The adventures of Bob and Bill.

Dear Bossy: Wow, where do i start?

I am 19, Bob is 22, and Bill is 27.

Lets see… from age 13 to 19 i was with the love of my life that i am going to call Bob.

So Bob and I date, he was ovbiously my first love, the one i lost my purity to, we were soulmates. Finished each other’s sentences, knew what we were thinking before we spoke. We were inseparable. Life happened… i moved to another city in the same state to go to college. I wanted to get away from that small town, wanted to live my own life without my mother breathing down my neck. We decided we would make the long distance relationship work and we did for a few months. I would study during the day and work at night while he did not study and worked during the day. After work, all he wanted to do is sleep because he would be very tired as a construction worker.

Despite that, he would wait up til i got off work at 11:30 pm to just talk to me for a little while and wake up at the break of dawn the next day to go back to work. Bob was very nice to me, its safe to say that the guy worshipped me. I was in the highest altar...but i was lying to him. Peer pressure got to me, i accepted it and was going out to clubs, to parties and living the college life while i made Bob believe that i was sleeping or that i was studying when i was really dancing my butt off. I love Bob. I truly do. I think that i just let my immaturity and my curiosity of life lead me.

When my grandmother, who raised me, was in her death bed, everything came to a halt. School and work were put off because i was driving over to this other city where my grandmother was to see her and be with her during her last days. I knew it was coming, i told Bob it was coming, he knew that i was going to lose it and be unconsolable when my grandmother eventually passed. The day came, her funeral came, her burial came and Bob did not make it to the ceremonies because he did not have a way to get to the city where my grandma was being buried.

He lived about 3 or 4 hours away and there was NO WAY he could make it....that broke me. I borke up with him because he was not there for me at that important time in my life. I still loved him, with all my might but was too proud to accept him back because he hurt me beyond understanding. While all this was happening, and while Bob was busy working, i started talking to this guy at work. He is 7 years older than me, was not divorced, but separated from his wife at the time we started talking.

The divorce is happening as i type this, he is in court right now getting divorced and fighting for custody of his young daughter. The reason he is getting divorced is because he cheated years ago. cheating is not justifiable, but he claims he was unhappy and that is what drove him to cheat.

Since i broke up with Bob, i have been seeing this guy Bill. Bill introduced me to his family, to his daughter, to his mother, i feel very comfortable with him , i love him. ever since we started dating i told him that i wanted the divorce to be official as soon as possible, and he has worked for that to show me that he loves me, and that he wants to be with me. i see that his love is real because he has shown me that he is trying his hardest to be free from his exwife and to be with me. now...i have little doubts in my mind.

He cheated on his exwife...is he gonna cheat on me? He is gonna pay her child support...and i am gonna have to deal with him giving her his money, deal with the fact that if we stay together and have a family our children are going to be seen different and they are gonna have a step sister and his wife is never gonna be out of the picture because his daughter is gonna be here all his life....i have thought about what i used to have with Bob...a fresh relationship with minor arguments, petty problems, but no real issues like i do with Bill now.

I miss Bob, i miss how i was #1 in his life, i miss how he treated me, maybe i should not have been so harsh on him when he didnt show up to my grandmother’s funeral...? I feel like i want him back. the only thing is that he knows that i am with Bill now...he called me about a month ago very early in the morning, i was with Bill, we had just woke up, when Bob called. Bill said he wanted to hear me tell Bob that i didnt love him , that i was with someone else, so basically i went off on Bob, and said hurtful things, to make Bill happy and so Bill would know that i didnt want Bob back...but deep down inside i was not sure....i am still not sure.

Last week i asked Bob if he would consider talking about what happened ...because i truly feel that he will give me a better life than Bill willl because, even if im happy with Bill, there are issues throught the relationship that are not going to ever go away. Bob says i hurt him beyond repair, that i was very hurtful, and that it is going to be hard for him to forget that i was with someone else that soon after we broke up.

I dont want to hurt Bill, i feel he needs me more than ever now that he is fighting for his daughter and he is going through a very hard time. on the other hand, i want to fix things with Bob, but i dont know if it will ever be the same if we were to get back together...i dont know if we can pick up right where we left off...i am so confused. please guide me in what i should do?

Do I leave bill and go back to bob, or do i stay with bill...or do i just stay away from men altogether because i always hurt them somehow...?

Bossy says: Choose the last option. Think of it as a contribution to the Make-Australian-Men-Happier campaign.