Wednesday, August 29, 2007
ON COMBAT
At some point, after you’ve updated all your crime reports, filed all your detections and collected all the different pieces of paper from the different departments in the police station, you may have to venture outside. It may surprise you to know what police officers are taught about the art of fighting. I wasn’t taught much, at least, I wasn’t taught much that I can remember now. I remember a number of holds that when used would make the “holdee” beg for mercy, as well as some techniques for making suspects fall to the ground. Nothing I was taught made me any less anxious about fighting people.
Because I was not naturally violent, I never gave the issue much thought, but as the course progressed I became increasingly concerned about what I would do if I was ever in a proper fight. My anxieties were heightened by one of our instructors, for whom every lesson was yet another opportunity to tell a story about some ultra-violent altercation, where he, needless to say, had the last laugh with the suspect (or more often crowds of suspects) lying bruised and in handcuffs. Nearing the end of my training, one thing still bothered me: would I be brave?
I suspect it’s something that bothers many young officers, despite what they say, and it makes the way they rush to potentially dangerous incidents all the more impressive. I’m still not very good at fighting and prefer to use sarcasm if the villain refuses to be bored to death. Fighting isn’t really a matter of being brave, as I had thought, for me it feels more like jumping in at the deep and of a swimming pool: it might be unpleasant but you know you’ve got to do it. Knowing I might be letting my friends down is far more motivating than the prospect of getting physically hurt.
I’m not sure what we can really do to make up for the lack of regular personal safety training, but I can certainly recommend “On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology and Deadly Conflict in War and Peace” by Dave Grossman and Loren W. Christensen. It’s an American book, so you have to get past the “Warrior creed” type of thing and the rather gung-ho tone of the book, but that’s American law enforcement for you; and while you may scoff, don’t be tempted to dismiss what the author and contributors have to say.
The best bits are the stories from soldiers and police officers who have actually experienced all the stresses themselves. I read the book and found out why my right leg quivers when someone is about to hit me, why I feel really tired and cannot stop yawning after nearly getting into a fight, and why I go even more deaf than usual during a fight. There’s even a chapter on how to not get nervous at court.
Because I was not naturally violent, I never gave the issue much thought, but as the course progressed I became increasingly concerned about what I would do if I was ever in a proper fight. My anxieties were heightened by one of our instructors, for whom every lesson was yet another opportunity to tell a story about some ultra-violent altercation, where he, needless to say, had the last laugh with the suspect (or more often crowds of suspects) lying bruised and in handcuffs. Nearing the end of my training, one thing still bothered me: would I be brave?
I suspect it’s something that bothers many young officers, despite what they say, and it makes the way they rush to potentially dangerous incidents all the more impressive. I’m still not very good at fighting and prefer to use sarcasm if the villain refuses to be bored to death. Fighting isn’t really a matter of being brave, as I had thought, for me it feels more like jumping in at the deep and of a swimming pool: it might be unpleasant but you know you’ve got to do it. Knowing I might be letting my friends down is far more motivating than the prospect of getting physically hurt.
I’m not sure what we can really do to make up for the lack of regular personal safety training, but I can certainly recommend “On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology and Deadly Conflict in War and Peace” by Dave Grossman and Loren W. Christensen. It’s an American book, so you have to get past the “Warrior creed” type of thing and the rather gung-ho tone of the book, but that’s American law enforcement for you; and while you may scoff, don’t be tempted to dismiss what the author and contributors have to say.
The best bits are the stories from soldiers and police officers who have actually experienced all the stresses themselves. I read the book and found out why my right leg quivers when someone is about to hit me, why I feel really tired and cannot stop yawning after nearly getting into a fight, and why I go even more deaf than usual during a fight. There’s even a chapter on how to not get nervous at court.
The book probably won't make you better at fighting, but it will help you understand the symptoms of stress and how you can deal with them. It will also explain what happens afterwards and why you shouldn't be surprised to feel off colour for some time. The author is a retired soldier and it shows: it's not a book for psychiatrists but for real people who might get called upon to be brave occasionally.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
YOU KNOW THINGS ARE BAD WHEN...
...you turn on your television in a hotel room in an obscure city halfway round the world and listen to a studio discussion about how bad gun crime is in the UK. Most of the time, I get rather upset when I hear Johnny Foreigner denigrating this green and pleasant land, but after a bit you have to take heed.
The latest shooting may be related to the death a year ago of Liam "Smigga" Smith. On 24 August 2007 Ryan Lloyd, 19, Thomas Forshaw,18, and a 16 year old youth, all from Croxteth were convicted of his murder at Liverpool Crown Court. Liam Duffey, 21, was convicted of manslaughter. Smith was part of the Strand gang, the others were part of the Croxteth Crew, and Merseyside's finest have been up against the same bunch of local idiots for a number of years now.
The media have now descended on L11 and are anxious to interview any local "Nogsy" scally in a hooded top, all needless to say, denying any responsibility for the latest tragedy. Here's an article by local loon Paul Breen in the Daily Mail about how the police never do much. This might be because Paul's calls for assistance are usually met with that expectant silence where nobody really wants to go and eventually a sergeant will ask the dispatcher if a community officer can go at a more convenient time. Paul fails to mention in the article is that his brother is a convicted drug dealer, something that may have influenced his opinion of the police in the past.
(51) comments (No swearing please.)
The latest shooting may be related to the death a year ago of Liam "Smigga" Smith. On 24 August 2007 Ryan Lloyd, 19, Thomas Forshaw,18, and a 16 year old youth, all from Croxteth were convicted of his murder at Liverpool Crown Court. Liam Duffey, 21, was convicted of manslaughter. Smith was part of the Strand gang, the others were part of the Croxteth Crew, and Merseyside's finest have been up against the same bunch of local idiots for a number of years now.
The media have now descended on L11 and are anxious to interview any local "Nogsy" scally in a hooded top, all needless to say, denying any responsibility for the latest tragedy. Here's an article by local loon Paul Breen in the Daily Mail about how the police never do much. This might be because Paul's calls for assistance are usually met with that expectant silence where nobody really wants to go and eventually a sergeant will ask the dispatcher if a community officer can go at a more convenient time. Paul fails to mention in the article is that his brother is a convicted drug dealer, something that may have influenced his opinion of the police in the past.
Monday, August 20, 2007
CRIME SOLVERS
Say hello, or should that be "Wassup" to Stehen Dean, a PCSO who definitely isn't square and really loves skateboarding. Sometimes my job of satirising the modern police service is too easy. The image is taken from the Mail On Sunday, where Peter Hitchens has written about how useless the police are and when they aren't on skateboards, they're being...useless. If we were abducted by aliens would the public notice? Not really. I've had a similar thought myself: if all criminals were abducted by aliens and no further criminal acts were reported to the police, would the police notice? Not for a few weeks probably. Our internal procedures could keep us busy for months.
Anyway, who cares. The future is PCSOs who detect a crime every six years. Which is better than it sounds, given that the average police officer makes 10 arrests a year.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED
“Congratulations, you’ve won a brawl.”
Thanks Sarge. Seriously. I’ve never been so delighted. It’s not me though, it’s a team effort and I’d like to thank everyone who attended the fight with me, but managed to get complained about so they wouldn’t have to investigate the matter.
My brawl happened a few weeks ago and involves the one thing we don’t like: parents who can’t believe what happened.
Obviously, they direct the investigation; they’ve got no idea what happened but, to pacify them, I take witness statements off them first. It takes half an hour (ten minutes for me to write down that they didn’t see anything, a further 20 minutes to tell me they can’t believe what happened) but it’s time well spent, because it makes them think I care.
For those of you still interested, it was a birthday where lots of alcohol was consumed by people known for their short tempers. Words were exchanged and in the words of 90% of the witnesses, “The next thing I saw was Simon with loads of blood on his face.” The remaining 10% say, “I was looking away at the time and…I can’t believe what’s happened.”
I mention the brawl for two reasons: the first is that, having spoken to about five key witnesses over the phone, there’s absolutely no prospect of getting any conviction. The offender is variously described as wearing a white or black top with dark or light trousers, his build ranges from medium to stocky, and he is somewhere between 5’ and 6’ tall. Oh, and he's got blonde/dark/no hair. The witnesses describe themselves as either “drunk” or “merry” (a peculiar word that, first used by an old copper when I first started, presumably he used it to describe the feeling that came over men after consuming several pints of mild, now it’s a wholly inadequate term that cannot come close to describing the feelings of angry nineteen year olds off their faces on WKD Blue). The circumstances are generally agreed to be,”…and the next thing I knew, they were all fighting.”
The second reason I mention this fight is that it's the parents are just about to make a complaint about me and I don't need the paperwork right now. The kids seem to be fairly realistic about the whole thing, but the parents think it's my fault that they all got drunk and started fighting.
So, I spent yesterday afternoon speaking to mum and dad and Simon’s brother. Good, in-depth statements, all going absolutely nowhere. But if you know your investigation is going to be complained about before you start, you might as well go on the offensive (so to speak) and head off any charges of neglect of duty ie. Not doing your job properly.
The good news is I'm off on my trip this week. Thanks for all the emails regarding video editing. I'm soon going to be doing some "video blogging". It's all at a very early stage, but more details as and when I get them.
(11) comments (No swearing please.)
Thanks Sarge. Seriously. I’ve never been so delighted. It’s not me though, it’s a team effort and I’d like to thank everyone who attended the fight with me, but managed to get complained about so they wouldn’t have to investigate the matter.
My brawl happened a few weeks ago and involves the one thing we don’t like: parents who can’t believe what happened.
Obviously, they direct the investigation; they’ve got no idea what happened but, to pacify them, I take witness statements off them first. It takes half an hour (ten minutes for me to write down that they didn’t see anything, a further 20 minutes to tell me they can’t believe what happened) but it’s time well spent, because it makes them think I care.
For those of you still interested, it was a birthday where lots of alcohol was consumed by people known for their short tempers. Words were exchanged and in the words of 90% of the witnesses, “The next thing I saw was Simon with loads of blood on his face.” The remaining 10% say, “I was looking away at the time and…I can’t believe what’s happened.”
I mention the brawl for two reasons: the first is that, having spoken to about five key witnesses over the phone, there’s absolutely no prospect of getting any conviction. The offender is variously described as wearing a white or black top with dark or light trousers, his build ranges from medium to stocky, and he is somewhere between 5’ and 6’ tall. Oh, and he's got blonde/dark/no hair. The witnesses describe themselves as either “drunk” or “merry” (a peculiar word that, first used by an old copper when I first started, presumably he used it to describe the feeling that came over men after consuming several pints of mild, now it’s a wholly inadequate term that cannot come close to describing the feelings of angry nineteen year olds off their faces on WKD Blue). The circumstances are generally agreed to be,”…and the next thing I knew, they were all fighting.”
The second reason I mention this fight is that it's the parents are just about to make a complaint about me and I don't need the paperwork right now. The kids seem to be fairly realistic about the whole thing, but the parents think it's my fault that they all got drunk and started fighting.
So, I spent yesterday afternoon speaking to mum and dad and Simon’s brother. Good, in-depth statements, all going absolutely nowhere. But if you know your investigation is going to be complained about before you start, you might as well go on the offensive (so to speak) and head off any charges of neglect of duty ie. Not doing your job properly.
The good news is I'm off on my trip this week. Thanks for all the emails regarding video editing. I'm soon going to be doing some "video blogging". It's all at a very early stage, but more details as and when I get them.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
IQ SHOCK: POLICE NOT VERY CLEVER
But it doesn't matter, because we're generally brighter than 51% of the people we deal with. Here's a video* that proves my point.
Clearly the young men in question sought to show, by means of a 3G mobile phone, that the police are racist bullies. Unfortunately, the video, to my mind at least, has the very opposite effect. Still, you can't blame them for trying. The biggest regret of my mediocre police career to date has been that nobody was around to film me trying to talk down a woman from the top of a garden shed, from which she said she was going to jump:"You've got till 2 o'clock, then I'm going for lunch" I said. "Aaargh." was the reply.
I'm off abroad next week courtesy of the blog, which should be fun. When I'm abroad, I'm terrified that I shall break some law or other, unlike the villains in this article. I visited India the other year with my wife and at immigration we were quizzed at length;
"What's the purpose of your visit to India?"
"Pleasure. I mean, not business."
"Where are you staying?"
"We're on a tour, visiting some of the sights."
"Have you visited India before?"
"I haven't, but my wife has."
"How long have you been married?"
"Several years now."
"Do you have any children?"
"No."
"Why not?" At some point I began to think that the interrogation wasn't really relevant to the matter in hand, but one has to humour these foreign chappies.
Because I've travelled a little I always try to help out many of the visitors to our country, where I can. I once convinced a Polish shoplifter that the severity of his crime (stealing a plug) meant that we could send him to the Shetland Islands for a month's hard labour, "How do you like England now?" His solicitor didn't see the funny side, but how we laughed when got the caution papers out.
Finally, here's a rather touching view of Birmingham from an Indian immigrant who writes about,"driving through streets where everything is so clean and well-ordered."
*Does anyone know of any good software that I can use to edit my own videos to put on Youtube?
(46) comments (No swearing please.)
Clearly the young men in question sought to show, by means of a 3G mobile phone, that the police are racist bullies. Unfortunately, the video, to my mind at least, has the very opposite effect. Still, you can't blame them for trying. The biggest regret of my mediocre police career to date has been that nobody was around to film me trying to talk down a woman from the top of a garden shed, from which she said she was going to jump:"You've got till 2 o'clock, then I'm going for lunch" I said. "Aaargh." was the reply.
I'm off abroad next week courtesy of the blog, which should be fun. When I'm abroad, I'm terrified that I shall break some law or other, unlike the villains in this article. I visited India the other year with my wife and at immigration we were quizzed at length;
"What's the purpose of your visit to India?"
"Pleasure. I mean, not business."
"Where are you staying?"
"We're on a tour, visiting some of the sights."
"Have you visited India before?"
"I haven't, but my wife has."
"How long have you been married?"
"Several years now."
"Do you have any children?"
"No."
"Why not?" At some point I began to think that the interrogation wasn't really relevant to the matter in hand, but one has to humour these foreign chappies.
Because I've travelled a little I always try to help out many of the visitors to our country, where I can. I once convinced a Polish shoplifter that the severity of his crime (stealing a plug) meant that we could send him to the Shetland Islands for a month's hard labour, "How do you like England now?" His solicitor didn't see the funny side, but how we laughed when got the caution papers out.
Finally, here's a rather touching view of Birmingham from an Indian immigrant who writes about,"driving through streets where everything is so clean and well-ordered."
*Does anyone know of any good software that I can use to edit my own videos to put on Youtube?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
A HEATED DEBATE
I’ve long suspected that heroin addiction may not be as bad as all that. Probably because all the heroin addicts I meet are pathetic losers who would be just as pathetic if they weren’t addicted to drugs. It all strikes me as something of a winge, “Oh, the thing is officer, I just want the help.” “I started taking heroin when a close family friend died.” “I’m not on heroin any more, I’m on a ‘scrip, so I don’t know why I stole the DVD.”
When you compare the worries a heroin addict has (getting a fix, are there any more hot chocolate maxpacks in custody) to the concerns of non-addicted taxpayers (can I pay the mortgage this month, where are my kids, has the wife crashed the car, will I get the sack from work) there doesn’t seem to be any comparison.
The crime argument is even less compelling, “Heroin is so addictive, I have to mug old ladies.” Nonsense. As I look at the addicts coming into custody from the local shopping centre, I cannot believe that the absence of heroin would magically turn them into productive (or failing that, honest) people.
I’ve always had a nagging doubt that everything we get told about addiction is a lie and that heroin addicts get a free ride from honest people who’ve been conned into being sympathetic by the legal and medical establishment. And now I’ve found someone who agrees with me!
I think that Theodore Dalrymple’s “Junk Medicine: Doctors, Lies and the Addiction Bureaucracy” is a reprint of “Romancing Opiates: Pharmacological Lies and the Addiction Bureacuracy” Which is a very good book. Dalrymple himself was on the Radio 4 Today programme arguing with a heroin addict, the latter claiming that he has to steal constantly to fund his addiction. Unfortunately, Dalrymple doesn’t come across on the radio as well as he does in his books, which is a shame, because his arguments are very compelling.
So here are five questions about heroin and addiction that I need answering:
1. If addiction is a disease how come it can be cured by group-therapy?
2. If methadone works how come all the people I arrest are on it?
3. If heroin requires so much money, why are so many heroin addicts unemployed?
4. If heroin is so expensive, why do all the addicts I arrest wear designer clothes?
5. If drugs cause crime, why do all the drug addicts I arrest have criminal records beginning before they actually started on heroin?
(64) comments (No swearing please.)
When you compare the worries a heroin addict has (getting a fix, are there any more hot chocolate maxpacks in custody) to the concerns of non-addicted taxpayers (can I pay the mortgage this month, where are my kids, has the wife crashed the car, will I get the sack from work) there doesn’t seem to be any comparison.
The crime argument is even less compelling, “Heroin is so addictive, I have to mug old ladies.” Nonsense. As I look at the addicts coming into custody from the local shopping centre, I cannot believe that the absence of heroin would magically turn them into productive (or failing that, honest) people.
I’ve always had a nagging doubt that everything we get told about addiction is a lie and that heroin addicts get a free ride from honest people who’ve been conned into being sympathetic by the legal and medical establishment. And now I’ve found someone who agrees with me!
I think that Theodore Dalrymple’s “Junk Medicine: Doctors, Lies and the Addiction Bureaucracy” is a reprint of “Romancing Opiates: Pharmacological Lies and the Addiction Bureacuracy” Which is a very good book. Dalrymple himself was on the Radio 4 Today programme arguing with a heroin addict, the latter claiming that he has to steal constantly to fund his addiction. Unfortunately, Dalrymple doesn’t come across on the radio as well as he does in his books, which is a shame, because his arguments are very compelling.
So here are five questions about heroin and addiction that I need answering:
1. If addiction is a disease how come it can be cured by group-therapy?
2. If methadone works how come all the people I arrest are on it?
3. If heroin requires so much money, why are so many heroin addicts unemployed?
4. If heroin is so expensive, why do all the addicts I arrest wear designer clothes?
5. If drugs cause crime, why do all the drug addicts I arrest have criminal records beginning before they actually started on heroin?
Sunday, August 12, 2007
TOO MANY EMAILS
University student Emma has asked for my assistance in finding out about police emails. The key question being, "Are there too many of them?" the answers being, "Does a pope sh*t in the woods? Is the bear catholic?"
To have your say, have a look at Police Communication and click on the relevant bits.
(24) comments (No swearing please.)
To have your say, have a look at Police Communication and click on the relevant bits.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
CHEEKY MONKEYS
News that a monkey is going to join the Mesa Police Department's SWAT team is quite funny. It could be that the department is paying peanuts, but given that the cost of the monkey will run to around $100,000 (including vet's bills) and an officer's starting salary is $48,401.60 (rising to $53,518.40 after one year) they probably don't.
The chances of a similar thing being introduced over here are slim, but here are a few police jobs that could be done by monkeys, and in many cases, are:
• Crime Registrar- to ensure the accuracy of the recording
system and that detections accord with the counting rules.
• Crime Managers - are employed on a BCU and are responsible
for ensuring all crimes are accurately recorded and fully
investigated, with all reasonable lines of enquiry completed to
enable a decision on a detection.
• Dedicated Decision Makers - The DDM will make decisions on
sanction & non-sanction Detections (TICs, PNDs, Warnings etc).
The DDM will check all relevant crime reports and cases
discontinued by the CPS, to ensure the reports contain sufficient
evidence to support a detection and comply with the HOOR.
• Detection Officers -They will interrogate crime reports, reported
incidents, PNDs and all other relevant reports to maximise
detection opportunities within a BCU.
Imagine a race of bureaucrats with "tiny humanlike hands and puzzle solving skills".
(43) comments (No swearing please.)
The chances of a similar thing being introduced over here are slim, but here are a few police jobs that could be done by monkeys, and in many cases, are:
• Crime Registrar- to ensure the accuracy of the recording
system and that detections accord with the counting rules.
• Crime Managers - are employed on a BCU and are responsible
for ensuring all crimes are accurately recorded and fully
investigated, with all reasonable lines of enquiry completed to
enable a decision on a detection.
• Dedicated Decision Makers - The DDM will make decisions on
sanction & non-sanction Detections (TICs, PNDs, Warnings etc).
The DDM will check all relevant crime reports and cases
discontinued by the CPS, to ensure the reports contain sufficient
evidence to support a detection and comply with the HOOR.
• Detection Officers -They will interrogate crime reports, reported
incidents, PNDs and all other relevant reports to maximise
detection opportunities within a BCU.
Imagine a race of bureaucrats with "tiny humanlike hands and puzzle solving skills".
Monday, August 06, 2007
CALL THAT A KNIFE?
On more than one occasion I've booked people into custody whilst I was actually asleep. I may have even fallen asleep whilst waiting to book in and been woken by my prisoner. The video below shows PC Croft from Devon & Cornwall Police, struggling with a prisoner who pulls a knife on him in the custody block. Just goes to show, you can't be too careful.
(thanks to Si)
(85) comments (No swearing please.)
(thanks to Si)
Thursday, August 02, 2007
PROPER TRAGEDY
While I'm on the subject of injuries, say hello to Sara Corran:
Sara's displaying the injuries she suffered at the hands of an unnamed seven year old, son of Diane Baker, 28. The police got involved when Sara went round to Diane's for a bit of a fight. Diane's son, heavily influenced by someone called "Chucky" went for Sara, 24, stabbing her 21 times but failing to get any vital organs...obviously.
The next stage was the MG3 to CPS who read as far as "...the offender is 7 years old" then NFA'd, pointing out that the offender is 7 years old and it's not an offence to be unable to control your children, if it was half the population of Norris Green would be under lock and key.
You can read the rest of the story in the Liverpool Echo. The real tragedy here is that under Home Office Counting Rules, Sara has reported a crime, which cannot now be detected (because the offender is under the age of criminal responsibility), so Mersyside Police will have to take the hit on their crime figures. In the old days (prior to 1st April 2007) you could write this up as D5, but no-longer.
Meanwhile, Thames Valley Police are seeking a man who sexually assaulted Sue Turton by pinching her on the bum while she reported on the flooding in Oxford, although to get the detection they've decided to give him an £80.00 ticket under the Public Order Act. Sue, who's clearly sane and has better things to do with her time has declined to assist the police, but a detection's still a detection, even if it's an £80.00 ticket. For those of you with any information, you can watch the video below:
(44) comments (No swearing please.)
Sara's displaying the injuries she suffered at the hands of an unnamed seven year old, son of Diane Baker, 28. The police got involved when Sara went round to Diane's for a bit of a fight. Diane's son, heavily influenced by someone called "Chucky" went for Sara, 24, stabbing her 21 times but failing to get any vital organs...obviously.
The next stage was the MG3 to CPS who read as far as "...the offender is 7 years old" then NFA'd, pointing out that the offender is 7 years old and it's not an offence to be unable to control your children, if it was half the population of Norris Green would be under lock and key.
You can read the rest of the story in the Liverpool Echo. The real tragedy here is that under Home Office Counting Rules, Sara has reported a crime, which cannot now be detected (because the offender is under the age of criminal responsibility), so Mersyside Police will have to take the hit on their crime figures. In the old days (prior to 1st April 2007) you could write this up as D5, but no-longer.
Meanwhile, Thames Valley Police are seeking a man who sexually assaulted Sue Turton by pinching her on the bum while she reported on the flooding in Oxford, although to get the detection they've decided to give him an £80.00 ticket under the Public Order Act. Sue, who's clearly sane and has better things to do with her time has declined to assist the police, but a detection's still a detection, even if it's an £80.00 ticket. For those of you with any information, you can watch the video below:
I think I'll do a regular feature, called "Crime's Which Are Just Sh*t"
(thanks to Mike)
