spEak You're bRanes

There’s a new New-New Labour leader. I got a memo from Polly Toynbee saying Jews are PC now, anti-Semitism is passé, and the slogan is now “Ciabatta to Israel”. I’m meant to pass it on.

Desiderius Erasmus wrote:

Have the Labour Party just elected as leader a man who has only been an MP since 2005, who is living with someone their child, but who isn’t married, and is the son of a Jewish Marxist Communist theorist?

I ask only because surely this ticks every box in the PC wish list …. how will this play in the Muslim community?

Every box? What? Wait. Hang on! Ed Miliband is gay?

HYS distilled. Angry, wilfully ignorant stupidity boiled down to its essence.

wildlancaster wrote:

Now let me think about that one…….NO

Fibber.

Is Britain now a more equal society, asks Have Your Say. Which seems like a pretty straightforward question to me.

You have Tony to thank for this.

I don’t live there yet I can tell you my observations and I can tell you my experiences from way over here in the USA. It is a shame that even though you look into the mirror and see yourself you can make less of others. There are things I wouldn’t do to my possessions or to myself. Possessions although they are not living things according to my expenses I would not harm them. No matter the loss of my knowledge about them, if they did not behave as I would want them to I would not destroy them.

BBC I do not agree with any cultivated society that draws from it’s self the substance of others to be less than themselves because they have been taught to by their society although it was not merited, but because the individual was taught such sanction abuse.

I do not succumb to such exploitation nor do I respect any such creatures belligerent abuses. Spoiled brats it would be best to be said nice but to be honest it is a limited subspecies response’.
KingLeeRoySandersJr

I never got no degree or nothing, and I certainly never received any formal instruction in the study of philosophy. So you can imagine my near-constant bafflement whilst reading Kant’s Groundwork of the Metaphysic of Morals a couple of years back. Each time I thought I had some slender grasp on what the dead motherfucker was trying to tell me, I’d soon find myself having to twist round yet another convoluted network of logic pipes, only to re-emerge once more lost and empty-handed.

Trying to decipher KingLeeRoySandersJr’s jagged mentalogue is a similar experience. After several minutes of intense concentration, I think I spot a thin vein of coherence weaving in and out of the swirls and pointy bits, but then he starts talking about commanding inanimate objects to do his bidding.

Suddenly I’m back in the dark place with a sweaty, trouserless Kant. And the look in his eye suggests he’s about to act very much not according to that maxim whereby he can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.

Women. They’re everywhere, and they have been for a very long time. Many English people are women. And a lot of them are even white. How much bile, then, could Have Your Say possibly dredge up on them?

God, what a naive question. I hate you.

Because, as we all know, there is a common thread of animosity that unites everyone misguided or ill enough to actually use – rather than laugh at or weep over – HYS, regardless of their own peculiarities. And the object of that single unifying hatred is anyone or anything which doesn’t share the subject’s own peculiarities. A virtual nation united in its divisions. It’s beautiful, really, when you think about it. Almost as beautiful as the little sick I just done on my keyboard while I was thinking about it. Almost, but not quite.

So this thread on women in politics is nothing less than a masterstroke. It truly has something to offer everyone. After all, any man can hate women, whatever his nationality, colour or creed. And for the ladies? Just pick one from the opposite end of the political spectrum and bathe in her blood.

No women Plumbers, mechanics, technicians, engineers. Where is the quota? Women don’t want to do these jobs or do they? How can women expect to lead with confidence when they are missing from a huge part of Industry
Adrian O sullivan Belgium

Big in student politics, eh? Got a bit of pull within the union, have you? Tireless activist, are we? Well, you’re not impressing Adrian. Your energy, ambition, revolutionary social policies and macroeconomic strategy won’t wash with him, not until you’ve fixed that boiler.

It depends on whether we want quality or quantity, and whether we are willing to accept a possibly larger percentage of delinquent children if mothers in general are too involved in social or political activities outside the home.
Max

This is a classic response to the feminist threat: when a member of the weaker sex displays those first ominous signs of independent thought, simply appeal to the womb-brained bint’s irrepressible nature. But who’ll look after the children? Think of the little babies!

It’s a tactic with a proud tradition. It failed in 1918, it failed in 1970 and it’s failing now.

This will most likely get moderated and yet it should be considered because it is relevant.

Consider: Female President of the USA + THREAT + PMT = Armageddon
Peter Buck

In between albums, the esteemed REM guitarist is currently exploring a parallel career as Rory McGrath.

There are simply too few Women up to the job or are simply too Female biassed to be fair. Harriet Harman – the extremely anti – anything Male MP – is ONE case in point.

I challenge the Media to hold a Survey of the Political knowledge of any ordinary Woman living in any ordinary street and publish the Results.

The only acceptable exception was Margaret Thatcher – she worked for the whole Country – NOT just Women…
Tez

Tez. Blokey blokey diamond geezer Tez. What is he? Is he a confused egalitarian? Is he a razor-sharp social satirist with a finely-honed instinct for corrosive irony? Or is he simply a pigshit-thick Sun reader waddling down a provincial high street at 1am on a Sunday morning, chilli sauce down his top, pants round his ankles, pathetically tugging at his lager-shrivelled cock?

Women in power scare me. Have you ever asked a women in power something and it seems she says no just because she can? Also, i think that the public looks to men more for their leadership. When you think of some official, what comes to mind, a woman or a man?
Locke

Say what you like about Locke – and I have: I’ve been saying he’s an embarrassment to anyone who ever owned a penis; I’ve been saying those women would have likely cauterised themselves shut before ever acceding to his grubby requests; I’ve been saying he’s a weak, whining, slimy column of trembling flesh barely fit for doner meat – say whatever you like about him, but at least he’s honest.

We end up in New Zealand for this one, just to show you that you can travel 12,000 miles but you’ll never be able to escape the stupid, the racist and the just-plain-dickheads.

Every child needs a dictionary, says a proper professor from a proper university and everything. The result is moderately predictable, but it might just make you feel slightly better about people who left the UK and claim that everyone and everything is awesome down under. Apparently it’s stuffed full of exactly the same people as the place you left. Who would have thought it?

Dave #6 Clearly you have never had to wright university essays or scientific journals or for that matter reports at all .

Stick to TV mate

Geoff #5 Spell checker on word does not teach you vocabulary , it often results in extremly poor grammer as word does not really perform grammer checks. People do a brain dump and then only look at individual words in spell check and leave it at that which often leads to extremly poor grammer

Stick to TV mate
Cam

So what kind of dump did you have to come out with that? I wouldn’t be following Cam‘s advice about sticking to TV, because I think he learned some of his spelling from Frasier. And the rest from Shortland Street.

Incidentally, what Cam should have done is lay his dump in Word first, like everyone else did. It just goes to show, you can sit a twat in front of a computer but you can’t make him think.

Splendid, another load of nonsense from an ‘educational’ professional. Never have so many few been so out of touch with so many. Since when has building vocabluary come from a dictionary….this is such nonsense. Where is his evidence, or is this something that this Professor has ‘just decided’?? For many of our children simply buying a book and a pen for school is a distant dream…(i am training to be a secondary teacher)…this guy need to get in the classroom and get real before ranting about the need for dictionaries!
Caro

Yeah, fuck it. Who needs a dictionary? And come to think of it, who needs a PhD and tenure at a university to know things? Jesus, I did two law modules in my second year of university and I get sick to fucking death of these ‘judges’ and ‘barristers’ going on and on about ‘points of law’. These ‘law professionals’ are just the same as these ‘educational professionals’ – they’re confusing ‘experience’ with common sense. So I know how Caro feels, what with that 6 months of teacher training she’s got under her belt. Still, it’s great that she seems to know that she’s not and never will be recognised as a professional in her field, or as someone who’s picked up a dictionary.

Caro didn’t fill me with confidence about the standard of teaching these days, but she did show everyone can have a positive impact on the world, no matter how difficult it is for them to grasp the simplest of concepts. Caro, for instance, got me to clean my monitor – when I first read this I swore blind her rabid flecks of spit appeared on my screen. I scrubbed and I scrubbed and I scrubbed, but I couldn’t get all the stupid out.

The literacy in this country is embarrassing , from whites also. For a first world country its extremely basic.
Engelbert

Yeah, it is, isn’t it? Still, nice to see that you recognised that white people can have literacy issues too.

It’s far too late. The human race is doomed. Children these days are semi-literate mongoloids who bludgeon the English language into submission every time they open their mouths. Incidentally, I’ve noticed their vocabulary of swear words continues to grow exponentially.
Cecil Willoughby

Oh, I don’t know. I’m getting on a bit, and I reckon I know a few more swear words than your average kid. For example, I read your comment – or the textual representation of wankcheese – and the first thing I thought was that you’re a complete and utter flange, and that I’d rather pop my own chalfonts with a rusty needle than have to consider that someone like you exists. Fortunately for me, you’re miles away and you live on an island with a massive propensity for natural disasters. If you couple that with the fact that you’re not as smart as you think, then I feel much better for the future of the human race. Except for Gwen Stefani.

Thanks to Frank.

Ah, the Pope. Making it okay to hate large groups of people since… well, since the last one died. Have you noticed that he’s not quite as adorable and cuddly-looking as the old one? I have. But for expert opinion, don’t ask some acidic, anonymous gobshite on the internet – just ask David Jones. Or his grandma, if you fancy grabbing a spade and doing a bit of digging.

My grandmother made a small fortune on the stock market by looking, not at the figures in the company’s annual report, but by studyint photographs of members of the board of directors.

She looked at the photos and asked herself “Can I trust this person?”

When I look into the eyes of Pope John Paul II, in every photograph/video over every stage of the long years of his papacy I see eyes showing warmth. genuine compassion, love of humanity, humility and grace.

But when I look into the eyes of Pope Benedict XVI, I see the cunning eyes of a politician who would betray his grandmother if the price was right and swear blind that black was white. His every expression is less than saint-like

Am I the only one who feels this way?
David Jones, Burton on Trent

No. You’re not. Before, you knew the Pope meant well when he said that condoms spread AIDS, or that honestly, he didn’t know about priests abusing kids in their care, or he decided that it was his job to villify and help persecute ten percent of society based on their sexual orientation. I personally preferred it when the Pope was old and senile, and he didn’t look like Dr. Klopek from The ‘burbs. I could just about handle being Catholic when he looked a bit like Stuart Hall – in my head, I could add silly laughs to the end of his mass! Now when I look at this Benedict bloke, all I can think of is Tom Hanks in his undercrackers being chased by the Pope with a chainsaw. Or, ironically, Jake and Elwood Blues being chased by Nazis in a station wagon.

Yeah, I think Catholicism is done for me. It’s just far too easy to be reminded of horrible stuff now I can’t get a tingly groin looking at the Pope.

There was a bit of natter last week after an Ofsted review concluded that half of all children considered by their schools to have special educational needs may have been misidentified. And understandably, for there’s a fine line between a child who genuinely needs specialist intervention, and a relatively mainstream child who requires a particular approach from their teacher.

But that’s the fucking woolly liberal pansy way of looking at it. Enter AtillaIsBack, who weighed in several times on a CiF debate with an agenda all of his very own. That agenda? Try to demonise as many Middle England bugbears as possible, without resorting to evidence, reason or intellect.

Thanks, Tony!

It seems to me that none of these children have special educational needs. Their brains appear to be capable of functionning perfectly. All this SEN stuff is a load of gobbledygook, to disguise the fact that they have not been raised properly by their parents. Basically their parents probably did not talk to them and play with them in the way normal parents do. In that sense the Cons are correct.

So what is the solution? First thing stop giving single mums houses. The first mum sounds like a perfect example of bad women being able to breed because it is all handed to a plate on them, whilst responsible people are barely able to afford rent let alone a family. Let them live with their parents.

Second restore discipline. They’ll soon learn, without the expense of paying for all these extra staff members. If they know that you can make their lives hell and physically restrain them if they misbehave/ act violently/ or disrupt classes, then they’ll soon sit quietly. Once they sit quietly they will learn quickly.

Another tool, would be to force naughty children to do daily PE if they misbehave. Tiredness is the best way to make children sit quietly. The exercise would do them good.

Another point I would like to add is how many of these SEN children come from immigrant families. If it is a lot, which would not suprise me, then it shows yet another reason why immigration is just a massive expense to the taxpayer, requiring “multiagency professional” where none were needed when every pupil was from the British Isles.
AtillaIsBack

Textbook. Jab an accusing finger at single mothers and the poor, and then insist the way to salvation lies in approaches both completely nebulous, like ‘restoring discipline’, and depressingly prosaic, such as ‘beating the shit out of the poor sods’.

But wait! Can immigrants also be shoe-horned into this? Fuck, yes. You’ll find Atilla bending over backwards to oblige there, in just about the most laboured way imaginable: “I have no idea at all if x is responsible for y, but if I find out it is… ooh!”

And another thing…

Also how can 1 out of 5 people have special needs? That seems far too high to me. If that is the case we need to change our whole economy, because these people are not likely to be productive unless we restore maunfacturing or stop letting poles take all the trades jobs.

Hence I think the true causes are bad parenting, poor discipline and teaching, and no doubt lots of pupils who can not speak English properly. There must be millions of immigrant children and children of immigrants in UK schools. But the government can not admit to the absolute millstone they are around other pupils’ necks so comes out with all the SEN guff. The same goes for what I call the children of the welfare state. Children of drug addicts and the like. Labour would not dare admit that the wlefare state is collectively lowering our intelligence.
AtillaIsBack

Labour? Check. Welfare state? Check.

I wonder who else we can implicate in this whole sorry mess?

Feminism and neo-liberalism together are to blame for this situation.
AtillaIsBack

House!

Thanks to Dave.

Morrissey’s been accused of being a racist, which of course makes it instantly okay to a) openly like Morrissey again and b) insult entire nations. Racism could only get more casual if it was wearing a shellsuit and tucking the bottoms of its pants into Pringle socks.

What inspires me about this is that amongst the chaos there appears to be at least some kind of natural order to the universe.

Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Pakistani, in fact many countries do things we find appalling. There’s nothing we can do about it, it’s their culture. But what we can do, and should have done, is to keep them and their ways out of our own country. Is it too late to do something?
Diane

No Diane, it’s not too late. You can f*** off somewhere else. People like you make me ashamed to be native British.
si

See, there are positive uses for that phrase! Now, if only someone could quote Morrissey lyrics and confuse the fuck out of a passing mentaloid, causing him to offer some shit advice based on complete fantasy, and do it in an easy-to-follow bullet form.

Ouija board, Ouija board….can you help me-ee-ee?
Rad Pitt

Stay away from Ouija boards for three very good reasons
1. do you think spirits, of departed are answering you – think again. You are dealing with something that could cause you a lot of hurt and damage, especially spiritually.
2. Malevolant evil spirts hide themselves in a guise imitating loved ones and so on, having info on them. They are out to delude you.
3. Worst of all, they are out for you to be possessed by these evil spirits, they are not interested in your problems or solving them. They are interested in destroying your soul, locking you up to them.
So Rad Pitt, my advice to you would be to throw away your Ouija board if you have one, preferably set fire to it in a safe place and go speak to a minister or priest. May God lead, guide and protect you.
Nektarios

Knock three times if you’ve ever been sectioned for standing outside Boots offering your own excrement as the body of Christ.

Can anyone honestly say that they aren’t even a little racist? Everyone’s a little racist and everyone’s a little gay.So there.
Also, he is obviously saying this out of anger and nothing more. Lord, if everyone had to make sure nothing they said would offend anyone…we’d be mutes.
Also, I hope PETA drops Moz as well because they are a terrorist organization. It irks me that my beloved Moz promotes them.
eli

Honestly, eli, I can say that I’ve never been convinced of my superiority over another human being based on our differing races. No, I base my superiority complex on provable concepts. For example, I think I’m better than you because you project your unchecked failings onto other people and excuse faulty reasoning based on erroneous comparisons to the perceived norm. When I read the bollocks you decided to share with the world, I didn’t think you were of a different race – I just thought you were some kind of twat. However, I did once try and have a wank over Jedward*, so it’s not all faulty reasoning on your part.

*If anyone wants to borrow that one, let me know.

Thanks to Kris, who was mining for gold on HYS and accidentally hit a seam of sticky, acidic, racist shit instead. It’s got everywhere, and the cushions on this couch don’t come off. So, with a deep sigh and a bottle of Cillit Bang ready to drink, here’s HYS on Africa, asking if aid is the answer or if instead we can solve the world’s problems by proving what a bunch of cunts we all are.

As has been noted before that every time aid is sent to a country it increases the population and therefore more mouths to feed and more aid is required so more aid is not the solution.
Dave1506

It’s tremendously difficult, the situation in Africa, and it’s compounded by the fact that the fuckers keep living forever because everything is just so cushy. No, less aid is the solution, right? I’m voting for less aid, next time I mistake airing a wanky opinion on the internet for the classic forms of enfranchisement. Less aid means more dead people means less people to complain about people dying. I knew the solution to the world’s problems must have a fairly simple resolution, but I didn’t know it was as simple as just putting in a little bit of work to turn everyone into ignorant, mean, petty little gusset sniffers…

Endless aid is never the answer.
Maybe I’m being a bit harsh here, but if life is unsustainable, then either let the people move somewhere else or let them die, much like nature intended.
Anthony Rat

…that is, if you have to do any work at all. Mind you, somewhere else sounds better than Africa. But where! I heard there’s a pushover of a country on the edge of northern Europe that lets anyone in, especially if you’re from a former colony. Something about liberal-socialist-post-colonial guilt or something. You might have to lock yourself in the back of a freezer van to get there, but I heard that people there are very sympathetic to those in mortal danger.

We have ABSOLUTELY NO obligations to Africa. What we have contributed so far is a reflection of past relationships to colonial Africa. All African leaders or governments think intrinsically that Africa is for black or Arab people. White people, according to Africans, should not be there. Africa should be allowed to fend for itself. This pitiable annual call to donate is now self-perpetuating.These self-appointed do-gooders and “philanthropists” should literally get a life of their own. Being seen to be a “holier than thou high moral ground individual” seems to be so important to those who have failed to make their mark in society in a way they would have wished.
Robert

I expect all those philanthropists and self-appointed do-gooders – as opposed to the do-gooders appointed by the wishy-washy-lefty-do-gooding-overarching-social-agenda-Stalin-is-still-alive-you-know-1984-is-coming-true-and-why-is-the-only-doctor-I-can-get-to-see-at-short-notice-African-committee – wanted to be Premier League footballers or something. Sadly, like Robert, they missed their vocation and ended up wanking into a sock for a living. Or at least the humanitarian equivalent.

A few years ago, I would have pitied Robert for failing to understand the difference between being an aid worker and buying a Big Issue to impress the girl you’re trying so desperately to get tops and fingers off… but now… no, wait, I still pity the gobshite. He’s literally a vadge.

Mind you, Africa for black people? Sounds a bit racist to me. Thank fuck there’s no stupid, gobby, power-hungry hypocrites in Europe who make a living from espousing race-based settlement policies. Otherwise people might get confused and think that stupid, gobby, power-hungry hypocrites actually represent everyone on the continent.

How about the richest nations of Africa supporting their own country.

Top African countries GDP.
# South Africa … $606.4 billion in international$ (up 8% from 2005)
# Algeria … $262.2 billion (up 8.5%)
# Nigeria … $181.8 billion (up 10.2%)
# Morocco … $150.8 billion (up 4.8%)
# Sudan … $98.8 billion (up 11.2%)
# Tunisia … $91.4 billion (up 7.4%)
# Ethiopia … $78.4 billion (up 12%)
# Ghana … $59.4 billion (up 9.1%)
# Angola … $53.9 billion (up 24.3%)
# Democratic Republic of Congo … $50.4 billion (up 9.7%)
# Uganda … $48.5 billion (up 9.2%)
# Kenya … $45.6 billion (up 8.9%)
# Cameroon … $40.3 billion (up 5.7%)
# Côte d’Ivoire … $31.4 billion (up 4.9%)
# Tanzania … $30.6 billion (up 10%)

Perhaps the UK should start asking for aid.
chrisk50

Yeah, we have plans in the pipeline to get aid from the Democratic Republic of the Congo, along with remedial maths lessons on fractions and multiplication just for you. So if you’d like to stand over there by that wall in the sunshine, the humanitarian workers will be here soon to put you out of my misery. Cigarette? Lovely.

And don’t worry, I hear they bring their own equipment.

Should the government ask you for policy ideas?

I’m sure this is a proper dickhive of idiocy, but I spent five hours the other night trawling an entire Mail thread on Wayne/Jeni/Coleen, and quite frankly, I can’t be arsed having a decent rummage. Y’all will have to be satisfied with what Tony sent our way.

Anything thats of non use needs to be out.I have many ideas of how to save and prosper but its too much to post here.All men have minds and its not just those in charge who have great ideas.The public has men of great minds out there but they are unheard of and mainly have to expierience deaf ears by those who proclaim themselves as higher knowledge than thee.SO most ideas fall by the wayside and common sense is thrown out.Ignorance is of no shortage by those who have title.Most self serving and unwilling to take the publics input are put aside and scoffed at.This is the mistake of the ages and we as a whole are held back by decisions and ideas of these deaf ears and serve none but themselves or their parties.Mans ignorance attests to all this.No wonder we cannot move forward.
Michael

Common sense, and the people who eulogise it – is anything more depressing? Obviously, leave aside all the wars and shit, and the senseless brutality of nature, and the sheer futility of all human endeavour, and the fact that each one of us is ultimately alone, captive on a rock hurtling through a godless universe towards its eventual destruction, and all the other stuff. Put all that to one side, then ask yourselves: is anything more depressing than common sense and the people who eulogise it? Surely not.

Common sense is the artificial inflation of the value of meagre knowledge. It’s the intellectual equivalent of ‘having a good personality’. It’s the consolation prize for those too dim to achieve anything beyond remembering to breathe for long enough to reproduce. It’s the same level of earthy wisdom that deems modern art ‘crap’, pure research ‘a waste of time’ and Strictly Come Dancing ‘entertainment’. It’s the undentable armour of the stupid, and you’ll never catch them without it. You take it away from them, they’ve got nothing. They’re left naked in the laughing face of their own inferiority, with no choice but to confront the meandering pointlessness of their lives. Which is a lot to confront all in one go.

They cling to it out of fear. Pity them.