sydney:
Your is the second person possessive adjective, used to describe something as belonging to you. Your is nearly always followed by a noun.
You’re is the contraction of “you are” and is often followed by the present participle (verb form ending in -ing).
LEARN IT!
This is why male bosses hire females. Not because they think they should, but because they enjoy visualising the peanut butter entering the vegemite. A smear of peanut butter on the cracker never hurt anyone. Well except those in africa who contract AIDS from it but they are totally screwed from poverty anyway so maybe dying early is not such a bad thing.
Don’t blame alcohol though because alcohol is your friend and it is my friend too. Don’t pick on him. blame your stupidty.
hope this helps
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:41am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:34pm)
You are a fucking tool shiner.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:34pm)
just. wow.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:54pm)
Eh? What ARE you on about?
Wed 27 Oct 10 (03:38pm)
As usual, Most your points are spot on. The irelevant stuff is someone elses problem.
Sue them for $37,000,000, no wait, $850,000 and keep it for yourself despite saying you’ll give it to a charity.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:42am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (11:51am)
Ah, crap, if only the comments were updated more often. I wouldn’t have basically made the same comment 70 minutes later. D’oh!
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:10pm)
AAhahahaha good one!
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:54pm)
That’s exactly what I was thinking!!! Thank God the OP isn’t an opportunist
Wed 27 Oct 10 (01:03pm)
Don’t forget to go to the media in an attempt to gain backing for your case - and then proceed to whinge about how the media is affecting your life.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (03:38pm)
Charlie, the amusing part of that is the legal fees amount to over $750K ... so there isn’t much left to go to what was going to be a self-created charity (where self is the charity!). Except now the entire world knows who the relevant parties are, and what they look like, and the risk of hiring them. If any dill thinks HR doesn’t check out the internet prior to hire they are kidding themselves!
How to destroy future employment prospects 101. I wonder if the boyfriend will stick around now!
Wed 27 Oct 10 (06:00pm)
Kristy Fraser-Kirk CLEARLY said that if a COURT awarded her PUNITIVE damages she would give them to charity.
The matter settled OUT OF COURT, with NO punitive damages award.
She said nothing of the sorts that she would simply “give everything” to charity she always meant to keep any general damages settlement to herself, which she did.
Given the damage to her reputation and the amount of legal fees being taken out of that settlement figure, I think she sold herself short.
Thu 28 Oct 10 (08:41am)
tickles, the boyfriend will stick around until the remainder of the money is depleted.
Such money grubbing usually offends me, but for some reason I can’t help feel justice is being done on all levels in this instance, wonder why that is?
Thu 28 Oct 10 (12:08pm)
See - this is the first thing I was thinking.
If I were the boss although I would hate to have the matter brought up again I would be seriously worried that I would end up with a sexual harrassment suit and would lose my job and family over the whole thing.
Very similar thing happened to me years ago...best thing to do is put it behind you and get on with your job.
Don’t try and read anything into it.
Write it off as experience and nothing more.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:44am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (01:08pm)
No!
Don’t move on, keep kissing people at work when you’re pissed. Kissing is fun and there should be more of it in work environments. Particularly when everyone is pissed.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:05pm)
Somebody get that man a cigar
Wed 27 Oct 10 (05:18pm)
Is the OP’s name Monica?
Thu 28 Oct 10 (08:42am)
Shane works at Goldfingers?
Have i missed somethin…
did you kiss him wilingly while in r/ship with someone else?
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:44am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (11:57am)
Yes I saw that too! I find it strange that she cares more about what her boss thinks than the fact that she kissed a guy when she has a boyfriend.
Sounds like a good time to ask for a payrise.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:49am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (03:14pm)
hahaha Definately agree to this one !
Wed 27 Oct 10 (06:01pm)
Gold.
Something wrong with your equation.
Grief + late night + alcohol= An excuse, not a reason.
None of those factors are a free ticket that excludes you (or your Boss, you’re both as ‘bad’ as one another) from being held accountable and if you think for one minute that it does, sweety, the real world has some news for you- You done goofed up.
There is a REASON for feeling guilt and it’s usually so you don’t make dumbarse mistakes again or at least, not the same dumbarse mistakes.
Don’t hide from your guilt, use it to make better decisions in the future and hope that your boss will do the same.
If I were you, I’d find another job too.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:49am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:22pm)
Are you saying you’ve never made mistakes? Seriously, this high and mighty crap is so lame when you are writing from the comfort of your own home/work with the assurance of anonymity and the promise of no-one knowing your own past.
Go wag your dirty finger at someone else. This OP actually wants advice, not a public stoning.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:38pm)
Why should she have to find another job? They are both mature adults who can move past it. They did something they should have while under high emotional stress. This may not excuse it but it certainly explains it. People make mistakes, it’s not the end of the world.
Leaving your job for one small incident reeks of immaturity -it’s basically running away from your problems. (If it was an ongoing thing, I’d understand).
Wed 27 Oct 10 (01:29pm)
Are you for real? Bit of an extreme reaction considering the circumstances. Don’t leave our job OP, that would make things so much worse!
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:15pm)
I’m going to come to the Mistress’ defence here (except that I don’t think the OP should quit).
She did something stupid. She cheated and so did he.
Sure, people make mistakes everyday. Little mistakes. The one’s that happen not through lack of trying, but just because we’re not perfect.
I’d say macking on the boss is something that didn’t just happen. Imagine if it went further, “Sorry honey, I didn’t mean to- I just slipped and fell onto his genitals. Repeatedly.”
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:21pm)
Wibwob, I’m saying her equation/logic is faulty. If she wants to try and avoid this behaviour again, she needs to stop trying to reason away the stupid thing she did.
It’s not going to help her in the slightest to wrap her up in cotton wool and tell her “Don’t worry, you poor little snowflake, you didn’t have any control over what you were doing because life is tough” Guilt, as I said, is what will stop her doing this sort of dumbarse thing again. She has to own it. That’s why there’s that saying about learning from the past, so we don’t repeat the mistakes in the future.
Ducks, leaving the job is just something I would do. I’d feel too guilty about the whole thing.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (04:30pm)
Wibwob,
Your comments are a simple way to make yourself feel better about the fact that the OP’s fuckup is but a drop in the pond next to yours, how bout you STFU and stop being a tramp and people will react accordingly.
Mistakes are Mistakes, Cheating on your partner is a deal breaker for most as with many i have no sympathy for pathetic dropkicks that cant keep it in their pants.
Cheats SHOULD get a public stoning she can cram her hopes at advice fair up her ass and it can remain there cosy next to her bosses suds for all i care.
Newsflash dropkick one doesnt become high and mighty for not cheating, one simply becomes a decent human being, people dont get commended for remaining faithful but they will be stoned for being a cheating slag of a whore.
Buying a novelty dildo for a 90year old grandma is a mistake.
Putting the wrong lotto numbers is a mistake.
Cheating with someone whilst in a commited relationship isnt a mistake its the result of yet another cheating slag of a whore.
Thu 28 Oct 10 (10:11am)
Smidgeling, you better watch it...We agree on too many more things and next thing you know, you’ll be marching down the street burning a bra. (Silly practise in my books, much too expensive and pretty to burn)
BroG, it’s not often that my views are the middle ground (I like absolutes, am training to be a Sith) but you are taking it a little far.
Cheating is wrong. I’m not disputing that. But given the degrees that most people will cheat and be cheated on (emotionally and physically)in their life time, her bad decision isn’t one that can’t be come back from. She just has to learn from the mistake.
Though, I have to ask....How do you accidentally buy a dildo? For grannies or otherwise?
Thu 28 Oct 10 (11:14am)
BroG, be careful, you’re becoming a bit of a CTT. Except less educated and more annoying.
Thu 28 Oct 10 (12:25pm)
Mistress D makes lots of mistakes.
Her biggest though, is knocking back a dinner invite from me. She gave me some cock and bull story about a boyfriend or some crap.
Then there’s Kate’s mistake in not telling us the dog story.
See, chicks are always making errors in judgement.
It sounds a bit like you want it to be more than just a late night drunken kiss and Bossy is right, if that’s the case - do not talk to him. He may say something, even out of kindness, that gives you a glimmer of hope that’s not really there.
What I find concerning though is that you cheated on your boyfriend and this doesn’t seem to worry you at all. You are concerned about work and your boss, but there’s nothing in there about betraying your partner. I think this means either a) you’re a bit of a mole or b) you really do have feelings for your boss, even if you did not realise them before that night.
Don’t be a home wrecker. Even if he was feeling something for you, he has a family and what’s it going to do to your career if you break up that family by having an affair with your boss? I think that him acting the way he did the next day was his way of trying to smooth it over and not make a big deal of it. You should probably just let it go and if you don’t care about your boyfriend don’t be with him.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:55am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:08pm)
Aaaaah, the old ‘homewrecker’ label thrown around by women TO women… a misguided label that I despise hearing from people’s lips…
Just to reiterate what I think of this ridiculous label -
If someone - i.e. a man - decides to have a home and a family, it is his job to protect it and be an ambassador for that primary romantic relationship and his family when ‘out in the field’ during the day and night.
There are men who are capable of saying, when presented with sexual options other than their wives, “Thanks but no thanks.”
The ones that DO take opportunities when presented (OR the married guys that effectively chase women or proposition them as this guy has done) are effectively potentially wrecking their OWN HOME.
This girl has enough of her own agenda to worry about - her career, the uncomfortable nature of what happened, her possible attraction to this guy, the sadness over her friend’s death and so on…
Should she ALSO have to worry about his relationship, his family, his wife, his kids, his in-laws, potential divorce, why he’s making the decisions he’s making, why he said what he said and so on and so on and so on...?
She should give it some thought, sure, but the primary responsibility to his family is his.
Contrary to popular belief, not all men are apes who leap at the chance to mate with a foreign female. They do actually have a choice in the matter (and in fact in this case, he was the INSTIGATOR of the ‘come back to my room/s’).
Please don’t treat men like kids and expect women to take care of all of the moralising in these situations.
It is not our sole responsibility to keep men in check in this world.
As mentioned in an earlier blog this week, people must take responsibility for themselves.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (01:51pm)
Spot on Turquoise
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:00pm)
I agree with Turquoise here.
Its the responsibility of the person inside the relationship to maintain their fidelity, if fidelity is a condition of that relationship.
If there are problems inside the relationship, then they need to be fixed independently, or the relationship should be left.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (04:00pm)
That is really angry and nasty.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (04:02pm)
I was not saying that at all, in fact I think you completely missed my point.
I am VERY against women who believe only women are to blame in situations where cheating has occurred. It is ridiculous that when some women are cheated on that they go after the other woman and don’t hold their own partner accountable.
But… should she think of his family, his life, divorce etc? Yes, she should. These things are a part of who he is and yes while he should take the grunt of the blame, she is a guilty party also. I did not at all say she is to blame and he is innocent. I do not agree with that at all! But if she wants to mess with a married family man, then she has to deal with the fact that there is a wife and kids involved. Just as he has to accept she has a boyfriend.
My main point was referring to her own life with her own boyfriend and how that is her responsibility.
The man in this situation did not write in for advice, the woman did. So addressing the man in this circumstance would not really be necessary. I’d have PLENTY to say to him if he asked!
By the way I don’t consider home wrecker to be a title specifically reserved for women. It is something usually referring to anyone who is married with children, regardless of the sex.
You’re all saying that it’s the person in the relationship who is responsible and I agree! She is in a relationship and that was my main point. But they are both guilty parties! He is not the only one who is taken and never did I say that either of them is solely responsible.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (04:14pm)
I do agree with you Turquoise however I think that if the third person knowingly becomes involved with an obviously attached person they’re a douche and pretty much deemed pathetic imo.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (04:43pm)
Turq’s right, i would agree the same only remove the gender tags.
The person in a relationship has sole responsibility to maintain that relationship.
He is the home wrecker.
Whilst she is not responsible for his failing relationship, its something of a social courtesy or shall i even go so far as to say ‘human decency” that a person should actively seek to NOT engage in the forbidden with someone who is in a commited relationship.
Whilst clearly people dont give a crap about other peoples relationships i dont think we should stop trying in general.
Just because rarely someone does the right thing doesnt mean EVERYONE should stop trying to do the right thing.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (05:06pm)
This must be a different Turquoise than the one who was saying just yesterday that you have to take some responsibility for other people’s feelings and that people that don’t have no empathy.
Now you want to jump on the personal responsibility bandwagon?
Funny.
Thu 28 Oct 10 (09:14am)
Tim,
Yes I think she should have SOME ‘empathy’ for the wife/kids, if she decided to become more heavily involved with this guy.
But the fact is - she doesn’t know them or anything about them, and HE certainly wasn’t thinking of them when he whispered “Come back to a hotel room.”
The degree of empathy you can have for people you’ve never met, seen or heard about is always going to be less than if you DO know them (i.e. if you went to Africa and saw starving kids in person, you’d feel a lot worse than just seeing them on TV), hence why it’s the person who’s in a relationships personal responsibility to make sure they don’t disrespect their wife/partner when they’re out and about.
In a nutshell - if the husband doesn’t stand up for her/protect her by not sleeping with someone else - really, who will?
I suppose I’m aware that human beings are often very selfish and so I have little to no expectations of other women not wanting to sleep with/be with any boyfriend I might have, but I WOULD have expectations of him.
Thu 28 Oct 10 (10:20am)
Let me get this straight, Turquoise. Is it just people in a marriage that should be faithful or is it just men?
Thu 28 Oct 10 (12:40pm)
I usually get along with Turquoise, but Tim is right. So many people were harping on about how the ‘friend’s with benefits guy’ is responsible for the woman’s feelings, yet here they are saying this woman is not responsible for macking on a married guy. Consistency people!
Right now, engineering courses are crying out for women to make up class numbers.
I suggest you enrol, that way not only will you be greatly supporting much needed tokenist claptrap, you’ll finish fully qualified to build a bridge and get the f*** over yourself.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:56am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:42pm)
@Alastair
Win.
You were both obviously “tired and emotional” (aka drunk and uninhibited) and I doubt either of you would have done this had you been cold sober. He’s probably embarrassed as hell about it and praying you don’t think in terms of $37 million lawsuits. And asking for a quiet word with him might very well seem like a hidden threat.
Let it go. If you want a professional relationship with this guy, then maintain a professional distance in the future. And leave it at that. If he ever repeats the behaviour, well, that’s a different thing. But until and unless he does, proceed as though it never happened. And maybe work on your kissing technique with your boyfriend.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:57am)
Oh Dear,
Sounds to me like you do have feelings for this guy.. but he’s ok with it and has put it behind him. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but you’re sweating on it…
Don’t talk to him about it, just leave it alone as he has one. Otherwise, like bossy said, you’ll end up turning it into something it’s not.
it was just a drunken mistake, and shouldn’t be thought of as anything else…
Wed 27 Oct 10 (08:59am)
I have a little saying that covers these kinds of things.
First incident = Learning Curve
Second incident = Mistake
Third incient = You are a total moron!
As bossy said, grief + alcohol = low inhibitions and poor decision making.
A snog and grope in a pub is a long way from an all night romp. You had enough sense to recognise what was happening and walk away from it before things got out of hand.
Your career isn’t over because you kissed the boss but it certainly would have been if you slept together and others found out about it.
My advice would be to discuss it in a confidential counselling session to get it out of your head and leave the situation alone. If your boss thinks it’s that much of a big deal he can talk about it. By the sounds of things he has far more to lose.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:01am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (01:02pm)
Nice, RC, I like your style.
OP, read what Reality Check said again then do as RC says.
Oh, And leave the work function when the other girls do ‘next time’....
Wed 27 Oct 10 (01:13pm)
good advice
Well you’re now officially the office tramp. You don’t need to fuck someone to be fucked.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:04am)
I’d like to propose this,
when he spoke to you he did not raise it. IMO this means that he is wanting to leave it well alone, i would stay away from having to clarify everything. If it comes up again (not the action but the issue) then address it in full with him.
I’d leave it as an isolated incident. Maybe keep a little diary of what happened, why it happened and any significant behaviors here-on out.
good luck
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:06am)
You are definitley making more of it than needs to be. Move on with doing a great job and if you cannot move past it perhaps you would be best to find another job. The reason I say this is if you are unable to move past I fear it may affect your work performance. Do not confide or tell anybody else in your office, just because your unable to deal with it doesnt mean your boss needs everybody gossiping about it.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:07am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:54pm)
I’m sure her boyfriend thinks she is making more of it than needs to be.
Lie to everyone including your boyfriend and hold onto this pent up guilt. You deserve it.
Just learn from your lesson and don’t drink so much around dudes that you’re starting to kiss them and shit, especially when you have a boyfriend.
Or hey, don’t learn the lesson, sleep with some dude, get guilty and then cry rape, which seems to be all the rage these days. Along with “oh, some one must have spiked my drink” after consuming way too much alcohol than a women should be able to handle, combined with the fact that they generally don’t eat as to be as thin as possible and fuck, who needs to deal with consequences of your actions, you’re just a girl, tee-hee.
Umm yeah also hope your boss or your boyfriend do not read this, if the event is in fact recent and there’s a number of “connect the dots” type details in it, you may have more than just a kiss to worry about.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:08am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (02:22pm)
LOl. precisely the reason i have not written to bossy for advice.. all my friends read this blog and it would be ridiculously, blaringly obvious that it was me and no one else.
OP, sounds like your boss is either a decent enough guy that he regrets it, or he is smart enough to realise what he has to lose, and is keeping on your good side. Either way, that works in your favour and i think you’ll be fine. Just forget it and be nice, but not too nice.
Just pretend it didn’t happen. Maintain professionalism with your boss. Have 1 drink from now on at social functions. Don’t shit where you eat.
That’s about it. He’s married. Don’t be that girl.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:12am)
I’ll say it though.
You haven’t ruined your career - not by a long shot. And the boss’ boss is probably scared of a sexual harassment lawsuit against him.
I get the impression that’s not your intention (and I applaud that) and maybe you’re even wanting to reassure him of this, but my advice would be just to not say anything and move on.
You were both drunk, and both in a highly charged emotional state - those things make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. See it as what it was, just a mistake but not a big one, and definitely not a career ender.
The best thing you can do is just go about your business as you normally do. That will show him, and you, that it was an aberrant thing which happened outside the workplace and in the past, and will stay there.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:16am)
Sue your employer for $37m . Take a holiday to the US and present them with the bill.........
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:18am)
Wed 27 Oct 10 (12:01pm)
The best advice here by a country mile. Don’t fret over your silly drunken mistake, PROFIT FROM IT! After you collect your dosh and appear on TV and in the papers quite a bit, you’ll be officially a celebrity on par with the likes of Shapelle and Mercedes and therefore eligible for the next series of Dancing With the Stars! Fame and fortune and staring you in the face. Grab the opportunity by the gonads.
You both made a silly mistake which you both now regret. Let it go and forget about it. Do not try and “talk to him about it” or you will just embarrass him and yourself as well.
Next time, don’t be the last one left at work drinks.
Wed 27 Oct 10 (09:18am)