Prev
Next

Labor Diary: Tony, Brian and the Straightjacket

Richard Marles

by Richard Marles

06 Aug 05:55am

Filed under: Election 2010, Election Debate, Tony Abbott

67 comments

Note: Labor MP Richard Marles and Liberal MP Sophie Mirabella are among our favourite contributors to The Punch, and we have asked them to write a piece every Friday during this five-week election campaign giving their take on events.

I'm not debating this baby either. Photo: Ray Strange

After a difficult week two for Labor, this week began with polls predicting that Tony Abbott would become the 28th Prime Minister of Australia.

As the spotlights wheeled around and began to focus on Tony we caught him running for cover like an escaping prisoner.

The economy? He doesn’t want to know about it. Another debate? Not on your life.

Sitting in the captain’s chair of a boat or playing bowls is all good. But submitting yourself to scrutiny is just not on.

With the count growing bigger every day Tony now has $21billion worth of promises which he has refused to have costed under the Charter of Budget Honesty. We all know that Tony and the Liberals made the wrong call on the economy during the global economic crisis. The last thing Tony wants the public to see now is Treasury highlighting that he is making the wrong call weeks out from the election.

As this boxing match enters week 3, the former pugilist is curled up in the corner of the ring taking the small target strategy to a new level. This is a man pretending to be an armadillo.

But if you’re Brian Loughnane, charged with the responsibility of managing AJ Abbott, this is certainly the way you’d want it.

Every morning Tony goes into Liberal HQ and sits on his stool. Brian puts on his jacket places his knee in Tony’s back and pulls those straps as tight as he can. When the straightjacket is all buckled up he proceeds to put on Tony’s muzzle. Finally he clips on the leash – a very short one – and sends Tony out into the world.

Even then, as Brian nervously flicks between Sky and ABC24, he spends the day with his heart in his mouth about what might come out of Tony’s that has the potential to sink the Coalition. On Tuesday that heart beat faster as Tony contemplated the meaning of the word “no”. While Tony couldn’t see what all the fuss was about Australian women certainly could.

If you look carefully, when Tony is asked about climate change or the role of women at work, you can see the corner of his mouth start to twitch. But then the Crosby-Textor microchip takes over, Tony’s thought processes are overridden, and the results of the latest focus group come trotting out of his mouth in robotic fashion.

As each day concludes with Tony walking back in the door, Brian and the Crosby-Textor boys risk inflaming their worsening stomach ulcers and quietly clink their champaign glasses to another day where they have managed to control Tony. Only 15 more to go.

But all the constraints come at a cost. Tony Abbott has become a human mogadon. Rather than roll out policy, Tony’s election campaign has been more about cleaning it up: sweeping Workchoices under the carpet in week 1, trimming paid parental leave last Monday.

Having kept a messy policy house for his entire public life there is certainly a lot of cleaning to do. As he invites the Australian people in for morning tea the photos of Thatcher and George W are hastily taken down and replaced with more calming images of Kennedy, even Obama.

On Wednesday we saw the return of a player not seen on the political campaign trail for decades: big tobacco. And it became apparent that Tony had been secretly giving them a big cuddle.

In his role as the nation’s fitness coach Tony knows that tobacco is a big no-no, but pursuing the Lodge can make a man like Tony think twice if the ad is right. Of course Tony said he knew nothing about it. But did these tobacco ads promote a clear choice for the voting public? Yes. And what was that choice? None other than Tony Abbott.

Tony has spoken with passion on one issue this week: the faceless men. In Cairns he pulled off the muzzle and gave the faceless men a real pasting. They were doing numbers, controlling campaigns and threatening to run the country. He spoke about those faceless men with such authority that it became clear he was speaking from personal experience. Tony might mouth the word “Labor”, but in his heart the faceless men he really hates are the ones that are putting on his muzzle and holding his leash.

Of course it is one thing to control Tony for 35 days during an election campaign. But no-one will control Tony Abbott if he does become our 28th Prime Minister. Workchoices will be dusted off, the knife will be sharpened for the cuts to health and education and the only female influence in the vicinity of Tony Abbott PM will be the reinstated portrait of Maggie Thatcher.

Don’t miss: Get The Punch in your inbox every day

Get The Punch on Facebook

Most commented

196Smashing the myths about private school funding
184Campaign countdown: Real Julia tries to pick a real fight
164Hey Tony baby, I suppose a debate’s out of the question?
152OK class, who wants teens to go on learning sex in sheds?
129Gillard gets herself tangled up further in the Rudd factor
102Campaign countdown: What the hell to do about Kevin?
9910 reasons why this election is anything but boring
88Julia Gillard and the problem with women
87What should the DJs board have done instead?

67 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • forrest says:

      07:01am | 06/08/10

      trouble is mate how can anybody with even half a brain vote for you lot (i did last time) after the last 2.5 yr of poor management unseen since whitlam and what with the NBN forcaste at $43b now who will beleive that, and internet filter carefully hidden until after the next election. man i hope for the countrys sake you lot fail. i just have to add the GFc was a northern hemispher occurance yes NZ had a very mild recession but nobody else did stop the spin.

      Reply

    • watty says:

      07:49am | 06/08/10

      Abbott propped up and weak?

      What about Julia having to run (sorry), CRAWL back to Rudd to try and get back on track.?

      Big Tobacco back in frame.? What about Big Uranium donations to Labor since the 1980’s?
      Why ,if so concerned about “our kids” doesn’t Labor declare tobacco as an illegal substance and ban it’s sale completely?

      Wouldn’t have anything to do with the $billions of dollars tobacco purchases puts into Wayne’s balanced budget?

      Reply

    • T.Chong says:

      08:24am | 06/08/10

      Unless Im mistaken Watty, Liberal govts have also gathered tax from tobacco companies as well. During the Lib years there were anti smoking campaigns , so the question is equally valid for the coalition isnt it.?

    • Luke04 says:

      08:01am | 06/08/10

      Gillard said “NO” to the offer by Tony Abbott of 3 debates until halfway through the election campaign? How can you make a big thing out of Abbott now telling her to get stuffed!? and she will only debate him on the economy, nothing else?

      Reply

    • Doug says:

      09:44am | 06/08/10

      Luke04 - I dunno, mate.  I keep hearing this argument that Tony shouldn’t be blamed for declining a 2nd debate (because he originally suggested it at the beginning of the campaign etc).  Fair enough: I won’t blame him - he’s within his rights to decline a debate.  But that’s not the point, is it?  The point is that I and all other voters will draw our own conclusion as to WHY he would decline a debate when, after all, his primary criticism of the current government has been on their management of the economy.  Further, all polls indicate that we believe the Coalition are the better team to handle the economy ie. this is the Coalitions STRONG SUIT.  So why would he decline?  The only reason I can think of is that he believes he will lose that debate or that he is afraid of something.  That’s not a good look when, only 3 weeks out from election, people are still asking the Coalition to cost their promises; to show us their figures and assure us that they are not full of it.  We deserve to see them go head to head on the economy.  It is the only thing that matters this election.  The rest is all hot air.

    • Mel says:

      10:22am | 06/08/10

      Doug the only reason he declined the debate is because he made other plans is how I see it, Julia said no to the debate so he said fine will do something else and now she wants one but hang on he has other commitments he has made that probably can’t be rearranged how does that grab you as a reason to say no? do you often change your plans last minute after someone who declined to do something so you planed something else they then come back and say hang on yeah lets do that but I only want to talk about one subject and one subject only, do you then cancel the other plans you made in good faith? Why is she so scared to have an open debate is the bigger question, why only want to debate one issue? what is she hiding? has she only been prepped to asnwer regarding the economy?

    • Budz says:

      10:25am | 06/08/10

      @Doug: I’m pretty sure the Liberal party already had something organised for that night. And I don’t see why they should change their plans because Joolia changed her mind.
      Plus, why would Abbott want to take such a big risk of losing when the Libs are on the way back up.

    • Doug says:

      10:46am | 06/08/10

      Budz, Mel, - so, I am to accept that, rather than going head to head with Julie Gillard to debate their strongest suit - the economy - their cornerstone critique of the Labor government -  the Liberals decided it was too much to effort to change their plans?  How about suggesting a different night?  C’mon.  Abbott ran from it for one reason only: he’s scared.  He’s scared of losing his lead in a debate about the economy!!!  What does that say?  How can anyone, in their right mind, run from a debate about the economy and still call themself a Liberal?  I can tell you that Howard or Costello or Turnbull would NOT have turned it down.  No way.  They’d have welcomed the opportunity to rip into Labor on prime time television.  To me it says that he is not confident on this subject and that is cause for concern in my view.  Definitely cause for concern.  It’s like Bob Brown turning down a debate on the environment.  It’s nonsensical.

    • troy says:

      12:05pm | 06/08/10

      Doug I can see your reasoning, but your last comment says it all as to why Tony doesn’t want to debate Julia. Rip into her, will actually hurt Tony, as always if he did rip into her it would look like he is attacking a woman. When he debated her last time he was very careful not to attack her directly and to just mention Labors failings while promoting his own policies. Now if it was KRudd debating him I think you may see a different tune, as he can attack KRudd on the same playing field. Regardless Julia walk away from Labor promise (Made by KRudd) to have 3 debates even after Tony asked her numerous times to have 3 debates,  then when her own campaign started failing she decided to change her mind. So I dont believe Tony should help her, also I don’t believe she ever really wanted to debate him as she picked they only day that he would not be able to debate her. Also she only wants to debate 1 thing instead of opening the debate up to all the issues. I believe Gillard has just tried to trap Abbott and it hasn’t worked as the media and the public saw straight though her trick. Anyway the polls are going Tonys way so why let Gillard dictate to him how to run his campaign.

    • Ben Gia says:

      01:39pm | 06/08/10

      Doug,
      Gillard proposed the debate on the night of the liberal party campaign launch! Come on, the campaign launch is an EXTREMELY important date for the liberal party. I think it’s pretty transparent how conniving that is on Gillard’s behalf because she would have known full well that Abbott would decline a debate on that night.

    • Jezabel says:

      02:19pm | 06/08/10

      Abbott should call Gillard & demand a debate on the night of the Labor launch. We’d then see how “real” she is!

    • WayneT says:

      05:26pm | 06/08/10

      I’m pretty sure Abbott will debate her again.  But he will decide when is the right politically advantageous time to have it, not when it is advantageous to Julia.  I’d like to see him call her out on the night of the Labor Campaign launch and see how she responds.  Or better yet agree to another debate on the proviso that there is one further debate (back to the original idea of three debates)

    • Tony of Poorakistan says:

      08:04am | 06/08/10

      I think even the British Labour voters (especially those that got to buy their council houses dirt cheap) would say that Maggie was a good Prime Minister, and anyone who had ever suffered under British Rail’s idea of service would be glad she took the axe to their bureaucracy. 

      Back to the local stuff, though and I don’t think I’ve seen a more negative and less convincing article during this campaign. I’m not an Abbott fan (I think what he did to Pauline Hanson was reprehensible) but he is passionate and sincere, unlike Joolya who is a carefully crafted creation of the union movement. They started molding her when she was a student, installed her as their legal representative when she graduated and started with Slater and Gordon as an Industrial Relations lawyer, then parachuted her into a safe Labor seat. When Rudd proved to be a liability, they decided to pop Joolya in and call an election to capitalise on the forgiveness typically granted to a new incumbent in the honeymoon phase.

      You haven’t fooled anyone. She is just Rudd in a frock.

      Reply

    • Sherekahn says:

      09:52am | 06/08/10

      Tony, if she is just “Rudd in a frock” does that make Rudd a ‘commie-socialist?’
      Read the Boston Globe, most Republicans call President Obama “a Communist/Socialist.
      Reds under the bed is alive and kicking!
      What a lot of garbo!

    • Denny Crane says:

      08:06am | 06/08/10

      Richard you do live in a fantasy land.

      Correct me am i wrong, and we could agree that who is wrong never posts on this site again, didnt Tony offer Julia to debate on 2 more occassions, and Julia said no, once she did that she forfeited her right, to then go back and decide now she does.

      And when she does want to debate, she wants to give the time and the subject, what right does she have to demand this.

      How about if Tony says, a 2nd debate, but only if there is 3, and he decides the topic, maybe how nothing has been done re East Timor and nothing will, the ETS, Mining Tax, and insualtion, i would like to see a debate on all of them, but you just skipped pat it, and most importantly you FAILED to acknowledge that it was Julia who refused to debate Tony.

      He does not have to change his schedule when someone has decided now they want to debate him.

      I challenge you Richard, didnt Julia REFUSE to debate Tony

      Reply

    • MarK says:

      08:07am | 06/08/10

      O hai Richard.

      I see you are “moving forward” by having a chat with Kevvie through the media (phones not working mate?) and inviting the person who sent the government off the rails a few weeks ago back to “help”. What genius thought that one up?

      So what has changed? Nothing? Ahhh I see…...lipstick on a pig time.

      Nice try in reverse psychology mate. All the talk about small targets and lack of scrutiny and being controlled. All you did was look at your own house, take notes and change some names.

      No.

      One.

      Believes.

      You.

      This is NSW all over again. Spin on spin and central control. Ghosts of the past brought back to provide cover and distraction to air brush the past failures.

      If you really are that concerned about “control” issues query your own parties tactics re the “new” Julia. It is clear the first thought and tactic of Labor is to bullshit and then try a mea culpa if that stuffs up. Was Beattie that admired?

      have fun withe Kev and Julia show mate.

      Oh pray tell what price did Kev extract for his silence? Say hi to Steve Smith for me. Bet he is over the moon today. Ahhhh the rods we create for our own back.

      Reply

    • Wok says:

      08:08am | 06/08/10

      The accusations are fair enough but nobody thought that Julia was hiding when she wouldn’t do any more debates.  It seems they only became important when she wanted them.  It is a matter of whose hypocrisy is greater on this point and why the 2 u-turns

      Reply

    • Joan says:

      10:05am | 06/08/10

      `but nobody thought that Julia was hiding` and I don’t think Abbott is hiding ... he gave an offer it was refused….. end of story.  I guess it was the phony super model Julia who said no and now the desperately seeking to win real Julia is now crawling on knees begging Abbott for debate and begging Rudd to save her from the stew of her own making.  Does anyone know who will be leader of Labor party post election? With a dysfunctional Labor running amok every day with increasing bizzare revelations and now presenting Gillard and Rudd as 2 for one vote package - the same package that ` lost its way`.  Abbott as PM is least of Australias worries.

    • Phil says:

      08:11am | 06/08/10

      Richard. Is that seriously the best writings you can muster.

      Please explain, what decisions bought the conclusion that a good government had lost its way? Who were involved in the discussions for these bad decisions? What decisions did each member make in these decisions?

      You see my mail is that Swanny devised the Super Profits Tax. It was he who said no changes. He was clearly one of the major members of your government bagging the Twiggy and Palmer bridages. Yet he was charged with fixing this mess.

      As they say if you cant govern yourself, how can you govern the country.

      Why did Julia when she was on the front foot in this election not agree to three debates? She said one, NO was her answer to repeated requests from the opposition keen to expose her for teh fraud she is. Yet as soon as things started to go south, up comes the REAL JULIA asking for more debates.

      Are Swan and Hockey not debating the economy on Monday? Why then not have finance ministers debate their outlook for the country. Thats right cause your finance minister sprung a leak and you cant say who will be finance minister if you win.

      Why rush to an election, could it be that your lot is scared that the BER report which might just get delayed or released on Friday evening Aug 20 at 7.30 pm which say Julia could not hand out free money for school canteens without rip offs, or could the synic in me say that it was rorted to pay back your fellow comrads in the unions for getting you elected last time.

      As for a boxing analogy. You seem like a big strong bloke. Why dont you man up and take on Tony for 3 rounds. Gloves on you can even wear head gear. He wont need it.

      Reply

    • DougB says:

      08:14am | 06/08/10

      There is only 1 thing I am sick of in this campaign, and that is negativity about the other parties.  I wish that each party would just start telling us what they can do for the country, and forget about trying to paint the opposing parties as Armageddon waiting to happen.

      I can judge for myself on performance and attitudes, what I can’t do is look in a crystal ball or read your minds and know how you intend to take our great nation forwards (or even backwards for that matter).

      Get positive or get out!

      Reply

    • Sarah says:

      08:28am | 06/08/10

      You are so far off base Richard.

      If you knew what little regard most Liberal MPs have for Brian L, you’d know how laughable that imagery is!  Brian couldn’t control a dead mouse.  And he has about as much political clout as one too!!

      Nice try to tar Tony with the “fake Julia” brush.  But it just doesn’t wash!

      Reply

    • PaulB says:

      08:30am | 06/08/10

      Wrong call on the economy?  Richard, You talk like you think this lumbering monster called the “GFC” (media hacks so love marketable brands) had just been fought off by Kevin (now Julia) on his/her trusty steed, and now everything is happily ever after.  The “GFC” is most certainly NOT over, and plunging us into long term debt for short term relief may yet prove to be Rudd’s most malevolent legacy.  You can’t make a “wrong call” on something that is still unwinding.

      Reply

    • Jennie says:

      08:32am | 06/08/10

      Why wasn’t the same scrutiny of Gillards decision to say NO to further debates given when Abbott continuely challeneged her to 3 debates? and she is only prepared to debate him on “one” issue?.

      Reply

    • steve parker says:

      08:33am | 06/08/10

      Julia the jilted lover - ah poor lass! Its like Wuthering Heights watching the Labor Party with Julia as Kathy and Kevin as Heathcliff.

      Reply

    • AndyS says:

      08:41am | 06/08/10

      Talking about scrutiny, what scrutiny was there on the Rudd Government until Abbott took over the Leadership of the Coalition? Big fat none! The Coalition have had biased media attention and scrutiny that almost sent the Libs into the wilderness forever while Rudd paraded around the world being treated like the Messiah of Australia! and his arrogant Government sat back and lapped it all up. Short memory you have Richard.

      Reply

    • Forever amused by lib lies says:

      09:43am | 06/08/10

      AndyS.  Short memory YOU have. While Rudd ‘paraded around the world’ your lot very successfully branded him as ‘Kevin 747’ and he suffered much media scrutiny as a result.

    • Mel says:

      10:23am | 06/08/10

      Ooh name calling that’s brutal, how did he recover from that?

    • TimB says:

      08:48am | 06/08/10

      Ah, another Friday, lets see what we’ve got.

      Sophie’s over there talking about the policies and what the Liberal plan to do if elected. Seems a sensible choice in election period. Now lets see what Richard’s got here..oh. Yet another piece filled with nothing but utter hypocricy and little substance. How completely unexpected. Now, where to start….

      The obvious one seems fair. Rambling on and on with your concoted fantasy scenarios of Tony on a leash.  LMAO. Who was it that came out and said the other day that they’d been fake up until now? I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t Tony.

      The debate? Please. Julia was offered 3 debates and said no. So Tony made other plans for his campaign time. But when Julia comes out, changes her mind and demands a debate, Tony is expected to drop everything and make it happen? What utter arrogance.
      And then you have the hide to spin it as Tony running scared. I wouldn’t be suprised if that was the Labor plan right from the beginning.

      As for you jumping on the whole “No” gaffe bandwagon…that’s just disgusting. Only a very small out-to-be-offended minority read anything into this nothing issue, not “all Australian women” as you imply.

      Finally, how could Tony and the Liberals have made “the wrong call” on the economy? They didnt make any call, you lot were in power. And from what I understand the first round of stimulus spending was not opposed by the Liberals, only the subsequent rounds. You know, the rounds where all the money was wasted? And without the former Liberal government making the right calls on the economy, you wouldn’t have had a surplus to spend on stimulus. You’re using the GFC as an excuse for your waste.

      So, looking at Sophie and Richards articles we see we’ve got the Liberals offering policy and a plan. Meanwhile, we’ve Labor taking credit for something they wern’t responsible for, fighting with each other, and taking quick breaks to smear the opposition with spin and lies.

      This really shouldn’t be a hard choice Australia.

      Reply

    • troy says:

      01:15pm | 06/08/10

      Very well said Tim. I wonder if Richard now has a reply. Hmm I think not.

    • Anthony of WA says:

      08:49am | 06/08/10

      Real people do not need to tell us they are real!
      It is time for Gillard and crew to realise that what people are sick of, is this BS they keep shoveling, taking us for fools

      Reply

    • Adam Diver says:

      09:00am | 06/08/10

      So many things to say, but I will stick to one point.

      3 weeks into a campaign and that was seriously the best argument Labor could put forward to get re-elected? Some made up attack that is the ultimate pot calling kettle black situation. You are sure making this decision hard, whoever shall I vote for?

      Reply

    • James says:

      09:04am | 06/08/10

      Since your lot had a pretty decent bloke in Crean leading you, you have delivered to the people Mark Latham, Kevin Rudd, and Julia Gillard as potential or actual leaders of this great country. I reckon Kim Beazley was ok. You knew what those three were like before you offered them up, yet you offered them up anyway because you considered that they might deliver you government.

      Being in power is more important to you lot than delivering good government. Because of that, you don’t deserve to be in government.

      Reply

    • Barry says:

      09:26am | 06/08/10

      I get tired of the MSM trumpeting Labors “incorrect rhetoric” about Abbott saying he didn’t support the stimulus and that if he were in Government there would have been no stimulus. The opposition “supported the first stimulus”, but not the second. On the subject of scrutiny, it is the Government who have had no scrutiny for the best part of their first term and because of that look at the waste and mismangement that has now been exposed thanks to Tony Abbott and you guys don’t like it! Too bad! Abbott for PM….....................!

      Reply

    • Lady Fong says:

      09:31am | 06/08/10

      Get your English right, Richard! It’s straitjacket and not straight. Strait meaning narrow, OK?

      Reply

    • Daryl says:

      09:46am | 06/08/10

      Labor wants another debate so long as it talkes place on the night of the Liberal launch and they can set the agenda. What a crock of sh!t! This Labor party is so desparate now, they want to debate the economy which means the fact they turned a $20+billion surplus into a $40.4billion defecit in about half an hour. That they have racked up a record level of foreign debt. That they are increasing that debt to the tune of $100m a day. That they have opened up a $7.5billion (at least) hole in their budget with the mining tax backflip. They want to debate the fact that interest rates continue to rise, that the unemployment rate is higher than it was when they took over office, that the inflation genie is out of the bottle. Not to mention the fact that they reckon they can manage to run an economy when they couldn’t even run an insulation scheme let alone a school halls program without it being a mess or full of rorts. They couldn’t deliver their election promise of grocery choice or fuelwatch or 200+ childcare facilities, or more affordable housing, or cheaper better childcare, or reduced consultancy costs. They planned to kill investment into the one sector driving the economy. They have slapped a 3% rise on superannuation cost to business, want to increase energy prices through the introduction of an ETS, and put upwards pressure on prices of anything linked to the mining sector but their big campaign cry is that a 1.5% temporary levy is inflationary (What??? idiots!). This government has proven it couldn’t organise a p!ss-up in a brewery and yet they want to debate their credentials on the economy. Presumably they want to take credit for China’s appetite for our natural resources, the Howard government paying off previous Labor debt, and being sensible enough to SAVE during the good times. And then we get this nonsense written. Who’s going to control the Labor party if they get re-elected. Who’s going to control the Fake Julia and her Socialist Forum, the rats in the camp, the unelected union bosses, the TV stars running portfolios?? Who’s going to control Peter Garrett (“who’s gonna saaaaaaave me?), who’s going to control the factional leaders and Kevin Rudd. Btw, when was the last Labor budget surplus?

      Reply

    • G. David says:

      09:58am | 06/08/10

      Why is Labor spending so much valuable time playing the man by attacking and smearing Abbott when, if they want our votes, they should be explaining their policies and their vision for the future?

      Reply

    • 6c legs says:

      09:59am | 06/08/10

      Richard, I wish you wrote that like more often. So funny. And so right!

      Abbott would be Australias own GW Bush. (Not that that would worry the conservatives here as long as *they* get back to the lodge! - born to rule and all that - but stuff the Country… )

      Reply

    • KenG says:

      10:20am | 06/08/10

      I’m still waiting on my tax return payment, it’s been about a month since I had it processed.  Is the delay due to the government withholding the money to siphon it over to help pay the already mounting interest payments.

      Reply

    • Randal says:

      10:28am | 06/08/10

      Ah Dick, I see that all the ALP now has left after failing to “move forward” and resorting to inviting the very man you knifed for “losing his way” is a negative smear campaign leveled at Abbott.

      Where is your discussion of the ALP’s successes in government and the policies for the future?

      That’s right Dick, how you can talk up the success of a government that assassinated it’s own Prime Minister, you can’t without answering the question that Julia refuses to.. Where did the ALP government lose its way??

      As for policies, there are none, Julia took the reigns and promised to deliver on three key issues:

      1, Stop the boats - No dice there, she invented an offshore solution, but forgot to pick up the phone and call the elected leader of that country where she was going to dump Australia’s problem - EPIC FAIL!

      2. Mining Tax -  Instead of fixing she watered down the tax to such an extent that the big miners will pay nothing, somehow lost $6billion of the tax, lied and said it was $1.5 billion (based on rubbery Henry figures) and then alienated the small miners who have been screwed by the deal - EPIC FAIL!

      3. Climate Change - Was there a policy here, I must of missed it, lots of talk about how important the issue is and how much Julia believes in it, then she announces her grand plan, a citizens assembly (funny I always thought this was what we elected politicians to be) a policy that is so weak that it has been lambasted and derided by all sides of the political spectrum… So much for the “greatest moral challenge of our time”. - EPIC FAIL!

      So devoid of any real policies, we have now seen the fake Julia, followed by the Real Julia (fake Julia in disguise) and now Kevin’s back… what a shambles and those polls old Dicky boy will keep going south and throwing rocks at Abbott without any positive policies will just keep the slide going.

      Tell me Dick, how does it feel to have power slip from your grasp all due to your own doing?

      How does it feel to be part of a government that will soon be a footnote of history, an oddity that internally imploded at the crest of your success?

      I suggest Richard that you must feel like yiur name suggests nothing but a bunch of “Dick’s” with no idea what to do next!

      Reply

    • Seano says:

      12:23pm | 06/08/10

      “Tell me Dick, how does it feel to have power slip from your grasp all due to your own doing?”

      John Howard might be a better person to ask.

    • Randal says:

      01:40pm | 06/08/10

      Really Seano, so after 11 years and being Australia’s second longest serving Prime Minister you think Howard would be the man to ask about coughing up power, I would have thought he would be the last man living to pose that question to… maybe Keating and Gough or perhaps… Let me think… Wait I know…

      What about any member of the current government (like Dick) who in a political first, axed their own PM before his first term had been completed, a government that is looking likely to be only the second to be voted out first term (at least Scullin could blame the Great Depression) with the first female PM likely to become the fifth shortest serving PM in our history would have a better idea…

      But hey who am I to judge Seano, we have the electorate for that and judge harshly the Rudd/Gillard failures they will.

    • ted says:

      10:44am | 06/08/10

      Authentic - read “Battelines” - Tony Abbott is articulate, thoughtful, compassionate and wise.

      Your mobs are coawrds, spinners and theives.

      Go away LABOR.

      Reply

    • thatmosis says:

      10:45am | 06/08/10

      I didn’t know fiction writing was part of being a Labor Candidate. And another thing, why should Abbott let Joolia have a second debate when she categorically twice refused more than one. Is it because she is just like a rabbit (vermin) caught in the headlights and will try anything to get away. If Labor was a horse they would do the right thing and put it out of its misery not let it linger for a few weeks to although it is good to see the Laborites squirming.

      Reply

    • troy says:

      10:54am | 06/08/10

      Richard if you want to write about people voting Labor, then maybe you should write something worth voting for. This is the most negative piece I have seen from any party so far. Your counterpart has written about what the Liberal Government will do for Australia, all you have written is why people shouldn’t vote for Tony. Your party is a rabble and fast become the biggest joke in the history of Australian politics.

      Reply

    • john Williams says:

      10:57am | 06/08/10

      Dear Richard
      I absolutely agree we should have a debate on the economy.
      Appropriately that should be between the Ministers responsible.
      So…Treasurer Swan and Shadow Treasurer Hockey.
      Hang on…that is already booked this Monday August 9 at the NPC.
      Ok…Finance Minister and Shadow Finance Minister.
      Oh dear , you (Labor)  don’t have a Finance Minister.
      Ok…in the absence of a main act let us try a second billing that involves major expenditure..Defence.
      Oh dear , you don’t have a Minister for Defence.
      So summing up :
      The nation decides in two weeks and Labor ...
      Does not know if they are led by Rudd / Rudd Gillard / Faceless Men
      Does not have a Finance Minister.
      Does not have a Defence Minister.
      Please do better.

      Reply

    • Doug says:

      11:40am | 06/08/10

      John, all of what you say may be true but does not explain why, in a sane world, a Liberal Coalition leader would EVER decline a chance to argue the economy with his counterpart.  Better management of the economy is everything the Liberals say they are about.  Stuffing up the economy is everything the Liberals say Labor is about.  Debates are an opportunity to rub your opponent’s nose in it, so why would he decline?  Scheduling?  C’mon.  When Gillard threw out the gauntlet I thought Tony would snap it up.  I was very disappointed with his decision to decline battle because it goes against the very thing that would make me want to vote Liberal.

    • Randal says:

      01:55pm | 06/08/10

      @Doug, in a campaign the only person who wants a debate is the one behind i.e. Joolia started the campaign ahead and said… Hold on I will only have the one debate… Then Abbott hit the front and Joolia screamed, come on debate me on the economy… and Abbott said NO, you had your chance is simple.

      As the old saying goes, never give a sucker an even break, and why take the unlikely risk of Gillard landed some blows and spending an hour looking Prime Ministerial and trumpeting on about the success of stimulus in saving the country, regardless of how false this assertion, having the worm debated as to why women hate Tony, and why it hit the top whenever Julia spoke, whilst 3 left win based journo’s throw barbs at Tony, whilst air balls are tossed to Julia… See such an event could re-launch her campaign and take focus off the Labor woes.

      So instead you say, we gave you three chances and you said NO… So now we have moved on and there will be no further debates…

      This rules applies even more so when you are combating a side like the ALP that is choking itself from getting on message, under those circumstances you give them nothing, least of all equal billing to punch their message through, and instead sit back and let them choke on their own bile, and that is exactly what the ALP are doing… much to the delight of the Coalition.

    • Hamish says:

      11:08am | 06/08/10

      Oh no. Poor, poor Dick. If you’re hoping to win this election by painting Tony Abbott as the puppet of the backroom boys and the one who simply regurgitates focus group findings, you guys must be in even more serious trouble than I thought. I’d stick to the WorkChoices scare campaign.

      This article is so put and kettle, it almost qualifies as satire.

      Reply

    • AdamC says:

      11:52am | 06/08/10

      I just love this. Who is Richie trying convince here - his audience or himself. “Tony will slip up, Tony will slip up, he will. Please ...” Is this the best the Hawker Britton boys (champagne-less, I should think) can come up with as a line for Jools’ demoralised footsoldiers?

      Even if his minders do lose control of Tony Abbott (assuming that is what is actually going on) what does that matter? After all, has’t Dillard just come off the leash and shucked the muzzle? Or am I thinking of Kevin Rudd?

      I think I now understand what people mean when they refer to ‘flicking the switch to vaudeville’.

    • Hamish says:

      12:37pm | 06/08/10

      If I didn’t dislike the Labor Party so much and if they treated the people with less contempt, I would actually be sad reading this article. I mean, this is the most pathetic, purely negative, hypocritical and probably not even remotely true article I’ve ever seen.

      To be honest I’m a bit sad anyway…for Australia…especially if this bunch of backstabbing ex-bureaucrats, Union hacks, chair-moisteners and general no-hopers get in again. I never thought this ALP government would be ousted after one term, after all it hasn’t happened for over 70 years and only twice in our history, but after reading this article I really think they might. They certainly deserve to be.

    • AdamC says:

      12:52pm | 06/08/10

      Hamish, you can certainly smell the ALP’s desperation, and not just in this article. (Though I think everyon agrees this article is utterly laughable.)

      My favourite is how they have handled Rudd. First, the viper-pit snakemen conspire with the spinning spinster to coldly knife him. Then, probably quite predictably, Rudd (though it could have been Tanner) starts leaking damaging information about Gillard’s historical stuff-ups. The Hawker-Britton/snakemen/assorted flunkies solution? Pull Rudd out of his hospital bed and get him and Gillard to unconvincingly pretend they don’t hate each other. I mean WTF??

      I mean why don’t they just play their big trump card and have Jools and her squeeze tie the knot already? It’s not as if everyone doesn’t know that’s the faceless men’s last resort. Sure, it’s tawdry and pathetic, but I wouldn’t rule it out. Nor, given the shocking failure of Dullard’s campaign thus far, can you necessarily assume Rudd won’t have a second coming!

    • troy says:

      01:25pm | 06/08/10

      Adam I can just see it now, Wedding bells on Election day. The Neighbours writers would have a field day.

    • Hamish says:

      01:26pm | 06/08/10

      I hadn’t even considered the ‘Wedding of the Year’ angle. I bet the Women’s Weekly have already been briefed and are waiting for the phone call. Forget Kylie and Jason, the Slogan Bogan and Australia’s most famous moocher and washed-up hairdresser (can you be a washed-up hairdresser?) are tying the knot. I mean, OMG, what is she going to wear? This is so exciting! Imagine the air-brushing on that front-cover.

      Meanwhile, it just gets worse for Gillard: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/states-schools-blowout-exposed/story-fn59niix-1225901860057

    • AdamC says:

      02:00pm | 06/08/10

      I think Jools succession of rather unfortunate hairstyles didn’t help Timmy M’s professional reputation. Now, I know it isn’t PC to talk about it, but, if it weren’t for her school-hall stuff-ups, bloody betrayal of Kruddy and this ALP’s shocking recent record, Gillard’s poor fashion choices may have figured as a political weakness. I noted that she especially suffers with the shorter styles.

      Not that she will have short hair at the ceremony, of course. My money’s on some hair extensions to give her some long, flowing locks. And dress-wise, I think she’ll eschew white. (Some of the older voters might think it inappropriate.)

    • EJ says:

      02:30pm | 06/08/10

      Hey Troy?? They’ll be getting married in an episode of “Home & Away!”
      And Alf will be the celebrant. Oh my. I have tears in my eyes from just thinking about it!

    • E says:

      11:46am | 06/08/10

      Ahhh the ALP, turns out voters arent as dumb as you planned…

      Reply

    • Seano says:

      12:28pm | 06/08/10

      21 billion in uncosted promises suggests that Tony doesn’t particularly have a high opinion of the intelligence of voters either.

      My favourite of course is his “paid” maternity leave plan which has not only blown out in cost but now he’s backing away from taxing big business to fund it, as we always knew he would. A conservative of Abbott’s stripe does not tax big business to fund social welfare.

      A conservative of Abbott’s stripe does however pull wild promises out of his…hat, planning on voters to be “dumb”.

    • James says:

      01:03pm | 06/08/10

      Didn’t appear to be such a problem for you last election, Seano…. No one has ever insulted the intelligence of voters like Rudd, Swan and Gillard. Although to be fair, I’m not sure that Swan is smart enough to know he’s insulting anyone’s intelligence.

    • Randal says:

      02:07pm | 06/08/10

      So tell me Seano, how many election promises did Rudd/Gillard break from 2007… Do we really need to list them all again.. surely this process has become tiresome for you as well and I think it’s fair to say that based on that performance, when it comes to honesty in campaigns the ALP lives in low lying swamp lands.

      As for the Coalition, considering it was the Coalition that implemented the Charter in 1998 after the mess they inherited from the ALP in 1996, and growing tired of the many unfunded commitments thrown forth by ALP campaigns there is little chance that they will not submit their policies for costing.

      So just be patient there old boy and all policies will handed to over to treasury, but don’t get your hopes up because they have been fully costed and not even your old mate ‘rubbery numbers’ Henry will be able to find a hole as these are rock solid numbers all funded by cut’s to this government’s constant waste.

    • troy says:

      02:40pm | 06/08/10

      Ohhhh Seano, If there ever was a party that keeps writing cheques that tax payers cant cash, it is your beloved Labor Party or do you just plan to forget the last 3 years and MOVE FORWARD.

    • Ben81 says:

      12:43pm | 06/08/10

      “On Wednesday we saw the return of a player not seen on the political campaign trail for decades: big tobacco. And it became apparent that Tony had been secretly giving them a big cuddle. “
      Garbage.  He doesn’t even support what they’re lobbying for and has said he shares Labor’s views on plain packaging which is what the Tobacco companies are looking at advertising against.

      Reply

    • Richard The Lionheart says:

      12:47pm | 06/08/10

      Thankyou Troy, my sentiments exactly.  Richard has given me no hope for voting labor. Paragraghs later I see no reason for me to march forward together with Richard. He ranted on about the mad monk like a demented puritan without offering me the future under labor. Richard is an awful salesman for Labor.
      Maybe the past wasn’t such a bad time. Yes, I did feel secure and comfortable under Uncle Howard. I think Abbott will do the same.

      Reply

    • troy says:

      01:38pm | 06/08/10

      Ya I with you mate. Howard wasnt so bad, we had tax cuts year after year, we had money in the bank, boats stop coming, our home grown terrorist where locked up, unions where kept under control, interest rates where kept low, the banks only ever increased rates when the reserve increased them, business was good, our economy was the envy of the world and we had the highest living standards in the world and everything ran smoothly. I just wish Costello was still around, but Abbott has done a great job bringing Labor to account for it mess and he deserves his chance.

    • Gough Keating says:

      12:49pm | 06/08/10

      It appears that Labor has only one tactic at this point. Lie and hope everyone buys it. Unfortunately, it worked last time, so there is no reason why they wouldn’t think it would work again, especially given that they’ve been working hard to master it for three years. The most dishonest government in Australia’s history got a chance they didn’t deserve and have stuffed it completely (unless you believe the we saved you from the GFC line - which, as an economist, is laughable at best) and now they need to go. Three years of Labor was three years too many.

      Reply

    • EJ says:

      02:42pm | 06/08/10

      I’m waiting for the dramatic Labor announcement that Abbott has a long criminal record; has a love child to one of his female prison guards; but is actually a hermaphrodite & his other persona is actually Bronwyn Bishop.  The announcer will then look around non-plussed at his/her (yeah I know it’s a bit not witty) ABC bosses to ask “umm! What’s a hermaphrodite? ” Well Labor lovers in “working families” I’m going to “move forward ” on this &  tell you. A hermaphrodite is a half man/half woman. They are able to change their persona whenever they feel like it.  Remind you of anybody??

      Reply

    • MetalRat says:

      05:09pm | 06/08/10

      This article was a massive waste of electrons. It couldn’t even be classed as satirical. Just another reason why labor don’t deserve my vote. I certainly hope the re emergence of Rudd doens’t have the effect that labor are hoping for!

      Reply
 
Comment

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Revealed! The secret text messages of Kev and Julia

by David Penberthy

28

Revealed! The secret text messages of Kev and Julia

JG: hey kev KR: hey kev what JG: I still like u

A sexual harassment suit waiting to happen?

by Anthony Sharwood

16

A sexual harassment suit waiting to happen?

In the wake of the $37 million suit against sacked David Jones boss Mark McInnes, you’d think the…

Friday Fight Club: Did a real or fake leader win week 3?

by The Punch Team

15

Friday Fight Club: Did a real or fake leader win week 3?

We now seem to have four leaders vying for election victory - Real Julia, Unreal Julia, Kevin Rudd and…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: 10 reasons why this election is anything but boring

Ellis Wyatt says:

There is a very simple reason why neither side is offering much in the way of tax cuts. The Government has no cash 'left in the till' and is still racking up debt (the Liberals are asserting this is at the rate of $100 million per day). Gillard's promise to 'get the Budget back to surplus in three years'… [read more]

From: How to murder a chicken and other poultry facts

6c legs says:

best way to dispatch a chook is: place it head to ground in a plactic tube (thats permanately attached to a solid [ish] fence post). hold legs with one hand the other hand has *sharp* axe/hatchet that quickly and painlessly lops off chicken head against the fence post. then the body is left in the… [read more]

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

David Penberthy

penbo 06 Aug 10 06:53PM

@MrDenorris great (or strange) minds mate. Didn't see yours til you sent me the link. Honest!

tory_maguire

_Tors 06 Aug 10 03:30PM

RT @thepunchcomau: Revealed! The secret text messages of Kev and Julia: JG: hey kev KR: hey kev what JG: I still like u http://bit.ly/cvMHot

David Penberthy

penbo 06 Aug 10 03:11PM

Revealed! The secret text messages of kev and julia. my piece on thepunch http://tinyurl.com/24gozes

David Penberthy

penbo 06 Aug 10 01:33PM

Lynx deodorant "Mancation" campaign - a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen? Anthony Sharwood @ thepunch http://tinyurl.com/2dquh99

See all tweets

Light weight

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Did Sarah come between Bristol and her Levi?

Did Sarah come between Bristol and her Levi?

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson have hit the rocks (again) after announcing their second engagement in… Read more

16 comments

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter

Subscribe to The Punch RSS feed