And Another Thing…

WHILE everyone’s waiting for today’s main political event, here’s some highly entertaining light relief from SyFy channel’s Scare Tactics

Hat-tip: Craig Tulloch.

POLITICAL spouses, in my experience, can be less supportive and more fickle than you might expect.

This is a text exchange between me and Carolyn on Saturday. My message is the one in green, in case you had to ask.

“Listening to Nick Clegg’s speech I am struck by the fact that I could imagine David Cameron giving more or less exactly the same speech, almost word for word.”

Leading Tory blogger, Iain Dale

I’m sure he was trying to be helpful.

SEE if you can pick out the genuine glaring inaccuracy as featured in Ed Miliband’s latest maildrop offering helpful advice on how to vote in the leadership election:

• Make sure you number all squares 1 to 5 in order of your preference with Ed Miliband No. 1

• Place the ballot paper in a cross-cut shredder to keep your vote secret

• You only need to return your ballot paper immediately if you’ve voted Ed Miliband No. 1. Otherwise, you cannot return it until January 1, 2014.

Alys Tarr has some rather more sensible advice on how the system actually works.

Alternatively, Ronnie and Reggie were joined by their two wee cousins in the systematic demolition of their Tardis Zipperobe this afternoon.

POLITICAL activists reacted with fury today when Sky News broadcast CCTV footage of an innocent political party being unceremoniously dumped in a wheelie bin.

“Well, no-one was looking and no-one seemed to care anyway,” said the unnamed brute (David Cameron, 44) who carried out the crime. He was seen initially to offer friendship and affection to the party, before quickly opening up the bin and throwing it in when it was least expecting it.

The party remained in the wheelie bin awaiting rescue. But no-one bothered.

Nick Clegg is 30. At the very most.

FROM the people who gave you the computer animation version of Gordon Brown punching the car seat in front of him…

Hat-tip Beatrice Bray

CONGRATULATIONS to Tim Vine for producing the gag that’s been voted the Fringe’s best this year:

I’ve just been on a once in a lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what – never again.

Vine is also the author (I think) of one of my own all-time favourite jokes:

I went up to my office and found a big lump of plasticine on my desk. I don’t know what to make of it.

Genius.

KEEP it tasteful, folks.

PRODUCING a Downfall video is hard enough without having to avoid swear words (except one minor one). Still, I thought that on the first anniversary of Al-Megrahi’s release from jail by the SNP, I’d give it a shot.

And before you complain, I am not trying to smear Scotland’s First Minister as a Nazi, okay?

The game’s a bogey from Tom Harris on Vimeo.