Asylum | Men's Lifestyle | Humor, weird news, sex tips, fashion, dating, food and gadgets

Jul 2nd 2010 By Asylum Staff

Grandma Gets Tased, Hot Girls Telling Time -- Everything Asylum

Photo of the Week: Clowns vs. Police

Women: Hot Girls Tell You the Time

Weird: Boy Creates Gadget to Climb Walls

Feat of the Week: Grandma Gets Tased ... Need More Be Said?

Exclusively Asylum: 7 Worst Movie Pitches of All Time

StreetLevel: How to Make Chris Brown's Comeback Complete

ComicsAlliance: The 20 Best Superman Panels

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Betty White gives Asylum's Ron Babcock tips on how to score with (much) older women.

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The Suicide Girls strip down to take a test drive of the iPhone 4 camera for Asylum's viewing pleasure.

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While most of us were making wooden cars and Yoda bongs in shop class, Hibiki Kono, a 13-year-old boy, decided to fulfill his dream of becoming Spider-Man. He invented a climbing machine, which uses suction from two Tesco Value vacuum cleaners.

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This group of clowns first entertained, and subsequently annoyed, police to the point of pushing them back nearly two city blocks at Toronto's G-20 Summit protests. Photographer Matthew C. X. Langford was on the scene to capture this moment of rebellious hilarity. Check out how to be Asylum's next photo on 'The Money Shot'.

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Body by Dad: Jennifer was the only baby with Creatine in her formula. Check out the other heart-warming shots on Asylum's Father's Day Edition of Awkward Family Photos.

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Asylum's Jake 'The Jobber' Goodrich falls to his knees after Teo of midget wrestling's 'Half-Pint Brawlers' gives him 'the chop'.

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A construction worker amazingly survives a spin in a cement mixer on a Huangshi building site in eastern China.

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Melburnians dressed as superheroes participate in a Guinness World Record attempt for the most number of people dressed in superhero costume at Federation Square on May 29, 2010 in Melbourne, Australia. The event was organised to mark the 75th anniversary of DC Comics.

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A California black bear appears to be flying out of the trees after it was shot with a tranquilizer dart and suffered no injuries.

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29 skinny dippers participating in a world record attempt at nude snorkeling at Nelly Bay on Magnetic Island.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Jeremy Taylor

Fourth of July Is the Most Dangerous Driving Day of the Year

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Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.

The summertime is the most dangerous season for driving, with the risk of getting into an accident being highest on the Fourth of July.

A recent survey of drivers resulted in 83 percent of respondents answering that winter is the most dangerous season to get behind the wheel. However, the facts don't bare this out. In fact, one in three traffic fatalities occurs during the summer months, with the Fourth of July usually leading the way, in terms of total driving deaths.

"Americans' sense of seasonal driving risk is skewed," Tom Horan of the University of Minnesota's Center for Excellence in Rural Safety (CERS), which conducted the survey, told Live Science. "We are wary of winter driving but let our guard down during summer holidays, when fatalities are most likely to occur."

So, please embrace safety and try to stay off the roads as much as possible this holiday weekend. Might we instead suggest playing with fireworks?

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Brian Fairbanks

Food Sex -- Is It Porn?

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The Portland Mercury has been running a series called Eat & Drink for ages, but we only recently became obsessed with it when photographer Tim Gunther came aboard. The local snapper has been illustrating its food-related posts with snaps of Twizzlers, carrots and tomatoes having sex and giving oral, and everyone from BuzzFeed to Nerve has become addicted to the series.

Gunther stages big-breasted ice cream cones getting it on with tall and lanky bananas with mushroom heads (as in the above) and a bell pepper with bacon arms (or at least that's how it appears) going down on a virginal corn husk with pointy olive boobies and a sexy tomato face, among other creations.

As he says, it's his "use of light and color illuminates and animates his subjects, producing identifiable images that captivate." Correction: It's his use of food groups having hardcore sex that captivates ... and possibly horrifies.

Keep reading to see more raw, naked and sinfully good food in poses created by an obviously disturbed (kidding) person's mind ... and answer the important question: Is it porn?

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Asylum Staff

Nutritionist Keri Glassman Talks Fast Food, Masterclash Can't Handle the Truth

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Although fast food can sometimes be the most delicious stuff on the face of the planet, we all must face the fact that it is just not that healthy for our bodies. Yes, we're talking about you, KFC Double Down.

That's where Keri Glassman comes in. She's a nutritionist, author of "The O2 Diet" and creator of Nutritious Life. She also serves as the voice of reason in the final segment of Masterclash's take on fast food.

Click here to subscribe to Masterclash on iTunes.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Emerald Catron

Beer Thief Arrested ... for the 154th Time

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Paul Baldwin loves beer, just not paying for it.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And if that doesn't work, maybe it's time you realized that your life's dream of becoming a professional beer thief just isn't going to happen, Paul Baldwin.

At least Baldwin, 49, of Portsmouth, Maine, is learning to think big after his 152nd arrest led him to serve a year in jail for swiping a $1.99 can of beer. When he got arrested on Monday, it wasn't for one measly deuce-deuce of Coors -- he was caught on camera stealing two 18-packs and a 12-pack from a convenience store.

How big do your pants have to be to stuff that much beer down them? Or at that point do you just walk out the door carrying the beer like it's your business?

There's only one thing we can think of that would calm our nerves enough to pull off a heist like that: six or seven stolen beers coursing through our system. It's a vicious cycle, friends. A vicious cycle.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Tom Cullen

Portrait of a Bearded Man Created Using iPad

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Geekgasm! How perfect does this portrait look. Hand painted? Yes. With a paint brush? No. It's all done on iPad's Brushes application by New York artist David Kassan -- using his fingers.

An epic, three-hour paint session has been condensed into a seven-minute YouTube clip, which captures the extraordinary process. A recent tweet by British actor Stephen Fry helped the video to over 300,000 views.

Kassan sites the "sheer conceptual and executed realism" of Caravaggio as one of his influences. We're pretty confident Caravaggio didn't have this app.

Keep reading to see the video, then head here for more examples of his work.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Tommy Christopher

One Reporter Is Driven to Madness by the White House Vending Machines

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One of the great things about being a green-gilled White House reporter is that I can appreciate the awesomeness of the job, while still observing the surreality of the mundane similarities to the cubicle-drone life I left behind barely two years ago. Case in point: the White House press break room. It's a lot like every other break room in America, except maybe a little more cramped. It also has two vending machines.

Recently, in a particularly Dunder Mifflin–esque touch, someone posted an angry note on the snack machine, urging a boycott because they had not only jacked up the prices to $1.25, but had failed to re-label the snacks that had previously been $1. What happened next would become a tragicomic journey into the Heart of Vending Machine Darkness, which would render me unable to think in anything but clichés.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Nick Nadel

Asylum's Betty White T-Shirt Will Make You 'Hot in Cleveland' (and Elsewhere)

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Congratulations to reader Frank Garner, winner of today's weekly giveaway of the official Asylum T-shirt, courtesy of Busted Tees. The tee features Betty White, friend of animals, fire of our loins and light of our life.

And what exactly did Frank do to deserve this swag?

NOTHING (except leave a comment on one of our posts). Each week, we randomly select one commenter to receive a free shirt. This week, we selected Frank. (So there.)

If you want one, all you've got to do is give us a piece of your mind in the comments section of any of our posts. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning.

So, Frank, enjoy your prize! We hope your river of esteem for our favorite -- and now the only surviving -- Golden Girl runs as deep as ours. Fresh off her triumphant turn hosting the Mother's Day episode of "Saturday Night Live," she's now featured on the new TV Land show "Hot in Cleveland."

For more GILF-friendly shirts, check out the selection from our friends at Busted Tees.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Andy Green

Asylum's Guide to Satan on the Web

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Satan has been terrifying and fascinating mankind for centuries, causing wars, famine, disease and stealing souls on the side. But as times have changed, so has the devil. Even the fallen one has had to embrace the digital age.

In fact today's canny Satan-worshipper no longer has to go lurking about in shadow and participating in secretive rituals. Now he can commune with his dark lord from the comfort of his own home.

Feast your eyes on some of the finest corners of the web to get your Satan fix.

1. The Joy of Satan
Out of all the different Satanic websites out there, The Joy of Satan is by far the most helpful. The site comes complete with a place for teens interested in Satan, tons of advanced Satanism tips and they even have an online store!

The Joy of Satan also boasts a step-by-step guide on how to dedicate your soul to the devil and helps answer the tough questions you might have about handing your soul over to Satan such as: "What happens when I make a formal commitment to Satan?", "Can I reverse the ritual at a later date?" and ""I am underage, living in a Christian home and my parents force me to go to church and participate in Christian sacraments. Can I still do the dedication? Will Satan be angry with me?"

Keep reading see other devilish online destinations.

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Jul 2nd 2010 By Asylum Staff