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Why doesn’t McDonald’s do home delivery?
60 Comments
Evan Maloney
Monday, May 31, 2010 at 12:29amWhen you think about home delivery service in the evening speedy-gourmet food department there are certain cuisines that bounce to brain or pop to mind, like Thai, Vietnamese, Italian and Turkish. If you placed all the pizzas that were home delivered in Australia last year one on top of the other you could make a stack of pizzas three times as high as Michael Jackson’s wrld-wide Thriller album sales stack.
So why is it that the world’s most successful take-away food restaurant (Micky Ds) has never gone down the home delivery route? It’s such an obvious money-maker - just think how many millions of stoners would pick up the phone at 2 am for a free-delivery Big Mac and fries, just as the munchies settle in.
Why don’t McDonald’s do home delivery? The simple answer is that their food is such processed shyte you wouldn’t get it from door-to-door (restaurant to home) tasting or looking like something freshly cooked in that last century in a gas oven.
Honestly. I just walked a Big Mac home in about five minutes for my friend, and it was uneatable by the time he opened it.
And he’s not a fussy eater.
And he was starving!
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Evan Maloney
Evan Maloney is an Australian writer who contributes to the Guardian newspaper and the ABC's Unleashed, as well as splatting daily for news.com.au. Evan's first novel, Tofu Landing, was published in the UK in February 2010. It is already very popular in Japan.
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Been crook all weekend; no Maccas involved. The stuff has a life span of about 3 minutes and reduces your own by, give or take, 5 months. It’s not that I don’t like ‘a bite’ here and there but I never feel good thereafter.
Big Macs totally suck and haven’t had one for eons.
I must admit that cheese burgers and quarter pounders were my stoner cuisine of choice but way back then, they were demolished in the car-park.
Mon 31 May 10 (05:38am)
Mon 31 May 10 (03:54pm)
I hate big macs, they are not big at all, in fact as far as I can tell big mac = hamburger in size and content. Much better to buy a whopper from hungry jacks.
You’re absolutely right Evan but then would stoners really care that the fries morph into the consistency of cardboard and the burgers...gee I can’t think of a description of what they become after only a couple of minutes.
If my memory serves me correctly; when you’ve got the munchies, it doesn’t really matter what it tasts like, as long as you can chew it and get it down your gullet.
I don’t think there are enough stoners to make home delivery of McDonalds viable.
KFC and McDonalds; unless you’re stoned, the anticipation is far greater than the event.
Mon 31 May 10 (07:38am)
Evan, thank you again for bringing to our attention one of the most troubling questions of all time - for me at least.
I have pondered this over and over, and still don’t get it. I don’t entirely agree with your theory on the presentation - however I am strictly a cheeseburger (you know how you take the pickle off and put chips on… so good) and chicken Mcnugget kind of girl, both of which are impossible to make look any better or worse despite the mode of transport taken.
I do remember my early drinking days (aka 18-21) when after getting home from a pretty massive night at 2am, ordering a cab, driving through the drivethrough, and back home to eat my Macca’s in the comfort of bed was a regular occurence. I believe this is normal behaviour for people around that age, and know I was in no way a special case.
Perhaps if we present this argument to McDonalds as a viable business proposition they might reconsider their position?
Back to the presentation however, can anyone really say that pad thai, or butter chicken looks particularly awesome when presented in an oily takeaway container? I do know it always tastes awesome despite this!
Mon 31 May 10 (08:17am)
Well spake, Evan. Cost of transport could be prohibitive too. I really don’t know but I imagine there would be various regulations to be considered from state to state, pertaining to the transport of toxic goods. (Better take me meds, just had a vivid moment, of a delivery driver in a full shiny yellow plastic hazchem suit, hood and all, on the doorstep with a big M on the front.)
Sorry Maccas, but then you should see my angiogram...............
Mon 31 May 10 (08:31am)
Mon 31 May 10 (11:09am)
That’s Gold Jean Bapiste
Mon 31 May 10 (12:22pm)
Gold, Jean Baptiste, pure gold.
I heard 33% of the Mac’s food is actually throw into
rubbish. Apparently they have a policy of not serving the
food prepared if it’s over 45mts of cooking time.
Also I read somewhere mac’s mgmt refuse to give away
the unsold food to orphanage at the end of the day.
Mac’s is a processes junk.
Mon 31 May 10 (08:34am)
Mon 31 May 10 (12:24pm)
Also I read somewhere mac’s mgmt refuse to give away
the unsold food to orphanage at the end of the day.
Well, it’s nice to know they have some civic conscience.
Mon 31 May 10 (03:59pm)
nothing wrong with those policies. the 45 mins policy is a good policy, anything that’s been left longer than that in an environment like that (the heat among others) could go bad very quickly.
As for the orphanage thing, taking into account the time it takes to transport it to the orphanages (not to mention how it would all be packed), nobody would want to eat it when it gets there.
Haha!
I cannot tell you how many times I have had this discussion…
Couldnt they cup up with a way of transporting like they do pizza? How about an ice cream truck like set up where they make it on your doorstep....
Maccas would make SO much money if they delivered… I would get SO fat!!!
Mon 31 May 10 (08:53am)
Mon 31 May 10 (08:19pm)
Totally agree Little Miss Poppit, absolutely 100%. Big Mac’s are the cure for many an ailment, from an acidic champagne tum to the inevitable hangover the following day. Disgustingly delicious.
Back in the olden days in North Queensland, the nearest Maccas was 3 hours drive away. People used to do Macca runs and those left in town would either eat the stuff cold or microwave it. I never understood it.
So why pick on the golden arches? Don’t all the chicken places (sorry, C places for those that can’t use the word chicken) fall into the same category? Could you imagine how much more expensive it would be?
BTW, great to catch up with you and the Splatters! on Saturday.
Cheers
Mon 31 May 10 (09:40am)
Tue 01 Jun 10 (08:48am)
Your story may have put me off maccas for life. I can’t imagine how great it would all taste after a three hour car trip.
actually, in some places they do deliver. I remember seeing the guy in SuperSize Me getting Maccas delivered to his office in NYC, maybe it’s only in America!
Speaking of SuperSize Me, even though the entire move is about how bad Maccas is, I always end up craving Maccas after watching it!
Mon 31 May 10 (09:45am)
Mon 31 May 10 (04:42pm)
I have seen it in Kuala Lumpur. Delivered by guys on scooters dashing through the traffic!
Tue 01 Jun 10 (03:35pm)
They also deliver in Thailand....
Wed 02 Jun 10 (12:37pm)
... and Bali
I always wondered why there wasnt a home delivery for alcohol.
We’re out of beer!
1300BEERME!
There’s nothing to mix this gin with. Should we just drink it straight?
Dial-a-drinkie!
Hell, set up next to a pizza place and cut a deal so your drivers can deliver beer AND pizza!
Mon 31 May 10 (09:49am)
Mon 31 May 10 (11:47am)
OMG best idea EVER!! Please tell me you’re opening one of these sometime soon!
Mon 31 May 10 (01:54pm)
in my home town in tas we had a bottleshop who did deliveries. they would deliver, pizza, chips, alcohol, fizzy drink and cigarettes up until 3am. they have recently been taken over and they no longer do it :(
Mon 31 May 10 (02:08pm)
There used to be a business in Brisbane called “Barman Express” (circa 1995?) that would deliver booze to your door. No idea what happened to them, probably some type of nanny-state licencing issue of the type we are always getting imposed of us.
Anywayz it was awesome - 11pm friday nite if you ran out of beer you could pick up the phone. Obviously it wasn’t cheap but when you’re thirsty…
Mon 31 May 10 (04:32pm)
I imagine it has something to do with responsible service of alcohol laws. There’s no way to judge how drunk a person is or whether they’re 18 over the phone. So what happens when the delivery driver gets to the house and finds out that the person is too pissed or underage? Legally they can’t hand over the alcohol. They would have no choice but to return to the shop with the alcohol and without the money. I can’t imagine any business being very happy sending out a delivery driver unless they have a guaranteed sale.
Mon 31 May 10 (06:13pm)
Cuisine Courier and their ilk have usually home-delivered booze along with the food for me. They even get cigarettes if you ask (and pay the extra stop fee).
Tue 01 Jun 10 (02:42pm)
Home delivered booze. Now THAT is a good idea! Seriously! It might even help to cut down the road toll.
Tue 01 Jun 10 (03:59pm)
It is called a taxi. We always just order a taxi when we run out of drinks for our house parties. Just give the driver $50 + money for drinks etc and then he comes back about 30 minutes later with all our slabs. Even my work uses Taxi’s as couriers sometimes to send stuff across Sydney after 5pm.
Tue 01 Jun 10 (03:59pm)
It is called a taxi. We always just order a taxi when we run out of drinks for our house parties. Just give the driver $50 + money for drinks etc and then he comes back about 30 minutes later with all our slabs. Even my work uses Taxi’s as couriers sometimes to send stuff across Sydney after 5pm.
Wed 02 Jun 10 (09:47am)
Home delivery booze. Had that visiting Switzerland, Fr20 (about $28 delivery charge plus price of goods) to have a bottle of Jack Daniels, Cola and a bottle of schnapps delivered to our hotel by a local bottle shop. Cool!
Thanks Evan,
I agree. While in Singapore and Thailand recently I did notice thay do Home Delivery. Mcdonalds even sells fried chicken in Thailand.
As for the food not making it home. Again, I agree the Big Mac looks like shite after about 10mins, however, we have been conducting an experiment with a cheese burger for the last twelve months. We wanted to see if the burger would biodegrade or stay the same. Well to our surprise after twelve months it still looks as good as it did the day we got it.
Count me in for Macca’s home delivery.
Mon 31 May 10 (09:50am)
Mon 31 May 10 (12:27pm)
to our surprise after twelve months it still looks as good as it did the day we got it.
That’s the point! The stuff is so totally devoid of nutrients that even the bacteria can’t live on it!
Seriously though, you have to worry about the level of chemicals in a food that still looks the same after twelve months.
Mon 31 May 10 (03:05pm)
I’m confused why people bash the golden arches more than any other fast food provider. Whether it be maccas, pizza hut, KFC, etc etc, they all provide minimal nutritional value and are just as bad as each other.
I think people trick themselves into thinking any of that crap is better for them than the next place.
Even the take away places that use ‘real’ ingredients have so much salt, fat and sugars in their food. i.e. thai, chinese, pasta, etc.
The reason why people are willing to eat this way, knowing what it does to your body, escapes me.
More importantly- why wont the Thai place near my house home deliver? Now I want Thai…
Mon 31 May 10 (10:01am)
Mon 31 May 10 (12:29pm)
??
The Thai place 6kms from us home delivers!
I was in Thailand last year, and all the major fast food places (Maccas, KFC, Burger King, etc) do home delivery. I wasn’t game to try it (I was in another country after all, there were slightly more interesting things to try) but I’ve heard they do delivery in quite a few countries?
For my sake, I hope it isn’t something that catches on in Australia. I don’t really think I could handle the knowledge that at 3am, I could just pick up the phone and order maccas home delivered…
Mon 31 May 10 (10:08am)
Hmmm..if maccas home delivered....does my bum look big in this treadmill??
Mon 31 May 10 (10:32am)
They do in Bali! Go figure.
Mon 31 May 10 (10:45am)
i have often wondered this myself…
they deliver in egypt and in times square, NY, but i dont know if they do anywhere else… it sure would be nice if they did it in canberra though!
maybe its because there are so many mcdonalds grouped so closely together that if you can’t be assed to travel the two minutes from your house to the nearest one, then they aren’t going to further enable your apparent obesity/laziness? and if you live in a rural area, you do NOT want it to arrive half an hour after being purchased, coz it’ll be nasty!
Mon 31 May 10 (11:11am)
Your rhetoric has answered your question Evan.
Mon 31 May 10 (11:15am)
I remember visiting my grandfather in Newcastle when I was a kid. His local KFC delivered. I don’t know what the product was like…
A guy I dated for a short while at uni worked at Maccas. I remember asking him about the numbers they used to place at the top of every row of burgers, ready to be sold. They corresponded to the time the burger could stay there. 45 minutes and the cheese turned green! Apparently it was still ok but green cheese puts people off so they’d throw them. Guess they don’t have that issue so much any more now they apparently make the burgers as the orders come in.
One drunken evening in 1997, my friends and I placed one Quarter Pounder and one Hungry Jacks Whopper in the roof of the common room at uni as an experiment. We came back to them six months later. The Whopper was unrecognisable. Mushy black mould. The Quarter Pounder looked the same… just with green cheese.
Mon 31 May 10 (11:19am)
Mon 31 May 10 (12:31pm)
just with green cheese.
Which you really should have removed and consumed with green eggs and ham.
I was in Kuala Lumpur last year and the Maccas there does home delivery. WIN !!!!!
Mon 31 May 10 (11:47am)
Whilst travelling overseas I saw McDonalds delivery motor bikes in Israel.
And the Burgers are huge there, twice the size. Yum! Wonder how they’re not all over weight there
Mon 31 May 10 (12:25pm)
Not only was it a rhetorical question, you also answered it (correctly) yourself.
So, what am I doing here?
None of the answers that spring to mind are pretty.
Mon 31 May 10 (12:34pm)