Strangers On A Train
There’s a smart bald man with glasses, nervously fingering something in the inside pocket of his beige gabardine. He’s looking down like he’s checking his phone, then he looked at me like I was something he didn’t believe in. There was disapproval written across his round moony face. He looks sad, but only because his face is probably in default mode and that involves a glum droop to his fleshy jowls.
Idiosyncratic Ladyland
I fancied a woman the other day. In itself, this is not hot news, it’s not Pultizer Prize country. Nonetheless it had consequences, albeit of the gentle intellectual kind rather than the other kind, the one involving trousers and the removal thereof.
It’s About The Future
Work has become a bundle of bastard at the moment. There’s something funny going on. I think all the regional managers are in a hysteria competition, fighting to see who can be the most unreasonable and unprofessional. It’s a close call at the moment.
The Madness of King George
I am interested in those bumps in history where things change. Those seemingly tiny twists that have massive repercussions – should Harold have really fallen to William the Conqueror in 1066? Should Harold have really been King in the first place anyway? What if Richard III had beaten Henry Tudor as he really should have done? What if the Americans hadn’t thrown that tea into Boston Harbour, and the British had treated the Colonies like grown-ups? What might it be like today?
Awkward Spot
I have a spot on my ear. A painful raw dot of red, stuck in the nook between lobe and cheek, hanging like a spiderweb. Desperate for something to blog about, I decided that this was a metaphor.
Faking It
Last week was squashed thin with Monday and Friday being holidays. This tight three-day week was slow-paced and gentle, and the buses ran faster through the empty streets; but it was still work, it was still a 6am start, and just because the supply curve was slung a lazy 40% lower, the ever-demanding demand curve thundered Scrooge-like just the same as always.
Fine Start to the One-Ders
It’s raining outside – a freezing drippy non-stop drizzle on a cold dull grey day. The 4th of Jan, 2010 – the new year, the new decade, the decade they’re calling the “one-ders” (I don’t think that that name will stick), so far it’s been a four-day old decade of miserable weather and miserable illness. At least in my house.
The Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all was calm – and muggins here was stuck home alone assembling a toy kitchen from a thousand different bits and pieces. I cannot think that the assembly of a real life kitchen could be this hard, it just couldn’t be. If it were there’d be no actual kitchens because no one would have the time to slot them together.
Things, Whatnot and Stuff
I am writing this post with no idea at all about the subject matter. I am going to think of a title and then write something like in that film with Sean Connery. It’s not easy sometimes, this blogging lark.
Two Down, Three To Go
I’ve done two Christmas parties now, on consecutive nights. Another one tonight. I’m getting tired of it already, and it’s only December 12th. Panto too this afternoon, so it’s all Yuletide go at chez zhisou.
Christmas Comes But 8% of the Year
We put our Christmas Tree up. That means that it will be up for a month – 6th December to 6th January. That’s one-twelfth of the year, 8% of the time!
They Do Go On
I was at a lunch meeting the other day, in a posh enough hotel that you’d expect to get a decent feed. That was my expectation – I knew that on a purely professional business level that the time investment was unlikely to reap sufficient reward in itself, but with the compensation of three courses, fine wines and a cup of real coffee, I’d be making a personal profit on the day at least.
Out of My League
Oh my God. Oh my giddy aunt. For the sake of goodness gracious and all the swearwords and other bad stuff like that. I cannot believe what just happened to me. I am beside myself. I am, in fact, so far beside my own damn useless lump-like self that I am actually somewhere else entirely. At least I wish I was. Were – wish I were. At least I know when to use the fucking subjunctive even if I can’t play tennis anymore.
Revolver
Another month has passed and another podcast in our exciting Podcast venture “So It Goes”. This one’s called Revolver. In it we discuss the Beatles classic album and the cast iron fact that Abbey Road is better. Also talk about Up and Pet Sounds and Hunky Dory and Gordon Brown and his hapless habits. This leads on to Afghanistan in a display of professional-like linking by Aaron.
If I Could Turn Back Time
Cher taught us many things. I can’t think of any right now, but I admit that I (a) believe in life after love, and (b) often think about what I’d do differently if only I could turn back time.
It Doesn’t Get Much Worse Than This
Why did I do it? I’ve been around the block, I’ve passed through the School of Hard Knocks, I graduated from the University of Life with a First Class Degree in life’s hard lessons. I’ve made mistakes, have regrets but I’ve come out the other side of some insomnia-inducing tough old times with a tip top ship shape wherewithal – my wherewithal is the envy of all the main chaps round our way. Crikey, I’m practically a grizzled veteran at this crazy game we call life.
The Right Thing
Listen right, don’t get me wrong, I find Obama quite tedious in many ways. Part of me would like a no-nonsense action President, convinced he’s always right, just ramming bills through, one after the other – though look where that got us. The other part of me recognises that it’s actually quite a positive thing that the Commander-in-Chief likes to think things through, consider the consequences and mostly wants do the right thing tomorrow rather than just some thing today.
Cool as a Cucumber
I got trapped in a lift yesterday. Trapped by four tight walls in an eight-storey shaft. This was my first time – though as a mild claustrophobe I have had always had a slight anxious moment when the lift doors slide shut. This time the tiny old cabin shuddered down from 7 at a snail’s pace, I smelt a rat and sweated slightly. Something was not right – the shaking and speed were wrong, I was still five floors up and realised that it was a long way down should the cable decide to snap.
Ghosts and Ghouls
These social networking sites are downright scary. So many ghosts from the past popping up out the blue, looking older, looking good, looking like they’re so terribly pleased with all the twists and turns their life has taken. I’m not on Facebook – not because I sit above all this ghoulish e-curtain-twitching, I don’t, but because I cannot afford to waste even more time fannying around on the Internet.
Do or DIY
This whole being a proper man thing took a bit of a confidence-knocking blow this morning. Heady from success at fitting some easy-to-fit wardrobe innards, and some very clever painting – two coats, nothing broken – I foolishly decided to have a stab at wallpapering.
The Wishing Floor
Many years ago – more years on paper than in reality – I used to work as an English teacher. I mean a fake English teacher, not a real one. No fancy qualifications for me, just a jolly useful Mother Tongue and an introductory TEFL certificate. One of the things that was gold dust to us – a gang of misfit anglophone post-grads on the Euro-piss – was anything that could be used to pass time in class.
Mental Healthcare
The world has gone healthcare mental.
Fox “News” with their hyper-ventilating self-righteous spokespeople that cherry-pick bits and pieces of stuff they barely understand. People in Town Hall meetings comparing discussions on end of life policy with the Nazis. Glenn Beck constructing arguments that public healthcare is a terrorist threat, or that it would lead to the government killing babies and old people. Rush Limbaugh, himself not a stupid man by any means, pedaling lies to the stupid people he manipulates with his half-truths, out of context snippets and outright lies.
Boss
A lot of false starts, a lot of life getting in the way of our best laid plans, but eventually Aaron and I found a cheeky hour to record our fifth (actually sixth if you count the now defunct pilot) episode of our podcast.
Weekly Report
Sometimes stuff just gets on top of you. Sometimes you get down in the dumps without much of a reason – or with lots of little reasons that on their own are nothing but hollow straws, but together can break camels backs. Camels’ backs is grammatically better but aesthetic vandalism.
This has been one of those weeks.
Real Men Measure Stuff Properly
When I was at school the woodwork lessons were an eye-opening experience for the teacher. I don’t think he’d ever before seen how the same person using the same yardstick could cut two bits of wood to such different lengths. A box I once made increasingly consisted of filler, and decreasingly of wood, as you approached the corners. The dovetail joints didn’t look much doves’ tails. Nor anyone else’s tails. Nor any other part of a dove.
Raul Estate
I bought a house from a man called Raúl. He was a bit of a wanker, truth be told, but he had the house and I had the mortgage, and wankerhood aside, the deal was a good dead. It took a dreadfully long time though, lots of messing about, to and fro, what have you, whatnot and this and that. Now I’m an owner-occupier and Raúl is still a wanker.
Knickers and Ferryboats
We headed north to the Spanish border, to Carminha for a top bacalao-based lunch. They love their salt-cod in Portugal, and sticking a bit of bechamel on top never does any harm. We walked around the little town huddled on the southern banks of the Minho – the wide river that forms the border with Galicia, Spain’s rainy north-western region, a celtic land of superstition, witches and, more importantly, seriously good seafood.
Orange Underpants
We got the fancy new Metro into Porto. A proper city, I was quite excited, I love getting to know new places, especially places I’ve heard of. I had an idea of Porto as bustling and busy, beautiful and old, but modern and vibrant. It’s not really any of those things.
Cats
I think I’ve just uploaded the latest episode of our podcast “So It Goes” – this one’s called cats because Aaron rants on about cats and that sort of thing.
Looking for Sunshine
We spent the next few days driving around. The fogs came every day but one and didn’t clear for hours. They were cold and heavy, tiny raindrops tingled on your skin when you went out. You felt like a fool in shorts, but I wore them anyway, I was on holiday after all.
Beeb
This podcasting malarkey is proving to be quite time-consuming. Today we release Episode 3 (Beeb – link here) having jiffed about with it for a couple of weeks. This morning we recorded 4 (working title “Cats”) which I’m just about to try and edit.
Not What We Were Expecting
Driving from behind the mountains to the coast takes a surprisingly long time. A confusing spaghetti of motorways take you in illogical directions. I’d found Póvoa de Varzim on Google Earth then read about it on Wikipedia. I thought it’d be a Portuguese Santa Monica, a trendy beach resort squashed full of restaurants and fun. The perfect place for a lazy family week on the beach.
Just Desserts
We drove West. Zamora behind us, Portugal ahead. We climbed up and soon crossed the border. It was a pleasing border, not just a line in the sand or a parallel decided by treaty: this was proper geography. A huge wide gulley with deep valley sides. The only way across by the sweeping viaduct linking the two countries.
Brown
We deleted the Pilot of our Podcast venture, because it just didn’t stand up with Episode 1 (Sonia). Aaron has now managed to get Episode 2 (Brown) sorted out (click the Podcasts link on the right for more info).
Wasps
I am white. I am English, from a long line of Englishmen and Englishwomen. I am not religious, but I bear the cultural hallmarks of a northern English protestant upbringing. I am a WASP. On paper, pretty much a textbook WASP. This is perhaps why I sometimes don’t get the hothead Catholic Latin thing.
Hole In My Shoe
Yesterday my shoe collapsed. In a squishy air-filled fallump, it suddenly felt much bigger. Looking down I saw the tear, a huge split where the leather upper had worn away from the sole. My favourite shoes: a pair of black Max Maddens slip-ons.
Everything and More
I went to the tax office. Head plugged-in to fifties tunes (see why here). The huge hall of confusing signs and perplexing services would bamboozle the most plugged-in of number-crunching accountant types. I took a couple of tickets from the automated queuing system thing, and sat down.
Down With Brown
Since James Purnell lost faith in Brown and talked about it in The Guardian (here) you’ve got to wonder what Labour’s up to. Purnell cannot be out on his own on this one, most of the Labour Party and certainly 90% of the country think Brown’s not the man to be PM. Not the most rosy way to enter General Election country. Not the sharpest tactic to try and win an election led by someone who everyone thinks is rubbish, past it and partly responsible for the deepest recession in recent history.
Things Will Be Fine
I put unleaded petrol in the car. I chose the 98 brand instead of the cheaper 95. Not sure why, usually I go for the cheapest as I am Too Clever By Half to be fooled into buying branded gasoline products. The trouble is that my car takes diesel.
Bumper Music Project
I have defined a big bumper music project for myself. Having embraced my musical geeky side, I have decided to sharpen up a long-held fuzzy idea about discovering music in chronological order.
So It Goes
Eventually Aaron and I got our shit together and managed to record our long-awaiting podcast, the pilot in what will be a long and irregular series called “So It Goes”.
Zhisou Pix
I have decided to set up a zhisou photo blog, named “zhisou pix”.
Water Water Everywhere
The streets are dust dry. It´s stuffy and sweaty and bright. Really bright, hospital bright. Tourists everywhere, looking up at signs and pointing in odd directions, maps in one hand, cameras in the other. Summer is properly here.
Sixes and Sevens
Sarah Palin is leaving politics. Her commitment to her role and state so enormous she doesn’t even have the decency to finish her single four-year term. I understand she might want to step out the limelight, there are many very good reasons why, but surely a sense of duty would at least demand she finish the job she campaigned for, her sponsors paid for, and the people of Alaska gave her their vote for.
Ursa Major
The weather is good now. This means lots of swimming. The pool is cold though, so one has to be a brave soldier to get in. I have perfected a method whereby I make a decision that at some point, I need to get in the pool. Having made this decision, I then rationalise that waiting won’t make the water any warmer. Therefore, I might as well just jump in and submerge myself entirely and get it over with. Plus look good in front of girls. The trick is not to actually think about what you’re doing. It works like a charm.
Dead Man’s Font
Mollie Sugden now – I wonder what they’ll put on her tombstone, I guess it’s going to include the word “pussy” in a cheeky way.
Six and Two Threes
I saw some young people yesterday. I mean teenagers, young teenagers – on the cusp, dimly aware of what lay ahead. A young skinny boy, good-looking with an easy smile and a confident mature manner as he splashed like a kid in the baby pool. The girl was the same age, more self-conscious. Not as pretty as he was, she dangled her legs trying to disguise that she found the water too cold to jump in.
The King is Dead
They were playing “Thriller” this morning on the TV News. I ate my crunchy cereal and sipped coffee with the sound low and caught the word “cincuenta” (fifty). I assumed it was his birthday, and assumed the glum faces on the presenters were due to Jackson’s later work, not his sad untimely death.
Rogue Male
I learnt to cope with Davyd. He’s a boss at my work, not my boss but my boss’s boss. He plays the unapproachable scary boss card but espouses the opposite. The supposed open-door is usually closed, the inclusive approach is exclusive – only open to the cliquey few. His moody methods, short-tempered impatience and aggressive challenges shut people out and shut people up. Who wants to chuck a half-considered idea into the mix when you know it’s going to get lampooned and you’re going to get judged for it?
Fishy Business (Spanish Politics Rant)
I had to pay my tax this week. That was painful. They’ve just put taxes up in Spain too, a curious thing to do during the recession. They’ve cut tax-relief on mortgages already, thus exacerbating the housing crisis, but keep the massive 7% sales tax on every single house purchase. This puts up income tax for those honest enough to declare it but make no effort to pursue the huge slice of the economy that’s off the books.
Dead Baby Pigs
Today is a bank holiday in Spain, or more accurately a public holiday as every day is a holiday for the banks – deep in this most deep of biting recessions, the huge Banco Santander announced another year of bumper profits. Today is Corpus Cristi – so a day off work! Of course this just means that I had to stay late yesterday and do two days work in a single day.
Nothing is Easy
I had taken the day off to do some chores and I was quite pleased with myself for being ahead of schedule when I got to the bank by 9.30, children safely in school. Keen to start chipping away at those 12 kilos, I parked miles away and walked into town.
Daddy Cool
When I was drippingly cool and sixteen and dressed in denim I used to go to discos and wearily ask DJs for “something decent“. They’d peer at me, over their stacks of Violent Femmes and Dr Feelgood albums, and ask me what I regarded as decent.
Death By Arse
I banged my head yesterday. One of those annoying skull cracks that makes you feel stupid and angry at the same time. I rubbed it but it was still painful and really really annoying. I hoped no one had seen me: it was a busy road with pavements crammed with bustling pedestrian. I’d absent-mindedly walked into a low-hanging traffic light attached to a lamppost. The red-man/green-man thing, with its sharp corners, had gouged a dent out of my head. I could be dead.
Speaking Out
I like Nancy Pelosi. It’s a pity she’s chosen to fight a battle she can’t win. I think she can’t recover, she looks shifty now: dishonest. Most voters would lose confidence in her, surely, and with mid-terms not so far away, if I were one of the few remaining Republicans, I’d want her to stay. She’s the best card they’ve got.
Cheering Through Tears
I walked the streets of Bilbao looking for a restaurant. It’s the culinary capital of Spain except nothing’s open. Nothing’s ever open, the Basques eat so damn late. The only thing open before 10 are Chinese restaurants and McDonald’s.
Not All Change is Progress
There’s something about me and airports. I turn into Larry David. I become a twisted mass of tense strop, snapping at the heels of the blank indifferent Iberia team.
I’m So Tired
John Lennon sang of his absolute exhaustion, although this may have been more related to his massive intake of hard drugs. My tiredness is less chemical, but equally consistent. I am certainly too tried to blog.
12 Kilos
I got to the medical clinic five minutes late. There was enough of a queue that I could blame my lateness on the waiting time. The staff were efficient if gruff. The kind of medical support personnel who don’t quite get the customer service model.
The Credit Crunch
Back to work tomorrow after two weeks studying and house hunting. I dread the alarm clock. I just know I’m going to have a weary Monday of yawns and procrastination – although I have got my appraisal!
Self Examination
Tomorrow I have an exam for which I should really study. The thing is, I don’t want to.
How to Live a Pointless Life
I wrote a post called Life is Pointless, Live With It some time back now. It was a slightly incoherent collection of ideas which I now feel compelled to expand upon and phrase more clearly. The thing is, the original post is still the most popular on the site and it brings in the search engine traffic. Therefore if people are typing “how to live a pointless life” into the Internet, I feel a responsibility to at least try and help, not simply squish around the subject with my usual shambolic style. So here goes.
Black Tobacco / White House
I walked into a show home and was met by a guy who looked like a Greek Cliff Thorburn. A Greek Cliff Thorburn with a serious black tobacco habit. He smoked Ducados like his life depended on it – which I guess it kind of does in a way. He wasn’t Greek, he was Spanish, but if I’d spied him out of context I’d have laid a tenner on him looking up had I shouted “Spiros”.
Porn Is Not The Norm
I get a bit tired of all this haughty outrage about MP’s expenses. All this eye-rolling about how these egomaniac pigs have their snouts in the trough by claiming for a second home when so many of us are struggling to pay for the first one. How out of touch they must be with their offices with free paper and envelopes and stuff.
Naked Ambition
The other day a girl asked me how she could get a job in England. I said look for an agency on the Internet, she sighed and said “what, I have to look myself?“.
The Day My Father Died
I never really got on that well with my Dad. Most of the time I was wary of him. He had a red hot temper and his sense of fairness was trumped by his need for peace and quiet. I was all too often on the business end of a carpet slipper. I understand him better now that I approach middle-age and have children of my own, but still, our relationship was close in the way that ships in the night are close. We coexisted in a state of disinterest – there was no tension, no battle of wills: we just lived in the same house.
Blessed Palms and Blasted Hills
I parked too far away and had to walk miles uphill to get to the Monastery. The old El Escorial Monastery built on the edge of the Guadarrama Mountains outside Madrid. Built by Spanish Kings to allow them to live in decadent luxury but not to feel too bad about it. Clever stuff. I’d have done the same.
Animal Instinct
I think a fly just bit me. It might have been a midge. It was anyway a small insect that has no business being with six feet of me. It was dirty. I am in an Internet café, although that’s not the right word. I am in a small narrow dirty room with four PCs, each with a filthy keyboard and a sad limp webcam.
Old Enough to Swear
I reckon that an educated adult, perhaps one with a formal role – let’s say giving a professional presentation – should be able to string together a couple of sentences without careering off, loose-canon-like, into a series of choice curses. Blue language may be all the rage in the schoolyard or the tap room, but it’s not de rigueur in posh business circles.
Going Round in Circles
I went rowing the other day. It turns out that I actually quite like rowing. I made awkward circles most of the time, but did manage to bang along at a fair clip and tease a bit of breeze out of the day. I am fairly certain that I drew admiring glances from the passers-by, although it was only on the pond in Retiro Park, and really it’s not the kind of place one would normally expect to bump into Sir Steve Redgrave.
Gender Hardwire
I said “themself” but then realised that it didn’t exist. It jarred the spellchecker into issuing a wiggly line underneath the word. Irksome. Okay, so I should have said “his or her self”, but then we don’t say “hisself” we say “himself”- something’s wrong here, like we say “aren’t I?” but neither “amn’t I?” nor “I are”.
Highly Amusing Times
I don’t know what’s more hilarious – that fat fool Rush Limbaugh was actually right about something, or that the spineless Michael Steele was forced to issue a rapid and humble apology.
With Me There To Help You
Let’s just say that it’d better, if at all possible, for someone not to suffer an arterial lesion in my company. That’s not to say that I learnt nothing on today’s First Aid course. I did. I just can’t quite be 100% sure which remedy attaches to which symptom, which cause to which effect. I progressed from complete ignorance to a little bit of knowledge. Dangerous.
Saturday Night, Tuesday Mourning
The Oscars and Carnival in the same weekend! The chiefly Catholic festival of maximum consumption and fancy-dress madness leading up to Fat Tuesday (mardi gras: when the Brits go mad and eat pancakes), and the glittery Hollywood glamourfest of self-congratulatory backslapping, do seem to go together rather well. Like gold and silver, awards and tears, or perhaps tequila and vomit (or is that just me?).
Blogblock
I am running out of things to blog about. My life seems to have slipped into a routine from which few blogable episodes can be drawn.
Sunday Night Rant
Listen. So the Republicans don’t like Obama’s stimulus package because it’s full of government spending and not tax cuts. They seem to have forgotten what got us into this mess in the first place. One top GOP Senator or something like that said that government don’t create jobs (even though a Senator is a government job), businesses do. His rationale was that we should cut tax on business so they’d create more jobs.
Killing, Drugs and Swearing
Today’s afternoon films for the family are “Dances With Wolves” and “Something’s Gotta Give” – an overlong Western and a romantic comedy with sixty-year-olds.
Bad Reception
I am so tired of winter. I had recently begun to think that a corner had been turned. My gloves and woolly hat had stayed in my bag for a week, the scarf seemed superfluous. Now it’s snowing nineteen to the dozen again. I look outside and it looks like my window has got bad reception.
Hate, Physics and Coffee
I was at a sales presentation yesterday. I didn’t intentionally attend a sales presentation, I thought we’d had the sales presentation, had liked the product and were now back discussing the finer detail. This view was shared with the Other People there, all except one: The Salesman.
Theme From 08
09 already – 2008 seems quite new still, even 2007 doesn’t seem old hat yet. A lot has happened in the last twelve months, but still it seems to have flown by when I look back now. This time last year I lived in a different city with a different job. My youngest daughter still wore nappies. Since last new year’s muted midnight celebrations, I’ve started an MBA, read countless books and done two things most people have never done.
Moaning About Airports
The other day I was in London City airport. There was a really attractive black woman on the information desk. I stood around, reading the notice about Prince Charles opening the airport in 1980-something (a fact which turned up in Trivial Pursuit only days later). She ignored me. When I spoke to her to ask her how to get my boarding pass for my connection, she sounded thick so I went off her.
Get It Right
It’s data is not data are. I don’t care if Latin teaches us that data is the plural of datum – we are speaking English and data has become an uncountable noun and takes the single. Anything else is pretentious twaddle.
Down at the Moon
I banged my head twice in the last two days – both times standing up to get off a bus, and both times into the corner of the TV hanging above. The first was in Edinburgh, a sharp metal box of a CCTV with views of the lower deck. It hurt like hell. The second time was just now, getting off my Madrid commuter bus, bang into the TV that would show DVDs of some movie or other were we going much further.
Stupid Woman
This year I had to fly to Liverpool because there were no flights from Madrid to Leeds or Manchester. I should have seen the warning lights. Liverpool, EasyJet – my chav alarm should have been going nineteen to the dozen.
Oh Darling!
A bit late – this post has been sitting in draft for weeks – but a belated jolly big slap on the back to Darling for cutting VAT!
You Have to Really Want It
I am trying to order some photos online. So far I have got nowhere, but it’s taken me three hours. After several attempts which saw my browser hang and my computer crash, I eventually got it down to just two essential photos I need multiple copies of.
Wool Power
The woolly hat season has started. I wore my favourite woolly chap last Thursday and again on Friday. This means that it is now acceptable to wear yours without challenging the fashion norms
Cabinet of Rivals
Hillary Rodham Clinton at State, Timothy Geithner at Treasury, Tom Daschle at Health … this Obama administration is starting to look truly interesting. Strong characters with strong records suggest a President who doesn´t want yes men.
Minor Somebodies
I see minor celebrities as sad figures. It´s hard to be minor with dignity. Better to be a major nobody than a minor somebody – at least that’s how I justify it.
The Obama Recession
Rush Limbaugh is either so stupid that he actually believes the astonishing crap he talks, or he´s a lying liar who tells lies and believes that the people he preaches his nasty lies to are all entirely stupid. My money´s on the latter.
Funny Little Man
There’s a little man who plays the accordion at the top of the steps of my station exit. Every morning I pass his eager face and upturned black bag plonked on the ground, a few coins invitingly dotted in the centre. I listen, despite myself. The thing is, accordion music is rubbish.
Why Won´t He Call?
The phone hasn´t rung yet. I am a little surprised. I stayed off work especially to watch the Presidential race – though I overslept and by the time I got up (6am) Obama´d won by a landslide – and yet the call still hasn´t come.
Cubicle for the Gifted
Somebody was smoking like an industrial chimney in the single toilet cubicle. I saw billows of blue smoke curling out the open top. The cleaner was outside talking to her boyfriend on the phone.
Lies, Damn Lies and Seating Arrangements
If you look at a random group of people, statistics teaches us that 50% or so will be female, and 50% male. If you extrapolate that across the whole population it means that at any one time, 1 in 2 people are women: that´s almost half! That´s a lot of women. It´s also true that 1 in 2 are men, so I guess the rest must be children and old people.
Thatcher´s Cows Come Home to Roost
So capitalism collapses.
No Place for Gentlemen
So two days in a row I´ve nearly missed my bus. Actually I did miss it yesterday, only the second time since moving here. Today I got there with seconds to spare – a touch out of puff, which is no way for a gentleman to be at 6.45am.
Bayardistic Monkey Business
Someone asked me what monkeys have that apes don´t. I said business. The actual answer was tails. I thought saying business was better because you never hear about ape business, whereas monkey business is going on in all sorts of unlikely places.
The Way We Were
Barbra Streisand taught us that it´s jolly nice to think about the way we were, and also that having a large nose is no barrier to success and money and stuff. Therefore, in the spirit of hopefully attracting some success and money and stuff, I have decided to rip away the barriers that divide us and expose a bit of zhisou flesh.
A Tale of Two Cakes
I saw a woman in Starbucks eating two cakes. She sat staring forlornly down, chocolate to the left of her, vanilla to the right and she was there, stuck in the middle with a spoon.
The Forked-Tongue Express
Thankfully the whole Sarah sheen is waning, Palin is paling (!) and it´s about jolly time. This whole crazy razzamatazz surrounding her is all very well for political conventions and campaign trail ballyhoo, but really this is an application for an extraordinarily important job to which she is completely unqualified. There´s not a chance she´d get the job as hotshot number two in any serious private company, so how and why we´re expected to buy her as only an erratic heartbeat away from running the whole damn world I have no idea.
The Need to Not Know
McCain and Spain rhyme which makes me want to cheese up a headline for this post. The old man wouldn´t answer when pressed on whether or not he´d meet with the democratically eleceted leader of a NATO ally. He could have used the excuse that he didn´t hear the reporter properly – she had a heavy accent – or that he didn´t know where Spain was – he did keep talking about Latin-America, but no. His office have confirmed that McCain knew that Spain wasn´t near Mexico and that he was quite clear when he avoided the question and basically intends to keep to the Bush policy of good/evil: the “with us or against us strategy”.
Hair Today, Dead Tomorrow
I cut my hair yesterday – well actually I didn´t do it, I created the conditions whereby my hair got cut by someone else. I wanted to find one of those old and charming barbershops, with tiled floors and ornate taps where they do a wetshave with a cut-throat razor and talk with Italian accents.
Well, I found somewhere: It was old at least.
Richard Wright
I loved Pink Floyd when I was growing up, they were my favourite band. I can´t listen to “Atom Heart Mother” without thinking about O´level revision. I saw them live in 87 and again around 95, but it wasn´t the same without Roger Waters, it felt like a lot of people playing Pink Floyd music, not the actual Floyd themselves. We had to wait till Live8 in 2005 for that, and they made it through well enough, wowing the crowd with the quality of the music – a crowd that had largely forgotten just how good they were.
The Future is the Past
I bought some antique Louis XV chairs at auction yesterday. The reserve price was a very reasonable €25, and I managed to close the deal at €100! Okay, at one point I was bidding against myself, but I thought I did rather well.
How Not to Blog
I have made my commute circular. This is important. A linear bounce feels wrong, like I´m being cast out then reeled in. In the morning I get a bus from my house to the train station – then a train to work. Afterwards, I get a bus from work to the bus station, then another bus home.
Running Mates
I was pretty excited when I heard about Joe Biden – I like the verbose old Senator, who got into trouble in 88 for stealing the words of the Welsh windbag Neil Kinnock. Like Kinnock he´s funny and gregarious, unlike Kinnock he´s wise and experienced. The wise old owl to Obama´s young fresh newness. A perfect partnership for government.
The Answer is Alan
I am starting to think that Gordon Brown is not what one might naturally associate with one´s idea of the future. I am starting to think that his lack of leadership skills and vision are hampering his ability to lead and provide vision to his party and the country. I go further – I am starting to think that someone whose entire brand is based on prudence and economic competence is starting to look like a lemon in an environment of global economic collapse.
Waiting for Orange
I have not gone, I am just not online no more. In the last three weeks I have moved half way across Spain to a new city, new house, new life, new job – new Internet provision.
My Donald Sinden to Your Windsor Davies
The Spanish like to celebrate. They like fireworks. They like lots of fireworks, lots of celebrating and lots and lots and lots of noise. They like hooting car horns and banging drums and shouting very loudly.
Now I’m no killjoy. I supported the exciting Spanish team as they beat all opposition with their attractive positive football and jolly nice red tops. I wanted them to win, I really did, I just didn’t want them to celebrate.
Now I’m Feeling Blue
I feel melancholy. I made the wrong choice and let my family go off to the beach without me so I could stay home and study in peace. I am behind in my MBA. Now I feel dreadful and really want to be on the beach with them. I can’t get there, there are no buses or trains that go near and a taxi would be silly money.
I’ve Seen The Future and It’s Complicated
If Nostradamus was so fucking clever, why did he talk in incomprehensible riddles? What´s the point of working it out backwards, after the event, that that was what he´d been talking about all along? Where´s the logic in that?
Laser Eyes
I slept okay last night but woke up more tired than when I´d gone to bed, about 11 o´clock, half-an-hour of Juno still to watch. I must have been more worried than I thought. One of my first jobs of the day was to take the appropriate actions necessary in order to take a sample to the lab to check that I was clean (ahem).
Wrong Sized Shoes
The concept album I am destined to compose and perform is called “Wrong Sized Shoes“. It is a description I stumbled across when discussing the nature of life to a hippy fellow. I said that I thought that we went through life, doing what we had to do, but that something wasn´t quite right. It wasn´t entirely wrong exactly, but there was always tension between what we had to do and what our instincts were often asking us to do. I said it was like going through life wearing the wrong sized shoes.
What A Week That Was
Oftentimes these days, I am a busy fellow. It´s rare I have time to sit and blog, or when I do it´s rarer still that I have the energy and motivation to do so. I have lots of ideas, most of which get lost, but am getting worse at converting those ideas into blogprose.
This last couple of weeks, however, were busier than most …
The Thing About Air Travel
I have been flying about – spending a week in Bilbao, walking the streets of this smart little city, squashed between the green Basque hills. Spanish airports are all the same. They have the same operator and the same few franchises and slim selection of very little. You can get nice Rioja and finger baguettes of ham and cheese – which is really nice – but then you´re snookered. Dry wedges of Spanish omelette, plastic donuts and tastleless crusty sandwiches of stuff that´s been on display too long.
Read the rest of this entry »
Exhaustion City Arizona
I am tired. Really really tired. The other day I went to Madrid on the train. It took over five hours because the damn thing was trundling along really slowly like it had nowhere in particular to go and no particular time to get there. It kept stopping too, but not at stations, at red signals. An integrated speaker system gruffly whispered that the train would be stuck at one of these random spots of nothingness for twenty minutes. We all groaned. Going slow is shit, but it´s better than being stopped. Then the train moved anyway. The single piece of information about the slowcoach lazybones progress turned out to be untrue.
Don´t Look At Me In That Tone of Voice
Funny how things from our childhood take on a fond fuzzy glow of nostalgic charm. As seen through the spectacles of jaded middle-age, the simplest of our youthful jinx and nonsense become elevated into something special and poignant.
Feeling Foreign
Easter makes me feel foreign. Easter in Spain is solemn processions of hooded churchy people and widows dressed in black marching behind huge wooden floats carried on the shoulders of serious gum-chewing men.
Fascist Nazi Control Freaks
Hitler designed the DVD, I´m sure of it.
I Shall Say This Only Twice
There´s a paper sign on the wall by my garage exit, it says “Por Favor Por Su Seguridad Cierren La Puerta” (Please for your security close the door). Underneath is a second sign, same A4 paper, same font – it says “Por Favor Por Su Seguridad Cierren La Puerta” (Please for your security close the door).
Life is Pointless, Live with it
So much effort looking for meaning and reason and trying to explain something that simply just is.
Rubbishness Will Not Be Tolerated
My mobile is so badly designed that I can´t answer it without accidentally taking a photo of the inside of my pocket. I can´t work out how to delete photos either, so I now have quite a large collection of pictures of bits of fluff and coins.
No Country for Old – nor Right-Wing Nutjob Conservative – Men
The choice will be simple – as I predicted some time ago in this very blog – it will be between the grizzled veteran and the spunky young upstart. The voice of experience or the voice of change. Safety or hope. Old or young – white or black … or, perhaps, the choice between staying or going …
In My Head is All I’ve Got
Okay, so I don’t like vegetables, which is a bit sad for a man of my years and breeding – but I can’t help it. They make me gag. I can eat spinach and parsnip and some others, but when I get that veggie taste in my mouth my stomach turns and I can feel the bile rise. People say it’s all in my head – well I know that. The whole world is in my head – IN MY HEAD IS ALL I’VE GOT.
I Hate the Sound of Breaking Glass
A few months ago I broke my glasses. It was the frame, just above the left lens, and I survived with sellotape for a few days before that became untenable. I only wear my specs in the house, so tape, whilst awkward, was a viable stopgap solution.
The Laws Your Deserve
When I walk about, struggling over car-clogged zebra crossings, dodging traffic as I squeeze past roadworks blocking shattered pavements, I wonder why no one bothers to obey the law. If I were the mayor of my town, I´d fine every last motorist who parked at 45 degrees on a corner blocking two pedestrian crossings. I´d tow the bastards away. Every construction company destroying pavements and failing to provide a safe alternative would be fined till the pips squeak.
I´d be so unpopular I´d never get voted back in.
Men Don’t Grow Old, They Just Become More Important
I was told yesterday that the price of seafood has fallen 200% since Christmas. I thought about this for a second and said “Are you sure?” and they said “Yes, I read it in the newspaper”. Well it must be true then.
Make Love Not War
It´s just not as simple as that though is it? It´s not really a direct choice between making love and making war. George W Bush can be rightly criticised for waging war with Iraq, but had he taken the alternative, and given Saddam one up the back passage, he would have found himself on the business end of a few harsh words – though the colateral damage would have been less. Fewer car bombs.
Other People are Different
When other people stay in your house, they put things back in cupboards in a slightly different way.
Always to Never
I was a teenage lyricist. I was startlingly terrible at it – rubbish rhymes and trite topics, all far too self-conscious and deliberate. I never gave anything of myself, you see – I always held back and kept pretty much everything private. My lyrics were either silly or issue-laden – urgh, how I cringe now. However, in the name of high art, I have decided to share and shed a little light on the z …
People Will Always Need Plates
Music´s a funny thing. I have a desire to buy an electric guitar and an accoustic bass. I can play neither, but I really really want to own them. I can play them a bit, I am not entirely clueless – I kind of understand how to do it, but can´t quite fumble around to make the right noises. No matter, I need to own an electric guitar.
The Flight of the Bumble Bee
So Mike Huckabee believes in intelligent design and wants to get rid of income tax. That doesn´t seem like a good recipe for a successful nation.
My Quivver is Full
There are moments in life that stand out like emotional mileposts. Sometimes stuff happens that acts as a reference point, you peg an event by whether or not it was before or after you broke your leg, or had a baby or moved house. Yesterday was one of those days for me. Yesterday I had my cock cut off.
We´re Not All Thatcherites Now
So Sir Ming did the thing and stepped out of the ring. Poor old sod. Not only did he marry a woman called Elspeth, but he ended a long and distinguished career on a sour note of failure. They´re talking about Vince Cable as able and the young turks, Chris Huhne – a bit slimy – and Nick Clegg – a bit young – as the top three in line for the job.
Very Expensive Post
I am in Madrid now. Tired. Sitting at a hotel Internet point, watching the money ticking up on my credit card in the bar at the bottom of the screen. It’s 5.25 now. That’s a lot of Euros. I could go to my room and watch Sky News or Spanish TV or read my book, but I need to remain more vertical than horizontal to ensure my dinner goes down.
Clever Stuff
My toilet roll claims to never run out. This cannot be true. Perhaps they should make it true by hooking up individual toilet roll dispensers to a central toilet roll, it would be like having mains toilet roll.
Chavellers and Elbows and Breaststroke Hair
They say airports are a great leveller like it´s a good thing. I don´t see anything good about being forced to share a patch of the planet with a dirty scruffbag reeking of booze and fags and barely able to speak proper like.
Four Eyes
When I was a kid I was told that bullies were really cowards. This wasn´t true at my school, the bullies were the hardest kids and they bullied because they could and the rest of us didn´t because we couldn´t. My thick bottle-bottom glasses didn´t help me in this regard, because I couldn´t really get into a fight without breaking them – lucky for some that I had to opt out of the playground league table of toughest kids.
Who Am I?
I am reading a book about the nature of consciousness at the moment, a review might find its way onto my Books blog if I finish it before the great cessation of Zhisou. I don´t know enough about the subject to have a particularly informed opinion, and I tend to agree with whoever spoke last, but I am starting to form a view of what it might all be and why.
On Bottoms
I saw a man´s bottom yesterday – a naked one, in the flesh so to speak. It was quite good. Not hairy, not fat – a bottom to be proud of, we decided, though perhaps not so proud that you would choose to drop your drawers in the car park by the beach to reveal it to the world. A strange choice of action, I felt: it showed a certain bottom-confidence, which could be a bad thing in the wrong hands.
These Things Should Not Be Allowed
My brother has no Internet – he´s a single man who lives on his own and his Internet connection is down. This is 2007, this should not be allowed. Fortunately he has a pornographic safety net, but it could have been a lot worse. Single men living alone should have their own hotline “Press One if you have an alternative porn source, Press Two is not” – then they could rush round some DVDs and a stack of jazz mags until they got the connection back up and running.
Soulful Shots
The other day I played a master passing shot. My opponent, a pleasingly attractive 19-year-old girl with a whipping forehand, smacked the ball low and hard to my left. Deep and fast, plenty of spin. She followed it in, hogging the net, rightly judging that I wouldn´t have the time to really attack the return and, having the attacking advantage, she could certainly jink away my response with a comfortable volley – if I even managed to get the ball back.
Sen-sah-see-onal
I went to the circus last Saturday.
As a kid weaned on Enid Blyton, the idea of a travelling circus of acrobats, lion tamers and hilarious clowns has a certain romantic appeal. As an adult stuck with real life and extraordinarily good taste, I have to admit that I found the whole vehicle a touch disappointing.
Grrrrrrr
I have a box of books and CDs I ordered from Amazon sitting in the local post office – but it´s closed! They delivered the advice slip with a smile, which was nice of them, couldn´t they have brought the damn box round too. Now I have to wait a whole 17 hours for new stuff.
The Inanimate Objects Are Barefacing Me
There isn´t an inanimate object in my house that doesn´t have an opinion on everything – the milk, for example, decides for itself whether or not it wishes to enter the vessel into which I am trying to pour it, all too often it opts to make a run for it over the worktop and onto the floor. It doesn´t get far though, I make sure of that, its sacrifice is for nothing.
Sunday and Saturday
I got my polling card yesterday – I will be able to vote. This is the first time my taxation is being backed up by representation, albeit only at the local level. I´m still not allowed to take part in choosing the government, which is just as well, because I wouldn´t know who to vote for.
Technobling
A new word I just invented: technobling (as in technical bling) it roughly translates as ”the latest in technological gadgetry when on display”. It´s a nice word because, being white, posh and tasteful, I rarely get the chance to say the word “bling”.
People and Snooker
Some people are just very good at being people. I admire them so much, they just go around, being dead cool, willy-nilly, with an air of aceness about them that is just fantastic.
Rant About Leeds United
If feel I must comment on the plight of the once mighty Leeds United.
So here goes (talk amongst yourselves).
Holy Cow!
If you want to scare the holy crap out of yourself, take a look at this Guardian article about what is happening to the land of the free. Obviously it has a tinge of bias and a couple of the points made a little bit weak, but on the whole it adds up to a nightmare scenario that America may be sleepwalking toward.
Crossing the Line
They say that once you cross the line, there’s no going back. It’s true – and, yesterday dear reader, MrZ crossed the line and entered the criminal underworld.
Guns
The tragic massacre at Virginia Tech is meat and drink to both sides of the gun issue in the US. Lobby organisations for gun control and gun ownership are falling over themselves to explain how more/fewer guns would stop such things from happening again.
Both sides seems to have a point, but I think both are missing the point.
Nobody is Listening
My computer tells me that my password will expire in 14 days then asks if I want to change it now. I click no, then say out loud “I will change it in 14 days”. If I changed a monthly password with 14 days left to go, I’d have to think of twice as many passwords. The next day it tells me that my password will expire in 13 days then asks if I want to change it now. Again I click no, and say out loud “If I didn’t want to change it 14 days out, why would I want to change it 13 days out?”.
They never listen.
Tagged: Obsessions
Sad Day
People overuse the word “tragic”. When an 84-year-old successful writer dies peacefully at his home, surrounded by a close and loving family, we are told that it’s a “tragedy” when actually it’s quite the contrary.
Yesterday, however, we lost a great hero of Zhisou.
Listen to Me
There are just too many silly things going on at the moment for me not to pass comment and put things back on the straight and narrow.
Worst Budget Ever
I have decided, chiefly for dramatic effect, that this year’s budget was the worst budget ever. Obviously that’s not true, but hey-ho, there you go.
Here are my reasons:
Total Narnage
I had my five servings of fruit and vegetables yesterday and was rather pleased with myself. Then I woke up this morning and realised I had to do it all again and I thought “I can’t keep this up”.
Helping Out The Needy
I have seflessly decided to help a very worthy cause, those knowledge-challenged folks over at Conservapedia. I have signed up and now have an account and can edit stuff and everything. It’s great. I’m not going to vandalise anything, because I believe that even conservatives have rights, and if they want to base an encyclopedaic resource on Biblical teachings, then that is their right and I support it.
Personal Attacks
Stranded at the express-tyre-changing-place, branded a fool. Such things shouldn’t happen to a man of my age/experience/breeding. But they do, with remarkable regularity, they do.
Googlewhacks and Grockles
I invented a word the other day: underfuzz. This means the “layer” of stuff that buzzes about across space and time (and other dimensions) creating the subatomic particle layer. I have probably misunderstood the physics behind this, but the way I see it is that all these bits and bobs that become on particle (say an electron) then buzz off and smack into another particle (say a photon) then they shoot off in different directions as completely different particles – moving forward and backward in time like manic little Dr. Whos – anyway, this stuff – that manages to perfectly create a stable layer of subatomic particles – this is what I call the underfuzz.
Fighting Bias With Bias
If you have some time, and fancy a bit of a snigger, take a few moments to look over the new alternative to the so-called liberal Wikipedia: Conservapedia.
Their mission is to correct the bias of Wikipedia with a similar encyclopedia resource which is biased, but in a way they prefer.
Space and Panic
My Mother bought me a space pen. The problem is that I rarely have need to go into space, but now feel obliged to do so else the investment in the pen will have been a waste. Also, now I have a Proper Pen, not a throwaway biro, I have something else to lose.
Here is the News
Someone stole a load of Picasso paintings – what’s the point of that? I love Picasso, but an art treasure is primarily an investment, a store of wealth – if you just want something to look at, you can buy a print. So if it’s stolen, it is worthless because it cannot be sold – it can only be enjoyed for its aesthetic appeal – and getting a print from Athena would be cheaper and less troublesome.
The Slows
There are lots of people in the world who seem to mainly just get in my way. As far as I can tell, they serve no other purpose. I call these people The Slows because they are slower than I – they just are, they operate at a different speed, like slumbering old 16 revolution records to my manic 78 or elegant 33, depending on the mood.
Gas, style and parrots
I got my gas bill the other day, and as I flew across the room to slap the thermostat down to zero, landing with a commando roll and coming to my feet in an impressive fighting stance, I mused as to why thermostats (or at least my thermostat) ranges from zero to 35 degrees.
Written in Haste
I spent most of the weekend scrubbing my hands in an attempt to rid them of the smell of vomit. I did start to write a post on Sunday, it began “I haven’t got much time …” which I hoped sounded a bit like I was a dangerous spy on some hush-hush top secret mission passing on key information via a series of encrypted code words. Anyway, I didn’t have time to finish it and ended up clicking Cancel in haste.
Nice Things
Two nice things today, and one less nice thing – the less nice one, which isn’t very important in the scheme of things I suppose, is that I have seen a major tumble in my blog stats. Today, it seems, there is no demand for MrZ. Oh well. I’ll just pack a post with a few key words and see what the search engines bring.
The Other Place
Jack Straw is cobbling together a mishmash of a deal to reform and rename the House of Lords. I am all in favour of some sort of reform, and renaming stuff is always fun, but I get rather annoyed when politicians lecture about democracy. They confuse democracy and election: they are not the same thing. They think that they have a mandate just because the minority that voted for them was bigger than the minority that voted for whoever was in second place.
Super Casino
It is strange that whenever there’s a big thing up for grabs, it seems to go to Manchester. Always as part of a regeneration intiative: my God, the place should be regenerated to the nines by now. They’re building this new regeneration thing right opposite the last one (the Commonwealth Games). For goodness sake, if the place can’t stand on its own two feet by now, perhaps it should be given up as a bad job.
Busyness
The busyness of my business is eating in to my blogging time, hence the general lack of posts here and comments on the blogs of others. I do apologise and I’ll see if I can’t get rid of these pesky customers and their unreasonable expectations of goods and services in return for their payments.
What the World Needs Now
Mainly the world needs a button to stop things doing what they’re doing – like lifts when you select the wrong floor, or computers that e v e r s o s l o w l y start humming away and struggling to achieve the thing you didn’t want them to do in the first place.
If I could, I’d invent such a thing.
Weekends
The thing is, it’s Friday, so that means a weekend is on our heels. This used to mean good things like eating pizza, drinking wine and feeding the ducks on Wandsworth Common. At different times in my life, different days have meant different things. I have found weekends to be tiresome nuisances stopping me from getting on with my job, equally I have found the week to be a tiresome nuisance in stopping me getting on with my social life.
Random Creativity
I’ve been reading a lot of these blog things recently. A bit of pressure released, work-wise, due to the completion of a big chunk of work. This helps in freeing up otherwise occupied time slots and allows for that time to be spent clicking links and reading stuff.
Bullfighting
No discussion on life in Spain would be complete without a look at that most Spanish of cultural events: the corrida.
The image of the bull is the single most Spanish thing there is. Huge images of the mighty beasts sit atop hills by roadsides across the nation. Pictures of herds of the animals stampeding through the streets of Pamplona, American tourists dangling from their horns, hog the pages of every newspaper and magazine during San Fermin, and there’s nothing like a matador in his tight trousers and black hat to get a Spanish lady’s knees aquivering.
Bush is Wrong
It comes as no surprise to any level headed chap that George W Bush is wrong about climate change. He has maintained, somewhat shrewdly, that the science is not conclusive on the issue, and that debate remains. Science is almost never conclusive, George, and the debate remains because you’re the one making it.
Strange Things Children Do
They play hide and seek and always go to the same place to hide – and make you hide in the same place too. When hidden, they giggle, thus giving away their position (were it not already obvious).
Firsts
In honour of Bill and Hillary, a series of firsts.
First single ever bought, first album, first concert. First movie at the cinema. First time on a plane. First famous person ever seen, first ever spoken to. First time on TV/newspaper. First job … can´t think of any more.
First Fella
Well Hillary isn’t really surprising anyone with her announcement that she’s putting together one of these exploratory committee things. Barack Obama did the same only the other day, so it’s tempting to look at them as a single ticket: first woman President and first black (mixed race) VP – assuming it’d be that way around.
The BBC
The BBC licence fee negotiations always spark anew arguments surrounding the principle of a state owned broadcasting NGO relying on public funds to pay its bills. Various arguments swing around the subject, the right don’t like the BBC anyway, because of its institutionally liberal leanings, so they urge dogmatic purity and demand that the BBC be released from its protective clothing and made to make its way in the market like everyone else – public service programmes being paid for whoever they’re made by.
Brief Moment of Justice
Yesterday I was came to the only crossroads I know in Spain which seems to try and make use of an American style Stop sign system. I think convention has rather gotten the better of the original intention and the dominant road has exerted its authority over the side roads and stopping does not really seem to be the done thing.
My Plans for Criminal Justice
I have always thought that whilst prison is often ineffective, fines are unfair and community service largely a joke. So the arrows in the quiver of the nation’s judges are somewhat blunted.
Therefore, I propose a whole new approach.
2007 Resolutions
I’ve avoided making any resolutions for 2007. I have, over the years, made many a resolution and seen myself break them all. I suppose the very fact that they need to be resolutionised at all suggests that it’s something that doesn’t want to get done – that’s no excuse, well it was trying to be an excuse, but I realise that it isn’t.
So, in part emboldened by Yellowduck’s resolutions, I made some up …
Vote SNP for England
The Scots might just vote for independence from the United Kingdom! This will surely lead to a similar vote from the Welsh and clamour in Northern Ireland for the same. At this rate, England could be a free and independent nation once again, possibly within the next decade.
Old School Report
I was sorting some papers the other day when I chanced upon my old school report. It covered the age from eleven to about fifteen, just that most pleasant of periods in a boy’s life – a period I remember with a combination of tedium and outright revulsion …
There is a God!
The other day I had Jehova’s Witnesses. They stood outside the door, two of them, one, a youngish guy, did the talking. The other, an elderly woman, stood behind him, barely visible. She never spoke, only smiled in a combination of friendliness and superior sympathy if I directed any comment or smile her way.
There’s that moment at first, when they wait for you to realise who they are. There’s a slight tension in the air, I guess they’re waiting to see if they get abuse, rejection or engagement, and I’m waiting to see if they’re selling something or some neighbour complaining about the noise.
The penny drop moment is almost audible, and as the young fella leads off with a debunking of evolution, one of my favourite subjects, I look up to the heavens and think, “there is a God”.
Anticipation
An old friend of mine once observed, through a mouthful of cagoule and sleeping bag, that the natural instinct we all have that lets you know where every bit of your body is at all times, doesn’t extend to your rucksack. He was right: after a long train journey through France, being rasped in the face by the zips of other people’s backpacks had become unpleasantly commonplace.
In Spain that same instinct doesn’t seem to even extend to the owner’s outer body parts. Most Spanish people seem more aware of the location of their mobile telephone than their own legs.
The Village Bakery
The other day, whilst in England, I went into a bakery and asked for a loaf of bread. The woman said “have you ordered it?”, I, assuming she’d misunderstood, said “no, I want a loaf of bread”.
Careless Bombs
In World War II it was quite the thing to bomb civilians as a legitimate tactic: the idea being to break resolve and weaken morale. Both sides in that titanic struggle regularly chucked bombs at random from squadrons of plane droning low over densely populated cities.
At some point it rightly became entirely wrong to target anything other than a “legitimate target”, which didn’t include civilian neighbourhoods. Indeed, even military targets had to be precise, and other targets, such as infrastructure or power plants, whilst legitimate, could be controversial if their humanitarian impact was great.
Five Things You Never Knew About Me
Tagged by EP.
Well, this could be quite a lot of things really, because, unlike my tagger EP, I remain quite private despite the anonymity of cyberspace – in real life I am much more open. Strange that. Still, I’ll see if I can cobble together five things interesting enough to bother reading, but not revealing enough so as not to violate my need to hide behind the Zhisou persona.
The Kings
The Reyes Magos, the three King of the Orient, who, on the twelfth night brought Jesus gifts to the Bethlehem stable, form the basis for present giving in Spain´s Christmas – and last night, the 5th of January, was the night when they paraded through the packed streets, to music and dancing, throwing tiny crap presents and hurling sweets into children´s eyes. This carnival, probably the most important in Spain´s fiesta-packed calendar, is absolutely key in teaching children the importance of greed and pushing.
Don’t Blame the Airlines
You can’t blame airlines for wanting to fly people in airplanes – it is, after all, what they do. Aviation may be an environmental nightmare as an industry, but so is power generation and I don’t hear Ian Pearson knocking PowerGen or an oil giant like Shell or BP.
John Reid
This BBC article (here) suggests that John Reid might run against Gordon Brown after all. It was a bit surprising when Alan Johnson ruled himself out, seemingly, and inexplicably, preferring the backwater of the Deputy slot (which he could win, but probably won’t) – but Reid was always playing a cannier game, his rousing conference speech was perfect leadership bid material without actually explicitly being so.
Conservative Revolution
Britain’s mighty Conservative Party, the most successful democratic machine the world has ever seen, that bastion of capitalism and liberty, the political home of Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher, Benjamin Disraeli and Robert Peel – and what sparkling shiny new programme do they have for the British people growing increasingly weary of Labour and their moderate successes and expensive failures …
New Year
Surely the New Year should be on December 21st, the winter solstice. We measure years by how long it takes the Earth to orbit the Sun, then start the year at some imprecise point, a full ten days after the pleasing certainty of the solstice.
Tomorrow Begins Today
With his brand new slogan, “Tomorrow Begins Today”, 2004 VP candidate John Edward announces he is to run for the top job in 2008 (thanks to tyger for spotting this bit of news).
Acting the Goat
Us Capricorns are down to earth and steady folk, and we tend not to believe in bunkum like astrology.
In the interests of scientific research, I thought I’d do a 2007 astrological reading and then, next year, test it out to see if it made any sense. However, being a Yorkshireman, I did not intend to pay for it.
So I found a free one, which predicts solely for this week, the 1st to the 7th of January.
At least we will see more quickly if it got it right.
Saddam on TV
It’s strange to feel a sense of sadness when someone as evil as Saddam Hussein hangs. I did not rejoice as I saw him led to the gallows and heard him taunted by a guard, I felt no pleasure at his ritual execution and even managed to absurdly feel a pang of sympathy for the mass-murdering dictator.
There was no confusion when his hateful sons were shot in a gun battle – I had no hesitation in feeling satisfied with their end. Not pleasure, because it’s hard to take pleasure in the death of anyone, but certainly a sure sense of a good thing having happened.
Environmental Balance
There is an interesting entry here on Canarislander’s blog about the balance of town and country and its effect on the environment. I have long believed that the age old assumption that “countryside good, town bad” is all wrong as regards the environment. Whilst I intend no criticism of farming, it is certainly true that intensive agriculture on single crops sprayed to the nines with all sorts of chemicals, is not a good thing for the environment.
Mr Z’s Christmas Adventure
My Christmas stocking was not large this year. This is an age thing, I am sure, the number of presents received seems to decrease in direct proportion to the number of hairs on one’s head. Although I am not the proud new owner of a lump of coal and an orange, I did not get a great deal more – and for the first time since forever ago, I did not receive any musical gifts at all!
This Christmas involved a trip back to the UK, some observations on that trip …
Yule 2007
Today is Yule, the shortest day, the winter solstice, the day when the sun is at its most southerly point and winter begins properly, though in England it began six months ago. Zhisouists, pagans and whoever else fancies it begin their ten days of midwinter feasting – so happy Yule to all.
Some Things are Beyond Human Understanding
I managed to trap my thumb in a door frame yesterday. I was closing the door yet had left the digit dangling in the bit where the hinges close against the frame. Even having encountered resistence, and searing pain from my right hand, my left hand continued to pull the door shut. This, on balance, is strange.
Papa Noel
There is no time like Christmas for exposing the cultural clashes that simmer within Spain. The Spanish cultural calendar, with its many, many festivals, is based upon the Catholic Church and its feasts and Saints. Every town has a Saint (male) and a Virgin (female), so does each Community (state) and the nation as a whole. Every person has their own Saint, and if their name is not shared by a Saint, they get All Saints Day to compensate.
Faceblind
I have a disability! I was minding my own business, listening to the Guardian’s Science Podcast, when they started talking about the inability to remember faces. I knew I had this, of course, this wasn’t news, but I just thought I was one of those people who didn’t remember a face – I didn’t know it actually was a proper condition with a name and perhaps even funding. Maybe I could be studied by science?
More Than I Can Take
I was talking the other day to someone who used the word “fantasmagorical”. Do you know how hard it is not to make a sneery face and start banging on about the English language when someone just chucks the word “fantasmagorical” at you? It’s not easy. It shouldn’t really be something a fella should have to deal with.
Snap Election
There’s suddenly talk of Gordon Brown calling a quick election soon after taking over at Number 10.
David Cameron
One year of David Cameron and he has, on balance, made a good fist of it. He’s rejuvenated the Tories in the polls, started to deliver the odd blow on Blair at Question Time, and made no apologies for dragging his party to the centre ground where the votes are.
Green Brown
Gordon Brown, future PM, has shown us his green credentials. The planet will be saved by the Iron Chancellor reluctantly and selflessly increasing the price of fuel by 1.25/litre and air duty by 5 to 10 pounds.
Ten Things I Would Never Do
Having been tagged by tyger (of tygerland) to do the latest blog craze (not that I know anything about blogs or crazes).
Yule
Many Zhisouists will be wondering how to approach the upcoming season of Christmas. As Secular Pagan Buddhist Humanists (or Zhisouists for short), it seems a little hypocritical to celebrate a Christian festival, and a little pedantic not to.
Multiculturalism
I like multiculturalism. I think the UK is a much stronger place for it, and I find the US a truly fascinating land, largely due its diverse human stock and the myriad of faces, cultures and ideas that throng its streets. Conversely I find more monocultural countries a little one-dimensional, boring even. I love walking down the streets seeing a variety of dresses, colours and faces. In short, I actually, honestly, like other races: I fancy their women, I enjoy their costume and music, I am tantilised by their food and I just find the layered depth of a society truly made of people from differing cultures with different ways of living to be exciting and invigorating.
Human Shields
The Palestinian’s new tactic is a good one. Good for Israel that is.
16 Years
It’s 16 years today since Margaret Thatcher failed to win her leadership election bid against Michael Heseltine. She went on to resign but remained bitter. He went on to become a major part of Major’s befuddled government whose terrible aimless performance managed to keep the Tories out of power for nine years (and counting).
Thirds
Is it possible to cut something into perfect thirds?
New British Politics
I have recently returned to the New British Politics – Have Your Say discussion board on MSN Groups. It’s a good few months since I last posted, and well over a year since I was a regular. Anyway, I went back (without a sniff of a welcome back) and was amused, if a little befuddled, to see the same old names going round in the same old circles in a seemingly endless dance of pseudo debate.
Don Be Gone
The first GOP casualty of the Democrat resurgence was, rightly, the controversial figure of Don Rumsfeld – the man who managed to be both the youngest Secy of Defense (under Ford), and the oldest (under Little Bush). His folksy amiable style, a kind of two speed bumbling chattiness jumping between dismissive arrogance and jolly thoughtfulness, made Rummy an interesting figure at least, but it was his policies that made him controversial.
The Donkey Wins
Great news on the Democrat victories in the US, not that they seem to have any policies, but at least it´s a well deserved bloody nose to Bush and hopefully Nancy and her team can start some investigations into the incompetent and corrupt White House.
The World Trade Center
I am no expert on this yet, perhaps never will be. Below is just some facts, no attempt at interpretation -and they relate solely to the aftermath of the attacks on the World Trade Center.
Banana Backlog
Those close to Mr Zhisou know that I am prone to fruit build-up, in particular the banana backlog. This is due to a complex equation culminating from a general absent-mindedness multiplied by the likelihood of my being distracted due to a slight inherent reluctance to eat anything healthy. The outcome of this is that I often forget to eat whatever fruit I bring to work, and inevitably a backlog develops.
Conspiracy Theories
I have been looking at some the 9/11 conspiracy theories recently and have to say that the evidence is overwhelming in favour of there being a lot more to the attacks of that fateful day than first obvious. I admit that I have only seen one side of the argument, but the evidence is mostly the news footage with little or no explanation necessary, though some of the “evidence” is at best circumstantial.
Road Rage
Why do car drivers behave so selfishly and with so little courtesy, then behave so nicely when away from their vehicle? This is a dilemma I have pondered over many times, especially when stuck in traffic marvelling at the small minded pettiness of my fellow road user.
The Best Milkshake I Ever Had
I love milkshakes, I think I always have – really, any member of the ice cream family is all right by me, especially anything involving strawberries, but there´s something about a milkshake that makes it extra special – not only is it easier to eat than ice cream, it has a romantic, almost nostalgic feel, and as it´s indulged in so rarely it retains its special status, something that cannot be said of regular ice cream.
Liberals and Conservatives
“A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.”
(Albert Edward Wiggam)
Cleanliness is Next to Dirtiness
The Spanish are a clean people. Fastidiously so. Not only will the average Spaniard be generally well presented with smart hairdo held in place with globs of hair ghee, but they will be perfumed to the nines with combinations of deodourant, hairsprays, body colognes and after shaves (or perfumes). Sure some Spanish people have body odour issues, but mostly they will be overperfumed rather than the other way around.
Well Said Jack
Jack Straw has rightly, and bravely, said that he prefers Moslem women not to wear veils because it creates a barrier between them and their community. He says that is his own surgery, he asks Moslem women to remove their veils, and so far all have done so without issue. Indeed they have been surprised to learn of the alienating effect of the item, seeing it solely as a personal religious statement without societal repercussions.
It’s just an ESS
It turns out that My Theory of Macro Evolution is not really evolution operating at the super-individual level, as I proposed, but an Evolutionary Stable Strategy (or potentially so).
Boris and the Pies
Bumbling Boris Johnson, everyone´s favourite Tory, has waded into the current Jonathon Ross sparked controversy about healthy school meals and Jamie Oliver´s influence on the diet of the nation´s youngsters.
My Theory of Macro Evolution
I am currently reading “The Selfish Gene” by Richard Dawkins (review will follow) and it has led me to consider again my Theory of Macro Evolution (previously mentioned in The End Of Evolution post a couple of months back). This idea extends the principles of evolution beyond the gene and the individual to organisations of individuals – in it I concluded that the human organisation most likely to succeed is the corporation.
Hard To Let Go
Many members of the Labour Party were misty eyed yesterday, wondering why they´d spent the last few months tearing themselves apart to rid themselves of their most successful leader ever and the most remarkably skilled political performer of his generation. His conference speech was, as usual, a political masterclass. Tony Blair showed just why he was able to transform the leaden Labour Party and consequently British politics to become one history´s most successful ever PMs. There were many in Manchester with second thoughts about his impending departure, and quite a few wishing he´d stay on.
Noise
Originally written on 24th August, 2006
They say that Spain is the noisiest country in the World, but I´m sure they meant to say the Universe.
Straight Talking
Originally written on 26th June, 2006
Being a Yorkshireman, I have extensive experience of people telling me that they say what they think, thus turning a tendency for tactless directness into a virtue. Generally speaking, it works. Mealy mouthed people who don´t come to the point are viewed with suspicion. Much better someone who just let´s fly with their views, with a hang the consequences attitude: “I don´t mince words, me” and things like that. You get used to it, and you get used to thinking of it as a virtue. If we ignore the unsavoury extension to this trait whereby all airs, graces, knowledge or intelligence are also viewed as la-di-da, unnecessary, false, and basically underhand, I think this is generally a good thing.
Last in Line
Originally written on 16th May, 2006
They say the British are the kings of queueing, happy to form ad hoc queues even when there´s no known reason to do so – but the Spanish have their own queueing etiquette which is both simple and sophisticated and, perhaps because of that, also extremely effective.
The Curse of the TV
Originally written on 21st March, 2006
If a nation´s media is a reflection on the nation it serves then Spain should hang its head in shame at what its TV channels churn out. It´s hard to imagine how it could be much worse (though a short trip to Italy fills that void quite neatly). If you remove the incessant Big Brother shows, and similar reality nonsense, and the numerous chat shows of semi-famous nonentities hotly debating the goings-on on the aforementioned shows then you´d be left with very little. There are some good programmes, Caiga Quein Caiga is genuinely clever and funny – a news based satire show with roving reports from around the country, it is often hilarious and almost always interesting – it is also well presented with a smart and witty script. It´s a pity that the funniest guy on it is also a mainstay of the truly dreadful Camera Café daily “comedy” offering.
Law and Ignoring It
Originally written on 14th March, 2006
A curious thing about Spain is the attitude to law. In general, laws are seen to be nuisances to be ignored wherever possible – despite there being an underlying (and in my view unhealthy) belief in the authority of government, certainly a hangover from the old Franco days.
Killing People
Watching all the 9/11 anniversairy documentaries and the United 93 film, I was struck by the startling willingness of the hijackers to kill and to die. Dying for a cause can have a certain heroic glamour, killing for a cause just seems evil. They may not have revelled in the thousands of murders they committed, perhaps they even found it difficult – certainly the dramatised film version shows them averting their eyes and trying to avoid human contact with the passengers and crew of the aircraft. However, the point remains that they were content to kill so many other people to make a political (religious) point.
Goodbye Mr Blair
Tony Blair is Labour’s most successful ever PM, at least in terms of electoral success – but the chickens are coming home to roost now, and he is paying dearly for never really having been a Labour Party person. That is the rub, Tony Blair and Labour have only ever really tolerated each other, he needed a party and they needed an electable leader. He dragged them, kicking and screaming, from where Kinnock and Smith left off to the centre ground of politics and remoulded the old party of the unions into a pro-European social democratic party. This has been an unqualified success and the current party is genuinely unrecognisable from the 1983 socialists of Michael Foot whose manifesto was dubbed “the longest suicide note in history”.
Stephen Hawking Leaving Earth
Hawking´s famous Yahoo! question about how the human race with survive the next century led to over twenty-five thousand answers, many of them rubbish – but the one that Hawking himself offered is the most revealing. Not that he offered a definitive answer, he admitted that he didn´t actually have a solution in mind, but did suggest that the answer may be to abandon Earth and colonise another planet.
With an idea like that, it seems as though the Cambridge Professor already has abandoned the Earth.
The Uncertainty Principle of People
There´s something about numeric relationships that means that some ratio that works somewhere seems to be applicable in lots of other places too. I have spent far too much time listening to well qualified, and obviously under qualified, consultants rattle on about Pareto Analysis and the 80/20 rule which supposedly underpins it. This 80/20 idea being the key – and it is surprising how much MBA-jargon filled hours of conversation and chin rubbing reflection can be spent on this one topic. So much time, in fact, that one wonders if the equation was borne from them actually spending 80% of the time gassing, and 20% of the time doing something useful.
The Case For Alan
Alan Johnson, the ex-postman who left school at fifteen who went on to become the Education Secretary, is a formidable politician. Wikipedia states that he was effectively brought up by his sister in a council flat and after a stint at Tescos, went to head up the GWU union. An impressive story from someone who is looking increasingly likely to get involved in the leadership of the Labour party if Tony Blair ever steps down.
When is Blair Going?
Uncertainty over leadership is never good – when football managers are obviously dead men walking, the teams play worse because the distraction is omnipresent. When they announce their departure ahead of time, as Sir Alex Ferguson did a few years back, it gets even worse as noone knows who´ll be the next top dog and what direction will they steer. It´s no different in anything else, from business to politics, and Tony Blair´s honest, but ill-judged, decision to tell us about his plans to step down at least two to three years before actually doing so, are a case in point. He should have looked at the US, where the unnecessary limit of two terms placed on Presidents, gives them at least a two year spell of being a lame duck and sees party bigwigs jockeying for position rather than running their departments or states.
Zhisouism
I have decided to name my new religion “Zhisouism”. This is not in my honour, rather it is a fruit of the same thought process that gave me the Internet NIC MrZhisou which I used initially to gain access to MSN Groups, in particular the political discussion Groups. I retained the brand when, thanks to that prolific blogsmith tyger, I decided to start my own blog to back up our, largely abandoned, joint venture realpolitik blog “the gasworks“.
Posh New Internet Tablet
I now have a Posh New Nokia Internet Tablet thingy to add to my inventory. This flies in the face of my policy of not investing in gadgets as they are annoyingly disconnected and have annoyingly overlapping functionality. My mobile is rubbish, and needs to be upgraded to Bluetooth to improve the disconnection issue, but then I´ll have a phone with a camera, but I already have a camera and a camcorder, the latter also taking stills making the former superfluous. Grrrr. Then I have a Posh iPod which syncs my Posh iMac and even holds photos and contact details overlapping with the phone … I have avoided the PDA and the GPS and other such things just not to add to the jumble, I cannot wait till they offer the fully integrated solution offering Internet, TV, email, everything, all running off central processors and syncing automatically with remote units and mobile bits and pieces. This is technically simple, but the money men need to ensure only incremental iprovements and minimal integration to ensure maximum spend. I shall just have to wait.
Secular Pagan Buddhist Humanism
I am thinking of starting my own religion as I seem to be unable to pigeonhole my beliefs in any of the existing ones, even Secular Humanism fails me, although far less so than theist solutions, because whilst it is intellectually sound, it ignores a couple of key things which have importance for me and my life.
Traffic Cones and Electric Waistcoats
I drove over a thousand kilometres across Spain yesterday. From the parched beige deserts and dusty palm trees of the Mediterranean to the lush verdant hills of the Atlantic coast.
My Plans for the Monarchy
Defenders of monarchies don´t really defend the principle of having a blue-blood family born to rule over us, they defend the practical application of it, and to a degree they´ve got a point. A monarch, above politics, does provide a consistent figurehead to a nation without needing to get involved in elections, popularity contests and difficult decisions. A political head of state, like Chirac or Bush, is almost always unpopular with about two-thirds of their populace – a monarch is almost always popular to the same percentage. An interesting irony, the Queen can count on more popular support than her directly elected counterparts – that´s just the nature of politics, a politician is always unpopular with about half the country at best.
Bad Morning
When I got to work today there were cockroaches climbing all over the building and cockroaches scurrying all over the floor. I started stamping on a few of them in anger, then someone pointed behind me and I turned to see hundreds of the nasty blighters all over the road. On closer inspection, they were surfacing from a drain in the centre of the crossroads on which my office stands. This was not how I planned to start my day.
A New UKIP
Do we need a need a new UK Independence Party? We already have one, but they are focussed on freeing us from the shackles of the EU – what about a party with the objective to free us from Washington?
Old Wives Tale
I was told not to pull out my grey hairs because seven will grow back in their place. This seems unlikely, like why would any such system evolve and why would it only apply to grey hairs? I avoid such beliefs because they get in the way of actually doing what you want to do, but for some reason I avoid pulling out my few grey hairs for fear of the whole thing snowballing out of control and me ending up a silver fox like that fella who used to play for Middlesborough.
It´s a Big Conspiracy
This latest Middle East crisis has brought out the usual reactions from the left and the right – the left, as always, are spitting blood at Israel and unleashing their furious rhetoric at the tiny Jewish state for their gross overreaction to what is only the kidnapping of a couple of soldiers. The right, on the other hand, are, as usual, piously remarking at the remarkable restraint showed by plucky Israel in the face of such continued attack.
A Private Solution
Further to my National Health rant about the need to privatise the NHS, I heard a union boss on the radio discussing just the same theme, though obviously not quite the kind of privatisation I argued in favour of. His lame argument against privatisation centred on three points, two he meant to make and a third that snuck out accidentally.
National Health
Earthpal, she of the Scorched Earth blog, raised the issue of healthcare funding – albeit making an entirely different point – in this comment on the Brown´s Bombshell post below. I guess the point was that we should focus on important things like healthcare and poverty before buying big boy´s toys, and this is of course a very valid point. However, the aside regarding healthcare funding is quite common, it is an oft heard cry that our hospital are laying off staff, have huge defecits and everything is going pear-shaped.
Brown´s Bombshell
Gordon Brown has decided its worth spending billions of pounds replacing the outdated Trident missile collection with a brand spanking new nuclear deterrent. I´m not sure I see the point considering the UK is an active member of NATO and surely protected by the Americans from a conventional nuclear attack, the only thing the Trident programme can be said to realistically deter.
Traffic Jam
I would have thought that if you were going to name something as high profile and long lasting as a major model of car, it might be wise to ask for someone else´s opinion first. This is especially so if you are using words in another language because they sound groovy. These thoughts occurred to me yesterday whilst I was sitting in traffic behind a Citroën "Jumper".
Bush Aide Escapes Charges Shocker
Shockingly, Bush´s political guru will not face charges for his alleged involvement in the criminal leaking of a CIA agent´s name. If I didn´t know better, I would suggest yet more White House croneyism and corruption where the rule of law is something that only applies to other people.
Click here for BBC News story.
The Price of Beauty
Yesterday I had my unpleasantly hairy back and shoulders waxed for the first, and last, time. I know women routinely have even more sensitive areas waxed and don´t complain (they do actually), but that is by the by. Women also have babies, pluck their eyebrows and know how to iron shirts, so let´s just accept that they are way ahead of men on all sorts of levels.
2008 Watch: Update
An excellent BBC article here saving me the trouble of picking out the hopefuls.
Special Note to Ming Campbell
Next time, Ming, when you rise to your feet, relax, and deliver the question below which you will have practised many many times.
Ming the Mumbler
Ming Campbell, the charming, witty and engaging leader of the Liberal Democrats, is proving to be an absolute embrarrassment at the weekly spectacle of PMQs.
Particles and Some Random Thoughts
Particles aren´t what we think they are either. Most people think of them speck of matter, like a tiny dot of dust. They´re not though, and I suppose this makes sense because if they were, then they´d be made of something and we´d back where we started.
Hillary Loses Her Shine
Good article in The Guardian here which discusses the probably selection of Hillary as the next Democrat candidate, and how she'll probably win because she has the establishment and the money, but how she's losing supporters in the Democratic heartlands day on day. The interesting part of the article is not just Hillary, but the principle behind choosing the establishment candidate – John Kerry being the perfect example. Picked because he was the most Presidential and fell to an inevitable narrow defeat. They argue that Howard Dean would have been roundly defeated nine times out of ten, but that other time he'd win and change the country. Hmmm, not convinced of Howard Dean himself, but I do like the argument, I have been favouring a kind of Wes Clarke / Mark Warner kind of thing because it ticks lots of boxes and looks Presidential, but maybe – especially in the face of the universally respected McCain, it'd be worth going a bit left field … any ideas?
Should Blair Go?
If the pretty straight sort of guy who occupies Number 10 hadn´t squared with us and admitted he didn´t intend fighting his fourth general election, probably in 2009, then none of this would have happened. Had he got a clearer agreement (or stuck to the already clear agreement) with the Chancellor, then likely too, this could have been avoided. But there you are, we are where we are.
A Female Foreign Secretary!
It´s remarkable that Britain has never had a female Foreign Secretary, or even a female Chancellor or Home Secretary. If you exclude Margaret Thatcher of course, the most senior woman in UK politics has never really risen above the meaty but mid-ranking posts of Education and Health. I think Margaret Beckett will do well, she has been an underused resource in Blair´s government, and Jack Straw, bless him, was never that convincing in such a high profile position – he got better and grew into the role, and in that sense it´s sad to see him go, but I´m looking forward to Beckett having a stab at it.
Three Annoying Things About Computers
1. You press the wrong button, or click the wrong thing, and it goes off doing what you didn´t what it to do and you can´t damn well stop it. Why isn´t there a "whoops" button that just stops and backs up whatever processes are currently underway? One for my Ideas thread perhaps.
General Relativity
The best I can fathom from the rather incoherent explanation of this, Einstein´s great work, is that gravity isn´t so – but then I´m not quite sure if this is what is being said, because alternate theories suggest gravity is one of the four great forces and controlled by the as yet undiscovered gravitons.
The End of Evolution?
It is often suggested that evolution no longer applies to humans. This is of course quite correct if we limit evolution to mean natural and sexual selection. Evolution is these senses seems to be over for humans. Evolution relies entirely on breeding, on genes getting the chance to go for it in the next generation – it doesn´t matter how much money you have, how nice your house is, how healthy you are, how long you live, or even how often you get to do jiggy-jiggy, it´s only about how many kids you have. Nothing else.
Space Time
Something I forgot to add to the Special Theory of Relativity was about spacetime and the constancy of the speed of light.
The Evolution Paradox
I´ve been meaning to add to the argument I started in The End of the World is Nigh a month or so back. What I said then, in response to increasing statistical evidence that the Earth´s environment is getting to the tipping point from which we won´t be able to recover, is that man is basically fatally flawed and can never get past this to a higher level of society (or evolution, see upcoming arguments).
Special Relativity
Or, as Zuvak calls it, "special nonsense" – Einstein´s first relativity theory sounded like utter nonsense because he discarded common sense in favour of the evidence before his eyes, something no one had thought to do before.
I Have the Best Clothes
One advantage of living in an apartment block is that everyone hangs their washing out to dry on the roof, and it is easy to compare clothing style and quality, and, in my case, conclude that I have not only the best clothes, but the best taste. This discovery came as no surprise to me, but I was still slightly taken aback by the high percentage of extraordinarily horrid garments on display last time I journeyed up there to collect my things.
Are UKIP Racist?
David Cameron accused UKIP of being mostly made up of "closet racists", and UKIP are demanding an apology. Not sure if it´s the term "closet" or "racists" that they are objecting to, but it does beg the question as to whether or not parties like UKIP, and indeed any others, are actually racist.
Israel
You don´t need much to win an Israeli election. Centrist Kadima, led by Ehud Olmert, didn´t even poll a third of the two-thirds who bothered to vote. His 28 seats look paltry, but it´s better than anyone else did, so Sharon´s second-in-command now has his own mandate and is smart enough to know how to use the coma-stricken ex-PM to his advantage – implementing Israeli borders and pull-out unilaterally whilst holding out the chance of conversation with Hamas, but presumably to allow them to agree to what Israel wants to do anyway.
Supermarket Organisation
You need to get into the minds of the supermarket designers sometimes to work out where products might be located. I don´t mean obvious stuff like fish or tea or cans of coke, I mean crossover items like condensed milk, which could be with milk, or desserts, or perhaps some kind of "home baking" aisle. Oftentimes I find myself trying to put myself in their heads to locate such an item – a bio active juice drink was next to the milk, not the juices for example.
Waves and Things Like That (Wu Li Stuff)
Now I´m lost. I have been hanging on by my fingertips for a while now, but I admit I have now fallen off the cliff and am not able to make enough sense of what I´m reading to be able to properly explain it.
Budget Day
I suspect that Tony Blair will want to complete ten years in Number 10, so Brown´s tenth budget may well be his penultimate, not his ultimate as currently suggested. If Blair can hang on and ward off the lame duck tag, he will surely try for summer 07 for his much-expected retirement from Downing Street.
Very Annoying Things #6 | David Dickinson
There´s something I don´t like about people when their appearance suggests that they have to go without sleep on a night in order to have enough time to sort their hair and make-up out. I refuse even to add gel to my hair, and insist that my barber does not do so, though they always ignore me. I like to be ready to go at a moment´s notice and feel burdened by any need to mess about with my appearance beyond essential matters of hygiene. Dickinson on the other hand, probably requires a small team and several days before each public appearance.
Spendthrift Bush and the $9 Trillion Debt
So the US debt balloons to a whopping great $9 trillion in order to pay for Iraq without tax rises or further cuts in public spending. I guess Bush, like a spendthrift ever extending his mortgage, must be relieved that he´s been handed more free money to spend as he wishes. One can understand how Bush, who won´t be in professional politics in another couple of years, can afford to postpone fiscal responsibility till he´s jiffing about in a boat off Kenebunkport, but the American people cannot simply squeeze out of the debt they are being saddled with. At this stage in the game, it looks like there´ll be another Republican in the White House in 2009, so the chickens are likely to come home to roost on the GOP watch.
Romney Beings His Push
Mitt Romney, the GOP Governer of Massachusetts, has kicked off his campaign for the 2008 big one quite early – and he´s chosen one of those dreadful wholesome American cities in the middle of nowhere: Des Moines. The hopeful did all the usual hand-pressing and took appropriately faux interest in the comings and goings of some tiresome local nonsense that even most of the locals don´t care about. In other words, barring scandal, Romney´s a cert for the 2008 primaries.
See the BBC story here.
Very Odd
As I scratched my head in wonder at another week without a single lottery number matching my picks, I suddenly realised that I had begun to favour odd numbers over even numbers.
I´m not sure when this began, but I clearly remember erring toward even as a child. Now favouring odd seems to be linked to an increase in personal confidence, a positive factor of an increase in personal age. It´s as if even numbers were somehow safer, perhaps because they offer symetry, whereas odds seem to be the mavericks in the number world, a bit crazier, not so easy to pin down and control.
Despite this development, lottery success continues to elude me.
To Join Or Not To Join
I am wondering whether I should join a political party. I go through this anguish every now and again because I think I should do something more constructive. The problem is, as soon as you join you immediately compromise and are boxed in to party lines and the need to defend the party bigwigs and their stand on issues. Of course you´re not compelled to do any such thing, but there is still a pressure to do so, or maybe it´s just me, but as I am me, that amounts to the same thing.
Things Are Not What They Seem
So if particles are actually all interconnected and part of some whole universal fabric (and remember everything is made up of these little chaps), and matter and energy are the same thing really, and light is both a wave and photon rays, then we´re able to make the remarkable observation that Buddhists have been saying for centuries: things are not what they seem.
English Parliament
In this Guardian article, the ex-Labour deputy leader Roy Hattersley, argues in favour of an English parliament to restore equilibrium to an unbalanced constitution following devolution to Scotland and Wales. This curious circumstance is currently being highlighted by the struggle to get the government´s education bill through parliament, which will only happen with Scottish (and Tory) support – it´s also rather obvious when Scot John Reid makes health policy that only applies to England.
Milosevic Dies
It´s one of those curious things that when people like Milosevic die (or kill themselves), people are saddened that they escaped justice – yet many of these same people support the death penalty. Thus, the reasoning must follow, we want you to die, but we want to pull the trigger. Whilst not being entirely immune to the logic of this argument, it is a very weak case. If dying is dodging justice, then so is being killed – especially when you factor in that suicide is far harder than execution, where one is left with little choice but to submit.
The Nature of Light
Ages ago, this chappy (forgotten his name) worked out that light was actually waves by showing the constructive and destructive inteference (an effect of waves) in an experiment using two slits allowing two lots of light to project onto a wall. Then, when Max Planck theorised that energy was absorbed and expelled in small packets (which he called quanta) rather than smoothly, Einstein was able to go further and say that energy was actually made of these quanta – as regards visible light, red having the smallest quanta, through to violet having the largest.
More Wu Li
"Wu Li" is Chinese for physics. It means "patterns of organic energy". Like seemingly all things translated from Chinese it has a hippyish ring to it, which I kind of like, but understandably sounds a bit wishy-washy to others.
More on Poverty
Further to the American Poverty ramble previously in this blog, I got me to thinking that perhaps we´re missing the point by always measuring poverty in relative terms. The calculation, in the UK at least, defines “the poverty line” as something like less than half the median income – but what if that figure is a figure which still allows for sufficient food, warmth, shelter etc.? Is it still poverty?
Journey With Me
I am reading "The Dancing Wu Li Masters" by Gary Zukav. It´s a layman´s explanation of the new physics (i.e. quantum mechanics) which is something that has always fascinated me as something so astonishingly remarkable and so unbelievably interesting, yet so unknown, at least by me. I have read bits and pieces but I´m hoping this book will help me move from repeating the words to having something like a level of understanding.
Ming Wins – Where Now?
So Ming made it, and Huhne pushed poor old Simon Hughes into third place – obviously Huhne has a bright future, with a good spot on Ming´s front bench, he´ll look increasingly like a leader-in-waiting, especially if he gets the Deputy slot (perhaps reserved for Vince Cable), and doubly so if the old man starts to show his age.
Curious Mathematical Principle
Today I was down to upturned shampoo bottles to ensure every last blob gets used. I managed to burp out a random spray of inadequate shampoo smudges and made do and returned the bottle to its precarious position, ready to try again tomorrow. It is strange how for 90% of the bottle´s volume, I liberally chuck loads of shampoo all over my head without a care in the world, and yet for the final 10% I strain and struggle to get the final meagre drops which barely satisfy the hairwashing need.
The Law of Shampoo Bottles (also applicable to ketchup): The time taken to use the initial 90% of the bottle´s contents is equal to the time taken to squeeze out the remaining tenth.
Tough at the Top (at last)
Since the heady golden age of Connors, Borg and McEnroe, tennis has struggled to come up with a half decent rivalry. Lendl and Wilander perhaps, but that was mainly clay-centric. Edberg tussled with Becker and Courier, Sampras was rocked now and again by Agassi, but none of these really captured the imagination.
Project Management (Rant #1)
In my previous incarnation as a corporate climber, I was exposed to two entirely different project management methodologies and got rather caught up in the middle of this. The “old way” in which I had been tutored was replaced by the “new way” mid-project and whilst both methods had merit, it left the project reeling and caused much tension and silly office politics.
The End of the World is Nigh
It seems as though everyone in the world (except Bush) was right and the increase in greenhouse gases in the air is not only directly causing global warming, but is also directly the responsibility of the actions of man. This was of course largely assumed to be correct, but now the doubt around the issue is increasingly less scientific and increasingly solely political.
Not My Fault
I am having some bodywork fixed on my car and have been running into trouble trying to get the right wing mirror cover to replace the one I smashed when a concrete column moved unexpectedly next to my parking space as I was reversing out of it (not my fault).
American Poverty
Perhaps poverty is inevitable. Economies can only have so much money that must more or less represent the collective worth of that economy, so for every chap who has $1 more, there has to be another chap with $1 less. So for every millionaire, there has to be a million people with $1 less. So in a country like the US, with many wealthy, very wealthy, exceedingly wealthy, and crikey-look-how-much-money-that-chap´s-got people, it stands to logical reasoning that there must be a corresponding dearth of cash at the other end of the scale – and when you´re talking about, say, a million people having a million dollars each, it means that forty million people have to have nothing at all.
Extundoverbunovegeoism
Extundoverbunovegeoism: the lack of invention of new words. I just invented this word (thanks to this online Latin-English resource), and whilst it may be a bit clumsy, at least it describes a novusnocens (new and unwelcome) phenomenum for not giving new stuff new names.
Is America Ready for a Mormon?
With Mormon Harry Reid leading the Democrats in the Senate, and fellow Mormon and Republican Massachussetts Governor Mitt Romney making all the right noises for a 2008 bid, the US may need to face up to the idea of a President who believes that the chosen pure (white) people in America were wiped out by the wicked (black) people and that the Garden of Eden is in Jackson County, Missourri.
Bringing Democracy to America
I´ve decided that we should invade America in order to spread democracy. The current system for electing a President is a bizarre electoral college which gives power to the states, not the people. I´m all for limiting central government power, but I see no need for it to cluster unnecessarily at state level when it would be far better placed, at least in this case, in the hands of the people themselves.
Very Annoying Things #5: Marketing Misuse of Vocabulary
Do they think we’re stupid? The word “express” means quick, not small – why was my local Blockbusters video store called Blockbusters Express just because it was tiny and had limited selection? It was no quicker, except perhaps quicker to walk straight back out of again because there was nothing worth renting. There was a Tesco Express too, again just a lot smaller than the regular, non-express Tesco, and slower because they had fewer tills which were shared with the petrol station. Express means quick not small.
Iraqi Civil War
How many countries can you name that, having being released from an oppressive centrist regime, all work together to form a happy new country with little or no separatist ambition from the regions? I´m struggling – Germany survived WW2 and the downfall of Hitler … let´s make it harder: How many countries that were cobbled together mixes of diverse ethnic groups have managed to stay together once the central pressure is lifted? Er, Yugoslavia, ah no … the USSR … er, bad example … it´s not easy, is it? So why should Iraq be any different. Surely civil war is more or less inevitable as the three main ethnic groups strive for identity and breathing space after the collapse of Saddam´s Sunni dictatorship.
The Dissident Prince
I like Prince Charles. He thinks he´s a dissident trying to infleunce political opinion and so he should be. People will say he should stay out of politics, and if so he´s about the only person who should (except his Mother) and that seems unfair. This just highlights how ridiculous the monarchy is. Let him say what he wants, say I.
Terrorists Take Over US Ports
President Bush is allowing a UAE company (Dubai Ports) to take control of six major US sea ports as part of the Dubai company´s acquisition of UK shipping company P&O.
Democrats Missing the Target
This excellent Guardian article backs up my point about criticism of Cheney over the hunting accident. Glenn Reynolds rightly points out how opponents of the Bush White House are just shouting about everything in a “scattergun” manner, thus drowing out real constructive concerns: “the response to the “cartoon jihad” by Islamic extremists has been limp. There seems no clear plan, beyond allowing the obviously ineffective diplomacy of the EU to continue, for dealing with Iran. US domestic spending is out of control …“
It’s Right to Click Right
When trying to download the latest Monthly MP3 from Chris Smither’s website the other day, I noticed you could only do so by right clicking. Suddenly, I felt powerless, totally impotent, as if my arms had been removed and I was trying to grasp at a lifebelt in pitching seas, watching as the darkening sky and violent waves crashed into my unprotected body, salvation slipping slowly away, the lifebelt sickeningly close but so far away … okay, I may be overplaying it a touch, but, from normally feeling proud as punch to be using a Posh New iMac to suddenly finding myself needing to go into work, download in Windows and email it back to myself, it was a bit of a rude awakening.
Responsibility
Each person is individually and wholly responsible for their own actions and their own circumstance.
The Ice is Melting
The US are being taken to the UN for their failure to prevent temeperature rises which are damaging the protected area of Waterton-Glacier Peace Park (see here).
I Could Eat a Knob at Night
The Karl Pilkington catchphrase that’s become a global phenomenum (at least for those of us sophisticated enough to have got to grips with podcasts) is now being printed on t-shirts, baseball caps and a myriad of other bootleg merchandise. The Ricky Gervais Show, offered as a weekly Podcast from the UK’s Guardian Unlimited, is now the globe’s most successful podcast download, and Pilkington is the unlikely hero of it all.
Rodham-Clinton Beats Rice
For the first time I can recall, both major parties have a potential female candidate with a real chance of winning. The current Secretary of State, Dr Rice, and the NY Senator and ex-First Lady Hilary Rodham-Clinton. It would be a fascinating historical twist if both gained their party´s respective nominations, and what is perhaps surprising is that current polls suggest that the NY Senator would come out on top – see this poll.
Cheney Missing The Target
So Cheney was out hunting quail (or Quayle?) when he hit his pal full in the face with his buckshot. I don´t actually see why this is such a political hot potato. Hunting accidents do happen, and even if Cheney were somehow careless or negligent (which we don´t know), then it was still an accident (that we can be sure of).
My Theory of Teams and Teamworking
Many people who have worked in larger coorporations must have come across many a haphazard way to build team identity, spirit and generally improve happiness and therefore productivity. These range from the boss making the tea, or buying donuts on Friday, to away days on assault courses or games involving building bridges across rivers with only a few sheets of A4 and a half dozen paperclips.
ID or not ID
So Britain’s Labour Party, longtime opponents of ID cards, have managed to push through near-compulsory ID cards for the UK, despite opposition from the Conservative Party, longtime supporters of ID cards.
Iraqi Beatings
I was initially very shocked when I saw the video of the Iraqi teens being beaten by British soldiers, and doubly so by the growling corporal who taped it. I was ashamed. I had somehow naïvely imagined that whatever you think of the invasion, the British troops were doing a jolly fine job and making the best of a bad lot. Well, it was naïve, I admit.
Very Annoying Things #4: Fat Parents With Fat Children
The other day I was in the park and this horrid family of fatties came wobbling up with their ghastly overweight children. Now, an adult fatso is one thing, that’s their own fault for eating too much and not moving from their armchairs often enough, but fat children is the fault of the parent – well usually anyway.
Business Idea
I was thinking the other day that it would be a fantastic business idea to be printing Danish flags.
The Liberal Challenge
In a time when people are bored of Labour, distrustful of Tories and generally all agree with the basics of liberal democracy based on compassionate capitalism, you’d think the Lib Dems would be in pole position.
Podcasting
I recently discovered the wonders of Podcasting.
What If We Hadn’t Invaded Iraq?
Apart from the obvious difference to Iraq itself, and those who tragically lost their life in the conflict, I consider that had we not invaded Iraq, we would see three main differences in today’s world.
Loony Tunes
The reaction to the Mohammed cartoons from all sides shows that the world these days has several screws loose. Westerners and Islamists alike seem to be spoiling for a fight and picking on anything they can to get one kicking off.
Cameron’s Crackpot Plans for Democracy
Cameron’s “Democracy Task Force”, headed by ex-Chancellor and ex-leadership wannabee Ken Clarke, is proposing removing the Royal Prerogative powers from the PM and giving them to Parliament. What a load of tosh – this relies on the principal that Parliament is somehow democratic, which it isn’t, and tying the PM’s hands in this way would somehow enhance democracy. Balderdash. The problem is that these powers technically belong to The Queen, the least democratic of all the power institutions in the UK model, and yet Cameron doesn’t seek to address this anomaly at all.
Very Annoying Things #3: Times New Roman
Who the hell put Times New Roman in charge? Certainly not me. I don’t much like the font at the best of times, generally favouring the sans serif type, but its omnipresent nature is about as annoying as the humble typeface can get.
New Boy, New Hope
I wait with a certain amount of eagerness for Chris Huhne’s manifesto unveiling this afternoon. Having previously backed Simon Hughes, but then having seen the wheels come off his campaign (perhaps unfairly, but off they are nonetheless), I am forced to choose between the elegant Menzies “Ming” Campbell.and the upstart new boy Huhne. I am not, and have never been, convinced by Ming, and don’´t much fancy the vision he paints for the party. I did hold out hope for Oaten, but obviously that didn’t work out either – so Huhne is sort of my last hope if I am going to be convinced by the Lib Dems.
Power To The People
Power should be as close to the people as possible.
Government Is Not So Bad
Government is there because it has to be: the alternatives are worse.
Iranian Pickle
What a dreadful pickle the whole Iran saga has become. Iran’s desire for nuclear power seems perfectly reasonable, and positive Western engagement on the issue should really have been welcomed – but then sabres were rattled and stupid talk of an “Axis of Evil” painted Iran as one of the three troublesome rogues that Bush planned to deal with – jingoistic drivel of “one down, two to go” following the “defeat” of Iraq hardly helped in building bridges. Little wonder Iran turned to the more extreme candidate when the elections came round, Americans can hardly throw stones at other countries for voting in right-wing religious fundamentalists.
US Overstretched
It seems that the only people who don´t think that the US armed forces are dangerously close to breaking point are the political chiefs at the top of The Pentagon – Democratic Party reports can be dismissed as politically motivated of course, but their findings should be at least examined as a matter of due diligence – but it’s not just the Democrats, reports about a recruitment crisis date back months and years, and with the US increasingly committing its soldiers to long overseas tours in campaigns that are primarily being waged to feather the nests of the Republican bank rollers, it’s little wonder that fewer and fewer of the nation’s youth want to commit their lives to such an objective.
Only Hamas Can Deal With Israel
When John Bolton goes to sort the UN or when Ariel Sharon pulls out of Gaza, clever people nod sagely and say “only Nixon could have gone to China”. The same could be said of Hamas engaging with Israel in the peace process.
Very Annoying Things #2: Laugh-Talking
There’s a woman TV announcer who can’t manage to tell you what’s on next without appearing so very amused by what she’s saying that she´s perpetually on the cusp of bursting into gales of laughter. It is soooo annoying – and then there’s that woman who presents a travel TV programme – maybe the Rough Guides – nice enough girl, don’t get me wrong, but if she could just manage to tell you what she wants to get off her chest without the constant undertone of mirth I’d be far better placed to actually listen to what she’d got to say – why do they have to lace their tone with such irritating amusement?
Pipe Dreams
I’m thinking about buying a drum kit. Unfulfilled dreams of playing in a band keep nagging away and will not be dampened by the cruel reality that I am not remotely musically gifted. So many misspent years of banging away at pianos, guitars, bass guitars … even the humble harmonica managed to beat me … the thing is, it’s not that I am the single most untalented musician on Mother Earth, it’s just that I’m the single most untalented musician on Mother Earth that cares. All those worse than me (and they are legion) don’t give two hoots – just like I can’t crochet a blanket or shoe a horse, but I couldn’t give a monkey’s so it doesn’t tease away at me, morning, noon and night.
Bittersweet Moment
Ah, the sweet smell of The Torygraph losing a high court libel appeal. As Louis Armstrong taught us, “What a Wonderful World”.
Pain in Spain
The Spanish are up in arms. As the curiously inept-looking PM says, Spain has always been an uneasy union of Catalonia, Basque, Castille and other provincial regions, it’s never really been one happy nation – except when Fernando Alonso won the F1 drivers’ championship.
Real Democracy
Democracy is not a voting electorate, it is an engaged electorate.
Jacques Chirac and the End of the World
So, will World War III actually be started by a geriatric French crook? I hadn’t thought of this scenario – obviously the Islam-Christian/Jewish stand-off is the most likely spark today, but I always assumed it would somehow be Israel-centric in some form or other – perhaps a Jewish terrorist attack on the Al-Aqsa Mosque, or an Arab strike at Tel Aviv, perhaps even a nuclear strike (especially if Pakistan falls into less Western-tolerant hands). How could I have overlooked Chirac’s determination to leave his legacy on World history and his overriding need to make France as unpopular and as unreasonable as possible? What was I thinking!
Offering Peace To Get War
Yesterday’s truce offer is OBL reminding his fans that he’s peaceful but the Yanks won’t listen, and telling America that he’s still a dangerous terrorist planning to attack them at home, so carry on giving Bush carte blanche to continue the war.
Very Annoying Things #1: Business Nomenclature and the Use of Puns
Surely everyone knows a hairdressers called “The Cut Above” and a fish and chip shop called “Julie’s Plaice”, but the cake was very much taken when I saw a Thai restaurant called “Thai Rack”.
Feeling Good
Top of my list in the category “Thank Goodness I saw Them Before They Died” is Nina Simone.
Man Bag (or Manbag?)
I have taken advice on the potential purchase of a man bag. Overwhelmingly the feedback received has been at the negative end of the spectrum, and I admit to being somewhat relieved. Someone told me that Ron Atkinson had one so therefore it was acceptable – I didn’t follow the logic.
Opportunity Society
Only those societies which strive for opportunity for all will come close to maximising their human resources.
Chocolate City
So the mayor of New Orleans wants a chocolate city to emerge from the sodden ruins of his broken city, a city smashed by the wrath of God due to America’s dishonest involvement in their attempted conquest of Babylonia. He’s sorry he said it, of course, but presumably he believes it even if he wishes he hadn’t said it.
Time Management
I have a habit of idling time away because I seem to be only able to do things when there isn’t enough time to do them in. I hear that this is normal, and I like to think of it as being motivated by tight deadlines. Someone once used the word procrastination, but I ignored them. I was on a Time Management course when I used to be a corporate johnnie and we used to just take whatever courses we fancied when The Manager passed around the thick course catalogue from some Professional Training Provider. They said, and I think they were right actually, that “it’s not time management, it’s self management” (stress on the “self“) which is of course blindingly obvious after being told, because you cannot manage time – even Stephen Hawking couldn’t do that if you gave him a black hole and a pair of pliers.
Liberal Democrats – a Political Folly?
I have often wondered if there’s any point in the Liberal Democrats in UK politics. Really, if you’re never going to be in power, is there really any point in being in politics? Surely it’s just idealistic folly to always be on the sidelines sporting smug smirks when you could just as easily become a big cheese in one of the main two parties and implement identical policies anyway, just ask Tony Blair. Are they just an acceptable protest-vote lightning rod, courting the disaffected from all sides, saying all things to all people as they seem to have become recently? If so, then this may have garnered some short-term electoral advantage but at the expense of really standing for anything coherent.
The World is Not a Hat
People can only live peacefully if they are contented.
Look At My Posh iPod
Having received an iPod for Christmas last August, I have recently been digitalising my CD collection, and thanks to a half-dozen or so randomly purchased jazz compilation CDs (bought over various years in occasional attempts to discover the perfect jazz for me) I now have an list of “Artists” that would leave the late great John Peel agog and scratching his head in puzzlement.
