dooce
Someone at the doctor's office just pulled a cell phone from between her cleavage. Never before have I wanted a boob job more than I do now.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
I open the glove box and a two-week old bag of chips falls into my lap. Jon says, "Look! It's Happy Birthday chips!" Keeper, that one.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
It's official. Today I turn 35, so I'm out of the demographic that matters most. Does this mean I'm doomed to watch everything on CBS?
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Me: "Leta, why did you give Marlo that huge bowl of water?"
Leta: Because she wanted it.
WEll, DUH.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
I'm sorry, Holland. I'm sick at my stomach at me for you!
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Whenever I root for a team it loses. So I'm not telling you which team I want to win today because your friendship means that much to me.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Coco christened the living room this morning with her holy diarrhea while Marlo blessed the kitchen with a solid angelic turd. We're home!
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Jon says I write better when under duress. If he continues to put his Crocs in the dishwasher, I'm going to write another bestseller.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Leta taught herself how to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the piano. Mozart? No. BUT VERY, VERY CLOSE.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
NBC, you cannot be serious: http://flic.kr/p/8c9668
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
All of HGTV talent just said, "Heather, you are not allowed to tweet about this." Oh, man.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Room service breakfast = $65. Me in my pajamas running across 44th street to a coffee shop = $7.45. Having no dignity wins!
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Busy morning on 44th Street http://flic.kr/p/8aSpj6
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
It's hot and humid and muggy in NYC. Everything weather should be!
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Headed to NYC. Is it warm there? Are there sidewalks free of snow? I packed open-toed sandals, can I wear them? Please?!
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Happy birthday, Lil Donette Butternut! http://bit.ly/b7k7H3
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Join me and RT @maxwellat for the season opener of #designstar in about a half hour. Back in New York!
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
Hi. It's June 12th. 48 degrees outside, and we just turned on the heat. The tears are freezing as they fall down my face.
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
My 65-yr-old mother and 66-yr-old stepfather renovate a kitchen by themselves: http://bit.ly/be1JD1
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)
dooce
One of the most insanely incredible things I've ever watched: http://bit.ly/algpU0 (via @kottke )
by Heather Armstrong (Rank #489)