Dear Bossy: I have a dilemma.  I have been good friends with this girl for nearly 10 years.  She has always been quite the recreational drug user and about 3 years ago it got so bad that she failed university because she was taking drugs too much.  She got through her problems with it then and ended up going back to uni (and recently graduated) but continued to be a recreational user.  By recreational I mean using every weekend.  And the drug I’m referring to is ice. 

I have never been into this type of lifestyle because I have seen what problems drug use causes - it has affected my family on a very deep level and I was extremely hurt by it at a very young age.  For this reason I dont think of any type of drug user very highly.  Through all of this I have remained her friend.  Let me tell you also this girl is really self centred and has to be the centre of attention in every situation.  She is really quite annoying but Ive put up with it coz I dont have many girl friends - yes sad I know and in hindsight perhaps not the best thing to have done.

Fast forward and I asked her to be a bridesmaid at my wedding.  She was a great bridesmaid and put up with all my crap during the planning stage and we grew alot closer over this period.  During the planning stage we were seeing each other at least once a week.  Now the wedding has come and gone and we barely see eachother anymore.  It seems like because there is no wedding there isnt as much need to catch up anymore which saddens me a little (but not too much, like i said she kinda gives me the shits with the way she acts).

Recently, I found out i was pregnant and ofcourse was over the moon.  I called her as soon as I found out and her response was “well that was quick”.  No congratulations, no happiness of any sort came out of her.  This upset me as my other friends were so happy and their responses showed this.  For starters, the first thing they said was not “well that was quick”.  I think that comment was extremely rude.  So she came to visit me and i was really excited to talk to her about the pregnancy, as any girl is with their first pregnancy.

But she was too wrapped up in herself and just talked non stop about herself on for a good hour.  I would try to talk about something and she wouldnt listen to me she would cut me off and start talking about herself again.  I actually said a couple of times “your not even listening to me” to which she would stop for a few seconds but revert to being me, me, me talk constantly.  Now Im not wanting to talk about myself for an hour at all but it would have been nice to talk to her about my pregnancy.  I would have thought she would want to talk about it with me. Then she told me that she had been using again.  I asked her how long she has been using and she said she’d been on it every weekend for the past 3 months!! I was shocked, I asked when was the last time you did it to which she replied “last night”.

I was not until after she had left that it became obvious to me that she was high at the time and that is the reason she just wanted to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk.  And thats the reason she wouldnt listen to me when I responded to her or tried to change the subject.  Now I’m not sure if you or your readers a familiar what it is like to be around someone who is off their face on ice.  Let me tell you that these people do not shut the f*ck up.  Nor do they listen to you when you talk.  It is the most irritating experience to be trying to communicate with someone that is under the influence of this dirty drug.

Ok so I dont let that bother me too much and I invite her to celebrate ia couple of events with which we planned a night out with family & a couple of other close friends.  We went out for a family dinner followed by a couple of hours at the casino.  Only 2 other friends were invited, it was just us and our parents and a couple of uncles & aunties.  I dont know why i invited her, but I did and she said she would come so I couldnt back out of it.  She arrived at our house at 4pm and my husband and I could both tell that she was high within 5 minutes of her arriving.  From the minute the arrived she would not SHUT UP!!!  The whole car ride to the restaurant (about 30minutes) she wouldnt SHUT UP!! She used this time to tell us what she planned on doing with her money in the future and that she wanted to buy houses and blah blah repeated herself 3 times.  We arrived and were waiting out the front of the restaurant and she was still going on about money. 

My husband having just finished an apprenticeship and me working an average office job, money is not something we have alot of and not something I like to discuss.  I dont like people with more money than us flaunting it.  Its not hard to have more money than us, trust me, but please dont go on about it - I find it so rude and condescending.  After 45minutes of it I’d had enough, I ended up having to say to her “can we please stop talking about money”.  The family arrives and we go inside to eat.  I sit her in between me and my father, and across from my Aunty & 12 year old cousin.  She proceeds to talk the ears off of all 4 of us.  We couldnt get a word in.  She would not shut up.  We order and the food arrives.  She orders pasta and has about 5 mouthfuls and says she is full.  We are all eating and she is still talking not shutting up the whole time.  I could tell my Dad & Aunty werent pleased because we dont see eachother very often and they wanted to catch up with me, not hear about my friends life.

Anyway we get to the casino and the talking continues.  Im 16 weeks pregnant at this stage and am taking it easy walking around the casino quite slowly because I was getting tired and she’s constantly walking off in front of me like she is in a hurry!!  I had to say at least 4 times for her to wait up for me, it was so rude!  We leave the casino at 11pm and at that stage my husband & I are exhausted and the last thing on our minds is to spark up a new conversation on the way home.  But not my friend, she proceeds to tell us a story about her bosses daughter that lasted the whole ride home.  We couldnt arrive at her house to drop her off fast enough!!

A few days later my husband is talking to an old friend we dont see anymore and his friend tells him that she was at his house smoking ice pipes during the day that we had our celebration dinner!  Thats when the lightbulb turned on and I realised that lying cow was high at our dinner and in front of our family.  Thats why she wouldnt shut up for 6 hours straight.  Thats why she barely ate a 3rd of her dinner.  I was so shocked and felt extremely betrayed by her behaviour.  She said previosuly she was with her mum that day.  Well that was a total lie in the end, she was not with her mum at all, she was off getting high!!!  A week later we bumped into another really old friend we hadnt seen in ages who says that her and the other friend were at his house that day and she was hassling the other friend out to leave coz she had to go out!  Yeh she had to go out with us!!

So I havent contacted her because I am really gutted at the fact that she thinks its acceptable to get high in front of not only me but my whole family.  She texted me a few days ago and I replied that I dont want to catch up with her cause she has the nerve to get high for our family celebration and that Im totally embarrassed that she was there as my friend.  I said I know where she was that day and what she was doing and that she is a liar and that Im not interested in hanging out with drug users.  Her reply was a lie, she said she only stopped in at the other friends house just to pick up a hairdryer (then how did she end up at the other guys house which is 90 mins away) and that she hadnt touched any drugs since.  I dont beleive that at all.  She said sorry and that I shouldnt end our friendship over this but Im over her totally.  Im starting a new chapter in my life and dont want these type of people around me anymore.  I want to have normal friends who don’t need to get high to have a good time.  I just dont understand what type of sick person thinks its ok to go over her pregnant friends house while off her face on ice???

My question is should I forgive her or should I just move on?  It saddens me that when I look at my wedding photos she is in them but I dont know if I can trust a word she says anymore either.  Everything seems to be one big lie and Im over it.  She has also broken my trust and told another friend things that I asked her not too.  It just seems that her drug abuse has been going on for so long now I seriously dont think its ever gonna end or that she’s ever gonna grow up.

Sounds like ive already made up my mind to write her off but I would love to hear what you and your readers think.

Sorry its so long
Preggers & Pissed Off

Continue reading 'What sort of person visits their pregnant friend high on ice?'

Dear Bossy: I accidentally found some text messages in my husband mobile phone between his first ex-wife and him.  I was shocked by the contents. They call each other Darling, Sweeties, love you...etc. My husband sent her text last year on Valentine’s Day: Happy Valentine’s Day darling i love u. As his wife, I didn’t recieve such text message.

They didn’t contact each other some 30 years since divorced until I found out that he has two daughters after we got married (he never told me about these two daughters). I thougth I was doing the right thing to put them back together so he can enjoy the times with his daughters and grandchildren, I didn’t expect that he and his ex-wife would being doing this in my back.

To me, it is absolutely inappropriate to call somebody else’s husband Darling, love you, behind the wife, and I believe her husband doesn’t know what she’s been doing.  In this circumstance, are they cheating??

Continue reading 'I found these texts - is he cheating?'

Dear Bossy: My parents have dragged out a divorce for many years - 12 or more of their 37 year marriage. My Dad worked away from home, and just made the trips longer for many years, they eventually separated (informally) and only in the last couple of years have they started to say ‘separated’ when asked. Neither has handled it very well and both seem very disappointed with the outcome, although neither wants to be together.

My mother decided it was best to formalise things and asked for a divorce, it was all very amicable and Dad signed off without much fuss. The documents have gone to court, and all seemed OK. The divorce was due to become final this month.

My Dad came to visit the day before the divorce was through and had a packet of photos with him. He casually passed them over and said… New Wife. The photos were of a pretty young asian woman who I had not seen or heard of before.

I asked was it a family friend etc, not taking him seriously for a moment. He repeated, no.. it was his new wife. They would be engaged next week and people said he should tell me. I was in shock and disbelief. Neither parent has ever indicated that they would remarry, and whilst they might, and we would be pleased for them if they did find someone new, this was completely out of the blue.

To be frank, this woman is a ‘mail order bride’ who is has been imported on a holiday visa. I am horrified to think that my father would treat another person in this way. I genuinely feel for these young women who hope for a better life and pay a high price for it. To think that my father would be a part of this appauls me. I began to cry and could barely speak. He yelled and said if I wasn’t happy for him I get stuffed and he was done with me.

More tears, and few words followed as I attempted to understand what he was saying. He got up and walked out. We haven’t heard from him since.

He decided many years ago to have nothing to do with my sister and has never met her children etc. There was no falling out or argument so to speak, they just didn’t see eye to eye and he wrote her off rather randomly. He has no home, and stays with friends and goes from job to job, many of which provide his accommodation out west. He has financial issues and health issues. We have always been close and have always cared deeply for each other even though I realise there is little I can do to help his situations. I am married and live a nice middle class life, which he struggles to accept but we find common ground. He sees my son, and comes and goes from our life fairly randomly.

I have told my mother, of his intentions to marry this woman, and helped her through her shock and pain. Dad has yet to call again, and we wonder if we will see him again. I have no idea what to do. Do I call him? Leave him be? I do not know how to accept this new situation as my first instinct is to save this poor girl not congratulate them. We have concerns about him having children with her etc.

None of this was expected and his randomness we have found a balance with, but I do not know what to do next.

I hope your readers can help.

Continue reading 'What do I do about dad’s mail-order bride?'

Dear Bossy: My husband of 16 years recently met up with a woman that he had an affair with over 20 years ago when he was married to his previous wife.

Apparently the old spark is still there and they are in love, he says he has never loved me, maybe as afriend but that’s all.We have a young daughter, and I asked him why he wanted a child with me if he didn’t love me, and he said because he doesn’t believe in abortion.

This woman lives in another state and is currently breaking up with her husband, so is not readily available. My husband wants us to live together as usual until our daughter has finished schooling (for her sake, he says) The thing is, after all the nasty stuff he has said to me, I just can’t even bear to look at him, never mind live with him for the next 7 years.I still love him and always have, but cannot go back now after all the things he has said.Help!

Continue reading 'After 16 years my husband says he never loved me at all. What should I do?'

Dear Bossy: I have knowledge that my friend’s husband had an affair that lasted over ten years with another friend of the couple. The woman he had the affair with told me about it via email and in personal conversations.

I think at the time she was trying to get me to be her friend but to be honest, she’s not a very nice person so I backed away from her. The affair lasted all of those years and I suspect is still ongoing although now they live in different cities and probably rarely see each other.

My dilemma is that I have this knowledge, have these emails, and am carrying the guilt of not telling my friend about her cheating husband.  What should I do?  If it were me, I’d want to know.  I feel that I’m being disrespectful to my friend by not treating her like an adult and withholding this information.  I am at the point where I avoid her and her cheater husband whereas we used to be on very good terms.

What is your advice?

Continue reading 'Should I tell my friend about her husband’s affair?'

Yes it’s that time again. Holidays. Summer holidays. Nothing better. I am going to the beach to do not much more than swim, read, eat and drink. I’ll be back on Jan 26th.
Have a great January.
x Bossy

Dear Bossy: I think my landlords are stealing from me.

I moved into a rental place about three months ago after moving interstate for work. I met the landlord’s briefly before moving in and had a quick tour of the house. The Landlord’s informed me they lived next door and owned various properties around the area. They seemed very personal and friendly so in a rush to move down and start my new job I signed on to a 12 month lease.

On arriving to my new home I discovered that there were many problems with the utilities among other things and constantly tried to contact them by email and phone. I could barely ever get a hold of them and when I did they seemed very agitated and annoyed at the issues I would bring up. If I ever tried to knock on their door I would usually get no answer even though I could tell that they were home.

After all these problems I then discover that every now and then things would go missing! Only small things a first like DVD’s and food which I convinced myself were misplaced or eaten. But after a while even bigger things went missing like a gold bracelet I never wore and kept on my dresser! I decided after that there had to be more to it. I checked all around the house and even called the police who then proceeded to tell me that there was no physical damage to any of the possible entries to the house and asked if I had given a set of key’s to anyone else. I told them I hadn’t and they suggested I get the locks changed. So I emailed my landlords to ask for permission to do so and as usual heard nothing back.

After this continued to happen I started suspecting them! Since I had moved I had not had a real conversation with them, barely saw them leave the house and found their behaviour very strange. One day I came home from work early and saw the landlord in my backyard! When I asked him what he was doing he said he was just looking at the pluming under the house and quickly took off! My dog that is extremely well behaved and never barks at anyone will viciously bark and growl at the landlady every time she walks past! They scream at their children all day, have 50 or so hen’s and rooster’s running around their backyard they have to feed, not to mention they’re junk hoarders with rubbish and car parts all over their front lawn.

Getting bad vibes from them I decided to scope them out by walking next door to say hi and catch up. When peeking inside their house I saw how disgusting and messy it was and they appeared to be living in well below average conditions! My final decision is they are entering my house while I am at work (explaining the reason my dog barks at them. Knowing them as intruders coming into our house uninvited!)

They seemed so normal and friendly before I moved in and now I find out that they are very strange and secretive and their lifestyle and hesitance to repair the faults in my house lead me to believe they are struggling financially! They are also the only other people who hold a key to my house!

I don’t know what I should do? I can’t just keep letting this go on but I’m worried if I confront them they will make my life miserable as a tenant! I can’t call the police till I have actual proof! And I can’t move as I still have 9months left on the lease and would like to get the $3000 I paid in bond back! Please help me! I don’t feel safe in my own home! And I can’t continue to live in these conditions!

Paranoid and Worried!

Continue reading 'I think my landlords are sneaking into my house to steal my stuff'