Assume Nothing

My youngest is talking about moving back home.

It would be kind of a nice since I am really tired of cooking and he is such a great chef. He also works from home now so I would have someone to share the burden of keeping an eye on his sneaky older brother.

Yea, my eldest has been driving me crazy. I suppose it is because I am home all day and a bit of a control freak…seems I am micromanaging him. I am sure he is just rebelling, but in the last two weeks, he has been busted for three major infractions hitchhiking, stealing, and gossiping at work. Argh! There is nothing worse than having a thirteen-year in a thirty-year-old body that I must take care of… I will take the smart ass twenty three year old any day.

My youngest has had to go to the doctor daily because of an abscess on his posterior, so being a good mom I have been taking him. The second day we went someone referred to me as his wife. If I knew how to spell the sound that came out of his mouth I would type it… it was priceless. I told the lady he was my son, and that would take cradle robbing to a whole new incestuously sick level.

He asked me not to share the incident, so of course I could not wait to share. I told him I would not tell anyone he knew except his sister. Glad after eleven years no one he knows bothers to check in on me.

These are baby steps… bare with me…

I was on Mindless Waste of Hours Towards Some Meaningless Goalbook today because I have nothing better to do with my time, and I read Kathy’s status feed about her dog; the poooor neglected un-hugged Stella Mirra, Retrieved Golden. Her status lead me to write about my own squirrel killer, Loki.

The old lady next door has about ten bird feeders in her tree. All of the birds and squirrels and other hungry animals from all around come to feed. Loki (the hunter) sits on my front porch and picks his morning, afternoon, and evening snacks from what we now call the treat tree. Carcasses, fur, and feathers scatter my yard…

Loki is a great cat, very affectionate and self-sufficient. He seems to know when I go to the doctor’s for something or if I am ill, I always come home or open my door to find to a headless animal plated and centered carefully on the porch mat. My daughter is always accusing me of over feeding him, but he hardly is ever at the food dish, hell why would he need to be. He is the only animal I have that actually gets thinner over the winter rather than heavier.

Thanks for the kick in the ass Kathy even if you didn’t know you gave it. Now hug your dog!

Oi! It’s the middle of August and I haven’t written a word. I suppose it is time to play catch up; lets see if I can accomplish that in 500 words or less.

I have an appointment with the VA, so step one is complete… Medical is taken care of, check, now all I have to worry about is … yes what we all worry about. Supposedly vulgar to even bring it up or so I am told.

A few interesting things happened last week. First was I purchased a seniors discount card to our brand new (four or five years old) Recreation Center. Then I used my membership every day last week. Yes, I have been working out daily. As soon as my daughter (who in case you haven’t figured out by now is my sidekick) gets off work (the joys of being a barista) at noon, we take our mother’s little helpers and are off to the Rec Center to play on the machines. They also have a heated pool, but I need more time on the machines before I put on a swimsuit again. We do our thirty to forty minute work out and then it is back home. The first few days I was sore and cranky, but I soaked in a warm bath and did the whole thing over again. On Friday I got a massage… the last one I will be getting, unless one comes in present form, for a long while.

Thursday, still on last week… I took my daughter to the ER for an ingrown toenail. Yeah, instead of going to a proper doctor and having it looked at, my daughter wanted to go to the ER and have a PA remove her toenail for 100 times the cost. Therefore, I spent about two to three hours in a place I should be nowhere near and babied my twenty four year old daughter as she had a complete meltdown over the whole incident. Ah and you think the joys of motherhood end at some magic date.

Speaking of the joys of motherhood, the queen mother pushed her way into my VA appointment tomorrow. Now I would have been fine going on my own, but no, she had to insist on coming with me. She pulled the, “your never too old for a mother,” line on me, though it will be miles out of my way and require me to leave the house at 6:30 in the morning so that I am not late for my appointment. In her little universe, it takes me only minutes to get to her house instead of an hour fighting morning traffic. I tried in vein to talk her out of coming, but something inside is telling me she needs to hear my prognosis from a doctor. After all, she is the queen mother. So much for thinking I was going to get to flirt with cute men in uniforms the queen mother can really cramp my style, or embarrass the crap out of me.

That takes me up to last night. So much for under 500 words.

I was on Mindless Waste of Hours Towards Some Meaningless Goalbook last night when an epiphany materialized … mind you I did not have an epiphany, it more like materialize as in words written in the sky in front on me… okay not the sky perhaps on my ceiling. This (Mindless Waste of Hours Towards Some Meaningless Goalbook) really is something I am not sure I want to be a member of… Oh, I like playing Scrabble® and tending my pretend farm because six Scrabble® games are not enough to juggle. There is also the ability to make smart-ass comments then delete them after someone has called me out. Yes, I actually find some slight amusement in doing the latter. However, besides Scrabble® and occasional pictures and links, I find that (Mindless Waste of Hours Towards Some Meaningless Goalbook) a waste of my time. So if I disappear I have found somewhere else to play Scrabble® and talked my opponents into joining me there.

I need more food and some sanity…that was the only segue I could come up with, hell it is after midnight, my brain is not …

There has been cooking happening in my home, and I am the one doing it. It has been years since I cooked meal so reacquainting myself with the kitchen has been a little hazardous. The first thing I had to do was reclaim the kitchen and organize it to my liking. Then I had to inform my eldest that things stay and go back where I put them if he wants food. The food statement was all I really needed to make, since he cannot drive. There is logic to that sentence if you think it all the way out…

On Saturday, my youngest came over and while cooking sour cream pound cake muffins I grabbed the corner of the pan, and forgot to let go. All I can say is ice and an Aloe Vera plant saved me from tears. It was a nasty burn with the burning flesh smell and all.

Last night I was chopping onions with some of the dullest knifes in history when I took off the tip of my finger. Now I do not have long nails, in fact it looks as though I am a nail biter however, truth be told, I am a compulsive filer. Nevertheless, I somehow managed to cut off the tip of the nail and alter my fingerprints since the cut was on the same hand as the burn. Damn I could have used these altered fingerprints if I had gone into another career choice… spy… I mean working for the State Department.

I have been busy putting ducks in a row the last month and a half. It is really difficult when ducks decided that they do not need to be in a row, and you have to convince them that they should. I am still messing with said ducks and it looks like it might take a good year of training at this point. Cryptic enough for you?

Last weekend my youngest son and I went to SA to help my father with a computer, well several computer problems; the worse actually being a blasted HP printer. We never got the damn thing hooked up the way he needed it, but I will be damned if we didn’t give it a go… you would have to see my father’s two computers, a scanner, fax machine, three printers, photo scanner cocktail to understand why putting one more printer on this could cause such a mess. Oh, all wireless too. I told him that the one printer, copier, scanner, photo scanner, fax all in one that he bought me would be perfect and he could just plug it in or have one machine do it all, not to mention it uses less ink then an HP. However, he told me that since he already has about 20 ink cartridges he would stick with his HP.

So this morning I received an email from my father…

Well we finally got all three of my printers working correctly. I was on the phone with the Tech for 10 hours. But he really fixed up everything. He found where I had some problems with my operating system and corrected any number of things on my computer, plus getting all my printers installed and operating correctly. He couldn’t help me with the 15 errors in my operating system as I do not have a CD for my XP system only for my XP home edition which would not work as this computer is not a home edition.. Anyway, it’s working and I’m happy. Thanks for the offers.. Figure this cost HP much more that the $49 I paid for the printer. Can you imagine 10 hours of long distance to Canada?

My response was…

Well I am glad you finally got that taken care of… I know how stressful it can be having computer problems. Not to mention that is how your business is run… anyway I am glad all is squared away. Haven’t seen my youngest today, I think he is afraid I will drag him back to SA for another full day of screwing with your computer.

In other news…

The daughter and Special Ed just came buy to pick up my eldest for the night, and to Rent a Cleaner (that is what they call renting my eldest to help clean.) He gets all excited both spending the night and cleaning. There is a blessing in there with that kid…he may be mentally retarded but he hates dust and messes…not to mention, but I am my kitchen is always spotless.

Speaking of kitchens…

Yesterday my daughter and I made empanadas with Pillsbury Crescent rolls, soy (fake Mexican chorizos) and Brie… it doesn’t sound good, but we ate the whole batch… great hors d’oeuvres or breakfast food. Earlier in the week I made enough Chicken Adobo for about eight people not realizing I should probably have cut my recipe in half. My eldest is enjoying the fact that I am cooking again, and I am actually getting some satisfaction out of the realization I still can cook, not to mention the benefits of eating well. I have not gained any weight, but at least I am holding at 114.

I am cat sitting for my daughter and her man. Arnie, the teenage cat that went through kitty boot camp here, is staying for a while. He likes it over here and visits occasionally. I took him in this time (my idea) because I noticed that he was getting skinny and my daughter has a new kitten and puppy… hell poor Arnie just wasn’t getting enough attention, nor did he want to hang out in the house. Since he has been here he has not left the house… he has claimed a chair and there he has stayed. He did not even try to leave with my daughter this morning when they came to pick up her brother. He just hung out in his chair.

Last night Arnie got on top of the fish tank and knocked over the fish-food can. This cat must have opposable thumbs because he managed to open the container and had it half eaten. It isn’t as if I don’t always have cat food out, heck I have a food dispenser.

Okay well I have a Scrabble game or two to tend to…