Films we’re looking forward to in 2011 (Part 1)

The Beaver

Mel Gibson’s triumphant return to acting after his disastrous stint as an internet voice-over artist.  It’s directed by Jodie Foster and follows a depressed bloke who decides to start living his life through a beaver hand puppet.  Maybe Mel should’ve taken a leaf out of his character’s book and blamed the phone-calls on a make-believe animal.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  Here’s the trailer:

World Invasion: Battle LA

If you’ve seen Skyline then it’s quite possible that you’ll have seen this one -- the makers are trying to sue Skyline’s directors, accusing them of nicking their idea.  It’s a good job they didn’t nick the terrible title too…

Piranha 3DD

We rather enjoyed the first Piranha 3D, especially the bit where a fish pukes out a severed penis.  So if there’s more of that in the sequel (we’re sure there will be) then we’ll be happy.  Unfortunately, there’s no trailer yet, but if you go to www.nuts.co.uk/video/cover-stars, watch one of the videos and imagine there are piranhas in it, you’ll be halfway there.

Real Steel

This one stars Hugh Jackman, an actor who’d never be involved in anything ludicrous.  Oh wait, didn’t he play that guy with knives in his hands or something?  Oh that explains why he’s in a film about boxing robots.  Yeah, Real Steel is about boxing robots.

The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence

We all know how much everyone loved the first Human Centipede.  But was that because it was 100% medically accurate?  If so, the director’s admission that this sequel will be 100% medically INaccurate might piss off a few doctors.

The Asteroids Galaxy Tour

2010 was a pretty bleak year for music in adverts. If it wasn’t twee, American lo-fi noodling trying to sell us a colour printer or a phone contract, it was Fyfe Dangerfield and Ellie Goulding doing drippy piano covers.

Hell, things were so bad, we almost called out for Babylon Zoo to make a comeback – if only Jas Mann could give us 10 seconds of music that didn’t make us want to kick our telly in.

2011’s perked up though. The Asteroids Galaxy Tour’s song on the latest Heineken advert “The Golden Age” is a brass-filled stomper and hopefully the sign of a brighter year.

Download the track from iTunes

Club Anthem Advent Calendar – Day 23

Yesterday’s answer was Can You Feel It? by Royal House

And this is…?

Answers to comp@popbitch.com

Lowering The Toner

The festive season has a strange effect on people, causing them to drink heavily, indiscriminately snog their colleagues and cause all manner of ill-advised mischief. And if you think celebrities are any different, well, you’re just plain wrong…

From Issue 267:

Samantha Mumba celebrated her 21st birthday with a party at the Four Seasons, Dublin. After getting rather drunk, she and BryanMcFadden found the nearest print shop and requested that be allowed to photocopy their arses. Staff say were “so drunk they had trouble staying on the glass, were very polite, paid in full and quietly left.”

Club Anthem Advent Calendar – Day 22

Yesterday was Rozalla – Everybody’s Free

Which club classic is this? Answers to comp@popbitch.com

Making An Entrance: A Beginner’s Guide

How NOT To Make An Entrance

jeffjaffacake writes:
“I was once behind Christopher Biggins waiting to go into a showbiz wrap party at Elstree Studios. His name wasn’t on the list and the little production assistant girl on the door refused to let him in. He pleaded and tried every trick in the book with his outrage rising with each pathetic line – ending in the wonderful ‘Do you know who I am?’ (a line I never believed anyone had actually ever used in real life).

I tapped him on the shoulder and said ‘I’m on the list would you like to come in as my guest?’ He turned and looked at me as if I’d just taken a shit in his fishtank and screamed ‘AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?’. The grand old panto dame turned on her heels and flounced off. It was superb.”

How To Make An Entrance

For more party action – click here

For more Popbitch advice on how not to act at parties – including cautionary tales of Pet Shop Boys, Martine McCucheon and Tim Westwood – click below to read more.

Read more »

Club Anthem Advent Calendar – Day 21

Yesterday’s answer was Professional Widow by Tori Amos.

Try your luck with this one. If you’ve got the answer, email comp@popbitch.com for your chance to win a prize.

Human Santapede

Club Anthem Advent Calendar – Day 20

Yesterday’s answer: Make Luv by Room 5 feat Oliver Cheatham

Which club hit is this? Answers to comp@popbitch.com

Club Anthem Advent Calendar – Day 19

Yesterday’s (slightly tricksy) answer was I Believe by Happy Clappers.

This one is a little more straightforward. Email the name of the right club classic to comp@popbitch.com and have a chance at winning a prize.