Ketamine Magic - Recreational Drugs to the Rescue

Once again, the idiotic practice of banning recreational drugs outright has been exposed for delaying important research that may help millions of people. This practice, often initiated by the US Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) has seen the shutdown of research into drugs like cannabis, LSD, MDMA(ecstasy), ketamine etc. The sole reason is that people may abuse these drugs although no consideration is given for the real harms and instead, is determined by the perceived harms. The problem is that the perceived harms are dreamed up by bureaucrats, moral crusaders and anti-drug nutters. The many possible benefits are played down as an unacceptable risk compared to the danger of abusing these drugs, usually without any evidence to prove it. Just like stem cell research is hindered by religious groups, drugs that become popular for recreational use are quickly banned outright by anti-drug zealots for similar reasons. Stuff the science and potential to help hundreds of millions of sufferers - we can’t have people getting high and enjoying themselves. It’s just immoral!

The neurobiology of psychedelic drugs: Implications for the treatment of mood disorders

After a pause of nearly 40 years in research into the effects of psychedelic drugs, recent advances in our understanding of the neurobiology of psychedelics, such as lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), psilocybin and ketamine have led to renewed interest in the clinical potential of psychedelics in the treatment of various psychiatric disorders. Recent behavioural and neuroimaging data show that psychedelics modulate neural circuits that have been implicated in mood and affective disorders, and can reduce the clinical symptoms of these disorders. These findings raise the possibility that research into psychedelics might identify novel therapeutic mechanisms and approaches that are based on glutamate-driven neuroplasticity.

-- Nature Reviews Neuroscience 11 (August 18, 2010)

Now, the really good news. Last week, researchers from Yale University reported that a horse anaesthetic and party drug called ketamine has shown an incredible ability to treat depression, bipolar and stress. They even went as far as to say, 'It's like a magic drug -- one dose can work rapidly and last for seven to 10 days'. When low key scientists use terminology like 'magic drug', you know they’re on to something big.

Interestingly, my doctor told me about some addiction centres in Melbourne who were having success with ketamine being used to reduce tolerance to opiates like heroin, morphine etc. Maybe they are related in some way? The scientists from Yale said that ketamine was not only a treatment for depression but it  physically repairs the brain by acting on a pathway that forms new synaptic connections between neurons. Who knows what this may also lead to in the struggle to treat opiate addiction?

'Party Drug' For Depression?

William Weir

LA Times

August 2010

Known to some as 'Special K', ketamine could be developed into a safe medication.

  

Yale researchers hope to develop a form of ketamine — an effective but very dangerous antidepressant — that's safe, easy to use and effective within hours of taking it.

A new study sheds light on how the drug affects operations in the brain, and why it works so fast compared to other antidepressants. The study was led by Ronald Duman, a professor of psychiatry and pharmacology at Yale, and George Aghajanian, professor of pharmacology. It will be published Friday in the journal Science.

The most popular antidepressants like Prozac and Zoloft, which are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI), can take weeks before patients feel their effects. Saying that it's "like a magic drug," Duman notes that one dose of ketamine works fast and can last for up to 10 days.

"Clearly, there is a need for a ketamine-like drug with rapid results," he said. Adding to its benefits is that studies indicate that about 70 percent of patients who are resistant to other antidepressants respond to ketamine.

Ketamine was developed in the early 1960s and used as an anaesthetic, commonly for soldiers in Vietnam. In the 1990s, it gained a reputation as a "party drug" (known as "Special K") and has been known to cause short-term psychotic symptoms.

For about 10 years, its potential as an antidepressant has been known. Because of its potency, though, it is only administered intraveneously in clinical settings, which significantly limits its use. It's usually prescribed in low doses for patients suffering severe depression who have been resistant to other treatments.

With new information about how it works, though, Duman believes a form of ketamine could be developed that's much safer and more convenient to take.

"That would be the ultimate goal, to develop the drug as a pill," he said.

Unlike SSRI medications, ketamine does not involve the chemical serotonin as a primary function. By testing ketamine on rats, the researchers were able to examine how the drug worked its way through the brain. What they found was that ketamine helped restore synaptic connections between the neurons, which had been damaged by chronic stress. It does this partly by activating an enzyme called mTOR, setting of a chain reaction.

"Ketamine is able to jumpstart and get these systems revved up again," Duman said.

Diary: Some Clarification

DIARY: I received a comment from a cyber friend today and decided to publish this article as a few people have asked similar questions or voiced their concern about myself ‘managing’ my addiction. 

Terry, this is a general comment about your site more so than about this topic as such. Specifically about the information in your sidebar actually. Also I say this as someone who has grappled with a number of addictions so, please understand my comments are not intended to be judgemental. Mate, it seems to me, that your experience is possibly somewhat atypical, your claim (and I have no reason to believe you are being dishonest) to be living a more or less "normal" (don't like the word myself, conventional might be a better substitute)life but-for-being-a-heroin-addict seems to me to be a kind of attempt to normalise your addiction. I know I kept drinking and using drugs for many years on the illusion of managability, I believed my addiction was manageable, so I kept using. I had to -like it says in the first step- admit that i was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable. 

While you continue on with the belief that your life is manageable while you continue to use, you will relapse. Obviously this isn't something I usually discuss in a public forum so you can email me if you'd like to respond, obviously you can choose to ignore or take on board what I have to say, it's entirely up to you.

For the record I have been street drug and alcohol free for five years now and I was a daily, round-the-clock abuser of a number of substances. There was a time in my life when I couldn't even imagine going a day without some kind of mind altering chemical.

First of all, I am actually a recovering addict. I am on what’s called, substitution treatment which is the most common form of treatment for heroin addiction. Substitution treatment usually involves methadone or buprenorphine which keeps the patient “stable” by maintaining their addiction with something else apart from street heroin. These substitution drugs are just as addictive as heroin but each dose is much longer lasting and doesn’t get the patient high. The idea behind it is to give the patient time to stabilise their life without worrying about finding money or drugs everyday. Once on methadone, most patients can live a fairly normal life with work and other normal functions of life. After being stable for a period, the patient can then be weaned off methadone slowly until they are free of opiates. 

Due to a pain condition and the problems of depression and some health issues from methadone, I have been switched over to slow release oral morphine (SROM) which works on basically the same principal as methadone. Morphine is not allowed to be prescribed solely for addiction in Australia but is an option for addiction treatment in some other countries. 

Although substitution treatment can get you physically clean from heroin, often the physiological cravings can lead the patient back to heroin. To succeed with substitution treatment, counselling is recommended and it increases the chances of staying clean. Many methadone patients relapse and usually it takes a few attempts. 

A major issue is that often people start on heroin because of a personal problem, particularly deep rooted physiological trauma or mental health issues like depression. When these people get clean, their problem might still persists and the chances of relapsing are high. 

As you can see, addiction is very complex and addicts are usually misrepresented by the MSM and the ignorant as just selfish, hopeless junkies. For the majority, this isn’t true and until addiction is treated entirely as a health instead of a legal issue, the politicians and MSM will continue to use the personal health issues of addicts as publicity fodder. Some other people like myself have major problems kicking opiates and spend years or even decades on methadone. For some, life on methadone is fine and recent research is showing that it might be an appropriate strategy to keep some patients on methadone indefinitely. 

The constant push to lower your dose for the goal of becoming clean is now being questioned as appropriate for everyone. As more is being discovered, alternative treatments for long term patients are being trialled overseas like prescription heroin. 

Addiction was once treated with the drug that addicts were addicted to. Just as methadone is currently used to stabilise then reduce, heroin, cocaine and morphine were once prescribed using the same model of reducing your dose until clean.

Ironically, the real problems of heroin and cocaine started when the US declared the “War on Drugs” in 1971 and forced the UN to enforce it worldwide. The level of drug related crime and the mortality rates were only a fraction of what they are today. Prior to the push from the US/UN to enforce their “War on Drugs” policies, the US were one of only a few countries with major drug problems because they outlawed prescribing these drugs for addiction half a century before anyone else. 

As some countries are reverting back to prescribing heroin, their heroin related problems are decreasing steadily whilst drug related crime and major societal problems continue to infest countries like Australia and the US. Heroin prescription is now an option for long term addicts in Canada, England, Germany, Switzerland, The Netherlands and Spain. It has been extremely successful and many more countries are looking into it.

I used to use heroin up to 500-600 times a year or about twice a day. On methadone I got that down to zero for a while but I kept relapsing. This went on for several years until my back pain got worse, the depression became unbearable and my body was at it’s limits from the methadone. 

My doctor arranged for me to see a pharmacotherapist who arranged with the health department for me to switch to SROM and anti depressants. That treated my back pain, my addiction and my depression (to an extent). I wasn’t going to get off opiates any time soon and my doctor agreed that prescription heroin was suited to my situation if available. I now use heroin 12 times a year or once a month. I don’t crave heroin like I once did but use this method as a safety measure. It’s still very easy to fall into using but once a month is enough for me. If I start to stray, I can reminded myself that my time to use is coming up. It seems to work and keep away from heroin for 344 days a year. If I was in another country, I would be on prescription heroin and the difference is it is not an option in Australia. 

For those who think I am deluding myself as all good junkies do, the use of heroin as a treatment is approved by many doctors but cannot not officially be endorsed. To summarise, my treatment plan is not focussed on being free of opiates. I would love to be clean but the current thinking is that long term addicts have different needs to most heroin addicts. I have the choice to deal with my situation with street heroin or via the medical route ... I have chosen the official medical route. My treatment is long term addiction management, not the “stabilise, then reduce” treatment like most methadone patients. I have no physical need to use heroin because of the morphine (or methadone) but I still have physiological cravings. This is treated via 12 monthly doses of heroin. BTW, my situation is fully implemented and monitored by 3 medical professionals. I should also mention that you can safely take opiates all your life. they are basically non toxic and do no harm physically. Other drugs like amphetamines are a different matter. You can never manage a life of speed or alcohol for too long because of the havoc it causes on your body and brain. 

Some Won’t (Don’t Want To) Get It. 

Tens of thousands were once treated with heroin or morphine with very little problems but that changed when the US/UN enforced their abstinence or nothing approach. Abstinence should always be the first and preferred method but if that doesn’t work, then there should be several options after that like substitution treatment. The problem is that after nearly 40 years of drug hysteria and propaganda from the MSM, politicians, moralists, conservatives and the religious right, there is massive ignorance in the public arena and total abstinence is seen as the only option. 

My whole blog is based on trying to dispel the myths and personal views that dictate how we, as a society treat the drug problem. Some will never change their minds though, choosing to ignore science and medical facts and sticking to their ignorant views. Even when presented with my blog, some choose to skip over the facts and the actual content then construe their own biased views or judgements about myself.

As an unrepentant Junkie Wright, it really is just a matter of time before he cops a shot of some bad smack or before he catches a blood borne disease and goes to the biggest trip of all. I am amazed how the likes of Everett take at face value all of Wrights protestations that he has his habit “under control”. When it is very clear that Wright is in fact a most obedient slave of the poppy and that any suggestions that this addict can control his master, like those made by Wright in his blog, actually border on the delusional as any number of former addicts will testify. In the end the only ways to stay clean are to totally abstain which Wright refuses to even consider. Indeed Wright’s ability to “cope” is predicated upon some rather fragile constructs that are only ever one or two setbacks from irrevocably collapsing in a heap Typical of the left Everett is willing to make any concession to someone who her perceives as a noble “victim” he does it in relation to our Indigenous Australians and he does it with Wright. Personally I don’t care about the fact that Wright is a Junkie it is his obnoxious and belligerent comments directed at me that I object too and I refuse to treat him with kid gloves because he loves the needle more than anything else in the world.

-Iain Hall; Moralist and conservative blogger.

The above comment was made by infamous conservative want-to-be weirdo, Iain Hall. Much of his criticisms are aimed at me personally but you get the feel of the overall ignorance that he displays. 

His views reflect the usual media driven images of desperate junkies shooting up anything and not caring about sharing needles. 

The idea that any form of treatment except the “abstinence only” method is doomed to fail is typical of conservative values and ignorance. Remember that it was the US and their conservative views that interrupted over a century of treatment with their own “War on Drugs” approach that has given us the massive drug problems we have today. 

The conviction that Hall’s conservative opinions are facts are shown with his claim, “as any number of former addicts will testify”. What former addicts? We just have to take his word for it. Although Hall should never be taken seriously, his views are reflective of those who can’t comprehend that drug addiction is complex. The black and white world of some right wing conservatives will always hinder their ability to see past drug addiction as a law and order issue. Countries that have prescription heroin or safe injecting rooms are always under threat of conservative politicians regardless of the success. There is quite a lot of research now showing the huge benefits from what would have been called radical only ten years ago. You can only ignore facts for so long and the fallacious thinking like that of Hall is luckily becoming less influential on how we approach drug addiction. 

Diary: What It Could of Been Like - Quarantining Welfare Payments

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DIARY: Yesterday I copped the wrath of Tim Blair's slimy fanclub after Blair highlighted a spelling mistake on this blog.

It was a bit distressing especially when some cruel comments were made about the death of my previous wife. The guys at Grods have written a great piece about and it if you want to know more - Story link. The worse part was how distracting it was. I had an urgent job to finish by the next day and we were redoing our garden so I had Mrs Terry screaming at me to help. It was hard to get focussed.

Apart from the usual comments you would expect from a site like Blair's, I started getting some nasty and oddly directed insults.

A thing called Amos came here and proceeded to tell me that I'm an utter, utter fuckup. It continued with what you would expect from those with no connection to the problem. "I wonder how he’d be viewed in Singapore, or Iran" and in reference to methadone patients, "They treat the truth with disdain and make lying an art form". There were some nasty comments belittling the death of my wife including one made by an actual moderator of Blair's blog.

I don't usually pay that much attention to Tim Blair because ... face it, he's boring. His style of writing one or two lines with as much innuendo as he can fit in is just , well, boring. Also most of the Blairites are just bozzos. Hardcore bigots and Howard apologists who have little or no respect for anyone. Often they are violent or threatening especially the American readers.

What this incident did do though, was highlight exactly why I have this blog. Drug addiction is not as straight forward as it is portrayed. Ignorance is bliss for most and they are much happier towing the line with simple and mindless policies like "Tough on Drugs". The responses were highly opinionated and without substance. They presumed they knew the 'whats' and 'whys' of my situation and made bizarre comments from their presumptions. Funnily enough, if they had read my blog, it was all there for them. As with most posts, some comments were valid opinions, some weren't and some were bizarre. The difference here is that some comments were disgusting. Pity they're not my target audience because my site stats went through the roof.

I really want to thank those who posted supportive comments or the dozens of emails that were sent to me. Special thanks to Carrie, Ronny & Kim and Editor, Ant and the others at Grods.

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What It Could of Been Like - Quarantining Welfare Payments

I found this proposed drug policy from the coalition from before the election. I am not sure if this is still current but it's a taste of what was to come. It's scary stuff and was probably the start of the decline of Harm Minimisation in Australia.

Coalition Government Proposed Drug Policy

Quarantining Welfare Payments

A re-elected Coalition Government will introduce compulsory welfare quarantining for people who have been convicted of criminal drug offences involving hard drugs. Drug abuse remains one of the most serious social problems confronting Australian society.

To address the problem of welfare payments being used to buy illicit drugs, a re-elected Coalition Government will quarantine 100 per cent of welfare payments to people convicted of criminal drug offences involving hard drugs such as heroin, cocaine and amphetamines. This will ensure that all Australian Government welfare payments to which 6,000 convicted drug criminals may be entitled will no longer be paid in cash directly to the welfare recipient. The quarantined welfare payments will be managed by Centrelink or non-government organisations, as happens currently under our Financial Case Management policy for people who have serious welfare breaches. Specialist Financial Case Managers will ensure that welfare payments are only spent on rent, food, clothing, medicines and other essential needs. While this will not reduce the total amount of welfare payments, it will ensure that welfare payments will not be able to be spent on illicit drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.

Quarantining of welfare payments will be for a minimum of 12 months, but may be extended if new criminal drug convictions are recorded during the quarantining period. Welfare recipients who are convicted of criminal drug offences will also be eligible for immediate referral to appropriate rehabilitation services and allied health services to help them overcome their drug problems.

A re-elected Coalition Government will negotiate with the States and Territories to provide Centrelink with details of persons who have been convicted of criminal drug offences in their courts. Centrelink will identify welfare recipients who have a drug conviction and will then contact the welfare recipient to arrange an initial interview to discuss the ongoing Financial Case Management of their welfare payments. Monthly interviews with Financial Case Managers will ensure that essential bills are paid regularly.

These arrangements will be applied to all welfare payments made by the Australian Government to a person with a conviction for hard drugs such as heroin, cocaine and amphetamines. The Coalition will consider extending this policy to people convicted of criminal offences related to other drugs, including cannabis, in light of experience in implementing this phase of the policy. Legislation will be required. This measure will take effect from December 2008 and will apply to anyone convicted from that date.

This measure will cost $20 million to 2010-11 and will involve the financial case management of welfare payments for up to 6,000 convicted drug criminals a year who do not have custodial sentences.

Diary: Adapting

DIARY: The battle to balance my days is getting easier as I adapt to morphine instead of methadone. I no longer get the slight 'high' I got from methadone and is the hardest part to adapt to. This gave me a full morning to work solidly before the depression sets in. This slight 'high' is the equivalent of what most people call normal. I don't have that morning reprieve anymore but my afternoons are no longer hell. One bonus is I don't feel the need to use heroin as much. I have gone nearly 2 weeks without it since I went through a bad patch of using when I first moved over to morphine. I am going to use this weekend and I have to admit, I can't wait. After that I am going to reduce to once a month and then once every 2 months. One of the biggest worries for junkies is money. Even though I work, the depression and some personal problems has made me use for short periods where I have wasted savings, blown large payments or borrowed to fund the using. This always puts financial pressure on us at a later date. The move to morphine from methadone had me using too much and now without any significant income for the last month, it is getting very uncomfortable. Luckily though a few big projects have dropped and this week starts a good period for me. Over the several few months, I should be clearing some nice dollars and will get my financial state back in order. A few people have emailed me about my morphine dose so I hope this answers any future queries. If you are given morphine for pain, you get dosed at about 10mg. For people suffering terminal illnesses, that dose slowly goes up as you tolerance increases and the pain gets worse. For others, morphine is highly addictive so the withdrawal process is very much a reason not to prolong treatment or increase the dosage too much. If you get addicted, you're a junkie and there are many people who never used heroin until they were treated with morphine. An average size person could take about 10-30mg as their first dose but anything over that would probably kill them. I take 600mg+ each day which just stops me going into withdrawal like methadone would. For those who don't know, substitution treatment just replaces heroin with another opiate. I am still addicted to opiates but heroin carries such a social stigma that some governments will do anything to avoid giving out heroin as treatment. Opiates incidentally are relatively non toxic and I could safely take heroin/morphine 3 times a day for the rest of my life with no physical damage. Heroin is like Aspirin in that it is being rediscovered. Once demonised and removed from nearly every countries' PBS(except a few countries like England), heroin is now starting to become a potential miracle drug for depression and drug addiction. Addicts who have been given free medical quality heroin in 8 different countries has proved without doubt the it is the most effective drug to get addicts clean. One day heroin will be prescribed to heroin addicts in most countries except maybe the US. This would be the end of heroin epidemics and the illegal heroin trade which would allow millions of addicts to live normal productive lives and drop crime by an estimated 25% on average per country.

Diary: Some Cheap Advice

Diary: I have been very quiet at writing on the personal front lately due to my new treatment. I also thought more people would be interested in 'news' so I tried to keep that as the focus of my posts. Amazingly, I have had heaps of 2 emails asking me for personal experiences. No idea why as I am sure they have enough problems of their own to deal with. I mentioned last week that I am now on morphine instead of methadone and it is really taking it's toll. Man, the depression is killing me. At least on methadone, my mornings were good but morphine just keeps flat all day. I have no idea how anyone gets high on this stuff because I feel nothing ... not a thing. It holds me like methadone but there's certainly no so called 'euphoria'. Lately though I have started to get more of a balance and hopefully I will have it sorted over the next week. I have picked up a few tips to feel better. I have never relied on anything but medication before to get me through so this is new to me as well. Sleeping: When I start to feel flat - I go to bed. Yep 10 - 30 minutes does wonders. Walking: I try to walk my dogs every night now and since it's March, the weather is spectacular(Australia anyway). I have started to walk mornings as well. Just 10 minutes does it and it's a good start to the day. Coffee: A cheap legal 'pick me up'. Heroin: When all else fails. Before my current treatment, I planned my usage to act like a reward. I would set a certain day I could use and if I started to falter, I would talk myself around it knowing that the day was coming that I could use. I started at once weekly and got to once every six weeks. This worked well and I got my methadone to a fairly low dose. Unfortunately the depression set in and everything changed. If I wasn't predisposed to opiates and I had no depression, I might have been clean by now. It's also a great way to save or put money away for when the day comes.

Diary: Methadone vs Morphine Result

DIARY:

I did it. I am now on slow release oral morphine!

Technically I am not taking morphine to manage my addiction but for a pain issue. I now take enough morphine everyday that would kill over 5 people. Impressed? To prescribe this amount daily and to a known drug addict requires a permit from the Health Department. Under no circumstance is morphine allowed to be prescribed to manage an addiction so the emphasis is on the pain.

Even though I have fought for this for a long time, I am not sure if it is going to work for me. My diagnosis is Co-Occurring Disorders (COD). Drug addiction and depression which was being treated by methadone alone. This was hell for me because of the depression only dissipating in the mornings and resuming in full force for the rest of the day. The problem I am having is I feel depressed all day now. There is no doubt morphine manages addiction extremely well but methadone gave me a morning of well being or what you lay folk would call normality. I don't get this now and I am in panic mode again. The weekend was shocking for my depression and I used heroin to shake it off. I am ringing my doctor first thing after this post.

The results though could be good for others as there are some great benefits treating heroin addiction with morphine. Obviously treatment with heroin is ideal for those long term users but morphine offers some advantages over methadone. I no longer have to go to a chemist 3 times a week and pay $35 for my methadone. I now pick up my morphine once a week and but only pay $33.50 once a month with my script. I do have to see my doctor though every month instead of every 2-3 months. Morphine holds you from withdrawal much better than methadone and doesn't have as many side effects.

The down side though is diversion. It would be easy to divert for profit but as I always argue, if you sell your medication, you have to buy something else to replace it. You simply cannot go without it for even one day. Why would you sell it just to buy it back back on the street? Some might use the proceeds to buy heroin but if they were just given heroin to start with, most of these issues would disappear.

The Daily Telegraph, Moron Enhancing Drugs & Porn Prison

Who Reads The Daily Telegraph

I always get angry as I read through their website but then I start to lighten up. Then I start to laugh ... I actually laugh out aloud. The Daily Telegraph is arse paper, paper for wiping shit away and flushing down the toilet. The readers / commentators are morons, it employs Tim Blair, the most overrated writer in Australia and it considers Piers Ackerman a journalist. It seeks out the knockers, the loud mouths, the bigots. It stirs up trouble and then looks for a reaction ... usually from the conservatives who love to preach so much. Their are no standards here, anyone and everyone is a target. They have no shame and will report anything to get a reaction from readers ... whether it's true or not. This is not journalism, it's infotainment. Think Heath Ledger.

Below are two examples of this great Aussie newspaper.

Moron Enhancing Drugs

Well Fuck Me! Why are some NRL supporters soooo stupid ... especially those that are Daily Telegraph readers. They are a species of bozzo that could not be properly explained by Darwin. 

Former test captain, Andrew (Joey) Johns scored number one in a recent poll by Rugby League Week magazine to determine the best player from the past three decades. Rugby League Week magazine also has a title for a group of the best players ever called 'The Immortals' and they are now considering Andrew Johns as the next member of this elite group. The Daily Telegraph reported the story and surprisingly only had a small reference to drugs. 

Last year and only three months into his retirement, Johns made an admission of using recreational drugs all throughout his career. It of course shocked many and even with the disclosure that he suffers from bipolar, it failed to stop the stampede of critics calling for his head on a stick. Johns later revealed in his autobiography that he was now clean and explained his drug use as probably due to the pressure to succeed. This also failed to impress and the usual suspects of knockers, moralist and even the then PM, John Howard, declared Andrew Johns a disgrace.

The comments in the The Daily Telegraph were pathetic with ignorance. Many readers somehow confused recreational drugs with performance enhancing drugs. About every 5th comment called him a drug cheat and many of those also called him a liar. He was neither. Every so often someone would explain the difference but they kept coming - Andrew Johns is a drug cheat! Someone did point out that taking recreational drugs would actually hinder his performance, not enhance it. One commentator (dogforlife of downtownbne) obviously read about the differences but came up with his own conclusion. 

'...He is a drug cheat and yes it is performance enhancing, he used it to blow off steam and cope with the pressure of public life, therfore enhancing his capacity to cope with the pressures surrounding such employment ...'

Oh dear god, who are these morons? They all like to think they are moral pundits but without the necessary qualifications or required discipline to do research but they are simply loud mouth self important bogans. The sad fact that he suffers from bipolar is bad enough but to know so many bogans can't comprehend this disorder must have some effect on him. He never asked for help or made any excuses. He paid for his drugs and there wasn't any public displays of intoxication. He didn't grope anyone or get arrested. He played magnificent football and kept at peak fitness. He did what he was paid to do and more. 

The IQ of these readers must be below average and The Daily Telegraph just draws them into one place, like flies around a turd. The following quote sums up most of the nasty comments. (steve of the shire) said this:

'... in any other sport johns would have had to return all medals & honours. drugs in sport is not on, johns admits to being a junkie & lying to the footy world for 10 years, now he get srewarded with league immortality - sorry m8, not me ...'

Film Night in Porn Prison

Story Here

Oh dear, a recreation officer working at a juvenile detention centre rented Wrong Turn 2: Dead End which is R-rated and it was shown to a group of inmates. It never mentions how old they are but does claim one inmate was 15. the The female recreation officer has been roasted for not checking the rating. More importantly, she should have checked IMDB to see how bad the acting was. Apparently is it a woeful movie. The Daily Telegraph ignores the acting and directing and instead is screaming blue murder at the content ... typical. The Daily Telegraph describes the film as:

R-rated slasher film, which featured nudity and sex scenes. 

The film also includes an incest scene between two flesh-eating zombies. Other scenes include a woman being cleaved in half with an axe.

The newspaper also had more revelations:

The Daily Telegraph understands two of the inmates were serving sentences for sex-related crimes yet were exposed to an oral sex scene and semi-naked women.

The Daily Telegraph often likes to quote extreme views and this time it's the 'children's saviour', Former Children's Court magistrate Barbara Holborow:

'Where do they get these people from? When you put a child into a detention centre it's not just to punish them, it's to rehabilitate and educate them, How can you rehabilitate kids if you're going to show them filth like that. Whoever the person is, they should be sacked.'

Maybe these little angels had their world turned upside down and probably will never recover from such 'filth'. Maybe showing our young these movies is evil and their souls are now lost forever. Maybe these hugely popular movies made especially for male teenagers are the source of corrupt morals and who knows where they will be in 10 years time? Maybe a diet of the Home Alone series or The Incredibles is more appropriate for these young, vulnerable minds. The important issue is; unless people stop upsetting the self righteous and the morals crusaders, The Daily Telegraph will run out of stories.

Diary: Another Update on Methadone vs Morphine

DIARY: Well, did I get some good news. SROM (slow release oral morphine) is an option. Though rarely handed out, the specialist informed me that he has previously applied to the health department for a morphine permit for an existing methadone patient. It is rare for this to happen due to Australia's health policy and it took me to ask the specific question to get an answer. He carefully went through every other option and continually made notes being very careful to gauge if I was legitimate or not. The appointment went for over an hour which is along time for a specialist of his calibre. He was very thorough and would often pause to think, sometimes up to 2 minutes. If you have ever sat starring at a doctor for 2 minutes in silence, it can be eerie. Does he believe me? have I tripped myself up?, Is he asleep? The result is not straight forward as he needs to discuss the option with the local D & A counsellor I had met with previously and my methadone doctor. He has recommended I go on anti-depressants again and see a shrink for 3 months. If this fails, he then has more of a case for the health department to give me SROM. God, I am so glad that there might finally be some relief in sight. I wish like hell methadone worked better for me so I could get my life back but after nearly 10 years, I am sure I need to try something else. The vital element to dealing with substitute treatments is to have options. The government needs to listen to the specialists - the more options, the better. Drug addiction is extremely complex but add into the mix, mental health issues and you have a medical minefield called Dual Diagnosis or Co-occurring Disorders (COD). It is hard enough for medical experts to grasp but somehow politicians (and much of the public) don't have a problem with recommending a solution ... jail. Each addict has unique reasons and situations for their condition and having only a few options is the result of irresponsible health policy. Abstinence is the best option and should be the ultimate goal. If that doesn't work, then counselling and substitute treatment if needed. Substitute treatment is very limited at the moment and we have many viable options at our fingertips but the politicians are too weak to let them be trailed especially diacetylmorphine (heroin).

Diary: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!!

DIARY: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!! I have been pissed off all day, nagging fuckers of clients, other fuckers not paying me and useless fucking MS Word. I finally do the stupidest thing I could do and borrow $150 and score. Oh yeah, some relief from this fucked up day. But I wasn't going to have any sort of day no matter what! I can't shoot straight and I'm hacking up my arm ... I can't see if I'm getting a vein or not because the syringe is starting to fill with blood. In panic, I rip the needle out and blood oozes out all over my arm, dripping on the floor. I rip my tourniquet off and quickly tie my other arm and start pumping my fist. I try again but I can't see if I am hitting a vein or not. Sweat is now in my eyes and I am even more desperate to get this shit into me. 'Get the FUCK in', I yell. I know it's not going in right and I can see a small bulge popping up. 'FUCK FUCK'. I plunge it in a dozen different ways. Is this it?. Is this it?. I push harder and half way through, it starts to bulge again. More plunging into this bloody spot and out of patience I just plunge the rest when I think I have even the slightest chance of getting that vein. In the end at least half goes into somewhere in my arm it shouldn't and I think I got some into a vein. Whose fucking knows? I have a huge lump on my arm amongst the blood and sweat, my other arm is bleeding on my shirt ... 'FUCK!!!' I scream ... Fuck you. Why can't I just be happy on methadone? Why can't I just keep dropping my dose to nil? Why the fuck, why? I just realised I am in tears. I'm not sure why, I just am. I should be happy I had something at all but I,m not ... I'm never really happy. Even if I'm high, at the back of my mind is guilt. This has to stop ... it has to fucking stop. In 90 seconds I have blown $150 and I am in the most depressed and angry state of mind possible. Good job, Terry. Tomorrow is what I am now dreading. The drone in my head. The drone that lets me know that I now need to repay $150 I can't afford... This is what my life is like sometimes. Though it may sound horrible and degrading, it's doesn't bother me until I write about it - probably why I never do it in front of anyone. I really hate it and I see no end in sight. I don't want to be injecting myself with street made heroin to avoid a melt down or worse, to get some normality out of my life.

Diary: A few Hours of Normality

Diary:

Well it's Sunday morning and the soothing feeling I am having is being interrupted by bursts of depression. Not a blunt thud or a clear on/off of my feelings but more like a cold chill taking 5-10 seconds that actually makes me shiver for a brief second or two. The methadone then kicks back in quickly and I wait for the next chill. This cycle takes about 30 minutes until the chill is permanent. The depression is not as bad once it settles as the switching between feeling normal and feeling flat emphasises the flatness, now it's just one continuing low.

Anyway I have time to finish this, have a few coffees and prepare mentally for another day.

Diary: That Dark Feeling

DIARY: I woke as normal feeling a bit flat, thought about how heroin would make me feel better and then got on with the day. I had so much work to catch up on and the pressure of only one paying job made my work laborious. By mid morning I felt even worse and I noticed my methadone had not really kicked in so when luchtime came around, any normality that I was going to experience for the day had definitely gone. I eagerly made lunch hoping that some food and an episode of Bill Mayer's Real Time might pick me up. It didn't except for the funny moments in Real Time and I went back to work after 15 minutes. I thought maybe pouring through the online newspapers might inspire me but that was the worse idea I had. I went to the Herald-Sun and waiting for me was a huge police mugshot of Wayne Carey and some headline about Carey's fall from grace or the shame Carey had brought on himself. It was just sickening ... so much hyped up moralising and typical media parenting from some bunch of holy noble knobs. Then Andrew Bolt ... man he's a fuckhead ... always antagonising, always moralising, always looking for an angle, forever obdurate. Cynical of anyone thoughtful or clever, demoralising those who want to fix this crumby world and give it some shine, always on the lookout for those naive losers who feel we need to balance our natural resources. How depressing. Next newspaper, there's Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church wanting to picket Heath Ledger's funeral with "He's in Hell" banners. There's The Daily Telegraph wanting to explain dual diagnosis / mental health and drug addiction in a few paragraphs that will help Amy Winehouse get better. There's bozzo, Christine Nixon dribbling about something else that makes no sense but somehow a few of the newspapers turn it into a national referendum question. Oh stop right now ... no more. Things did get worse during the day but finally I was able to get some medication. I don't care about cutting back anymore just like I don't care about dropping my methadone. If I had the money I would simply go off methadone and use heroin. My life would become so much more manageable and the dark feeling of depression would be replaced with a level of normality that I crave for so bad.

Diary: A few Hours of Normality

Diary: 

Today I realised something. I was able to quantify how long I felt normal for ... one - two hours. After taking my methadone at 9:05am, I was feeling the best I would feel all day at 10:30am. This is where I sit in front of my PC and try to soak up as much good feeling as I can before it runs out. Today I was more tired than normal so I nodded off a few times. I think I try to do this subconsciously because snapping out of a nod is like waking up from a 15 minute 'power nap'. You get about 5 seconds of being super refreshed before the reality of chores ahead start filling your thoughts.

I use this time to do work normally but being the weekend, I get to catch up on some favourite sites and try to focus on this feeling of well being. I watch the time carefully realising the more you watch time, the slower it gets. I get disappointed when 30 minutes fly by as it is getting closer to the dark cloud arriving that takes away my elated feeling of normality. Well it's nearly over now and I can feel that familiar cloud of depression approaching. It's like when you have had a few drinks ready for a big night and you have to go home. There is some kind of disappointment that one more drink would fix until it's time to leave again. It's like having a bad toothache and taking a pain killer. As the pain killer takes hold, you can feel actual relief. It's a great relief from the pain and you can feel the waves of relief working until the pain is gone. After a few hours, you start to feel the pain again. Waves of the opposite this time ... waves of pain breaking through. Each time the pain breaks through you desperately wait for it to go away and the pain killer takes over again. This gets less with each cycle until you are back to the misery of pain. This is my day ... everyday.

Diary: I Am Preacher!

Diary: 

My new found knowledge that, depression and long term addicts failing at abstinence based treatments having a physical connection, has inspired me of late. Having a huge amount of guilt wiped away has got me into preaching mode. I feel like Benny Hinn or Fred Nile ... I must show the heathens the truth!  So with this crazed, emotional surge of righteousness, I go searching the online news sites looking for opinion pages.

I find out quickly that you need to have several names and email addresses. News site moderators can be a fickle bunch and you never know when they'll decide you're on their blacklist for the day or the week. Then I worked out that they track IP addresses so now I have an anonymous site I go through to post a comment. You may have seen me around using different names but I don't need to do that anymore.

What I found was surprising. Australia is full of bigots, racists, Christian extremists, violent hate mongers and stupid irrational people in general. Maybe it's the mentality of the particular news site e.g. Herald-Sun or News.com being Murdoch white trash media. Face it, any news group that has Andrew Bolt and Piers Ackerman as journalists has serious credibility issues. That being said, they were my ideal audience ... why preach to the converted?

I had fun slamming DFA and other moral based policies. I kept exposing zero tolerance and the 'tough on drugs' sham. I repeated endlessly that Canada, England, Germany, The Netherlands, Switzerland and Spain all had heroin trials ... and they worked. I prompted people to consider that maybe a lot of crime is drug related because drug prohibition creates the value of illicit drugs. I played on the failure of alcohol prohibition and that drug prohibition i.e. 'The War on Drugs' is even a bigger flop. I really push the cost of 'The War on Drugs' in the US as being 1.3 trillion dollars in total. I always put it like this: "1.3 trillion dollars (yes, that's 1,300 thousand million dollars)". 

I notice that if someone disagrees with someone else's comment they refer to that comment in a new post. I had very little of that which might mean my message is sinking in? or maybe they just ignore my post as the ranting of a nutter ... a junkie nutter at that.

Drug Free Australia (DFA)

On my quest to inform the world that I am right and they are wrong, I have been emailing DFA as well. Here's what I have sent them:

You are dangerous people.

The "Winnable war on drugs" is the biggest con in Australia. The evidence to prove how wrong you are is so substantial that you people look absolutely foolish. Your ludicrous views are just plain dangerous and the lives you ruin are worse than drugs themselves. 

The disgust that hundreds of thousands of people feel for your religious based, hate spewing propaganda is a powerful force. These people affected by the drug problem have had loved ones die through ignorance caused by you or themselves are looking for way out of a medical situation only to be dragged into your sick world of distorted morality and treated as criminals.

The report ‘Inquiry into the Impact of Illicit Drugs on Families’ was so bad it received basically NO support from the medical, social welfare and scientific world. Surely sense must prevail and you actually do actual research into the drug problem. Your report was scoffed at as "irrelevant' and "simply silly". How about you leave medical problems to the experts and you go back to whatever you were doing before you decided to ruin thousands of lives.

Remember history is permanent and your kids will have to live with your stupidity forever.

Terry Wright

http://theheroindairies.blogspot.com/

And then a month later:

I notice you have been a bit quiet lately. 

What? No party listening anymore?

Is the thought of Kevin Rudd bringing in a heroin trial scary? Is treating addicts with respect against your sick ideology?

BTW, so much for the Swedish model you love so much. It's in tatters and you want Australia to follow this outdated religious program?

Now that mental health has been proven to be the cause of long term addiction, are you going to change your view? You will look a bit silly when heroin is prescribed to addicts and you're still ranting about harm prevention. I, myself can't wait.

I found some bed time reading for you: Thank God for Kevin Rudd

Regards

Terry Wright

http://theheroindairies.blogspot.com/

Surprisingly they have not responded.

Notice the link I included. Great article from DFA Watch which slams DFA as well. Well worth a read.

Diary: Hooray ... I'm Sick! / Dual Diagnosis

Diary: And the depression rolls on....

Once again I wake up to another shit day. Same old story. Sore bones, sore back, bleak outlook. Then I think of heroin for a few seconds and into the day I go. I make a really strong coffee, have my methadone, light a smoke and start working on a database system for a client. 

But today is going to be different. Today I am to confirm what might be the most important news of my life.

I am sick...

I thought I would be so ecstatically happy when I found this out. Yes, I was happy but more relieved. I have thought about this for nearly a year and then this research appears. I recently have thought that depression leads some people like myself to 'self medicate' via illicit drugs. This has been tossed around for years but the argument was always that drug abuse came first and that caused the mental health problems like depression. The term 'Dual Diagnosis' is used for the new science of addiction and mental health. Typical reporting of 'Dual Diagnosis' deals with extreme cases of mental illness because average junkies like me were not considered important enough by many. The Australian backed website, HealthInsite talks of the problem known as 'Dual Diagnosis' but emphasises intense mental illness with symptoms like:

• May be alienated and lack support from family and friends
• Won’t cooperate with their health care providers
• Is very emotional
• Is likely to have severe psychiatric symptoms
• May be homeless or moving frequently from one place of residence to another
• Is likely to relapse
• May be hospitalised or taken to accident and emergency departments reasonably often

Dual Diagnosis

A recent study in Science Daily from 2 weeks ago that showed results with the opposite results. Mental Illness And Drug Addiction May Co-occur Due To Disturbance In Part Of The Brain.

The study asks the question:

Why do mental illness and drug addiction so often go together? New research reveals that this type of dual diagnosis may stem from a common cause: developmental changes in the amygdala, a walnut-shaped part of the brain linked to fear, anxiety and other emotions.

From the Dr. Andrew Chambers:

Lead author Andrew Chambers, MD, cites clinical reports that at least half the people who seek help with addiction or mental-health treatment have co-occurring disorders.

This report shows that a mental disorder can cause drug use just as drug use can cause mental disorder:

"Brain conditions may alter addiction vulnerability independently of drug history," says Chambers. He and his colleagues concluded that someone's greater vulnerability to addiction, rather than a given drug's ability to alter the symptoms of mental illness for better or worse (usually worse), more fully explains the high rates of dual diagnosis.

So, does this mean ... after all this time ... most of us have been treating ourselves for a biological condition? Probably.

From another report:

Depression can result from an underactive reward pathway that receives little pleasure from natural rewards. People with depression may turn to drugs to stimulate their reward pathways to more 'normal' levels.

We deserve better...

Just think about it. If it all pans out logically, millions of people worldwide have been demonised, imprisoned, banished, bashed, abused and branded as the scum of society for being sick. Their crime was depression or anxiety etc. and I am one of them.

Are we going to get our lives backs? Are we going to get an apology from our friends, family and others who called us losers or weak? Are the police who threw us around like criminals going to apologise? What about the policy makers and the politicians? These people have treated us as pathetic junkies who were just too weak to stop the insidious crime of ... having a medical condition. Are diabetics just as subhuman as us? They inject themselves everyday but I don't hear the calls to banish them to hell. What if tomorrow we find out insulin is addictive, would they ban it? What if tomorrow we find out insulin gives new users a high, would they ban it then? What about Prozac type drugs? They are called 'happy pills and give a false sense of well being yet they remain legal. If they were taken away we would have to fight with nearly 30% of the population.

The more this sinks in, the angrier I get. Howard's abstinence approach telling us we have to aim for zero use. All the propaganda without scientific/medical support via DFA and other moralistic crusaders. The progressively harsher penalties even though there were many studies pointing towards drug addiction being a medical disorder. What about the many friends that abandoned me for not trying hard enough. Will they apologise? What about the small time dealer who decided not to steal or rob people and instead took the highly criticised but principled route and sold to other users to keep some moral balance to their insane life of addiction. They are amongst the most hated people on this planet and most have probably done jail time. 

I can't even comprehend how much damage the US has inflicted on their addicts. Most US states don't even have needle exchanges! Small quantities of drugs put users in jail. What about Islamic countries? People who self medicate are executed. I could go on but you get the point.

Time for action...

I urge you to write letters or send emails to those with power. Tell the police what the evidence is. Tell the media what the facts are. Demand your MP finds out the truth and does something. Browse the newspapers and blogs for stories about drugs and make a comment explaining the most recent findings. Tell people you know why you use and explain the medical evidence that you are susceptible to addiction.

Important Points:

• Depression and anxiety are major mental health issues and can make people more prone to drug addiction
• 1 in 5 Australians suffer from depression
• Many people with mental health problems have subconsciously been looking for a treatment all their life and one day stumble across their drug of addiction. This immediately fills the void and becomes their medication. Usually it is illegal, often being alcohol or heroin.
• Mental illness effected drug addicts don't often get high anymore. They just get normal.
• Many drug addicts want to be drug free but will never be able to get clean. It's part of their physical makeup.
• No amount of law enforcement will stop most drug addicts with mental health issues from self medicating.
• Why is drug addiction one of few illnesses where prison is the penalty for trying to treat yourself.
• Are medications like heroin or morphine not given to people with mental health issues because of religious or political pressure?
• Canada, England, The Netherlands, Switzerland and Spain give heroin to long term addicts and is extremely successful.
• Misinformation has been the basis for treatment of drug addiction. With new information, treatment should change accordingly.

I would love some feedback.

Good luck.

Related reading:

• Mental illness, drugs and alcohol - a generation of sufferers about whom no-one gives a toss
• Dual Diagnosis: Substance Abuse and Mental Illness