Just a temporary return, perhaps, but for what I think is a special reason - even if it isn't (strictly speaking) a Musical Monday post. However, this video stopped me in my tracks, and I can only urge you to play it when you're able to afford it your complete focus. And play it in full screen mode.



"Gregory Colbert has used both still and movie cameras to explore extraordinary interactions between humans and animals. His exhibition, Ashes and Snow, consists of over 50 large-scale photographic artworks, a 60-minute film, and two 9-minute film haikus. This excerpt is entitled Feather to Fire, and is narrated in three languages by Laurence Fishburne (English), Ken Watanabe (Japanese), and Enrique Rocha (Spanish).""

You can read more at http://www.ashesandsnow.org/, where you'll see that the exhibition in Mexico that closed last April attracted more than 8.7 million visitors in 100 days. As I said, something special.

Stumble It!

I'm sure it hasn't escaped the attention of those that (kindly) check in here from time to time that my intention to return to the world of blogging has largely fallen by the wayside. And the truth is that I'm not entirely sure why it's happened.

I do know that when I started my blog I was single, angst-ridden and under some strange belief that I had a story to tell. At times it’s been an exhilarating ride and at other times it’s been somewhat painful, but I feel that - at the very least - there's been a reality to my life that might just have been missing once upon a time. Perhaps it’s just that, in order to grow, we need to really understand ourselves; and for some of us it takes a life-changing circumstance to start that process of self-evaluation and self-discovery. A lot of things have happened over those two and a half years, and at the very least I can say that I've given it a go.

And now I look back at this little world I shared with anyone who chose to stop by with a sense of comfort. I’ve given glimpses of the physical, the spiritual and the sexual… always honest, always genuine. I’ve also learnt that one can make very real connections without ever meeting in person, and without any likelihood of ever meeting in person. (Mind you, I have met a few, and have never been disappointed or found myself under any kind of misapprehension.) It’s all… well, kind of reassuring. You know what I mean, don’t you?

I have no idea whether I’ll come back here again (maybe I will, soon or not so soon), start afresh at some point, or just put the whole blogging thing down to experience. I will, however, make a serious attempt to keep in touch with you, through the occasional visit to your world online or through more direct means. And please feel free to contact me too, if the mood takes you.

In the meantime, I’ll leave this blog here so that I can carry on where I left off if I choose to. And, of course, as a little reminder of Musical Monday, HNT, nights of lust and madness… in other words, the world of WDKY. And I have to tell you… it’s not a bad world. Not a bad world at all.

Stumble It!

I guess I'm back. A little wrinkled around the edges because life has taken its toll, but then again it's never easy, is it? Anyway...

I've been to Istanbul two or three times, and will be going again in a week or two. I had hoped to meet up with Keda over there but it's looking like that won't be happening as I don't have a great deal of time to go off gallivanting (as my dad would have said). But I have to tell you... it's a crazy city, the people are as friendly as you'll meet anywhere, and I rather like it!

I've also had drama upon drama with Livvy, and at one point she even decided that she was no longer going to grace me with her presence. It did cause a fair amount of upset and i spent more than a few nights sleeping very little over it, but having changed my strategy (I've decided to that I'm just NOT going to get cross with her, or at least not so as she'd know it) she seems to be reverting to the girl that she's been pretending not to be.

Oh yes, and my house project is finished! Remember the bedroom as it was originally?


And after I decorated it in a rather strange style, with the ex-marital antique pine still very much in evidence?



Well, now it looks like this, after a good brightening up, some inset halogen lights and some deliciously walnutty fitted cupboards (sorry about the blurriness - they were snapped on my mobile and I was in a rush)! Unfortunately, that gorgeous leather bed of a few posts ago was a little too big, and I had to change it for the simpler one in the photo below. Shame, as I hate the new one :-(




Actually, the entire house was decorated and Livvy had some cupboards built in her bedroom too. It was a fucking nightmare, not helped by the fact that I work from home, but it was over in about three weeks. Thank god.

To be honest, there's been quite a lot of "stuff" going on, but this post was really just to say that I'm back in the land of the living, and that I'll be trying to post as regularly as I can in future. I can see that a lot of people have been checking in to see what's going on, and there are also a couple of new readers who have left comments or dropped me a line. That's really nice, and all in all it makes me feel quite committed to coming back.

Or maybe I should just be committed :-)

Stumble It!

Stumble It!

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last posted, but there’s no Musical Monday today I’m afraid… I’m about to jump on a plane and head back to Istanbul on business. The truth is that I just haven’t had time to think musically this week. What I would like to do, though, is to thank everyone for some very thoughtful and considered comments on the subject of teenage and parental angst. It looks like something of an ongoing project to me. Hmmmmm.

I have a suspicion that this year – in fact, the next few months – are potentially going to be life-changing, and my head is so full of questions that I’m finding it difficult to sleep. I’m tense, and I don’t like it. Firstly, I’ve been handed a proposition with regard to work that was completely unexpected and that will need me to make some big decisions soon. Essentially, someone I know well has been handed a vast sum of money (I mean vast) to start up a new venture, and he wants to bring me in as a partner. It would mean saying goodbye to the company I’ve built as it would be surplus to requirements, but with a clear exit strategy after 5-7 years it might just be the best opportunity I’ve ever had. I need to think carefully, but I’m beginning to warm to the idea. In fact, it’s getting hot in here…

I’m also doing a load of work on the house, because I’d like to move in the summer and I’m a big House Doctor fan. It needs totally brightening up and there’s so little storage space that I’m having some fitted cupboards built in the bedrooms (in a dark walnut, with light walls - mmmmm!). If the house does go on the market it will be in absolutely perfect condition for selling, and if it doesn’t… well, we’ll be much happier here. Oh, and I’ve bought this gorgeous leather bed to frolick in.

Bea starts a new job (same hotel, different department) today, so it’s goodbye to late shifts and hello to a sex life again. I’ll keep you advised of developments… oh, and I’ll visit soon. I promise. No, really.

Stumble It!

I’ve been thinking over the last few days. It occurred to me that this business with Livvy has thrown me more than I realised, and because of that I’ve forgotten some fundamental principles that I try to bear in mind as I meander through this ridiculous life of mine. In any event, why would I be so stupid as to assume that nothing was ever going to change? That my relationship with my children would just go on as it was, without the need for continuous emotional and physical investment on my part and without ever being threatened? Whoever said that it was going to be easy?

Somehow, I’ve believed my own hype… I’ve believed that I’m being the best father I can be when the truth is that I’ve been coasting. Somewhere along the way my relationship with my daughter has suffered, and now I need to put that right. It’ll need effort from Livvy too, but maybe the Big Talk that I saw coming needs to be more of a continuous… I don’t know. A “re-connection”. I think that’s a far better idea than risking driving a wedge between us, and although I don’t do New Year resolutions, this is going to be mine for 2008.

Musical Monday

What with Christmas, New Year, angst regarding Livvy and a bad back, I hadn’t really given much thought to a Musical Monday selection today. But I sat here thinking (well, smoking and thinking) this morning, and realised that some things just take time to resolve. And frustrating though it might be, there are times when we all need... well, a little Patience.

Have a wonderful New Year, and an even more wonderful 2008!



If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Stumble It!

So… that was Christmas, then. Due to plans that had to be changed at the last minute as a consequence of various coughs, colds and other maladies, I ended up cooking two Christmas dinners, one on the day and the other on Boxing Day, and fed a total of 16 members of family. I’ve had a bad cold myself for a week and a really painful back (I’m finally going for an x-ray after the new year), so I feel like it was something of an accomplishment. Now I just want to sleep…

Anyway, I know you guys over in the US have a habit of summarising your year in the form of a Christmas greeting. Us Brits actually find it all a bit weird - well, we're a pretty conventional lot - but nevertheless I’m going to give it a shot. Call me a hypocrite (I’ve been called a lot worse, believe me)…

Relationships

What can I say about the events of this year? First of all, after three or four years of playing the eternal bachelor (and, to quote the gorgeous NML, seeing more arse than a toilet seat), I find myself living with a woman 18 years my junior and rather enjoying the experience. Many people have wondered how two people as different as me and Bea have made it work – age, culture, background, even language all seem to dictate otherwise – and the truth is we’re not entirely sure ourselves. All I can say is that she’s the most loving and affectionate woman I’ve ever met, and when you add to that her simmering Latino sexiness… well, give me a break. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not stupid. I'm not one for looking too far ahead because the one thing I know about plans is that they invariably get fucked up, but we're certainly enjoying the here and now. I don’t see any obvious reason for that to change.

This year also saw something of a milestone (how ironic that I almost typed "millstone") so far as my ex-wife is concerned, as now she really is my ex-wife - our divorce became absolute in December after about 5 years of formal separation. The truth is that I was momentarily overjoyed, after which I didn’t think about it again. That said, I find it hard to believe that we were ever together because I really don't like her at all, and her behaviour is becoming more and more unpleasant. She’s now completely unable to communicate other than by being blatantly rude (best case scenario) or screaming down the telephone (normal behaviour). She’s due to give birth to twins some time in January (7 in one house???) and all I can say is… yikes!

Work

In October 2005 I did something rather strange... something that was the consequence of an increasing sense of frustration and dissatisfaction that I knew only I could change. During the course of a routine monthly review meeting with my then-MD Tricky Dicky, I asked if he would be kind enough to make me redundant because "lets face it, we just don't like each other", and even though I had my heart in my mouth it was worth it just to see the look in his face. Priceless!

Last year I was just getting myself up and running, so in reality this has been my first full year of trading. I set myself what looked like a pretty tough target and – having just checked my figures as the year-end approaches – I’ve beaten it by 100%. At times its been soul destroying, and at other times I’ve hated the sense of responsibility – for everything, because there's no-one else to delegate to. I’ve also learnt some tough lessons about business and friendship – sometimes they can go together but often they can’t, and in a sense that has been the toughest lesson of all.

But most of the time I’ve loved it, and I can’t imagine what I'd be feeling now if I hadn't taken the chance to do this when I did . I have a couple of great clients that I've been working with for almost 18 months, I've seen (glimpses, at least, of) countries that I wouldn't otherwise have visited, and I've proven to myself that having the courage of your convictions can make all sorts of things possible. It just takes balls. Now, can I bill you?

The Sprogs

Wow – what changes so far as the kids are concerned. Sam has become so grown-up, and now represents not only the school but one of the local under-11 sides at football (that’s soccer to you lot across the pond). Our relationship is closer than ever, and I’m proud of the kind and sensitive child he’s become (in fact, that he’s always been). Next year he starts secondary school, and I can hardly believe it, but he still curls up with me on the sofa just as he did when he was a toddler. Mind you, he doesn't go upstairs to change into speedos just to watch WWE these days! Bless...

Livvy has begun her tortuous journey through adolescence, and the truth is that it’s not been easy on either of us. She’s often withdrawn, moody, rude or just uncommunicative… aside from when she wants something – usually money – in which case she talks to me as if I’m a human being and even smiles at me sometimes. I’ve come to realise with a reasonable degree of certainty that she’s manipulating her mother, her mother’s manipulating her, or they’re both manipulating each other – whichever it is the result’s the same, it's to my detriment, and it’s reached the stage where its becoming damaging to our relationship. The whispered conversations on mobile phones are increasingly irritating and Bea agrees with me that something needs to be done, so I guess we have a Big Talk coming. I’m not exactly confident that things can be resolved that easily, but I miss the girl she was (and that I know she is), so I have to keep on trying.

There you have it, then… in anyone’s language that was quite a year, but it was also a year that I could never have predicted. And if there's a moral in this story, the moral is this - sometimes we get stuck in what seems like an eternal rut, and it looks like nothing will ever change. But we can make it happen. Of course I know that other factors play a part, but ultimately we're all in charge of our own destiny, and just having the courage to face change in a positive way can transform change itself.

And now, all that’s left is to wish everyone reading this nonsense a happy and healthy 2008. To quote a rather clever guy with even bigger ears than me, may you live long and prosper.

Beam me up, Scotty…

Stumble It!