I’ve fooled around with my best friend’s boyfriend

This one is easy, You are doing it to get back at her for “stealing” him as it is in your eyes. Dont try and deny its anything else. That revenge element is giving you all the excitemet you desire. If you want to be her friend, get the hell over it, or dont be her friend. You shouldn’t punish someone over and over for mistakes.

And after reading this, boy am I sick of the phrase “lets call him”

I’d say you have made a real mess of it, either way it now boils down to how far each of you want to take this. Sometimes love knows no bounds, you can’t help your feelings and you make bad decisions. Truth be said, I don’t know either of situations but I gauge both you and James have relationships in real trouble.

I would either try and work on yours or end it, but I think your behaviour is indicative that it’s already over, at least in your eyes. I’d suggest you go your separate ways and try being single for a while and get your head right. If James does the same and you both feel the same then perhaps you can pick up where you left off, but I would not be rushing to make such a decision and take things very slowly, there are also other people to be considered as well, namely both your partners.

Poor William. Poor Samantha.

Shame, shame, shame OP and James!

You’ve made a huge mess and there’s no easy way out of it. I think you need to dump William as quickly and as gently as possible as soon as possible. Don’t tell him that you’re dumping him because you’ve been screwing around behind his back.

Once you’ve sorted the William issue, then you need to determine who is more important to you - your “best friend” Samantha or your ex-boyfriend James who you had “problems” with when you were together? Even if you decide that your “best friend” trumps an ex-boyfriend with whom you had a less than perfect relationship, then it’s unlikely that Samantha will continue to be your best friend once you have told her the truth about your ex-boyfriend shagging ways.

So, I would recommend that you and James go for it. You’re a perfect pair of asshats and frankly it looks like the “best case scenario” out of this mess is that William and Samantha are free to get on with their lives and that you and James shag for a few months before all those same problems you had when you were together before rear their ugly little heads again and you split up.  After that you’ll be left with no boyfriend and no best friend (but you kind of deserve that, so hakuna matata).

As an aside, you almost seem to be justifying your conduct because Samantha “swooped in” and stole James from you AFTER you broke up with James. Dating a friend’s ex-boyfriend isn’t the best decision, but screwing a friend’s current boyfriend is a million times worse. Besides two wrongs don’t make a right and all that jazz and you’re still an asshat.

Good luck to William and Samantha!

Easy one....4some time

Grow the F*Ck Up

Is it bogan day today?  After the appalling spelling and grammar of the first letter (’how can I get them letters back’ - I don’t know - break into his caravan while he is at the pub watching the ‘footy’.......whatever) to this nonsense.

1. on some level, you are still angry about her taking this guy from you, so now you have given her one back.  Classy.
2. you are having problems with your current boyfriend so anyone who shows you a little kindness will seem better, and easier than dealing with your problems. 

Conclusion: you are a vengeful cow. Walk away now before you make a bigger arse of yourself.

As an aside, can anyone explain to me why I am single, and slappers like this woman (if it is in fact, a woman - its hard to tell from Bossy’s answer!) can have lots of them?  Unless these guys are all losers as well..........

You seem to be the common denominator in all the problems with your relationships. Leave William and move to another country away from Samantha and James. You seem way to immature for a meaningful relationship.

This one is easy, invite Samantha around to your place when william is home and let them go for it.  Just do the partner swapsies thing until you destroy both relationships.

There’s an old saying about having one’s cake that comes to mind.

This so easy swap partners. Samantha can go with Willie and you can go with James. Problem solved.

I can’t even enjoy this one as my dietitian has me on a low-fructose diet.

You, lady, are a dirty stop-out.

So, James and you didn’t work out. Afterward he hooked up with Sam despite the fact it hurt you because you were friends. Now he has “gotten hot and heavy” with you even though you both have partners and your still friends with Sam despite everything that happened. I don’t think James gives a toss about you, Samantha or your bf. He is just going back and forth between Sam and you depending on whatever is the easier option at the time.

Bossy is right - leave them alone to sort out their relationship and go and concentrate on what is left of your own. Nothing good can come from continuing this or even discussing it.

OP, please don’t kid yourself that “deep down” you love your partner, or anybody for that matter. This situation isn’t love, your best friend showed you no love when she swooped in on James, you show no love to your boyfriend, or James, or your so-called “best friend”.

Love is about caring for people, not whatever it is that you are doing, so stop trying to make excuses for yourself, there just aren’t any.

This is exactly why the wife from earlier in the week didn’t want her husband hanging out with his female friend.

So Samantha is cool enough to not mind her boyfriend hanging out with another girl and you ruin it by starting an affair. Because that’s what happened - emotionally and physically.

You say you know this is wrong, but do you really? Or are you trying to justify it in your mind by telling yourself that you’re both having problems with your partners and it was just ‘fooling around’ (with a happy ending by the sounds of it?)

Well its not surprising that you’re having problems since the emotional investment you’re making in each other will certainly be affecting your relationships.

What to do? Stop seeing him, stop talking to him on the phone. See your friend Samantha alone for a while - meet at cafes and shops not home. There is no magic button that can let you continue having fun with James while maintaining your integrity and other relationships. At least not until your lusts have cooled.

Boring.  Cmon Bossy, surely there’s something a little more spicy in your inbox for a Fruitcake Friday?

I suspect you’re not going to like Bossy’s advice. Or rather, you know she’s right but you won’t follow it. Why? Because all your good intentions and moral certainty will evaporate the next time you go over to James’s to “borrow some brown sugar.”

For you it’s a case of you thinking the grass is greener.

Only it’s not greener.

It’s the same f*cking grass, it’s all your grass. It’s just your state of mind that tricks you to think that somehow x is better than y.

James is fulfilling all your needs for escapism. You don’t have to deal with the actual problem (being yourself) when you’re with James, because he is the embodiment of your rose-coloured-nostalgic ego.

You don’t acknowledge any of the problems you had. You don’t acknowledge any of the problems you have.

You probably talk about how everyone else is f*cked and noone understands you. How you’re perfect for each other.

When all he wants is a root, and all you want is someone to ignite your passion and tell you that nothing is yoru fault.

You don’t care about your friend.

You don’t care about your partner.

You don’t care about James.

You just care about yourself.

Turn all of the above around and you might find a solution.

However, I don’t really see you agreeing with me, or doing anything about it.

I see you repeating the same problem endlessly.

20 years away, you’ll be married, maybe with kids, and still cheating. Blaming your affair on your husband because he doesn’t make you feel the way you want to feel.

When it is you all along.

Empty, and an idiot.

I call trollop!

Hmm everyone seems to be making OP sound bad.. But reality is her “so-called” best friend stole James from her to start with.
My Question here is.. How can you still be best friends with someone like that? I mean if she was a true best friend would she have gone for him after you clearly dated him a while?
I dont agree with what you and James did, as I feel sorry for your boyfriend. However, your best friend kind of deserves it.
And you and James deserve each other!
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

What a f*cked friend you turned out to be. But that’s ok because your friend is f*cked too. Did you do it because she had him after you? Why would she even go there after you had been with him for a year? I thought this was a line you never cross? How could you still be friends with her after that? This sounds like Melrose Place.

The beauty of this is, in six months time you probably won’t be seeing any of these people. You’ll be screwing up a whole new bunch of friends and relationships.