How disappointing.

I may have been talked into going back to fast food if they were offering boy toys. I had NO idea. Looks like I missed that window of opportunity.

Unforgiveable.

Saw someone wearing a pair of these in public recently and thought "I must come out of my blogging semi-retirement to report on, and condemn this right away."

What the fuck is going on here?

I want the inventor of these to suffer. There can be no forgiveness.

Jesus.

That is all.

Wafting in the rarified air of shut the fuck up

Oh, fuck it. I'm not updating, let's face it. I'm on vacation. This great picture is going to waste on a 'fuck you' post. See if I care.

Stand back, I'm REGENERATING.

Utterly sick and tired of the 15 or so pounds extra that I've been carrying around since goddamn puberty. So within the last month, I started a diet and exercise routine that would make that Gillian McKeith cream her size zero keks. Now I've pretty much always had something of an exercise routine, and a (sort of) reasonable diet, but that's only been enough to maintain a generally healthy, but somewhat rounded, not to say flabby, figure- with attendant fluctuations, mood swings, inconsistencies, what have you. Enough is e-fucking-nough, though.

Seriously - up at the crack of freakin' dawn every day for an hour on the elliptical, plus weights, and other toning exercises and sweaty junk, a diet of only fresh fruits, vegetables (mostly raw), hummus for protein, zero caffeine, zero processed food, and so little booze that SPOUSE thinks I've been abducted and replaced by a teetotaling alien.

It's weird when you feel your body changing. But it's nice, too. Here are some changes I noticed even before the scale started to register a difference:

1. Better digestion, i.e., no stomach pain, no grumblings, bubblings, sqeakings, reflux, etc. Has to be mainly the lack of coffee that caused that, though I also suspect lack of wheat products is a contributing factor. (Shall I go all the way and say healthier poos? Ooops, already did. Deal with it. No, McKeith, you can't come and look. You loony.)

2. It is, for the first time in my life, EASY to go to sleep at night, EASY to stay asleep through the night, and EASY to get the carcass out of bed in the morning (at a most ungodly hour) for the workouts. This has mostly to do with the exercising, I think, though the lack of caffeine can't be discounted.

3. People are noticing. Even before the scale said I'd lost an ounce, people were mentioning it. At first it was a little annoying, having to hear "well, you're building muscle, which weighs more than fat" at every turn, when all I wanted to see was something I could actually quantify as progress. But hell, what was I whinging about? People said I was getting thinner, so I should just grin, thank them, and carry on with the smugness.

4. My skin is smoother, clearer, and more resilient than it has been in years. Nary a zit to mar the lovely freckled paleness. That has to do with the lack of processed foods. I think high fructose corn syrup is a zit maker. Don't bother arguing with me on this. I know full well I have no data to back this up, but this isn't a science blog, it's just an intuition. Nyah.



Maybe I'll be able to keep the routine up even when the days shorten and the sun is no longer up at 5AM, but we'll have to see. This rabbit doesn't get up in the dark. I predict once the sunrise is later and the weather is colder, I'll be back at the mac & cheese, and into Dunkin' Donuts like a crack whore to her dealer, but from a lighter, more toned, cleaner starting point. Then maybe next spring, if and when a dress shopping event comes up I won't find myself in tears. Again.

Just so you know.

If you are one of those people who walk up to unsmiling strangers in the street and say "SMILE," you should know the rest of us think you are a tit.

Furthermore, we only smile because we are afraid if we don't, you'll follow us.

Us against the world, lads.

Some of the people I work for/with need a fucking glassing. Come to think of it, so does 2010, as a whole.

Here is some joy, though, just because it's Friday. FMC will especially enjoy the lovely big ginger and his mad dancing skillz.

I'm going local for a few dozen drinks, some seaweed and cucumber salad and some crab rangoons when I get out of here. If my head doesn't explode first. What bar will YOU be in at 5:05?

Divven't push it, Petal.

Gratified at news reports that the idiot Palin's visit to Boston drew a much smaller number than the 10,000 teabagging morons they smugly expected. I'm glad to note that her tawdry bits of bombast don't go over as well here as in other places.

That bitch be unstable.