Too lazy or stupid to form an opinion on the issues? Tired of being called ‘that ignorant jackass’ behind your back? Why not memorise our position on the day’s talking point, and peddle it as your own? Dignity’s on us (you ignorant jackass).

If Twink farts, you’ll read about texture and radius of impact here. If Daniel O’Donnell, Ray Shah and Derek Davis accidentally murder a stripper, we’ll leak whether her name was Angel or Crystal before knowing if any of it is true. This is our pledge.

In the late Nineteenth (or early Twentieth) century, the great James Joyce famously said something inspirational about art. We couldn’t have put it any better ourselves, nor would we deign to bother trying. Such is our cultural snobbery.

Whether you’re soccer mad, or the kind of sweaty, predatory creep who gets off on badminton, Coddle Pot is your only man. Unfortunately, we currently don’t cater for anything in the middle. Just ’soccer mad’, or ‘badminton pervert’.

Here, anything goes. You’re as likely to find directions for performing penis enlargement surgery on a Komodo Dragon, as top tips for intimidating a jury of your peers. We’ll also be explaining why suicide trumps murder-suicide, every time.