Kate de Brito
Friday, June 25, 2010 at 08:03am
Dear Bossy: I don’t even know where to begin with my problem. It’s been going on for a few months ago. I guess I just should come out and say it.
In January, I bought my girlfriend a puppy. It was a Labradoodle, you may have heard of them, half labrador, half poodle. They are beautiful dogs, but this is where my problem starts. She absolutely adores him. When we got him he was 8 weeks old, and used to yelp if we left him alone, so she used to get him to sleep in the bed with us, and immediately our sex life halted whilst he was in this yelping puppy stage.
Anyways, now that he’s settled in she still will not let him sleep out of our bed. I bought him a top of the line dog basket, lined with this beautiful warm rug, and it cost me 500 bucks, and he has never even stepped paw in it.
I met my girlfriend for coffee the other day in my lunch break, and I asked her not to bring Oscar (that’s his name) along, but she did, and everytime I brought up the subject of us not getting any nookie, he started barking louder then my voice, she got frustrated, and took off with the dog.
I’ve tried to initiate sex in the bedroom, but oscar keeps looking at us, and when I try to get him out of the room he won’t budge. I can’t even get it up if oscar is looking at me, and because of this my girlfriend told me to go see a doctor about my apparent “erectile dysfunction”.
This all came to a head the other night when i was working overtime. I came home about 1 in the morning, both of them were sprawled out in the bed, and when i tried to get in, oscar growled at me, and I ended up sleeping in the brand new dog basket. Wells as you can imagine when my girlfriend awoke the next day, she told me i’m pathetic, and that i should move out.
I’m so frustrated, everytime I paws for reflection over it I start actually getting a tear, I mean i really love this girl.
Sincerely, Mans real best friend.
Bossy says: Never have the words “in the dog house” been more apt.
This hound needs to learn who is boss. At the moment it is certainly not you.
Next time you want to be intimate with your girlfriend pick the dog up and dump it in another part of the house. If he is a biter, wrap your arm in a hoodie first. Close door on dog. Tell your grilfriend you find it disturbing being watched by a dog when you are on the job and he can come back after in afterwards.
Learn to negotiate with your girlfriend and stand up to the dog. If it growls, reprimand it loudly. I expect as soon as you stop acting like a sook and bending over for the dog it will start respecting you and the time you want alone with your girlfriend.
And remember, if you lie down with dogs you will get up with fleas.
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122 Comments
I can’t tell if you’re serious or not but I would suggest looking at Cesar Milan’s techniques. He’s known as The Dog Whisperer and you can Google him. He also has a show on Foxtel (which would be a wise investment given your current circumstances). Once you lay down some ground rules and the dog learns to respect you, your girlfriend’s respect will return too.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:13am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:07am)
you need to kick both the dogs out! show the puppy whos really boss and the partner aswell!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:42am)
Mmm. screw that, 2 options,
1. Beat the dog, re-instate your authority with both dog and woman.
2. Leave and just be gay with another girl of a man.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:56am)
Yes that last line had me thinking there’s the mickey being taken somewhere.. lol.
If this is all true, then you need to let the dog know he’s not the boss. Stare him in the eye until he looks away. Physically pick him up and put him out. If he attacks you, there’s grounds for having him put down (who wants a dog that attacks people?) Growling is often bluffing.
Being a nice guy with a young dog doesn’t work.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:41am)
No help for this one Haggis,
This would have to be one of the most pathetic displays of manhood I have ever seen in my life.
Ok let’s start from the top. Firstly you bent over and received a pounding as soon as you purchased a Labradoodle. It rates in the top 10 most unmanly dogs you can purchase, in my opinion any dog you can style don’t buy. Now what is a Labradoodle made up from? The answer is the friendliest dog (Labrador) and the gayest dog (poodle). This retarded amalgamation of rainbows and oestrogen is currently dominating you so hard you will need a wheel chair to get around.
I mean the dog growled at you and your first response was to sleep on the dog bed…What are you a bitch? The answer to this question is the bitch makes you their bitch…literally.
I seriously don’t think anyone on the forum can give you advice. You are literally the most pathetic person I have ever encountered in my time on this blog, I actually feel sorry for you.
If I had to give advice I’d tell you to just cut them both loose and start again…Just write this one off totally.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:51am)
Is it wrong to say...threesome?
Obviously a fake, paws=pause gives it away - plus how can a grown man fit in a dog bed?
I think this person has been watching too much ‘Wilfred’.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:51am)
1. Dump GF.
2. An Hero
3. Post pics.
4. ????
5. Profit!
(sorry, wrong website. logic is still valid thought.)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:43pm)
Exactly what Haggis said - the Cesar Milan stuff was the first thing that came to mind - he has stuff about how dogs work out their place in the pecking order and how it affects behaviour - and how to change it.
Your dog gets to sleep in the bed with the only female in the house - of course he’s ‘top dog’!
The problem is that apart from retraining the dog… it’s going to be about retraining your girlfriend. She is clearly of the no-discipline-complete-indulgence school of thought, and you’ll have a hard time retraining the dog with her fighting you every step of the way. It may be that you actually need to get the book for her - and sit down and read it with her if necessary.
And maybe be a bit more assertive with both her AND the dog…
Fri 25 Jun 10 (01:23pm)
Clearly this dog thinks that it is above you in the pack. I agree with Haggis, watch Cesar Milan. He has techniques that deal with re-instating your dominance.
You should never beat the dog (this teaches it wrong behaviour...be it cowardance or aggression). If the drog growls at you, grab it by the scruff of the neck, stand over it and growl back deeper and louder (this is a language he will understand) You may even need to look at putting the dog into submission (google this. it is very helpful and everyone should do this with a new dog). This help stake your leadership over them in the pack.
Another easy one is to have the dogs bowel (with his food in it) and hold some crackers in your hand so it looks like they are in the bowel and eat them standing up in front of oscar. When you have finished eating then give him his food (again leadership...alpha eats before lower).
As for your girlfriend...she needs a knock over the head. I have 2 dogs, they join my finance and I on the bed for ‘cuddles’ but they get off when we tell them and they sleep in another room to us. They know their place in our pack. You need to stack your claim for alpha. You need to remember a simple rule, the dog only knows and does what it is taught.
You need to sit down with the girlfriend and have a good talk. Tell her that you love her and want a relantionship back with her. Tell her that like all parents, you guys need ‘mummy and daddy’ time away from oscar (if she is this bad with a dog imagine what it would be like if she had kids!!!)
Also speak to her about oscar sleeping on the bed. Tell her that dogs need pack leaders to be happy, she isn’t helping him by raising him up to alpha status when she lets him sleep on the bed. You need to establish your pack.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, and hope that establishing your alpha status is the beginning of repairing your relationship!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (01:42pm)
If he attacks you’ve got grounds to put him down?!
Can I do that next time a teenager acts out? Or at least smack them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper?
It’s their fault their dog is misbehaving and unless he’s incredibly dangerous, putting the dog down isn’t the answer. Besides, you think the girlfriend will stay with some coward whose solution is to just kill the animal causing him trouble?
That’s psychotic and coming from me, that’s saying something.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (01:43pm)
Or Victoria Stilwell of “It’s Me Or The Dog” on Animal Planet. She has some good tips and she’s tougher than Cesar. She doesn’t tolerate any nonsense.
The dog thinks it’s the master of the house. A HUGE problem when you let woman train a dog. A dog needs to know it is the lowest in the food chain of the house. No this is not being cruel, this is reality.
Discipline the dog, ignore it’s yelping, make it sleep outside. What woman do not understand is that it’s a dog. Nothing more, nothing less. It should not be treated like a human being. Treat it like a dog and it will act like a dog. I would seriously lose my cool if my missus even let my dogs inside let along into the bed then it have the audacity to growl at me. You should have picked it up and thrown it outside and tell your missus to grow up.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:20am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:37am)
Sorry to rain on your parade Danno, but I’m a woman and I own two big dogs (german shepherd and a shepherd X). I trained both of them. They know they don’t eat without permission, they don’t come in the house without permission, they definitely aren’t allowed on furniture etc, as well as all the usual sit, stay etc. There were a few times when they were each around 18mths old when they tried to assert authority - each time they were stared down and MY authority confirmed. So guess what… outside of your mind, women can and do train dogs appropriately.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:59am)
A dog that does this isn’t trained. By anyone. Quit making this a gender issue you tool.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:14am)
skoz - I’m bringing up my second shepherd, and I’ve noticed that people with shepherds tend to take the whole training thing a bit more seriously than those with smaller dogs, cos if we don’t we’re in trouble.
Danno - As to the female thing, on the one hand my trainer brought up his opinion that women are softer on their dogs and all the women in the class agreed that the stereotype was accurate even if it didn’t apply personally to them. These are owners of big dogs. On the other hand our puppy doesn’t try it on with my wife nearly as much as with me. More about the person than the gender.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:44am)
I hate reading crap about how “women can’t do that”. Why do people have to turn it into a gender issue?!
In my family, we’ve had labradors all our lives. And yes, we do allow our dogs a certain amount of freedom. When I was younger, we’d let them sleep on our bed, or sit up on the couch. But only when we let them.
Funnily enough, I find it fairly simple to keep them on a tight reign when necessary. My brother is the one that can’t handle them very well. But that’s got nothing to do with his gender. It’s simply because he refuses to take steps to assert himself around them. As a consequence, he’s treated like one of the “pack”.
In this case, yes, the dog obviously thinks its the master of the house, because its been allowed to think that. If my dogs ever growled at me, there’d be huge consequences. And I’m sorry OP, but your gf sounds like a cow. I love my dogs, but come on! It sounds to me like she’s not that committed to the relationship.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:12pm)
Danno...Inconsistent training is more the issue when training dogs more than gender.
I rule the roost. My dog pees on command....then again, if you lived with me, so would you.
-F-
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:38pm)
What a ridiculous thing to say! I have successfully trained several northern breeds and I have no penis.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:42pm)
Sounds like you’ve got your missus pretty well trained there as well Danno. Does she fetch the paper for you too?
Training dogs is not a matter of whether someone is male or female. There are men and women who are too soft on their animals and others who mistreat them into submission.
You sound like one of those bullies who shouts and snarls at his dogs because he doesn’t know any other way to control something other than fear.There’s a different between terrorising and training.
A clear, firm tone and showing you mean business is usually all that is ever needed with training any animal, that goes for people too.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:45pm)
Pull your head in Danno. This isn’t a gender issue. I am a single woman with two dogs that I have trained from puppies.
Both are not allowed in the house at all (except to sleep in the laundry during winter) and both are well trained, do not jump, bark or growl as I am the pack leader.
Some people (note: not just women Danno) treat their animals like humans and that is where the problems start.
It’s not women Danno, it’s ignorant owners regardless of their gender Danno.
So Danno, don’t be so sexist - do you really have a missus? I suspect not with that attitude. You’re in the doghouse Danno.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:54pm)
women can and do train dogs appropriately.
skoz : Fri 25 Jun
How? by withholding sex.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (01:12pm)
The woman and the dog BOTH think they’re more ‘alpha’ than the OP, and by the way he’s letting them treat him, they’re right! They’ll continue to treat him like that until he steps up and says “this shit stops. NOW.”
He’s trained his girlfriend to treat him with complete contempt, and now she’s trained the dog to do the same. He has to re-train her first. Once she’s in line, the dog will follow suit. Or maybe he should
Before skoz or anyone jumps in saying I’m being sexist - this isn’t a gender issue. It’s a pack animal pecking order issue. Typically (and this is the sexist part but it’s true regardless) human relationships work better when the male takes the lead role.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (01:51pm)
Excuse me but I am a girly girl (not a rough, bogan type in any way, shape or form) and I have pit-bull, rescued from a very abusive situation and I have trained him to be the most loyal, docile and sweetest creature I have ever known. You have to be persistent in training and firm, you absolutely cannot let them control you.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (02:30pm)
The woman knows full well what she’s doing. She is under no misconceptions what so ever!
The dog is her tool, and she’s using it to subvert you. She’s happy to abuse you like this emotionally and take the power it givers her, because that’s what women are like.
Yes that’s right, your woman IS willing to do that to you, so grow up and deal with it.
Actually I hope you don’t grow up. Idiots who think women would never do such things deserve everything they get.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (02:43pm)
I don’t know about that Danno I think the woman has trained the two of them in to fine lap dogs. Now all that has to be sorted is which lap dog is top dog and gets to sleep on the bed.
there comes a point in every puppys life when there booted out of bed. my dog didnt like it and sooked so i rolled over and went back to sleep. he figured out pretty quick where he would now be sleeping dont know if Labradoodles are very smart dogs. As for the growling next time start growling back and then bark as loud as you can and when your girlfriend asks what your doing start barking at her and you will have the whole bed to yourself.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:26am)
Maybe you could go to Dog training classes? Make sure you go together because I am sure that the Dog trainer will tell you and your girlfriend that it is not okay to have your dog, especially one of that size in bed with you. Maybe if your girlfriend hears this from someone else who works with dogs all the time, she may listen.
Also, couldnt you have slept on a lounge ?
Also, if you put your dog outside everynight they will howl for a little bit but they do get over it.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:26am)
Get out now...like right now.
Neither of you deserve a relationship, and personally, neither of you deserve a pet, or a child at any point.
Your behaviour (and hers) is a direct sign of how you work in your relationship and how you will be with kids.
Put your f*cking foot down, if the dog gets in the bed, get him the f*ck out and put him in a separate room.
If he barks, f*ck him. He needs to learn that getting in your bed is bad.
Your girlfriend needs to learn that you are the man.
You need to learn that your girlfriend is an enabling idiot who has no idea what the word spoil actually means.
To spoil something means to ruin it.
So move out, don’t look back, and be glad in the knowledge that the dog will always sleep in her bed.
A friend of mine told a story about a man named Simon, this is what happened on Simon’s wedding night.
He carries her across the threshhold and they begin to get intimate.
Simon says to his new wife, “Angelina, take off your clothes”
She says “ok Simon” and takes off her clothes.
He takes off his pants and puts them to her.
“Angelina, would you put on my pants, it would make me so happy”
“But Simon, they will not fit me, they are too big”
“THAT’S RIGHT, you do not wear the f*cking pants, I wear the f*cking pants, and don’t you ever forget that”
You need to buy some pants, big ones I would suggest.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:27am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:27am)
LOL Well said !!
I’m still laughing
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:11am)
I think there may have been a second part to that story…
Angelina then bends down and picks up her tiny knickers, hands them to Simon and says, “Please put these on for me darling”.
Simon takes them, looks at them and replies, “There is no way I can get into your knickers sweety”.
At which point Angelina replies “And if you keep that f*cking attitude up, you never will!”
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:31am)
simple....buy one newspaper, roll it up, and show it to the dog...problem solved…
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:31am)
You forgot the rest of the story Tybalt…
Angelina then picks up her own pants and throws them back to Simon and says, ‘Hey, how about you try these on then?’
Simon tries to get the pants on but can’t because they’re too small
Eventually he give up and says ‘Honey, I can’t seem to get into these’
‘That’s right!’ said Angelina, ‘And if you don’t change your f*cking attitude you never will!!!’
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:50am)
Curse you wce! <shakes fist in air>
Beat me to it.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:00pm)
Please don’t advocate bestiality on this blog.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:17pm)
“If he barks, f*ck him.” I don’t think that is legal in this state - even if he barks.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:25pm)
Haha, touche!
Although, in the context of the OP, Angelina would say “Here’s my knickers, put them on”
Simon would then say “F*ck that, there’s a f*cking labradoodle in there!”
It aint because her painties are too small, it’s because their already occupied
.
In your own words: “she told me i’m pathetic, and that i should move out”.
I agree with the GF. DTMF! NOW! LEAVE! NOW!
Good luck.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:30am)
Dude, it’s a dog, who cares if the thing is looking at you.
You need to assert your authority over the dog. Puppies yelp and cry when they are alone, you should have never brought it into the bed and just chucked it in the laundry with a hotwater bottle, soft bedding and if you wanted a clock wrapped in a cloth though that isn’t needed.
It’s a little tougher now that it likely weighs 30+kgs, but luckily dogs are adaptable animals and really all they want is a leader and to know their place in the pack. At the moment, you are not the pack leader, and are actually the omega of the pack.
Either you girlfriend or the pup sits on top, and the longer you let it go on the bigger the problem is going to become.
If you guys live together, then you need to assert your authority, this does not mean violence, you can start by restricting the dogs movements through the house, start claiming back your space. If he comes too close whilst you dont want it to move it away. If it is laying on the floor in your way, either step directly over it’s head, or move it.
If you play games with it, make sure you both start and most importantly finish the game. This is a good one actually go out and buy your own toy for the dog, play something like tug of war with it, make sure you win and when you are finished, dont let the dog get hold of the toy, you take it and you put it away somewhere.
Simple.
And at night tell your Girlfriend. “we can not have a xxkg dog sleeping in the bed, it is not healthy, sanitary or wise for the overall relationship” find a room that can be the dogs, like the laundry and close the dog in there at night. Ignore its barks and cries and within 1 - 2 weeks it will start seeing that room as it’s safe place.
I have 2 dogs, and they have a soft piece of bedding they share, wherever I put the bed, is their safe place. If something frightens them I know they will either be near me (I make sure not to pat them and pamper them) or they are on their bed. No matter whether this is at my house, someone elses house or in the middle of a park, they learn to love it.
It also doesnt mean you cant have a loving relationship with your dogs, mine are the best friends I have ever had, i adore them, but I am the top of the pack in their eyes, my wife is next and they fit in underneath us. Never hit your dogs and most of all go get some trainign it will be the best money you can spend for both you and the dog
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:36am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (12:01pm)
No, the GIRLFRIEND needs to take control over the situation because she’s obviously the boss in her dogs eyes. She needs to get a grip and sort her priorities. If not, he needs to leave.
Or you could just dump the dogs. If she is more concerned about the dog, then you then for gods sake get out of there.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:37am)
Haha! You deserve it for letting yourself be cock blocked by a dog.. In some parts of the world dogs are part of the food chain so, effectively, you were cock blocked by part of the food chain! Be a man, roll up a newspaper and get smackin’!
You’re funny!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:42am)
You should hide the peanut butter mate, you’re being replaced by a dog.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:42am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:39am)
That reminds me. Bossy, you’ve very quietly snuck under the radar with the man and his dog story…
Fri 25 Jun 10 (02:19pm)
yes indeed, would be good to hear the tail of the man and his dog
OP, the dog thinks it’s higher up the ladder than you. Your girl friend does nothing change to this view the dog has.
If you are not careful, the dog will eventually think it is the pack leader and will even bite you or your girlfriend if you try to move it off the bed.
You and your girl friend need to show it who is boss. If he growls at you, you’re girfriend needs to reprimand it. Basically its up to you humans to show the dog who is boss.
Nice bits over. People like you and your girlfriend are idiots and don’t deserve to have pets. Oh and MAN UP FFS!!!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:43am)
She’s pathetic if she’d rather sleep with a dog than you!!!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:43am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:28am)
actually I would infer that his performance can’t be that great if she would rather sleep with the dog than him, just saying
Dear man’s real best friend
I hate to say it, but you are pathetic. You should get out, obviously if you give the girl a choice she’s going to choose the Labradoodle.
If you want to gave a go, then you need to prove you are top dog. You are currently number three in the household.
This kind of goes back to the women preferring bastards topic. I don’t think women necessarily prefer bastards but personally, I certainly don’t want a man they can push around. I want someone strong who can at least stand up to a frickin labradoodle for christs sake.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:45am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (01:17pm)
Amazing how often I agree with you JAS
OP - The girlfriend clearly prefers the dog to you. Not a good sign. Do you really want to be with a girl who treats a dog better than you?
My suggestion would be to leave, or at least threaten to leave if she doesn’t start treating you with more respect (and follow through on it). Yes you love her and you’re all torn up inside, poor baby, but if you keep moping nothing will change
Haha is this even a real scenario? if it is… oh you poor thing, you made me laugh. You invited the little devilish pup into your home and now you have to deal with him.
goodluck!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:47am)
Poor thing! you’ve been made second best to the pup.
All i can say is that it looks like your girlfriend is getting the love out of the dog that she needs. And its a bit selfish of her to be pushing you to the outer. but at the same time, you need to stand up to the dog. the dog has grown up sleeping in your bed, going everywhere with your girlfriend. whether you were there first or not, it has grown up knowing it was loved and adored and the most important thing to your girlfriend. so of course its going to freak when someone else is trying to get your girlfriends attention.
have a dog of my own (although she doesnt sleep in my bed etc). This dog hated my last boyfriend, and did everything to seek my attention. funny creatures. but they do know how to react to people’s feelings.
If your girlfriend gets annoyed at you, then she probably should remain single with the dog...she’ll realise what shes lost when youve gone. all the best.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:49am)
OP - as you probably know, all dogs are pack creatures, and yours is no exception. He’s become part of a pack - the problem being, of course, that he is the leader of the pack and you are the runt of the litter.
So, it seems to me you have a choice. Take over leadership of the pack, or get yourself a nice flea collar and a bone to chew on, because that’s the only bone you’re going to get.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:53am)
Threesome! (and some peanut butter) *woof woof*
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:54am)
The dog thinks he is your girlfriend’s partner, which is really quite sad for a dog because it means he doesn’t know his place in your home.
If you decide to stay with this girl - who sounds a bit nutty to be perfectly honest - the dog needs to be re-trained as a DOG. It makes me sad when people treat their dogs like humans because while they think it’s ever so cute, it’s quite detrimental to the dog. They don’t WANT to be treated like people, you know. Funnily enough they do thrive on being dogs.
Fri 25 Jun 10 (08:55am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:01am)
Chips, (from yesterday) just so you know, chihuahuas aren’t REAL dogs, they are more like honourary cats. Stubborn cats who won’t use the kitty litter box, damn them!
Still, I like chihuahuas but I would never pick one over a cat!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (11:22am)
I agree with Chips that OP’s gf sounds nutty. OP if the dog is so important to her maybe its time to move on? She cant reciprocate your love much if she considers the dog more important than you…
Ahahahahaha. It’s to late she’s already disowned you for the mut. I recommend you cut your loses and take up that expensive dog bend and claim it your own!!!
Fri 25 Jun 10 (09:01am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (02:45pm)
A new couch wouldn’t go astray either.
haha, OP is being cock-blocked by a puppy! Not even a real dog, a Labradoodle! OP must be a real pussy-cat, neutered obviously
What a sucker, why would you spend $500 on a dog bed when you can get them for $20? And he can’t get it up if the doggy is watching! Hilarious, what a great Fruitcake Friday letter, thanks Bossy!
Dude, grow some gonads, boot the dog out of the bedroom and show your missus what doggy style is really about. If the missus sooks about you kicking the dog out, maybe you should kick her out as well…
Fri 25 Jun 10 (09:07am)
Fri 25 Jun 10 (10:00am)
Those $20 ones tend to last about a week, that’s why. If a dog so much as looks at it the bed disintegrates.
It’s worth paying more for something almost indestructable, especially when your dogs are convinced there’s something tasty buried in the bed and they’re prepared to dig for it.