Germany rolled to a 3-0 win over Turkey in their Euro 12 qualifier on Friday. Miroslav Klose scored twice while Mesut Ozil added one of his own. The usually productive (well, for the national team, anyway) Lukas Podolski had a golden chance to score while it was still 1-0 in the 69th minute, but he knocked it just wide of the far post.  

Germany manager Jogi Loew was apparently quite frustrated by this missed opportunity and decided to unleash those feelings by tracking down the closest ball and blasting it towards the stands. I like to think that this act was partly because Poldi couldn't convert his chance and partly because he's had the Lukas Podolski song stuck in his head for more than four years now. Lu-Lu-Lu...

One day after ESPN The Magazine published Charlie Davies' horrible memories of first waking up from the car accident that nearly killed him (and did kill his fellow passenger) almost exactly one year ago and the difficult times he's had since, it's been reported that Davies was caught speeding at more than 110 MPH in France last Saturday night.

In the early hours of Oct. 13, 2009 Davies reportedly broke U.S. national team curfew and was subsequently involved in a car accident that ripped the vehicle in half. It left him with a broken femur and tibia in his right leg, a broken left elbow, facial fractures, a lacerated bladder and bleeding on the brain. The other passenger, 22-year-old Ashley Roberta died. The driver only suffered minor injuries and later admitted to drinking alcohol before the accident.

Now this from the official MLS website:

US international striker Charlie Davies was caught speeding at more than 110 miles per hour last Saturday night, according to police in the Jura district of eastern France.

Local newspaper Le Progres also reported Friday that Davies – who plays with Sochaux in Ligue 1 in France – had his driving license revoked for the incident.

It's just sad, really. I mean, most people speed sometimes -- maybe not at 110 MPH -- and Davies must be frustrated after missing a World Cup and recently being told by his coach at Sochaux that he's still "very far" from being back at where he was. It's hard to speculate why he would do this.

Fair or unfair, Charlie Davies just isn't someone you'd expect to be caught driving a car at more than 110 MPH. 

UPDATE: And the story gets stranger. According to the AP, Davies claims he wasn't the driver of the car caught speeding last Saturday and that he just said he was to cover up for a teammate.

Read More »

Manchester United announced their financial results for the year ending in June 2010. According to chief executive David Gill, the numbers are just delightful. From the Independent:

Gill said the accounts released today were "very good" with excellent revenues, and said there should be no concern about United going down the same road as Liverpool, whose American co-owners have struggled to finance their ownership.

Well, that's splendid for a club that has a very anxious fanbase regarding the massive debt and awful, awful owners at the helm. And what were those numbers that have Gill so pleased?

The Independent reports that the club's operating profit came in at a lovely £100 million. But then you have to take out player costs, interest payments and costs relating to their bond issue and that leaves Man United with ... a record loss of £83.6 million. That's, uh, not very good.

But that doesn't mean Man United have nothing in the bank. Says Gill:

"These philosophy is to retain and attract the best players. We have £165million in the bank but in some ways we would prefer to have £80million in the bank and Ronaldo on the pitch."

So, OK, they lost £80 million and they don't have the player they would prefer to still have. This is really starting to sound like the exact opposite of "very good." Are we sure David Gill knows what the term "very good" means? Maybe he thinks it's synonymous with "making me cry." 

Photo: Reuters

At 35 years old, Davey Becks is no longer the youngest guy on the pitch. As all athletes figure out, with increasing age you need to figure ways to use your smarts and experience to keep up with those younger and faster players. At a youth clinic in Trinidad and Tobago last week, Becks tried out one technique that could keep him in the game for years to come.

Perhaps inspired by this guy, Becks effectively neutralizes his young opponent with ease. I hope you're watching, Fabio Capello. 

Photo: Getty Images

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:  

1. I'M STILL NOT PLAYING -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M STILL NOT PLAYING!!!!!!! FIORENTINA HAVE THREE LOSSES IN SIX MATCHES AND I STILL CAN'T GET ON THE PITCH!!!!!! LOOK AT MY EYES!!!!!!! DO THESE LOOK LIKE THE EYES OF A HAPPY MAN?!?!?!?!?! IF I COULD USE THEM TO SHOOT LASER BEAMS AT YOU I WOULD!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

2. ANDREA PIRLO'S GOAL -- THIS IS DEVIL MAGIC!!!!!!! PIRLO IS AN EVIL DEMON WITH ENVIABLE HAIR!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH I'M STARING SO HARD THAT I THINK I'M GETTING CATARACTS!!!!!!!!!

3. NIGEL DE JONG -- WHY IS HE SO VIOLENT?!?!?!?!??!! IT'S LIKE HE HAS SOME KIND OF DEEP SEEDED ANGER THAT IS TOTALLY UNNECESSARY!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP HURTING PEOPLE OR I WILL DROPKICK YOUR HEAD INTO SPACE!!!!!!!!

Read More »

Wow, this is dumb. The guy in black must have thought the ball would drop and not get headed away by the guy in blue, but still...the Jackie Chan flying kick to the stomach was unnecessary.

It's unclear what kind of punishment was handed down for this offense. The one take-away from this is that we really need to stop 8 on 8 crime, though. 

With his unique hairstyles, no one has ever mistaken West Brom midfielder Paul Scharner for a quiet, unassuming man. And it seems his teammates agree.

According to West Brom's official website, fellow midfielder James Morrison has labeled Scharner as "Mr. Moanivator." Which sounds a little unsettling. 

"He's a bit of a weirdo," Morrison joked.

"He has come in and done well as we've got results.

"He does love a moan and he gets on people's nerves for moaning!

"But he has lots of experience and you can't take that away from him."

No, you can't. But you can call him Mr. Moanivator. And a weirdo.

What does that even mean, anyway? He motivates everyone with his incessant, nerve grating moans? Sounds like some kind of bizarre superpower. 

Photo: Getty Images

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Believe it or not, Nigel De Jong has only received one red card in his whoooole career, back in 2006 while playing with Hamburg in a UEFA Cup match against Rapid Bucaresti. The ref pulled out a second yellow and he couldn't believe it. [Footy for the Soul]

Chelsea reiterate desire to stay at Stamford Bridge. Abramovich isn't building a private nightclub under it for nothing. [Independent]

Senior FIFA official criticizes World Cup bidding process. [Telegraph]

The "problem" of American talent heading south. [MFUSA]

A Bostonian's view of Liverpool's new owners. [A Football Report]

Interesting interview with the Portland Timbers' Ian Joy. [Dropping Timber]

Bayern Munich unhappy that van Gaal didn't spend money? [Football Fairground]

Colombian clubs funded by drug money?! You don't say. [Unprofessional Foul]

The London Underground, with a football theme. [FSF]

Tim Howard is naked. [Kickette]

Burton Albion hope "magic of the Johnstone's Paint Trophy" will help them secure famous win. [The Gaffer]

Even more nonsensical ramblings [DT Twitter]

Walk out of training in style with adidas!

The 12 sponsors that have stuck with the French Football Federation through its disastrous last few months have decided to institute some rewards and penalties contingent on whether the team embarrasses them further. And yes, the FFF really does have 12 sponsors. 

From Reuters:

A 10 to 15 percent bonus could be awarded to the French Football Federation (FFF) if results and behaviour are deemed good enough. However, if they are not there may be a 10 to 15 percent reduction in contributions.

"There will be bonuses and penalties based on results and image," FFF vice-president Noel Le Graet told reporters on Thursday ahead of the Euro 2012 qualifier against Romania in Paris on Saturday.

I'm sure that with a whole 10-15 percent on the line, the team will think twice about revolting again, and withholding 10-15 percent of its money will serve as face-saving solace if/when it does it again. Or not. 

Photo: BBC

Clark University sophomore Will Van Noppen equaled the NCAA Division III men's record for fastest goal in a match with his bold effort off the opening kickoff in a match against Wheaton College. Officially timed at four seconds, the shot must have caught the goalkeeper by surprise as it went just over his outstretched hand and just under the crossbar.

Despite that opening shock, Wheaton managed to recover and ended up winning the match, 2-1, thanks to a goal from sophomore Will Nesbitt in the 37th minute. Thus reminding us all that even if you score in the first four seconds, the next 90 minutes can still cause problems.

[Related: Major embarrassment after goalie celebration]

This isn't the first time Van Noppen has scored a goal right off a kickoff -- it's not even the first time this season. He also did it to open the second half of a 7-1 win over Colby-Sawyer College back in September on his way to a hat trick.  

Scoring a four-second goal off an opening kickoff has been done a few times before in NCAA history. Stuart Hulke of Roger Williams University is in the record book for doing it in 1999 and Yael Averbuch did it for the North Carolina women's team in 2006.

Al Hilal's Nawaf Al Abed was credited with scoring a two-second goal in Saudi Arabia in 2009, but it seems closer to four. Either way, these goals will all serve as further inspiration to countless FIFA 11 players. 

Yahoo! is giving you the chance to meet David Beckham at an L.A. Galaxy game! Enter now!

Other popular stories on Yahoo!:
• Ohio girl is homecoming queen and star kicker on same night
• Video: High school player makes extremely unique field goal
• NBA owner actually considering changing team's name