B3ta issue 449 - out now! This week featuring a man seeing how long he can live by only eating his own shit, a donkey in a jetpack and someone sees if they can reach orgasm by sticking a phone on their cock and getting the internet to text them. Sorry. All this is lies, but fuck it, it's filled the space.
Read newsletter 449
published by
rob on 8th Oct at 3pm
Vandalism
I got a load of chalk, felt-tip markers and paint from friends one Christmas in a thinly-veiled attempt to get me involved with their plan to vandalise the toilets at the local park. My downfall: Signing my name. Tell us your stories of anti-social behaviour.
Thanks to Bamboo Steamer for the suggestion
Read all 368 stories (open)
asked by
Scaryduck on 7th Oct at 12pm
B-Movie Monsters!
Make a B movie monster: mash it, 'shop it, photograph it, animate it, cut out of paper and scan it, or make a B movie monster costume and wear it. Then enter it in the challenge. Raarrgh!
See all 208 images (open)
set by
Fraser on 6th Oct at 6pm
B3ta newsletter 448, out now - subbed by my lovely wife Lucy who you may remember for the "Xylophone buggery" line in Buffy's Swearing Keyboard.
Read newsletter 448
published by
rob on 1st Oct at 4pm
Waste of money
I once paid a small fortune to a solicitor in a legal case. She got lost on the way to court, turned up late with the wrong papers and started an argument with the judge, who told her to "shut up, for the love of God". A stunning investment.
Thanks to golddust for the suggestion
Read all 260 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 30th Sep at 12pm
Ed Miliband
Britain has a new leader of the opposition: Ed Miliband. Introduce him to the world of serious politics with a big b3tan welcome, and get all photoshoppy on his appearance.
See all 253 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 30th Sep at 11am
B3ta newsletter 447 - in the shops now, and still at the bargain price of 99p. Get it before it sells out.
Read newsletter 447
published by
rob on 24th Sep at 3pm
What was I thinking?
CactusZack tells us: "I stopped dating a girl AFTER she got breast implants. For what reason I do not know, and I still kick myself for this." Tell us about inexplicable decisions that still haunt you.
Read all 278 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 23rd Sep at 11am
Parallel Universe
Imagine a universe where everything is totally reversed. Then make a picture or animation of it.
See all 365 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 22nd Sep at 7pm
B3ta newsletter 446 - we've been reading Sylvester's (as in You Make Me Feel Mighty Real) biography and one of his favourite cooking treats in the early 70s was cooking up cum-bread. That's bread with cum in it. Anyway, in other news here's this weeks newsletter. HOORAY.
Read newsletter 446
published by
rob on 17th Sep at 2pm
Retro Sci-Fi: The Sequel
Back in September 2008, a classic B3ta compo emerged: make sci-fi retro. In true science-fiction style, it's high time for a sequel, so open up photoshop, and show us more (new) examples of the fantastical future, yesterday.
See all 371 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 16th Sep at 8pm
Drugs
Tell us your pharmaceutically-influenced anecdotes, legal or otherwise. We promise not to dob you in to The Man.
Thanks to sanityclause for the suggestion
Read all 359 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 16th Sep at 1pm
B3ta newsletter 445, out now - this week featuring a small photo of a pig wearing wellington boots, a flash game about fisting dinosaurs and a recipe for beef salad. All lies of course but my mind has gone blank.
Read newsletter 445
published by
rob on 10th Sep at 11am
Easiest Job Ever
Dazbrilliantwhites says he spent five years working at an airport where he spent his days "racing down multi-storey car parks in wheelchairs and then using the lift to go back to the top". Tell us about your best and easiest jobs. Students: Make something up.
Read all 311 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 9th Sep at 12pm
Re-marketing Classic Albums
This week, b3ta is going to rescue the music industry: what we want you to do is take classic albums and re-design the artwork for an entirely different market. Sell punk albums to classical fans and thrash metal to lovers of happy house, and so on. Hey, presto, new business model.
See all 388 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 9th Sep at 8am
Your Favourite Toys from Childhood - hey B3tans, can you give me a hand? We're doing another in the I Spot series and we need you to suggest your favourite toys for inclusion. You've suggested the best toys, now please
vote for the best toys.
posted by
rob on 6th Sep at 9am
B3ta Newsletter 444, out now - word up cyberfruits the internet newsletter of your web is online and extremely net. Full of sick links as the 5 year old kids say.
Read newsletter 444
published by
rob on 3rd Sep at 12pm
We have new icons! 
,
,
and
. Three drawn by WiL and one by Tangy. If you'd like one then
please donate to the server costs.
posted by
rob on 2nd Sep at 1pm
Complaining
I like writing letters of complaint to companies containing the words "premier league muppetry", if only to give the poor office workers a good laugh on an otherwise dull day. Have you ever complained? Did it work?
Read all 353 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 2nd Sep at 1pm
Limericks
Make up a limerick or short poem, then illustrate your work using the medium of picture or animation.
See all 150 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 1st Sep at 10pm
B3ta newsletter 443, out now - my dedication to you dear B3tans is such that I'm writing this newsletter from a cafe in Cromer whilst on my hols, and looking at all your links in public has made me look like a pervert.
Read newsletter 443
published by
rob on 27th Aug at 10am
The B3TA Confessional
With the Pope about to visit the UK, what better time to unburden yourself of anything that's weighing on your mind by posting it on the internet? Pay particular attention to the Seven Deadly Sins of lust, greed, envy, pride, posting puns on the QOTW board and the other ones. Top story gets to kneel before His Holiness's noodly appendage, or something
Read all 283 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 26th Aug at 12pm
Making Things Worse
Find a normal photo of normal people doing normal things, then add in the worst thing that could possibly happen, introducing unexpected and unlikely danger to the situation.
See all 254 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 25th Aug at 7pm
B3ta newsletter 442 - buggernuts it's another newsletter, this week we're offering you the chance at enlightenment by staring at Joel Veitch's cock and balls. Your mileage may vary.
Read newsletter 442
published by
rob on 20th Aug at 3pm
Narrow Escapes
IHateSprouts tells us they once avoided getting caught up in an IRA bomb attack by missing a train. Tell us how you've dodged the Grim Reaper, or simply avoided a bit of trouble.
Read all 306 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 19th Aug at 12pm
Invent A Word
This week's challenge is to invent a new word by changing one letter of a word that already exists, then illustrate the result. Confused? Think "Ambiduxtrous" - the ability to hold a duck in either hand.
See all 348 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 18th Aug at 6pm
B3ta newsletter issue 441, out now - contains our phonecall interview with Brian Blessed that you should copy onto your MP3 players and walk around with because it's far too long to listen to at your desk. It's definitely the thing we've most enjoyed doing for B3ta in yonks. Hope you like it.
Read newsletter 441
published by
rob on 13th Aug at 5pm
Lies that got out of control
Ever claimed you could speak a foreign language to impress friends, colleagues and/or get laid? Make a twat of yourself - and I couldn't possibly comment - saying you were the godson of the chairman of BP? Tell us how your porkies have caught up with you
(Thanks to augsav and Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic for the suggestions)
Read all 239 stories (closed)
asked by
Scaryduck on 12th Aug at 1pm
Dragon's Den
Dragons Den is back on our boxes - only last week some crank got 100K for attaching a pencil sharpener to a golf pitch fork. This challenge is to 'shop other shit inventions with which to impress the Dragons.
See all 160 images (closed)
set by
Fraser on 11th Aug at 6pm
