As we all know, some bro’s account of what Christine O’Donnell’s pubic hair looks like shows she is hypocritical on the most important political issues, and that is why Gawker, according to them, posted that gross account of her naked body on the Internet, for which they paid thousands of dollars. (Haha, you have already clicked on the jump to this story because we put up that picture of her and are talking about her sex life. WE GET IT, THIS IS OUR THING TOO A LOT. Thank you, Gawker.) So yes, the “hypocritical” thing is one way Gawker has been defending this. Another: “We did have to make some judgements,” editor Remy Stern said. “There was some salacious stuff that we didn’t put in.” Really? We have some guesses as to what that stuff is! READ MORE »
For years, ACORN and the New Black Panthers have stood outside polling stations to intimidate US. Why would a good (white) citizen even try to go into such a place? Obviously, they would be murdered on the spot. And yes, although democracy is worth dying for, it’s not worth dying and MISSING A WHOLE SEASON OF NCIS or Ghost Whisperer or whatever the old people watch on their CBS. Thankfully, Fox News is rescuing us from these scary dark-skinned people, by setting up an e-mail tip line of their own so that you can fire up the AOL and alert them that a real, live black person has been spotted in your hamlet this election day. READ MORE »
Rejoice, Wonketeers, for Halloween is nearly upon us! In keeping with the spirit of this sexy witch-burning holiday, Wonkette World o’ Books is going to try something a bit different this week. Instead of reviewing one shameful/inept book, we’ll simply recommend a few different books, none of them explicitly about politics but all helpful in illuminating the Horror and Devilry of our nation’s public life. Read on, and questions will be answered! Questions like: What can studies of witchery teach us about Christine O’Donnell? Also: if Tea Partiers and other folks want to cut government spending so badly, why doesn’t our military save money by becoming more like Dr. Fu Manchu? READ MORE »
DRUDGE (Druge) SIRENS! The following is an “**Exclusive** **Must Credit**.” It has eight asterisks! It must be good! Matt Drudge has been sent an advance copy of George W. Bush’s new book or whatever, and he has REVEALED five or so random parts of it. “The president details how he bonded with Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia — and a magical bird!” Wow! George W. Bush found it easier to relate to a really cool bird than human intellectuals? We never saw that coming. Also, it turns out, he thought the was very much in charge of 9/11. READ MORE »
Would you look at that, it’s time for Halloween. Perhaps you are putting the finishing touches on your Sexy Sarah Palin/Tina Fey Costume, or is that not *in* this year? So maybe you’re going to dress up as the BP Oil Spill? Or a failed mortgage? Or maybe you’ve chosen some other semi-political witty Concept, TeeVee Personality or Event In History for your costume? This Halloween, hopefully you will join us for our First Annual Wonkette Horror Bar Night, but what about after that? Thankfully, we are service-y journalists, so go have a “fun but safe” Halloween by doing what we tell you to do. READ MORE »
Who is mackin’ on Christine O’Donnell here in this crappy bar somewhere with Philadelphia Eagles posters on the fake paneling? Why is she rocking the “sexy insect” costume? Didn’t she know Halloween is for Witches? Well, whatever masturbating happened on this night was of the “mutual” variety, according to the anonymous author of this Gawker post about having a “one-night stand” with Christine O’Donnell, America’s sexy 41-year-old Delaware Water Witch. READ MORE »
The New York Times has a new poll about the midterms out today, and, surprise, it seems people are more likely to vote for Republicans than in 2008. “Republicans have wiped out the advantage held by Democrats in recent election cycles among women, Roman Catholics, less affluent Americans and independents,” they concluded. What does this “less affluent Americans” thing mean? Less affluent than women and Roman Catholics? Less affluent than “Bo Obama”? Oh, right, that’s probably just their way of saying “people who don’t read The New York Times.” Anyway, this sort of looks bleak for Democrats, no? But, as Matthew Yglesias points out, it turns out voters in this poll actually say they have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than Republicans. Huh? READ MORE »
Ohio Republican YOUNG GUN (middle-aged white man) congressional candidate Rich Iott is well-known now for the revelation that he likes to spend all his free time wearing Nazi costumes and prancing around pretending to be a Nazi. So obviously no Republican leader would appear in public with this man, correct? WRONG. John Boehner is showing off the moral values he will have as House Speaker, and those values are 1) drinking wine a lot, 2) crying whenever, and 3) the God-given right to wear a Nazi uniform at all times. Thus, on Saturday, mere days before Election Day, but not even on Halloween, Iott is holding an official campaign rally with John Boehner. Good politics or great politics? READ MORE »
Such mystery surrounding the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert comedy rally in Washington this Saturday! One mysterious thing is that people who work for news outlets in DC “can’t go” because it is going to be funny, but perhaps not funny in the way that angry old racist people playing bumper cars with their obesity scooters are funny. ALSO, the Youth! It will be “funny” when America’s old people and Washington’s press corps both learn that the viewers of these Comedy Central current events programs are, in fact, mostly in their early 40s. This is information publicly available through such youth outlets as the Wall Street Journal and the Nielsen audience-measuring conglomerate. But what about the secret liberal-comedy schedule? We have it! READ MORE »
Adults hate getting mail, because these so-called “written correspondences” are almost always just bills, bills, corn syrup coupons and more bills. (Only children like getting mail, because their mail is always birthday or 9/11 checks from grandma.) This is why sending out “political mailers” is probably not very effective — “no mail is good mail,” et cetera. But if you really want to piss everyone off, you should send out mailers that smell like marinated diarrhea, or maybe even mailers that unleash blood-curdling screams at the unsuspecting mail-opener. These sorts of things will win you many votes. READ MORE »
In other “November is our N word” election news: CEO of fake wrestling/Linda McMahon’s husband “Mr. McMahon” filed a very serious lawsuit, because he was worried that teenagers wearing WWE spandex thongs wouldn’t be allowed to vote — you know, since people dressed like idiots might be considered “political advertising” for Linda McMahon. Anyway, Vince McMahon won his frivolous lawsuit. Yippee, feel free to dress up as “The Ass Demolisher” or whatever those silly WWE spandex men are called! This is just another example of activist judges legislating from the bench. What’s next? Do the gay people in New York get to wear their assless chaps to the polls, even though this would obviously be illegal political advertising for Carl Paladino? Of course. In Barack Obama’s America, No means Yes and Yes means Assless Chaps. READ MORE »
- The Alaska Supreme Court carefully inspected your convoluted Lisa Murkowski “visual aids” and — after probably no deliberation — ruled unanimously that those MS Paint atrocities are actually unconstitutional visual impediments and are unfair to Alaska’s already hopeless electorate. So hooray, you’ve forced polling places to provide lists of the write-in candidates. Now Alaskan voters can go up to the Information Desk on election day and ask, “How do you spell Lisa?” And then the volunteer poll person will hand them a helpful write-in candidate brochure, written in English and not weird bitmaps of “Merk pubes.” But how, then, are these illiterate voters supposed to distinguish Lisa Murkowski’s name from other names listed on this candidate-chart? (“How do you spell Lisa? Oh, it says right here on this piece of paper: ‘Scott McAdams.’”) Bad call, Alaska Supreme Court. [The Caucus] READ MORE »
The basic anatomy of a Ben Quayle ad is as follows: 1) It’s filmed in his dad’s study, and 2) Ben Quayle talks to us while he stalks around the study, acting creepily. But it’s only now that we’ve slowed down the video frame by frame that we realize why Ben Quayle is so creepy: The man’s face alternates every split second between looking like he’s going to murder you and looking like a tremendous doofus. READ MORE »
What makes people “liberal,” anyway? According to liberal university research scientists at liberal universities somewhere, being liberal means that you are an awesome person with many sexy friends. This is why you are so cool! Also, you probably had a lot of oral/anal with your other liberal friends at college, which is proof of the “novelty gene.” READ MORE »
Christine O’Donnell went on a local conservative radio show yesterday to talk about her campaign. After finishing this interview, that campaign told the radio station it would “crush” it if it didn’t turn over the videotape of what transpired, though it’s kind of hard to destroy an interview that was broadcast live on the air and online, so now the campaign is apologizing and now says it doesn’t need to kill anyone to get these tapes, thank you. So why did O’Donnell want the video of this interview? It seemed to be a control thing, based on their anger that that THEY WERE NOT told about the video cameras around the studio. But actually, looking at the video, perhaps they didn’t want people to see Christine snapping her fingers to one of her staffers to come over and threaten the radio host for being mean to her. CHRISTINE ONLY DOES INTERVIEWS WILL PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO GIGGLE WITH HER, BRO. READ MORE »
Here is a Paradox, if you like such things: America is a Nation of Semi-Literate Buffoons, but America is also a Nation of Over-Educated (but still dumb) service workers. What? “In all, about 17 million people in this country have completed college only to end up working jobs that require a skill level below that of a bachelors degree, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.” That includes 5,057 janitors with Ph.Ds. What is so wrong with being a “maintenance engineer,” we ask? At least it’s a job, right? There’s nothing wrong with it at all, it’s just that you don’t really need eight years of college and a hundred grand in student loan debt to mop up shit and blood in the emergency room, at night. READ MORE »
‘Worthly Wokette Skum’ Will Not Stop St. Christine From Cleansing DC’s Sins
by Ken Layne