Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bullies

Can Harry Potter help our children learn to deal with bullies? That’s a question I tackle over at Our Big Gayborhood, the group blog run by the wonderful Lori Hahn, whom some of you may know from her erstwhile blog Hahn at Home.

Thanks to Lori for inviting me to contribute a post!

Tell AOL News Not to Spread False Research on Children of Gay and Lesbian Parents

A recent article by Paul Kix of AOL News, “Study: Gay Parents More Likely to Have Gay Kids,” discussed research by Kansas State University professor Walter Schumm, in which Schumm claims to have come to the titular conclusion.

Problem is, Schumm has been shown to use misleading methods, and is associated with the leader of a known hate group. He conducted a “meta-analysis” of 10 existing sources for this study—but Jim Burroway of Box Turtle Bulletin notes that all of the sources “were from general-audience books about LGBT parenting and families, most of which are available on Amazon.com. Schumm read the books, took notes on each parent and child described in the book, examined their histories, and counted up who was gay and who was straight among the kids.” In other words, the sample was neither random nor representative. At least one of these books, Abigail Garner’s Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is (which I highly recommend), was even intentionally non-random. Burroway cites Garner’s explanation: “I deliberately aimed to have 50% of the kids interviewed to be queer. Not because it is statistically reflective of the population, but to give it balance of perspective.”

Schumm, however, used this to compile statistics about how many gay and lesbian parents have gay and lesbian children. AOL News’ Kix never questioned his approach, even though a simple Google search turns up much material that casts doubt upon it. Read the rest of this post »

LGBT Parenting Roundup

I’ll cover most bullying-related matters in other posts; there’s enough going on in that arena lately that I won’t try to squish it all in here. I will simply encourage you here to participate in the grassroots movement (championed by GLAAD) to wear purple tomorrow, October 20, to commemorate the teens who took their lives because of anti-LGBT bullying, and to show support for others who face the same.

Here are a few things going on in other areas:

Family Creation

• A lesbian couple in Florida have applied to adopt a child after the state ban on adoption by gay men or lesbians was declared unconstitutional by the Third District Court of Appeal. On a related note, the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF) has announced that neither they nor Governor Charlie Crist will appeal the ruling. State Attorney General Bill McCollum could appeal on his own, however. Whether he will remains a big open question for lesbians and gay men in the state.
• An Australian lesbian couple are expecting quintuplets—beating the apparent 60 million to one odds of this happening. Among other lesbian families who had lots of kids at once are two Orange County, California moms who had quadruplets in 2008, and already had a two-year-old son, and the two moms profiled on the Discovery Health channel the same year, each of whom had nearly simultaneous twins. Each couple in all three cases already had one previous child.

Youth and Schools

• A gay dad has been told he can’t serve as a leader of his son’s Cub Scout troop. No surprise, given the Boy Scout’s stance against gay scouts—but extra annoying because of the Cubmaster’s assertion that the dad will still “be allowed to continue as a popcorn fundraiser.”

Personal Stories

• The Chicago Tribune profiled several lesbian moms in “The Kids Are Just Fine, Thanks,” but also makes note of the children of gay and lesbian parents who are now reaching their teens and adulthood and speaking out about their families, including Tina Fakhrid-Deen author of the new Let’s Get This Straight: The Ultimate Handbook for Youth with LGBTQ Parents (about which more here).

Entertainment

• A very happy welcome to parenthood for Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka, who are now the proud dads of Gideon Scott and Harper Grace. Harris tweeted of his experience so far: “Youngsters. They cry a lot. I thought it was just a long bit that they were doing. I keep saying, ‘Annnnd, scene!’… but nothing happens.” Heh. Somehow, though, I think they’re going to be very cool dads.
• Is it possible to de-gay Glee? According to one Queerty reader, the television station where it airs in Chile has managed to do so—by making Rachel have only one dad, not two, among other things.

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Broadway Stars Sing “It Gets Better”

Listen. Share. Wonder what we need to do to get this on Glee.

Available October 19th on iTunes, with all download proceeds benefiting The Trevor Project, the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth.

My Princess Boy and Family Acceptance at Its Finest

Via the Advocate comes a wonderful interview with the family of a gender variant child, five-year-old Dyson. (Video below.) Dyson’s mother even wrote a book, My Princess Boy: A mom’s story about a young boy who loves to dress up, for other families like theirs.

I have not yet read the book myself, but the clip below is great—not only do Dyson’s mother, father, and older brother express their support, but so do several local teachers. The school even supported Dyson, who wore a princess Halloween costume to class, by having several of the male staff dress up and perform as princesses, too (and in a respectful way, not a teasing one).

I’m not sure I agree with the wisdom of having Dyson sitting there during the interview while the adults are discussing being gender variant on a grown-up level—I can imagine it might make him even more conscious of being “different”—but his family and teachers’ love and support shine through. It’s a wonderful antidote to all of the stories we’ve heard lately about the lack of support for LGBTQ students in schools. Happy weekend!

(Some browsers seem not to support the embedded video. Here’s a link to the original.)

If you’re looking for more resources on gender variant children, see my previous post on the subject.

I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.

Weekly Political Roundup

This week’s political news makes up for in quality what it lacks in quantity—a couple of major issues in play here. (As always, I’ll tackle parenting and youth issues in a separate roundup.)

• A federal judge issued an injunction to put an “immediate” stop to all Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell discharges and investigations. The Staff Judge Advocate Generals duly sent out an e-mail to their subordinates about the ruling, noting a possible request for a stay by the government, and stating that in the meantime, the injunction is valid. Then the Department of Justice filed the expected request for a stay. Then President Obama (to whom the DOJ reports) told a youth town hall at Howard University, “This is not a question of whether the policy will end. This policy will end and it will end on my watch.” Huh? He explained, “But I do have an obligation to make sure that I am following some of the rules. I can’t simply ignore laws that are out there. I’ve got to work to make sure that they are changed.”
• It’s been a busy week for the Department of Justice, which also filed appeals in two challenges of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA): Gill v. Office of Personnel Management and Commonwealth of Massachusetts v. United States of America.
• And yes, federal employees can purchase health insurance for their pets, but not their same-sex partners. Well, not exactly. The Office of Personnel Management has responded to this claim with a memo noting that the pet insurance is offered by Aetna, a participating carrier in the Federal Employee Health Benefits Program (FEHBP), but such insurance is not a federal benefit. Apparently, Aetna was unclear about this in some of its communications.
• LGBT activists in North Carolina delivered hundreds of empty Froot Loops boxes to state Rep. Larry Brown (R) to protest an e-mail he sent to Republican colleagues calling gay people “queers” and “fruitloops.”

Around the world:

• An appeals court in France has refused to recognize transgender woman Delphine Ravisé-Giard as female, even though the French Air Force was. Their reasoning? Her transition was not “irreversible” and her breasts were not large enough. That’s offensive on so many levels I don’t even know where to begin.
• The U.K.’s Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) will undergo “significant changes,” although it escaped being cut like 192 other quangos—which I mention mostly because it lets me use the word “quango” (a non-governmental public body), a word I don’t get to write nearly often enough, even in Scrabble. The Expert Advisory Group on HIV/AIDS and the Independent Advisory Group of Sexual Health and HIV, however, will be reformed and replaced, respectively.

“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 116

Helen and I dedicate our video this week to the It Gets Better project, which aims to send messages of hope to LGBTQ youth.

(If the embedded video above doesn’t work for you, try it at YouTube or Dailymotion.)

Brought to you in partnership with After Ellen.

“Sparking” the Discussion About Bullying

If you don’t yet know the films of Groundspark’s Respect for All project, you really should—and now you can do so for free. Academy Award-winning documentary filmmaker Debra Chasnoff and her team have created a lauded series for students and educators about family inclusion, gender stereotypes, and bullying. In response to the recent media attention about bullying-related suicides, they are now offering the films for free one-time streaming, and for 10 percent off the regular price if you choose to buy them for your school or other organization. Each film also comes with a comprehensive curriculum guide. (See their Web site for details.)

The film most specific to bullying is Let’s Get Real, about middle school name-calling, bullying, and bias—but all of them convey lessons of acceptance and inclusion that can help address some of the issues behind bullying.

I interviewed Chasnoff last year about her most recent Respect for All film, Straightlaced—How Gender’s Got Us All Tied Up. Some readers might also recognize Chasnoff’s name from Choosing Children, the groundbreaking 1985 documentary about the first wave of lesbians choosing to become parents after coming out. Here’s what she said to me about that film.

Below, please enjoy (and share!) a “spark” from Groundspark so you can sample, stream, and purchase the films.

The Theology of Anti-LGBT Bullying

For those of you interested in the ideas sparked by my post yesterday on coming out in a religious context, here’s another good read: “Why Anti-Gay Bullying is a Theological Issue,” by Baptist minister Cody J. Sanders at Religion Dispatches.

Sanders writes:

More difficult to address are the myriad ways in which everyday churches that do a lot of good in the world also perpetuate theologies that undergird and legitimate instrumental violence. The simplistic, black and white lines that are drawn between conceptions of good and evil make it all-too-easy to apply these dualisms to groups of people. When theologies leave no room for ambiguity, mystery and uncertainty, it becomes very easy to identify an “us” (good, heterosexual) versus a “them” (evil, gay). . . .

With dualistic conceptions of good and evil and hierarchical notions of value and worth, it becomes easy to know who it is okay to hate or to bully or, seemingly more benignly, to ignore. And no institutions have done more to create and perpetuate the public disapproval of gay and lesbian people than churches. . . . Read the rest of this post »

Bullied Youth and Coming Out In a Religious Context

There’s been a lot written on the recent bullying-related suicides. I found this piece by Rabbi Victor Appell, “If Only Tyler Clementi Had Been to a Gay Synagogue,” particularly moving. Too often religion and LGBT rights are set up as opposites; Appell shows us how they don’t have to be, and how “coming out in a religious context” might even have helped some of the youth who have committed suicide after anti-LGBT bullying. Appell himself was the subject of such bullying. Now he is a rabbi and a gay dad, raising two children with his partner.

I am not myself religious, and would not ever say that religion is the best or only answer to bullying. I do know, however, that messages of hate disguised as religion help no one, and can do great damage to LGBTQ youth. On the positive side, religions have the power to offer great comfort and assistance to those within their communities of belief. Some might say they have a God-given duty to do so.

Appell explains:

It is difficult to have a positive self-image when much of society would tell you that what you are is abnormal or that you are a sinner and would seek to deny your civil rights and make your expressions of love against the law. Coming out in a religious context challenges all that. We can learn, in synagogues and churches that welcome us, that what we are is good; that we can love and be loved; that we are created, like everyone else, in God’s image; and that God loves us with an unqualified love. Religion has the ability to transform us. With people not only hating us but also trying to make us hate ourselves, we desperately need places where we can learn to love ourselves.

Regardless of your particular religious faith or lack thereof, go read the rest of his piece. Appell makes a point more people need to hear.