It’s been a good run, but it’s time to retire this blog and move onto bigger and better things–Namely, The Gaytheists.
I have an amazing lineup of LGBTQ Atheists ready to roll on this new project, and even though the page is only a few hours old and is still in need of some construction work, I’m more excited than a chihuahua on crystal meth.
I recently riffed an hour-long version of The Aristocrats with some of my friends. We played off each other so well that we all died laughing. I’d like to experiment with my blog readers and see if we can’t replicate that experience. I’ve disabled comment moderation and enabled anonymous commenting to allow you to really go all-out without ending your career in politics, journalism, public education or whatever the fuck you want to be.
This blog is already one of the most avoided and controversial blogs in the Atheist blogosphere, so don’t worry about being too over-the-top. That’s the great thing about The Aristocrats, you’re allowed to be too over-the-top. This experiment in anonymity won’t work unless you really let yourself get to the darkest place in your mind and riff off of everyone else’s filth. This blog has no wholesome reputation to call into question.
I’ll finish the joke when it’s gone on long enough.
A young Mormon man walks into a talent agent’s office at the offices of Walt Disney Theatrical in New York. The talent agent says, “Sorry, I’m getting ready to go home and I don’t do walk-in auditions. Go home.”
The man pleads with the man, “Please, sir, my family and I came all the way from Salt Lake City. Please, sir, give us a chance.”
“I’m sorry,” said the talent agent, “I don’t book family acts. After that whole Jonas Brothers incest fiasco, we try to avoid the whole genre. I hope you understand.”
“I’m sure if you just watch the act, you’ll love it. Please, sir, just give us a few minutes. Our bus heads back to Utah in two hours if we can’t book this act now. You’re our last hope. Please.”
The talent agent sighs and slumps back into his desk chair. “Fine. You’ve got five minutes. You better still have those return bus tickets. Hurry hurry hurry!”
The young man shuts out the lights for three seconds. When he turns the lights back on, his entire family is lined up in the centre of the floor. They are, from left to right:
- the young man, in a tuxedo, which, somehow, he was able to put on in the three seconds of darkness;
- his wife holding their newborn infant son;
- their 19-year-old apostate daughter in black pants with chains and goth make-up;
- their twin sons, both 7-years-old with blonde floppy hair and dressed identically;
- the man’s parents, both in their eighties, wearing traditional Mormon church clothes and temple garments;
- the couple’s daughter, 4-years-old in a little white dress with pigtails in her sandy blonde hair;
- an Arabic janitor they found in the building, converted to Mormonism and incorporated into their act;
- and the family pet, Jake, a golden retriever puppy with a red bandanna tied around his neck.
The wife walked over to the desk and put a cassette tape into the talent agent’s boombox and Samuel Barber’s Adagio for strings began to play. The family immediately sprung into action.
And now you finish the joke, line by line.
If ever I get a precious few hours of spare time, I sit down and carefully craft epic mix CDs and the occasional mix tape. In case you’re wondering what a certified Homosecular Gaytheist listens to, here’s the track list for my latest 3-CD 80s mix. Revel in its glory:
CD 1
CD 2
CD 3
Today is a uniquely American holiday where all Americans can look down the big hole created eight years ago by terrorists and somehow still maintain a misplaced rabid nationalism while acknowledging that after eight years, it’s still just a big hole.
So grab your picnic blankets, people, and head on down to the Big Amerihole! Jesus and Rudy Giuliani will be waiting for you there!
Once again, I have to disagree with my friend Hemant Mehta, The Friendly Atheist.
In his latest post, Hemant cites billboards from a pro-gay Christian group and says, “But if change can happen within the church, it has to start from within.” Sorry, Hemant, but I respectfully disagree. And I think the methods that these gay Christians are using are both foolish and transparently dishonest.
According to Christians, the Bible is the inerrant word of God and the Bible says clearly, throughout both the Old and New Testament, that being gay is unnatural and a sin. The only change that can happen here is when the mindset of individual Christians becomes more accepting of homosexuality and, after trying to reconcile the strict anti-gay verses of the Bible with real life, those Christians dump the Bible and dump their faith.
These billboards show the immense amount of strain that pro-gay Christians must put on their faith to try to rationalise their Bible with reality.
Two of the billboards claim that there are gay relationships in the Bible, Naomi and Ruth and David and Jonathan. Neither of these relationships are explicitly said to be gay.
The way most Christians interpret the relationship between David and Jonathan is that they were very close friends, like brothers. At no point in the Bible is there a mention of a romantic or sexual relationship between the two of them and the story is definitely a story of incredible friendship. This is nothing more than an ancient Jewish “bromance”.
And who says that a bromantic love can’t be stronger than one’s love for sex? If an unmarried man who isn’t a horndog has a very close male friend and loves him like a brother, it’s very plausible that he could love his friend more than women and still be straight. In fact, no written interpretation of their relationship even comes close to calling their relationship intimate until the European Renaissance. The explicitly homoerotic interpretations are all even more modern than that.
This is one of my favourite stories in the Bible to tell Christians to research, but I don’t believe that the original story is one of a gay relationship, and the text of First and Second Samuel supports that conclusion. It’s a fun story to make Christians think twice about where they draw boundary lines with friendship and intimacy, but it’s not a gay fairy tale.
The second billboard says that, “Ruth loved Naomi as Adam loved Eve,” and cites Ruth 1:14. According to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the King James Bible, nowhere in the book of Ruth are the names Adam and Eve even mentioned. That biblical-sounding phrase was purely fabricated to give the billboard more credibility among lazy Christians who don’t have their iPhone Bible app at the ready at all times.
Ruth 1 tells the story of how Naomi’s husband died during a long famine, and her two sons married two women, Orpah and Ruth. Naomi’s sons and their wives spent ten years in Naomi’s house before the two sons died. Naomi led her daughters-in-law up the road a bit and told them that the news from their homeland was that the famine had ended there and there was food. Then she told them to go back to their homeland and find their families. Rather than returning to her disappointed family after ten years as a widow, Ruth decided to stay with her mother-in-law Naomi and take care of her until she died, because neither of them had anyone else in the world to fall back on. Orpah went to the Americas and founded a multi-billion dollar conglomeration based on her image and went on to give away massive amounts of free cars and bad medical advice. The rest of the Book of Ruth talks about Ruth falling in love with Boaz and giving birth to his child, Obed. Boaz was a close male relative of Naomi and a descendant of Perez, another Bible character who made his way to the Americas to fuck up pop culture.
What else would a woman do after spending ten years in the house of a motherly figure, especially in a society as matriarchal as a Jewish household? Of course she was going to stay and take care of her aging mother-in-law! There’s nothing gay or “Adam and Evey” about that. She even had a heterosexual relationship after chapter 1… one of the most famous heterosexual relationships in the Old Testament outside of Genesis!
Even if this story was about a lesbian relationship, what would it teach? It’s okay to leave your dead husband for his mother? The life of a lesbian is absolute shit? (And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. – Ruth 1:20) Two women can’t possibly live together without being lesbians?
No thanks. This isn’t a story about lesbians, and even if it was, it would a dreadful story about lesbians.
At no point in either of these stories does it say that being gay is okay, much less that any of the characters are actually gay.
The third, and most disturbing, billboard says that Jesus, in Matthew 19:10-12, says that gay people were born that way.
What Matthew 19:10-12 actually says is this:
His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
A eunuch is a man who has been castrated, usually to prevent him from breeding or to keep him docile while he worked as a slave. So unless the Christian definition of gay includes, and is exclusive to, people born without testicles, this verse has nothing to do with gay people.
I find it absolutely repugnant that, in searching for pro-gay sayings by Jesus, this group would decide that gay=eunuch. It’s dishonest and incredibly offensive. Gay people have testicles, believe it or not, and there are entire NSFW websites devoted to said gay testicles.
I’m sure the group didn’t mean to cause offense and didn’t mean to imply that gays have no balls, but when the closest thing you can find to support for gay people is an admission that some male babies are born hermaphroditic or, for any other reason, without testicles, don’t twist definitions to make the word eunuch mean a gay male. Jesus said nothing about homosexuality except that the rules of the Old Testament, which include stoning gays, still apply.
So why are Atheists encouraging Christians to lie about their own book to trick other Christians into grudgingly accepting gay people? We’re setting these Christians up for failure if we’re encouraging them to set up their arguments based on lies. We can do better than that. Christian homophobia can only be taken down as we continue to take down Christianity as a whole.
Twisting the Bible to make it sound pro-gay is cheap, wrong and ineffective. Instead of forcing the Bible to conform to reality in ways that such a rigid text was not designed to do, we should instead force Christians to conform to reality. Maybe then they won’t be Christians anymore. And how can that be a bad thing?
I was very confused when I watched Obama’s healthcare speech to a joint session of Congress last night. After President Obama said there would be no funding for health care to illegal immigrants there was no applause (as there had been after every other sentence beforehand), but there was some commotion and then people started booing loudly.
It wasn’t until I checked the webnets today that I found out what really went on. Representative Douche Wilson of South Carolina yelled, “You lie!” at the President, shattering the rules of decorum and turning one of the most formal events in the US government into a madhouse.
Here’s a short time-line of everything that happened last night:
8:16 PM Obama begins his speech., elected representatives from the Republican party scribble madly on the backs of their itinerary sheets to form makeshift tea party protest signs.
Hey, Congressman. You know the two gigantic white binders that have been sitting on the floor of your office for over a month? The ones that you have been using as a small coffee table? THAT bill.
8:38 PM In a sinister plot by the Senate Committee for John McCain’s Vegetable Friends, Sen. John McCain is shown during the speech smiling more creepily than ever, for almost a full terrifying minute. Children all around the world feel hopeless and empty without knowing why.
STOP! PLEASE! My body, my mind... they feel so weak. Please, Sen. McCain, I beg of you: Please stop this madness!
8:42 PM President Obama destroys the myth of Sarah Palin’s “death panels” and ends her career violently in front of both houses of Congress.
As President Obama addresses both houses of Congress and the entire nation on the issue of Sarah Palin's "Death Panels" lie, the former Alaska Governor suffers a massive stroke and loses much of her facial coordination.
8:43 PM Rep. Douche Wilson (R – SC) heckles the President during his speech and exits the Capitol Building on foot with a shovel in his hand. Observers say that he walked to Arlington National Cemetery to dig his own grave.
Republican Representative Douche Wilson from South Carolina wakes up from his nap and suddenly realises he isn't at his whites-only country club any more.
THE PRESIDENT: There are also those who claim that our reform efforts would insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false. The reforms — the reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: You lie! (Boos.)
8:43 PM Congress boos Rep. Wilson for being a massive dick.
THE PRESIDENT: I'm sorry, asshole, what did you say to me? What did you fuckin' say to me? -- THE VICE PRESIDENT: You fuckin' wanna play this game? I'll show you how to play this game! I'll show you how to play this game IN HELL! -- THE PRESIDENT: Say it again, motherfucker! Say. It. Again. -- MADAM SPEAKER: Oh SNAP! (Applause.)
9:12 PM The Republican party officially embarrasses itself to death. Funeral will be held in the Capitol rotunda on Saturday at noon.
Autostraddle, the most vag-tastic website on the Internet, has an exclusive interview with Lissa Young, a 20-year servicewoman who was kicked out of her teaching position at West Point after it was learned that she is a lesbian.
Most of the argument coming from the Right in favour of the discriminatory Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy revolves around gay men not having the masculinity necessary to fight a war, which is sickeningly false in and of itself, but Lissa Young brings up a very good point about lesbians in the military, twisting the Right’s logic in a wonderfully poignant way:
In many ways, I think it is easier to be a lesbian in the military than a gay man; this has to do with gender identity development and prevailing gender norms in the United States. The specific socio-cultural space in which the military is placed brings into focus the ways in which our culture defines, creates and reinvents masculinity and femininity.
I think it’s particularly hard to be perceived as moving from masculine to feminine, which is what the stereotype is for gay men. This move is much more marked and stigmatized in the military. There is a culture of heterosexism; and I think gay men are reminded more of this, reminded that they are not in the “in group.” You certainly cannot be a faggot and be taken seriously as a warrior. However, it’s easier to be a lesbian woman – moving stereotypically from the feminine to the masculine – doing male things…it’s less threatening, and becoming more masculine is in consonance with the concept of being a warrior.
She knows what she’s talking about, she’s edgy and she’s well-spoken… I think I’m in love. Go read the whole interview. DO IT NOW!
Everyone’s in a huff about this newly surfaced video an ad campaign pitched to the World Wildlife Fund. The WWF did not accept the ad and decried the agency for making it, however, some people are still using it to smear the WWF.
Here’s the advert in full. I won’t waste my time with a warning for sensitive people, so here’s the disclaimer from Gothamist:
DDB Brazil’s efforts to invoke the tsunami by way of the September 11 attacks go much further than the print ad concept—there’s even an extremely disturbed and messed up TV ad. The video is below and we warn you, it may be distressing— it shows a plane flying into the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers, the Twin Towers on fire, and many planes over lower Manhattan. It’s basically like a nightmare.
EDIT: It seems the ad agency and WWF are so ashamed of the ad that they pulled all of the most-embedded versions of the ad off of YouTube. If people can’t see it, there can’t be conversation about it and no one gets smeared. Smart move. However, here are a trillion more copies of the video.
I understand the outrage. 9/11/2001 was a terrible day and showing the deaths of almost 3,000 people in a television ad isn’t the most tactful thing in the world.
However, in just the first few seconds of the ad, every American over the age of 10 remembered clearly and vividly what it felt like to watch helpless civilians die en masse by no fault of their own. Americans remember 9/11, and I hate to say it, but it feels like the conservatives who this ad was designed to convince, love 9/11. They use it in every argument. They use it to elect people to office. They use it to make us afraid of progress. They get off to this stuff. They worship 9/11.
But who cared about the tsunami in 2005? What American conservative shed a tear and flew their Indonesian flag at half-mast for over a year when the tsunami took so many brown people?
I know I’m going to get bitched at for this, but I see no problem with this ad—except for the nitpicky detail that fading to black and coming back up at the same film angle is awkward and that choosing several different angles for the three film clips would have had a better effect. This ad uses the language of conservatives to convince conservatives that natural disasters are truly deadly and terrifying… and that we should do all that we can to prevent them. I don’t see how that’s wrong.
Controversial is not always bad.
I would like to start by making a full about-face on some of the more namby-pamby bullshit that I spewed preceding and following the Proposition 8 debacle in California. Gay Christians are not the strongest allies in the gay community. I must have been fucking stoned when I said (and I can’t find exactly where I said this, but it’s out there somewhere) that gay Christians are the LGBT community’s best allies. My reasoning for this was that it would take a large group of people inside the the church who were gay or gay allies to change the anti-homosexual tone of the church. Like I said, fucking stoned.
Nothing is more detrimental to the movement for equal rights and acceptance of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered folk than the insistence of many of queers to stick to their former religion and continue pumping money into the coffers. Even worse are those queers who cast aside their sexuality to live a lie after being guilted into embedding themselves so deep into the lie of religion.
Even when I was a Christian, I couldn’t rationalise being gay with believing in the infallibility a book that calls gay people dogs and promises that our blood—and our partners’ blood—would be on our own heads. So what did I do? I forced myself to, “live the straight and narrow,” and continued studying to become a Christian minister. Having escaped from that situation, (I now live the gay and girthy) I can’t help but feel terrible for other gay Christian teenagers who force themselves to live in the closet, often not stopping at keeping their sexuality a secret to others, but living in the closet even to themselves, and choose the hateful religion of their parents over the natural feelings in themselves.
It honestly makes me angry at them and even more angry toward their parents and priests. Their parents refuse to acknowledge the psychological harm they cause their children and the children refuse to acknowledge the harm they are doing to other gay people shackled in the chains of their parents’ religion.
The gay Christians who are open about their sexuality don’t help either. In insisting that one can be gay and still be a Christian, how many people do they torment with trying to reconcile the discographies of Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand with the Epistle to the Romans? How many people are driven to hate themselves because they believe that there’s some other meaning to, “Thou shalt not lie with a man as one does a woman,” and set off on a miserable search to discover it?
Gay Christians can’t change Christianity. Christianity will not change. Christianity changes gay people. It forces its gay adherents to stay in the closet and not act on their sexual needs, causing large amounts of sexual abuse in Christian denominations across the board. It forces its gay adherents to live heterosexual lives, causing unhappy marriages and abandonment of children. It forces gay teenagers who know that the Bible is 100% true and who know that they are 100% gay to deny themselves their sexuality and causes many of these people to lead down the road to depression and suicide.
Gay Christians do nothing to help the gay community. Giving credence to the idea that the Bible, in all its fag-bashing glory, is infallible does nothing but damage the gay community. And yet my hometown of Roanoke, Virginia has an annual gay pride event hosted and sponsored by the Metropolitan Community Church. It’s disgusting.
What sparked this tirade, I hear you ask. Two of my ex boyfriends have announced this month that they are straight, thanks to Jesus, and that they have girlfriends. I guess it’s just easier to blame it on Jesus than accept the fact that I’m so lackluster in bed that I turn gay men straight. (That was a lie. I’m a pretty goddamn good lay and their hideous “conversions” are all Jesus’ fault.)
An old man on one of my friend’s Facebook walls started an argument about socialised health care and government scholarships for college students. He was vehemently against all sort of government spending and frequently derided my younger friends as naïve and stupid because they were younger than him.
One of my friends, a young woman, was told to shut up after he ignored everything she said, making it clear that not only did he not want to discuss anything with anyone younger than himself but he especially didn’t want to discuss anything with a woman younger than himself.
Unfortunately, he deleted all of his comments after I eviscerated him the second time, so all I have are my two contributions to the argument.
Okay, dear. You’re an idiot.
What is good for the country is good for its people. Period. It does no good for a person to acquire wealth and have the best health insurance if everyone around him is poor and sick. If the uninsured of the US die from the next big pandemic (say, N1H1), how much of the work force will be obliterated? And if it’s just the poor and uninsured who die, how will the rich people mow their lawns, flip their burgers, park their Porsches, walk their dogs? It is most definitely in the nation’s best interest to insure all of its citizens’ health, and any intelligent person with wealth will concede that. Jon Stewart made a good point of this [2:10 in Part 2]. Paying for the wellbeing of those around you secures your own wellbeing.
As for other areas of government funding, like in education, it is absolutely ludicrous to say that you should pay for your education and your children’s education and no one else’s. How many brilliant people from poor backgrounds should be denied a decent college education because some millionaire’s drool-factory children are filling the desks at Harvard and Brown? Should all bright children with poor backgrounds be resigned to fix auto radiators while the deluded alcoholic children of former Presidents get shuffled through both Yale and Harvard Business on their father’s oil money?
This argument goes back to well before 1821 when President Thomas Jefferson penned his autobiography. Jefferson speaks in it about how, “One provision of the bill [a bill to revise to the constitution of the College of Wm & Mary] was, that the expenses of these schools should be borne by the inhabitants of the county, every one in proportion to his general tax rate,” and how the public elementary school system was founded. He speaks of the opposition to this bill by wealthy landowners and says, “I shall recur again to this subject, towards the close of my story, if I should have life and resolution enough to reach that term; for I am already tired of talking about it myself.”
The argument that wealthy people should take care of their family alone and that tax dollars should not contribute to putting underprivileged children in schools of higher education, the argument you are trying to make now, was already old and tired in the early 1800s!
The United States military is one of the best and most efficient military systems ever developed. It would take a fool to argue against that. The military is a “socialist” system, to use Conservative lingo. It is entirely funded by your and my taxes and I feel so much safer at night knowing that our military branches watch over our nation as we peacefully sleep. I would not trust that task to Blackwater (now known as Xi) or any other private company. The government does it best. Are any conservatives out there gutsy enough to call a Marine a Commie pawn to his face? Our brave firefighters and police officers are also part of a “socialist” system. Where is Glenn Beck to point out the “evil communist plot” of safety and law enforcement? One of the funniest pieces of mail that the “socialist” US Postal Service has ever sent me was a recent handbill from VA Gov. candidate Bob McDonnell that decried, “government-run health-care.” It was delivered promptly by, “government-run courier service.”
Honestly, the government–your and my taxes–are the best and most efficient way to insure the health and education of its people. The government has greatly maintained hundreds of millions of miles of roadways, power lines, sewer pipes and railways. The government has secured the safety and order of every American and its property expertly. Even with the highest percentage of handgun owners of any other developed nation, the US has managed to keep its murder and violent crime levels surprisingly low, with some admitted room for improvement. The government has protected the security of America and its allies and interests with deadly efficiency in such a way that no government in its right mind would cross us.
Now why can’t the government use that same efficiency to ensure our health and education? Sir, it seems to me that you have a psychological disorder. You gladly fork over money for shooting brown people and jailing black people, but why not for keeping all people healthy and educated? What do you have against humanity at large?
Later…
Sir, I assume by your political views and the country of your residence that you are a Christian. I would ask you what you think about Jesus in Matthew 19:21-24. “21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. 22 But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions. 23 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. 24 And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”
Or Mark 12:28-31: “28 And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? 29 And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord; 30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”
Matthew 25:31-46 has some good stuff too. “31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory; 32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats; 33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 For I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in; 36 Naked, and ye clothed me; I was sick, and ye visited me; I was in prison, and ye came unto me. 37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. 41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 For I was hungred, and ye gave me no meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink; 43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in; naked, and ye clothed me not; sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. 44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee hungered, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? 45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. 46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment; but the righteous into life eternal.”
Or, I guess, Jesus was talking to people, “of that time,” because, “things are different now.” Or maybe it was, “a metaphor for blah blah yadda hmmph.” That’s what I usually hear in response to that argument, but honestly, it’s a weak argument to begin with. The argument from authority is weak, especially when said “authority” is a figment of our imagination… but I would imagine that people who believe in that crap would at least try to follow it. Nowhere in the Bible does it advise its followers to horde their cash.
These have never worked for me. Let’s see if they work for you!
Let’s see if you have better luck with those than I did.
Yay hypocrisy!
Rush Limbaugh still wants the government to regulate what women can do with their genitals, but the moment that the government even suggests that men should get circumcised, OH MY FUCKING GAWD, OSbAMA, KEEP YER BLACK COMMIE KENYAN HANDS OFFA MAH CAWCK!!!
(Gabriel Winant via Hanna Rosin)
Here’s a video from Media Matters of Glenn Beck’s fuckwittiness.
After a minute into the video, I couldn’t stop twitching. Some guy from some anti-capitalist organisation influenced the stimulus bill. We don’t have complete records of everyone who has visited the White House. Therefore, Obama is being secretly advised by commies.
I can do the same thing. Osama bin Laden greatly influenced George W. Bush’s foreign policy. We don’t have complete records of everyone Bush met with. Therefore, George W. Bush performed oral favours on Osama bin Laden every Thursday evening and Glenn Beck sat in the Oval Office and fapped to the scene. YOU CAN’T DISPROVE IT! BUSH WAS GAY! OMG!
About two minutes into the video, Beck found vague connections between President Obama two Weather Underground founders. Therefore, Obama is a terrorist.
Big deal! Under George Bush, Sarah Jane Moore, who tried to kill President Ford, was paroled and released from prison. Recently, a parole board that was in place during the time of George Bush freed Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, a Mason Family member who also attempted to shoot Ford, from prison. Therefore, George Bush endorses the assassination of US Presidents and is a flaming homosexual.
About four minutes in, Glenn Beck flipped over a chalkboard with a diagram that looks like a less-coherent version of a prop from the movie A Beautiful Mind. It links Obama to a bunch of people that Beck calls “anti-America.” So Obama hates America!
Pshaw!
Bush is a faggy Mexican who assassinates US Presidents!
Beck’s guest then blathers on about how this anti-capitalist is bad. Therefore, Obama is bad.
I can twist the words of experts too! I have, next to me, my friend Maggie. She is an expert on things that aren’t nice.
She says that Osama bin Laden, who Bush sucked off many times, is a not-nice person. Not-nice people often kick puppies. George W. Bush kicks puppies.
George W. Bush is a cocksucking “wise Latino” who kicks puppies and kills Presidents with his bare hands.
Beck finishes by saying that because Obama has never specifically said that he, “rejects Marxist principles,” he is a Marxist.
Well, I urge you to find an instance of George W. Bush stating explicitly that he, “rejects paedophilic principles.” You can’t.
George W. Bush is a “wise Latina woman” who puts kittens and puppies into a woodchipper and puts terrorist cocks in his mouth and ass. He also is a card carrying member of NAMbLA and murdered at least one US President with his mutated bear hands.
It makes just as much sense as Obama being a Marxist, Kenyan, radical Muslim terrorist.
BECK LOGIX!!!
Senator Ted Kennedy has just been reported dead after his long battle with brain cancer. I know he would have loved to have had the chance to vote of the upcoming healthcare reform bill, and I hope we can get this bill through, intact, as soon as possible.
This guy is going to get arrested. Fred Phelps is, I’m sad to say, very well-versed in the law and knows exactly how much he can say about a person without being sued for libel or slander. This retard called Rep. Barney Frank a paedophile.
Orcinus: Gospel of Hate: Arizona pastor Steve Anderson spews bile toward Obama, Frank, and gays
I’m here to preach the Bible. And I’m sick to death — hey, let me tell you something. Our country is run by faggots. You know who wrote this 700-billion-dollar bailout bill? You know who was the man who was the architect of the bailout? His name is Barney Franks, he is a pedophile, he has been arrested for uh, interacting with boys that are in their teenage years when he’s in his 50s, it’s in the news, he’s been arrested for it. He is a pedophile, he is a homosexual, he has stood up in the floor of the sacred halls of justice and said, ‘I am gay, I am a sodomite.’
That’s Barney Frank, that’s who just sold our country into fascism. That’s who just sold our corporations to the government. That’s who sold out our country, a faggot! And I’m here to tell you something! I’m not going to stand for it, and let a faggot run the church! It’s bad enough that we’ve got a bunch of faggots running the government!
I’ll be following this guy more closely in the future and calling him out on his illegal slander.
I uploaded a bunch of my photos to Redbubble.com where they are for sale as matted, laminated, mounted or framed prints and also as greeting cards. Go check it out and buy something. If you make a purchase over $50 and email me with the details of your purchase and your mailing address, I will gladly send you a personal note of thanks.
I also have more tee shirts up for sale on Redbubble.
Over the past year, the Republican party has gotten exponentially more stupid with every fake grassroots movement the organise.
It boggles my mind how people can still take them seriously!
First it was Obama’s a Muslim, then he’s a terrorist-sympathiser, then Obama’s a Kenyan, then he’s going to let the evil wizards out of Azkaban dangerous, active terrorist-cell members out of prison and into your living room, now he’s going to kill grandma with “Deathcare®”… because he’s the black Hitler.
If Republicans get any dumber, they will need illustrated instructions on how to breathe that will be laminated, devoid of sharp corners and safety-pinned to their suit coats.
At least Representative Barney Frank knows how to talk to these idiots:
Why can’t other Democrats see this nonsensical raving for what it is and support the President 100%? We voted for Congresspersons who would promote Democratic ideals and we voted for President Obama to define what those ideals are.
While we’re all waiting on my life to settle down enough for me to be able to blog more regularly, please fill out this anonymous 10-question survey so I can better know to whom I’m writing and what I should focus on.
It won’t take but a few minutes and it would help me greatly.
Between family visiting, sister’s wedding, boyfriend visiting for a week, helping out an old friend, zeroing in on a new job and basically being an all-around awesome sonofabitch, I’ve been keeping busier than a hungry velociraptor at a convention for body builders covered in barbecue sauce (BBBBQCon).
I haven’t forgotten about you, and I have many more posts and tee shirts ready for you guys as soon as my life settles down a bit.
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