Saturday, July 10, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Providor to Patient: First Appointment.
I started on the meds and they seemed to work other than keeping me sleepy all day. The next appointment was funny. I had a new doctor, a nurse practitioner who told me that Dr. B**** wouldn't be back. I found out later she was institutionalized for being a nut job...nice. The NP changed my meds making me worse bringing back the nightmares and the anxiety. B may have been crazy but at least she was a doctor.
I begged not to get the NP again so I get a new doc. He was a shrink in Vietnam and was great. He made sure the records said PTSD and talked me through a lot of my issues. I loved the guy. One small issue he was retiring in two weeks.
The next doctor, I hoped, would be better.
Monday, February 01, 2010
From Provider to Patient - I
I was there for about a month when I noticed something. I had eighteen soldiers and about fifteen of them were severe PTSD cases. I began to realize that the complaints they were giving me were exactly like some of the things my wife was telling me about me. Nightmares, irritability, extreme anger, and fear of every unknown sound. There was no way I had PTSD though. I loved Iraq. I relished the combat experience I'd had. The only thing that kept me back was my family. If I was single I would have stayed with my old unit to deploy again and again. I could have skated out of my deployment but managed to bullshit some family care plan paperwork and go.
I had a soldier continuously tell me that I had PTSD. I thought he was joking. By January 2008 I realized that it was time to do something. I went to the clinic that was basically a mental sick-call to see a shrink. The guy that came out looked like a '60s throw-back. He wore a ponytail and dashiki with beads and an earring. He turned out to be a retired warrant officer that just went native. He referred me to the PTSD clinic to get treatment...that is after he told me to "retrain my mind." I was to change what wrist I wore my watch on, flip the guitar when playing Guitar Hero, and write lefty just to practice.
Regardless of what I thought he said I had "it" and was going to see psychiatry in the hospital.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Invisible Pains and Real Injuries.
TBI
Saturday, November 15, 2008
FINALLY.
As some of you know, in 2006 NPR asked me to do a piece for This I Believe. When the compilation book came out my essay was selected for the book. Last night I did my first public reading and got to give out my first autograph. This is the video of my reading.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Iraq Photo Archive
If you served in Iraq and have pictures or video to share go to the link and help out. I want to show America what we see and not what the media shows.
We have seen things the media wont or can't show. Soldiers being soldiers, serving with honor and fighting with valor.
E-mail the site from there and I'll send out submission requirements.
Thanks Brothers.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Another Year of Rememberance, Another Year at War.
Our actions are not their actions. Let America see the mark we carry to let those know who we were when we passed and show them that we are still here and remember those who aren't.
DOG TAGS OUT ON MEMORIAL DAY AND ALL MILITARY HOLIDAYS.
REMEMBER US BUT MORE SO REMEMBER THEM.
SSG Steven H. Bridges, 33, of Tracy, Calif.
SPC Joseph M. Blickenstaff, 23, of Corvallis, Ore.
SPC Christopher J. Rivera Wesley, 26, of Portland, Ore.
SPC Michael M. Merila, 23, of Sierra Vista, Ariz.
PVT Bradli N. Coleman, 19, of Ford City, Pa.
SGT Jacob H. Demand, 29, of Palouse, Wash.
SPC Kenneth M. Cross, 21, of Superior, Wisconsin
PFC Daniel G. Dolan, 19, of Roy, Utah
SGT Lucas T. White, 28, of Moses Lake, Wash.
SPC Justin R. Garcia, 26, of Elmhurst, N.Y.
SSG Hector Leija, 27, of Houston, Texas
SGT Chadrick Domino, 23, of Ennis, Texas
SPC Romel Catalan, 21, of Los Angeles, California
SSG JAKE THOMPSON 26, of North Mankato, Minn
SGT NICK GUMMERSALL 23, of Chubbuck, ID
SPC JUAN ALCANTARA 22, of New York
SPC KAREEM R. KAHN 20, of Manahawkin, N.J.
4,081 and counting...and remembering.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
What Children Have Known or (Insert Whitney Houston Song Lyrics Here)
Every few months my son will come home from school hearing about how another one of his friends lost a parent. Just this past Friday was the latest.
Soldiers know the price they personally have to pay. What we have always regretted about our job is not the act but the people we leave behind, alone. I have seen children of friends at memorial services stoically sitting as the tears choke them. Many times have the flags at schools flown at half-staff for a fallen Mom or Dad. Many times have friends of my children moved on as they emptied their house on post to return to a hometown that will always miss something and always carry a reminder of someone lost.
War and children are nothing new nor will their perverse marriage ever end as long as Daddies are needed to fight an enemy legitimate or not. To think that we will ever end what children know of war is to dream. They know and accept the reality better than most adults; maybe, just maybe they will be the ones whose children have fewer friends that have to move because of an irrevocable loss.
Remember that we were once the children and now the men who fight. Teach the children strength to fight the cruelty of this world we manifest from within as to ensure that it never evolve into the next war.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Finally Starting to Fix What is Broken.
I have, for years, told soldiers that if you know how something works you'll know how to fix it. The Army Center for Enhanced Performance came to the Warrior Transition Unit to give a class for the Cadre. ACEP, to anyone inclined to think so, would find it to be some touchy feely California fluff. When the hard numbers came out though, even accupuncture was, for lack of a better word, bunked.
For years soldiers and their psychology have been removed to the "stop being a pussy" shelf while families and children suffered for it. The culture of Alpha males is being reworked as we come to accept that we are all wired differently. Training is easy, believe it or not killing is easy, killing with purpose is even easier. Dealing with the residue is hard.
I and every member of the Armed Services live 9/11 and Iraq every day. Every appointment, class, manual, briefing, and range is not for readiness its preparedness. You will go, have gone, or are preparing to go again.
A man can take so much. Camels backs seem to be the number one injured body part in todays army.
ACEP using imaging, goal setting, relaxation techniques, and attention control backed by hard research numbers and used in conjunction with more traditional therapies have given soldiers like me avenues we would have poo poo'd in the past.
Books like On Combat and On Killing have brought the reality of psychological combat trauma to the eyes of the brass up top. This non new age approach to psychology and its reality is akin to the acceptance of chiropractic therapy without that lifeforce nonsense tacked on.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
How Long Will It Last or This Is/Is This the End.
Six years and seven months later the car flags have torn and been discarded, you moved and just haven't gotten around to putting up the flag again, and everyone is sick of the war. Even the fervent right and their attempt to demonize Obama for not wearing a flag pin had that exorcised quickly.
This is not a pro-flag/anti-flag rant. It is about our short memory.
Remember when the Vietnam vets were finally getting some respect in the 80s. By 1990 they were being seen as a throwback to the Cold War. By 1995 Somalia and Desert Storm vets were being forced out of an ever-shrinking military that was finding any way to get rid of them.
My question to you now is how long will it last. Right now every company gives boo-boo band-aid gifts of sneakers and boxes of Lunchables while soldiers still have serious medical and financial issues from deploying. Ten years from now what will we be giving. Will the USO have the money to have something as simple as a sandwich for the soldier returning from Korea. Will the free goodies be all they are given so the givers can walk away (3:10 to Yuma reference) or will the schooling, VA benefits, retirement monies, and public sympathy be gone followed by a "What more do you want" attitude.
Remember this in 2012 when this war is, hopefully, over and the PTSD, injuries, and need for benefits catch up to us in spades.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Why Are These Guys Still Around or Liars and Tyrants, and Bears.
WHAT MADE SADDAM WORSE.
Wal Mart whores us out to Chinese Communists while Blackhawk makes tactical gear for guys who fought in the country where their gear is made now...Vietnam.
Africa bleeds and Africans lose arms and lives while we "go to Jared."
Pakistan helped make Bin Laden while hoping to make India glow in the dark. India has made an entire class of "untouchables" to touch sewage and corpses while they outsource the outsourced.
We trade with theocrats and fanatics, war with same, make them richer, and wave off the attacks because Mexicans are a danger to security.
We buy from companies that sent our father's and grandfather's jobs away while we still buy their crap products made by untrained and uncaring workers.
We are better than this. Theodore Roosevelt once said he would drive every colonial power out of this hemisphere by bayonet point. That's who we are. The people who would starve before whoring ourselves out to be comfortable. The people who would die rather than give in to a nicety from our captor.
Let's be the America, again, that makes those poor and oppressed in those countries listed above look at us as an example. We're still that America, we have it in our blood and we must let it out.
Vet's, let's be the ones to start it. Let's show the rest of America why we did it. Not for Bush, not for Iraq, but for America.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
A Real G.I. Bill or Me Want To Learn To Be More Smarter.
A NATION OF EDUCATED VETERANS.
The WWII G.I. Bill gave you 100% tuition. No paying for books, lab fees. boarding. nothing. We produced thousands upon thousands of educated men who also had a wartime experience to temper their thoughts and give them experience. In 1047 over 49% of college students were vets.
The 50s were filled with prosperity and innovation due, in large part, to the education of those who gave a part of their lives so we could have all of ours.
Today I work with veterans, like myself, who talk of leaving our home states because they have little to no education benefits. We pay for books on minimum wage jobs. We try to go to school on active duty while our units go to the field and war because it is free while you're in. Many fail and give up trying. We give a huge piece of ourselves to this country and its people while the fanatics on both sides look at us with the "what more do you want" face. Our jobs, founded by WWII vets, are finding their way to India and China as we vote our economic interests away because we think "he kicks ass."
America wake up. Give us a least a piece of what we gave you. We will build jobs, factories, homes, and lives. We will do what vets in the past did and build us up to what we fought for. Vote for the half million of us who lost something in this war and you will gain from us. We did it so you wouldn't have to. That would be the best way to thank us.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Forced Patriotism, American Flags, Cuba, Texas, and The Confederacy or Alright, We Get it "Go America."
America is a great country, we evolve and change as needed. Sometimes we don't. I couldn't give him the benefit of the doubt so I figured he, as most over-patriots, wasn't a combat vet. Did he want some form of health care, did he do the Christian thing and help the homeless and the coloreds of his town. Did he hate Mexicans and brown immigrants. When was the last time he actually did something for his state, community, or people. I figured the Toby Keith CD he bought last week helped stimulate the economy.
Was he the kind who said that the Founding Fathers would be appalled at the America they would see today. Did he teach evolution or Invisible Manism to his kids. Did his donations to charity equal what he spent in the gas tank of his truck. Did he even realize his truck was one of the reasons we pay what we pay for gas. Did he hate the queers and the liberals. How many times did he rejoice in the death of someone who he didn't agree with. He may not be in the Minutemen but he likes that "They're keeping them out."
As his truck thundered onto the highway and he passed me with a douchbag frat boy smirk about him I remembered that I have to accept him too. Even if he is a drain and not a benefit.
As for the combat vet part, if you have given nothing directly back to your country by either serving the Government, community, charity, schools, cops, firemen, or anything else civil service related you haven't learned what it is to appreciate what it means to earn the right to be able to fly that flag.
Labels: Civil Service, Combat Vet's, Flag, Gas Prices, Over-Patriots, Texas
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Ya Got Me!
Many of you wrote, some madder than hell about it. Some of you seemed to be glad. Either way I had a response I would have never expected. I want to thank you all for taking the time to show me you actually read and have an interest in what one soldier has to say.
So lock up your daughters and come back in a few days for more.
The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long but better than not burning at all.
Friday, November 09, 2007
I QUIT!
If anyone cares to hear more go to the media whores and glory-hounds of the new bloggers. The ones e-mailing me about book deals and movie rights.
If you can all give me a reason to continue to be abused by the wanna-bes and the Johnny-Come-Lately's, I will.
Goodbye.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let The Head Bugs Bite.
In the back half of last month First Battalion Twenty-Third Infantry Regiment of the Third Brigade Second Infantry Division, the Army's First Stryker Brigade, came home from their second tour in Iraq. As the first time weary from mission, raids, salvation of other units at the behest of higher command, and innumerable survived attacks, they came home.
Three and a half months longer than the last and at least twice as stressful, they came home to their families, friends, and for some their empty rooms and full bottles.
I have heard from some, I wish to hear from more, but knowing they're home makes my bed warmer, and makes the chemicals that lull me less necessary. I'll need them again soon. But for now they are content with just being here and I'll share it with them 2,000 miles away.
When they need to close the gate to the flume that jostles them in their sleep the same names will come to their minds. Let's hope that we all never NEED any of them.