After a stressful day at work, I tossed my cell phone on the nightstand. The voice prompt asked me for a command. I said “Die in a fire!”. Its response was “Did you say: Send a message to…’Work’?” IMMD!

I was cleaning my office today when I found a full unpopped sheet of bubble wrap. I spend the next five minutes popping bubbles and IMMD.

Submitted by:

willowwolf76

last night my 6 yr old daughter sang a 30 minute song about how Abraham Lincoln and George Washington were best friends, even though Lincoln was “a ham with a beard” IMMD

Last weekend I ran by the National Museum of Funeral History in Houston. Today when I checked my bank account the gift shop purchase was under NATIONAL MUSEUM OF FUN. IMMD

Submitted by:

misoranomegami

One day at work, an african grey parrot was giving me a particularly hard time while cleaning his cage. I wasn’t feeling particularly generous, so while preparing his food, I neglected to include his favorite treat. After I placed the bowl in his cage, he inspected it, looked me straight in the eye and said “wanna peanut?”. IMMD, and he totally got his peanut!

Earlier my cat came running up the stairs on my sidewalk with something fuzzy in his mouth, i thought he got a bird or something, turned out it was a tiny kitten that he sat gently in my lap and ran off, he did this 6 more times, turns out the kittens were his and he wanted to show them off IMMD

At a camp, dinner was being served. The man across the table from me had a small child on his knee, who would not eat his tomatoes. The man told the boy he would get space plague if he did not eat his tomatoes. IMMD.

Today my mom and I sorted out the crafts-room of my dad, who died 15 years ago when I was an infant. My mom hadn’t been able to do it all these years, so I was worried if she could handle to go through his memories. Suddenly, she burst into laughter with a box labeled ‘tools’ in her hands – filled with old cigarettes and five old Penthouse’s.

I work in a restaurant and every now and then I overhear people’s conversations, there were several gruff looking men who all looked very grumpy and were locked in a heated discussion, a phone rang and on of the men pulled out his cell and said” I gotta take this”, as he was walking outside he said”Hi pumpkin! Daddy missed you today!!!” IMMD

Short on money, we ordered a large cheese pizza for dinner. $10 can feed the 4 of us with 2 slices each. It’s not much but it gets the job done when things are tight. When we got there and placed our order, a delivery order called and canceled. Since it was in the oven already, the owner let us have the canceled order at half price! We got 2 pizzas with toppings for the cost of one and have food for tomorrow! IMMD